I feel stupid, what should I do?

[Anonymous]

So, long story short, I struggle with depression and have just started taking a new medication for it. It took me two (and currently almost 3) failed classes in a row to realize I needed to reconnect with my doctor and finally let my school's wellness office know that I even have this problem. They made me fill out a disability accomodation request, and now I'm supposed to be called within the next few days to figure out what kind of accomodations I need in order to get back on track...

I feel stupid now because I don't really even feel like I deserve any type of special accomodations. I have such a hard time concentrating and staying on task, which has caused me to miss multiple deadlines and of course, fail. I always fall asleep on nights I should be studying, not just because I work full time and have a family to take care of, but becauseI just feel perpetually exhausted. I feel like even if my wellness counselor makes my teachers aware of my "issues", they're just going to laugh or think poorly of me. Because really, if I can't meet deadlines, that's my own fault.

I'm so embarrassed. In the real world there won't always be "special accomodations". I wouldn't dare ever ask my boss at my current job for "special accomodations", even though my condition does affect my train of thought at times when I am there.

Aside from that, I am just nervous. I don't want to be treated like I am incapable of any and everything by professors, but I DO want my condition to be acknowleged when I am having an episode that disrupts my coursework.

I don't know. I am just so unsure of all of this... has anyone ever gone through anything similar or know of anyone that has?

[JenSCDC]

"I feel stupid now because I don't really even feel like I deserve any type of special accommodations." You deserve those accommodations because you _need_ those accommodations. Depression is a crippling disease.

"In the real world there won't always be "special accommodations"."
Want to bet? In the workplace you can get whatever "reasonable accommodations" that you need. I spent most of 2015 living with my mother while I recovered from a battle with bipolar that nearly killed me. I was able to work remotely during that time instead of having to go on disability.

[reptocarl]

I'm totally disabled and no longer work because of major depression. Its hard but accepting you have a disability and know what can happen is the way to peace and better thinking. The number one thing I can say about depression is it makes one undependable. I can't tell you how many things I've not been able to follow through on. I no longer set or have goals because it causes too much depression when they aren't met. My real friends know and understand my undependability

[Asker]

Thank you for responding. Yes, I definitely have a problem with following through with tasks. Sometimes I do manage to push through and accomplish things, but it rarely ever meets the deadline. I also set high expectations for myself, such as wanting to pass a class with an A or a B. After the first slip up (often a missed assignment or loss of participation points), it's basically all downhill from there. To avoid failure I just never attempt the tasks. Until 2 weeks before the end of the class when I finally see my grade is at a 14% and I need a 70% at minimum to pass, then I usually try to kick myself into high gear, which of course I end up overwhelmed on the amount of accumulated work I have to make up and then the cycle just repeats itself all over again. I'm just so frustrated.

[reptocarl]

Maybe just maybe you might be taking too much on. Part of acceptance is knowing your limits

[Asker]

True. I think I have an important decision to make over this coming weekend. As much as I enjoy my job and having the extra income, I think I may have to resign. I really do want to complete my degree... what was supposed to be completed last may will now not be finished until November of 2017. A 4 year degree should not take 7 years to obtain :( I thought adding in another responsibility to my list would eventually force me to have no choice BUT to stay on task... but alas, it has only made matters worse.

[reptocarl]

Don't look at it that way. It might take some four years but not all can meet that deadline for any number of reasons

[Other_Tommy_Wiseau]

well, when you apply for jobs, they usually have a section that specifically asks if you have any type of disability so you won't have to ask. moreover, you aren't the only person who has depression or any other type of mental disorder. i doubt that all of the other people got over it over night as soon as they hit the real world.

[Anonymous]

Only tidbit of advice I have: remember the depression affects how you think about depression >_< It messes with you.

Take advantage of the resources you can. It's not like other people don't take the ones they have. It's okay.