How to stop obsessing over food?

[Anonymous]

In February, 2015 I made the decision to go vegan because of its healthy perks over the normal omnivore diet. Since I have been obsessing over being healthy and losing weight.. since I was 15 my goal was to be 47kgs (I am 5'2 and weight 51kgs) but I never really obsessed about it, until last year.

In April, 2015 I decided to start counting my calories and if I wasn't satisfied enough... In September I purchased a fitbit, joined the gym and since my obsession has worsen. My family became worried of what I was doing and were close to intervention. If that's not bad, I was consuming less than 700 calories a day and exercising 1.5 hours a day (gained muscle weight = was not happy).

No I have no idea why I did that, I guess the fact that I was going through a breakup made me feel worse about myself.

January this year I decided to stop being vegan - 3 different deficienies did not seem fun anymore. I then quit the gym, but still decided to count my calories. I managed to lose 3kgs and a bit but its not enough - as hard as I try, my obsession with being 47kgs and my body dysmorphia seems to linger and its starting to push everyone away from me and I am becoming a shell that is controlled by the little tracker on my wrist.

Tonight, I made the decision to stop wearing the fitbit but now I need help, how can I be happy with the weight I have now. How can I lose the fear of consuming more than 1000 calories a day, how can I be my old self again?

[FOOLibra]

I'm glad that you realised that your behaviour is unhealthy. That means that you're not in denial which is one of the biggest problem.
You decided to face this issue and that's a huge step!!

What has helped me is STOP COUNTING CALORIES! If you're using a calorie calculator app on your phone then get rid of it.

When I did that, I still kept on counting calories in my head to have a rough estimate and not gonna lie, it was very upsetting because I thought I would never get rid of these thoughts but eventually it got better. I knew how many calories the food I ate had but I didn't let it bother me. Calories = energy and I needed the energy to live my life without feeling exhausted and tired, that's what I slowly started accepting.

The rules that you set up for yourself (in your case: not more than 1000cals) are keeping you away from living your life!!! Going with your family to a restaurant just to order a freaking salad without dressing because you want to stay below 1000cals and then pretend that you're happy with it is very sad. Why are you depriving yourself from things you like?

When you've been obsessed with food/calories/working out for so long, you kind of lose touch with reality. That's what also happened with me. I lost my hobbies and no longer knew my interests. When you start nourishing your body and try to recover, you need a lot of time for yourself to discover new hobbies. Try out things you've never done and sooner or later you'll find something you enjoy doing. :)

I wish you all the best in this journey 💜 It's not easy and okay to seek help. Talk to someone if you need professional help.

[FOOLibra]

Thank you!

[SirenDep]

The fact you realized this is bad for you, and you want to change it, means you're in a good way. You need a psychologist to help you get over it. An idea I think might be helpful, is to check the blogs of some very pretty plus size ladies, as well as average and thin, to see how beauty can exist in many dress sizes and body shapes, and how these women are happy with the body they have and work with it, rather than against it.

[BellePepper]

I think that you have done an AWESOME job of looking at this issue within yourself and trying to work on it for yourself. But now it sounds like it would be productive to seek professional psychological counseling to help you retool your thinking and dig your brain out of it's rut.