How can I escape my depression?

[Anonymous]

I have a very dark subconscious. I have reoccurring dreams where I am being killed by a masked figure every night. It haunts me while I sleep. Last night I finally unmasked him and it was my father. I've had a bad relationship with my father growing up. I do love him. But he is very abusive with his words. I was always told that I'm inadequate, stupid, worthless, and I shouldn't have been born. I grew up believing that. I can't seem to escape them. I'm attached to them in a way where I know I would hurt them if I left but at the same time, I HATE him. I have thoughts where I wish he would just die so I can finally be free. I'm 23 years old and he still treats me this way. I always try to do things to get him to treat me differently but he won't. He always maintains that he has a great control over me. I have a girlfriend who I love but he's always threatening to force her to leave me if I don't do what he says.
I've been having some sever panic attacks alone in my room. And I can't seem to get rid of them.
I guess what I'm looking for are some words of advice. Anything would help.
thanks.

[silentkid]

Really sorry to hear that, I don't want to give any advice because I don't know what the consequences will be. You should see a professional and take this seriously. Maybe nothings wrong with you rather its your father thats in depression because it surely is cause by him. Just go and see when a professional talks to your father he will solve this issue because I think it is caused by him and he has some sort of psychological condition going on. Good luck.

[Asker]

My father is too proud, egotistical, and self centered to ever feel like he might need professional help. He wouldn't go even if I asked.
Only way is really for him to drop dead. And I'd be lying if I said I didn't wait for it every day.

[silentkid]

I have the same type of dad, I understand but you shouldn't say that he is your dad and you don't know what he has gone through. I would still try to go a professional and tell the situation and maybe they will take care of this situation by helping your dad without him knowing it. Or else just marry build up your own family move out. He will have less control over you.

[Asker]

I don't wanna marry till I finish school. Then I will for sure marry my girlfriend.
However, I still see him interfering.

[silentkid]

that's reasonable. I think you should show your respect to your dad but let him know that you have your own life too, talk to him and bring this up let him know that this is affecting you badly. Man up and say no I'll do what I believe is right and never never let him threat you with the person you love.

[BellePepper]

Seek professional help.