Its like i am jaded but i dont know the cause. Im 21 and i feel like i have just about lost all my enthusiasm for life. I used to have so much 'get-up-and-go', my family would always tell me how much 'drive' i had but now i feel like i have lost all that. I dont feel truly happy and energized like i used to feel even though there's noo reason for me to feel this way. I work, go to uni, have a few good friends, a boyfriend.. anyone would say there's no reason for me to feel down, but for some reason i do..
Im always sarcastic and cynical. I used to be the positive person that uplifted everyone but the thought of being all happy and smiley EXHAUSTS me. I cannot stress that enough. It literally exhausts me to be all happy and smiley because it feels FAKE. However, i want to be happy :(
I really dont know whats happened. I dont feel passionate about life like i used to. I feel like i just dont care about much, i put little to no effort into the things i do when i used to be the type of person who gave it my all. Nothings really happened to cause this but i feel like its getting progressively worse.
Im not sure if this is related but I've also noticed that i can never really pay attention to things (this didn't always used to be the case though, i used to have a very sharp mind). Someone will talk to me and i look at them and TRY to listen but its as if the words just dont comprehend in my brain and then i just end up coming out with some generic response like 'oh wow' or 'oh yeah'. I also zone out a lot.
The thing that scares me the most is that if someone is telling me something that truly concerns them my inner voice is saying to me 'shut the fuck up' or 'dumb b*itch' as if i shouldn't give two shits about them. I really hate this because i want to be a caring person but this voice is making me feel as if i dont care. And i mean why would i when i barely care about myself?
Im always sarcastic and cynical. I used to be the positive person that uplifted everyone but the thought of being all happy and smiley EXHAUSTS me. I cannot stress that enough. It literally exhausts me to be all happy and smiley because it feels FAKE. However, i want to be happy :(
I really dont know whats happened. I dont feel passionate about life like i used to. I feel like i just dont care about much, i put little to no effort into the things i do when i used to be the type of person who gave it my all. Nothings really happened to cause this but i feel like its getting progressively worse.
Im not sure if this is related but I've also noticed that i can never really pay attention to things (this didn't always used to be the case though, i used to have a very sharp mind). Someone will talk to me and i look at them and TRY to listen but its as if the words just dont comprehend in my brain and then i just end up coming out with some generic response like 'oh wow' or 'oh yeah'. I also zone out a lot.
The thing that scares me the most is that if someone is telling me something that truly concerns them my inner voice is saying to me 'shut the fuck up' or 'dumb b*itch' as if i shouldn't give two shits about them. I really hate this because i want to be a caring person but this voice is making me feel as if i dont care. And i mean why would i when i barely care about myself?
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