I have epilepsy. Because of the medication I've been forced to take twice a day since the age of 14, I've had to struggle through all of these debilitating side effects- depression, mood changes, irritability, agitation, thoughts of self-harming, impaired concentration and loss of memory, unsteadiness and uncontrollable shaking, constant headaches and migraines, drowsiness and a lack of energy; even the slightly receding hairline I'm starting to get, along with the swollen gums I suffer from on occasions, can be attributed directly to the AEDs I've had to take. And I'm fed up of it- it feels like the cure's worse than the disease, and like I'd be infinitely happier, more desirable to the opposite sex, and better off in life if I just stopped taking it, to hell with the consequences.
When I stop taking the meds, then I have epileptic seizures roughly once a fortnight on average; these seizures can strike at any time and any place, without any sign to offer forewarning, and I'll only regain full consciousness at least a full hour later. If I stop taking the meds, then I'll be resigning myself to that; I'll never be able to drive or own a car, I'll stay on the disabled register for the rest of my life, and I'll know that, at any moment, I could have an epileptic seizure when crossing the road, fall in front of traffic and be killed. It almost happened to me before- I only escaped having my head crushed by an oncoming car by a couple of inches.
But when I do stop taking the meds, all of those negative side-effects start to quickly fade away- I feel far happier, emotionally and physically far more stable, more confident, energetic and powerful. My reaction time, agility and coordination are markedly improved, along with my communication skills and taking IQ tests, being on the meds impairs my IQ by 20pts. I only feel truly alive when I'm not taking them- when I'm on the meds, I feel like I'm walking dead, like life isn't even worth living. What should I do?
When I stop taking the meds, then I have epileptic seizures roughly once a fortnight on average; these seizures can strike at any time and any place, without any sign to offer forewarning, and I'll only regain full consciousness at least a full hour later. If I stop taking the meds, then I'll be resigning myself to that; I'll never be able to drive or own a car, I'll stay on the disabled register for the rest of my life, and I'll know that, at any moment, I could have an epileptic seizure when crossing the road, fall in front of traffic and be killed. It almost happened to me before- I only escaped having my head crushed by an oncoming car by a couple of inches.
But when I do stop taking the meds, all of those negative side-effects start to quickly fade away- I feel far happier, emotionally and physically far more stable, more confident, energetic and powerful. My reaction time, agility and coordination are markedly improved, along with my communication skills and taking IQ tests, being on the meds impairs my IQ by 20pts. I only feel truly alive when I'm not taking them- when I'm on the meds, I feel like I'm walking dead, like life isn't even worth living. What should I do?
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