Am I turning into a jerk?

Question

I used to be immensely overweight, as in upwards of 300 lbs. But I lost 100 or so lbs over a period of time by changing my eating habits and exercising. Here's what I've been thinking:

I used to be sympathetic to the plights of overweight people and the trials they face in dating, the work place, and life in general.

I know what it's like to wait in line at an amusement park to ride a roller coaster only to get to the front of the line and be told I can't go on the ride because I'm too big for them to be able to fasten the safety harness. I know what it's like to not be able to get a girl to save my life. And I know what it's like to not be able to run more than 50 feet without getting winded. But more importantly, I know what it's like to work to change all that and put all of that behind me. And it's been making me more intolerant of seeing so many other overweight people day-to-day and listening to them whine and complain about how much life sucks when you're fat and out of shape. It's making me intolerant of it because all I can think about it is, if I can change, why can't they? And it's making me start to look down on them and become disdainful of them. Am I turning into an asshole?

ArtistBboy · Accepted Answer

I've come from a similar standpoint - but I don't think either of us are "assholes" for having our own personal choice. You see- no one wants to listen to negativity unless they are receiving something in exchange (Like money!)... So why should you be an asshole when most of the world is doing the same thing?

I consider an "asshole" to be the person that hears someone say: "I'm fat" and he responds:

- "We all know your fat, you do, I do, he does, even your mother does. Do something about it and quit eating so much mcdonalds you lard ass dumb-f***! God you are so pathetic; get away from me, you annoy the p*ss out of me."

^^^^ THAT would be an asshole remark... But then again, it's not just limited to words either... If you purposely stare at these "Fat people" like they are the new attraction in that theme park like: "hehehe watch this fat guy get rejected in the front of the line!".. That's just straight up adolescent immaturity sparking the "asshole traits" that person possesses.

So at this point; what you ARE doing is learning. But let's focus it in a positive way. You don't gotta go around to every "fat person" you see.. But for those that you DO hear say "im fat" or you see their own desire to lose weight - encourage them with some simple words... Here's an example from MY personal life:

- "You know.. It's definately not easy for you to lose weight; but if you have some time I'd like to share a story. One day I was thinking I'm king sh*t - a previously tooth-pick sized kid that invested 3 years in gaining weight... I was up to 180 lbs and talking to everyone, I was very well liked. Then my story begins - I wrecked my car at 140 mph. I broke my neck and my arms got contractures; the doctor was fearful I wouldn't live and my parents thought I was a vegetable. Knowing that MY OWN FAMILY cried next to me for a week straight while I was in acoma; I finally came to. I didn't know what happened, I thought I just fell asleep. I was DUI at high speeds. After 4 weeks of staying in icu/trauma I finally got to a therapist and spent 4 more months rebuilding my body. Now you see a new and changed man. I guess the reason I'm telling you this story is for the knowledge it possesses:

--- EVEN A DOCTOR can't keep you from doing something; you would be immensely suprised at the power the human mind holds. There are boundaries to what is possible under your conditions, but there will always be spirit.

So what I'm saying is to get off your ass if you want to lose weight; but the choice is yours. I can't make you go on a diet and I can't workout for you. But if you want someone to stand by your side and show you the way; I've been there and I have succeeded. Let me know if I can help."

Stuff like will change people's lives. I know because Jordan from Portland encouraged me with those same words. He was a nurse that stood by me for several weeks.

Change your attitude, change your world.

~ ArtistBBoy

Gregs · Accepted Answer

Look man, 90% of people are going to whine and complain, are going to have people that want to help them give them great advice and all they will do is keep whining, there are people like that, BUT there are also people like YOU, the other 10% or so who know they have a problem and are genuinely looking for help and advice.

There is no need to waste your energy and time on the 90%, and it's up to you to see who they are... You will only be a jerk if you leave out the 10% who are genuinely looking for help and who will take your advice

Epiphanies · Accepted Answer

I'm going to go out there and say yes- you are turning into a little bit of a jerk.

Which in itself is natural. Our society is taught to hate fat people and they are looked on with disdain. When you're no longer part of that group, you feel socially accepted and feel more comfortable in joining this mob mentality. Because you're human and you want to ease your feelings of guilt, you tell yourself that it's not that hard and that if you can do it, they can do it.

The memories of the pain you were feeling when you were overweight are quickly being overshadowed by your new body.

It's disappointing to see but no one else can stop the feelings but yourself. I think all the people in this forum who think it's okay to feel this way need to take a reality check. Furthermore, if they've never been "low" (fat/smokers/addicts), they aren't in the position to judge because they don't know how bad it can get.

I was chubby all my life (never obese but always on the heavy side) and I experienced a lot of feelings of alienation which I don't think that I deserved. Even after losing the weight, I feel my new body is undeserved even though it definitely is (I, unlike my skinny peers, have had to work for it). It's foolish to say that people are overweight for so-and-so reason and because they're lazy. It's untrue and it's selfish. If we started adopting this way of life- we'd all be doomed. No one would ever look out for another. Equality itself would be undermined if everyone started thinking that they deserved what they got.

I had the opposite problem. I was intolerant of people my size and bigger when I was large. It's when I started to slim down that I started understanding the realities of the situation. No one has a right to judge another. I don't look down on my friends for aborting their babies or sleeping around or spending too much time at church, these are people's personal choices and they are none of my business.

Unfortunately, fat-hatred is ingrained in our society but if we start perpetuating them (as former large people), we're undermining the cause more than anyone. Because if anyone can help them, it's us. The people parading around as normal even though we know what it feels like to be part of that marginalized group. No one listens to them but they'll listen to us. And if we confirm that obesity is nothing more than laziness, we're confirming the false stereotypes that everyone has adopted.

madmisskelly · Accepted Answer

I know what you mean. It doesn't make you an ass it means you are seeing through excuses that you yourself used to make.

I used to be chubbier, had a hard time getting dates and hated my body but I also used to eat man sized portions. I used to be able to eat as much as my 5'11 250 pound father and I myself am only 5'1.

Its one thing if you eat healthy and are larger, its fine becuase your healthy. Its also another thing if you are obese and eat whatever you want and are happy with your body. Who am I to complain or point out a problem when you love yourself- in both situations I see no issue.

Where I always see an issue are with the people that eat two dinners and two lunches (yes I have known people to do that) or who knowingly eat unhealthy food and then complain about their weight. I used to do the same thing, hate my body, but then shovel a large bowl of chips and then ice cream into my face. Its a contradiciton.

What I find it comes down to is excuses, there is no excuse. You CAN eat healthy, you CAN exercise and you CAN lose the weight if you put your mind to it. The resources are all out there, many of them free. You can get a free calorie diary online, you can go for a walk ro a run, you can buy healthier food and eat less of it. What it comes down to is motivation and the want to stick to it.Where it gets frustrating is when those who are overweight don't aknowledge their lack of motivation, but rather blame everything else.

I know, and anyone who has been over weight knows that the only person you can blame is you. You buy the food, you eat it.

I think overall this may be what your are dealing with,. It doesn't make you rude or an ass, it just means you are seeing through thinly veiled excuses.

Again, I'm not saying its not okay to be overweight or trying to put anyone down, I think any body type is find so long as you are healthy and/or loving your body. if your unhappy, change it becuase you can.

ItsAllTheSame · Answer

well yes and no.  I know how you feel because they are just complaining and complaining about how over weight they are etc... but on the other hand you're thinking, just put the cheeseburger down and go for a walk. have you ever seen the biggest loser? people with heart conditions, diabetes, high blood sugar; all of these bad bodily functions are what those people had to go through in life on a day to day basis. but they made it possible. they changed it by doing something about it. anyone can change their dieting and that right there could make them healthier.  no one is so unhealthy that they can't do anything about it but just sit there and wait to die. there's always a solution.  so I feel you when you say that it annoys you to hear them act like a victim when they're just doing it to themselves, but then again you know what its like. so try not to belittle them (as you should know, they already probably lack confidence and motivation). its always their choice. they just need to want it enough.

toulouse · Answer

Well feeling sympathy towards yourself or anyone will make anyone feel pathetic, because you are looking at things thru peoples weakness, not strength

so there is no reason that you could not have been overweight & still looked at people (&yourself) as worthy members of this world, with the potential to become healthier

the fact that you had to actually become healthy first, just means you were sort of stuck in the culture lv hate relationship with - everything

people who were poor all of the sudden decide people on well fare are all lazy

people who used to drink decide alcoholics are wasted lazy losers

people who used to be skinny decide people who are are pathetic wimps

people who have big breasts - look down on others for not changing theirs,short people stretch & look down on their shorter counter parts, nose jobs former paralyzed , people who were never sick can have disdain for the ill, or the old...

it starts to get into the realm of rediculous at a point & you do not now whar prejudice you a MIGHT have ad, had you not been overweight lol

the point being it is great you feel better, & it puts you in a position of being able to see the potential in others that they may not

instead of worrying you are an asshole, just try to think of the good position you are in :)

Whitneyneedsadvice · Answer

You are not becoming a jerk, you just aren't fat and lazy, which is wonderful. You aren't contributing to the high numbers of obese people in America anymore and you achieved this by working hard, which is fantastic. I was once an obese person myself. When I was 11 I was 4'10ish and I weighed 127 lbs. I was not happy with that, so I changed my eating habits and excersized and amazingly 4 ish months later I was maybe an inch taller and I was 100 lbs, and a few months after that I was 5'1" or 5'2" and I weighed 87 lbs. I am now fifteen, 5'5" and I weigh 100 lbs. I swim 2 hours daily along with running cross country and track. I am healthy and happy, and because I managed to lose the weight and keep it off at 11 years old, I have no sympathy for whiney fat people. I worked hard and so can they. You lost 100 POUNDS! That is incredible! You should be so proud and you have a right not to be sympathetic to them. You are not a jerk. You just worked hard and are upset that other people are lazy and whine about how terrible it is being overweight, and people feel bad for them. You are not a jerk, and congratulations!

Anonymous · Answer

Yes I very much think you are turning into an asshole. Stop being such an idiot for once and try helping these people and listening to them, it isn't easy and YOU know it, some people don't have the strength to pull it off the same as others, and some people gain weight out of stress and problems in their lives; either a death, a job loss, a family problem or a financial one, people sometimes gain weight out of depression and stress, and if that's the case for them then losing that weight wouldn't be easy at all mostly if that stress and depression still exists and the problems aren't fixed, how about you HELP them through it by listening and giving advice when needed on how to get rid of the problems in their lives first, then help them lose weight.

May I just ad that some people don't mind their weight and are very comfortable in their own body even if it is a stressful thing to go through, being out of shape and unable to exercise or get dates, others find themselves rather happy being themselves, if you think that's pathetic, then you DEFINITELY need to rethink everything through, and keep in mind that the changes you made weren't as easy as they seem to you now.

XLGirL · Answer

nope I'm fat and I really dislike fat people that whine, if they are gunna eat themselves to death I don't wanna hear it. But if they are working really working at loosing the weight then I'll listen.

I've lost 25kg by kickboxing 3x1.5hrs per week and gym 3x1.5hrs per week, walking does nothing for me I have to go hard with a very strict healthy eating plan. Its not easy. easy is giving up and eating yourself sick.

overeating is like an addiction but you can't give up cold turkey, you have to have a few little fixes every day to survive... the willpower you need to do this will be used up day after day after day for the rest of your life... You can't make a person want to loose weight they have to want it, just like you can't make a person give up any addiction.

gravygirl · Answer

No one is as zealous as the newly converted. Someone smarter than me said that and I think it's true. It's natural for the focus and change in mindset it that allowed you to lose weight to creep into the way you look at and treat other people. Also I think a certain type of self-loathing often goes into weight loss and it's only natural for that to extend to people that remind you of what you used to be.

This doesn't mean you should let this feeling go unchecked. It's one thing to want these people to succeed, or maybe even serve as an example, but it's quite another to be cruel. When you catch yourself slipping into the latter, try to put on the brakes. If it helps, remind yourself that they too could turn it around; that how they are now is not necessarily how they always will be.

alltheabove1212 · Answer

Nah man I sort of think the same way. I feel bad for people who have a thyroid condition, but for the people who are overweight by choice; I don't feel bad for.

I think you feel as though if you made an effort to lose all this weight, why wouldn't they? You didn't sit around and complain you did something about it.

This is why I only go after fit girls. They take the time to workout while chubbier girls sit around and complain how they can't get guys because they're fat.

Lazy people p*ss me off.

cutebubble · Answer

I mean, I guess you're not trying to be disdainful. I guess you really hate something, which is the fatness and obesity that you've fought hard to get rid of, and now seeing it everywhere makes you so angry. It's like an arch enemy.

But I mean, do be constructive in the way that, you don't have to hate nor feel sympathy for those around you who are fat, but that you help or give support and encouragement to the ones who seek you for advice. Instead of trying to change the world at once, help those who are closest to you, for their health and happiness..

timberlake · Answer

i feel like you are kind of an asshole because you're forgetting the emotional states of many overweight people and how it feels to think you CAN'T do it and all those times you watched those weight loss infomercials and biggest loser and saw all those normal people losing weight and stay not being able to do it. you should want to help them, not talk down on them because you finally reached your own, individual moment of realization and made a change. everybody's different. I watched half my friends lose weight over three years by working out our college gym before I finally said I could and should do it too, so yeah, don't be so judgmental.

Starsinthesky · Answer

Not at all, my bestfriend talks like that, but she's just kidding around so that doesn't bother me, but when someone would be serious, it would really bother me, but there's exceptions, like my parents, who are overweight, but they've been trying to lose weight for years. But then again, they don't complain about it. So bottom line, I think it depends on how much the people make an effort to change and whether they've a reason to complain, because some people's genetics make them have a  harder time losing weight. I'm fortunate that I've never been overweight, and I probably never will be, but because my parents are overweight, it makes me more sensitive to how these people feel. So you're not turning into an asshole, you just went through something that changed your state of mind. But please don't talk about this in front of people who have issues about their body image, even if they aren't actually fat because it could really hurt them.

italianbaby · Answer

well, the feeling you're getting is confidence and it's normal when you do something you're aiming for, a goal for instance and you finally accomplish it you feel really proud of yourself which you should be, but that gives you no right to make fun of someone else who isn't as fortunate as you are, and as strong as you are. don't look down on anyone because you aren't god's perfect child yourself. I don't mean to sound mean or anything but that is a little bit of an asshole move.

instead of looking down on someone, help them. you will feel better about yourself instead of feeling like a jerk.

yours truly, maria :D

chadwickc2 · Answer

No, not at all. You have been brainwashed into the american culture that we have to be "tolerant of everyone all shapes, sizes and backgrounds" and "every body is beautiful" excuse me but that is BULLSHIT.

I've never been overweight, but on the opposite spectrum WAY TOO SKINNY. This is a turn off for women too. I managed to become very athletic (I'm a fighter) and gained muscle. I'm still pretty skinny, but not gaunt.

You are a great example for all the other fat asses out there that they DO HAVE THE POWER TO CHANGE. On top of that I noticed many big people are often funny and extroverted because they have to. I wasn't born extroverted but it took a lot of work for me to become that way.

Good for you on the example. And no you are not a jerk

xgabrielle313x · Answer

I don't think you're turning into an asshole. You're proud of your accomplishment... but at the same time you did something not everyone can do... ya know? Not everyone has the determination and the ambition to drop 100 pounds. And the fact of the matter is you were in their shoes before... do you really want to be another person added to the lack of confidence the world has been told over-weight people should have? Sometimes, Its a problem people have, whether that be eating when bored, sad, or whatever... its still a problem,. Sometimes when people complain about being over-weight they're looking for reassurance that other people are there. Life's hard enough, you don't need to add to someones lack of confidence. BUT I completely see where you're coming from. Don't be mad at them for being over-weight and bitching... Be proud of yourself for not being that way anymore.

Anonymous · Answer

not every person that's "over weight", is a fat blob like you used to be. I played football so according to that BMI I was very over weight even though I was  a very solid 300 pounds, that BMI is bull sh*t, but I was huge (every where I might add;) but my weight didn't determine my personality. I got woman after woman...so in my opinion it's all about mentality, it took you losing a lot of weight for you to find a pair (guess you couldn't see'em at one point, not me though never had a gut!) and that's awesome for you. I don't think you can become a jerk, the seeds have to have already been there for that to happen, its the fact that you hated ur self when you were fat, now that ur in shape it's hard for you to except other peoples excuses when they say they can't get in shape, and ain't nuffin wrong with dat:) f*** fat people

Anonymous · Answer

Its a common  reaction, lots of indiiduals who lose wieght start to resent fat people, it might stem from the fact they continue to enjoyu the lifestyle that you have given up and work hard to maintain your new  body weight.  I can recall a story of a woman who attacked a another overwieght woman on a train, hurling abuse at her about her weight etc  the stong feelings, what ever they may be, that have caused you to change your lifesytle and eating habits  are now being transfered onto other overwieght people,  you were discrimintated against because of your weight now you  want to discriminate against others, because you changed...

Flexy · Answer

No, I don't think you are, you've been there done that, but it seems like there is lack of empathy, you can only understand the ideas of the side you're on, and your opinion masks what others feel, because when you were larger, you completely understood and you found the opinions relevant, and now that you're slimmer you are less tolerant. Maybe you made a lot of excuses before, and maybe larger, you all felt more secure with lies which gradually became truths because you all wanted to believe them, and now you can see clearer, and having done it, you know what the excuses are.

You just have to be more understanding, they are where you were before, be more encouraging because not everyone is like you, or will be as motivated as you, some will keep making excuses until the day they die, whilst some just need a little bit more push.

Sweetescpe13 · Answer

Honestly ur not turning into an asswhole, ur just becoming incosiderant. some people can't do what you do. And if anything, don't turn against them...Help them!  Because you can motivate them and you can be there leader and an example and wanna change by looking at you  because they know tht you did it..so it's possible! Don't start to look at them disdainfully . Please

lildivagurl09 · Answer

I would say yes, because you are STILL no different than they are. You are a person and so are they.. and maybe they have an underlying medical condition that you don't know about...who are you to judge that. If anything you should be on their side because you know what it's like, use all your energy and turn it into good by supporting them and helping them out... don't use the bad energy to be negative towards them...

Belleza · Answer

ok see a lot of guys have no sympathy for fat people - figures since they are guys. But you have to consider the fact that there are people out there who can't lose weight due to health issues as in its something that they are born with and then there are people who fall into their adult age and can't lose weight either. but I mean there is no excuse for anything like wallowing in self-pity. no it doesn't make you a jerk but to each their own opinion.

severino · Answer

I think its a normal reaction I mean they remind you of what you were like and now that your healthyer.you see them as annoyance like you wanna say "have you tried or is all you want is simpathy" granted there are some forms of obesity that can't just change with diet but there not as common.

Am I turning into a jerk?

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