Anyone else just feel like they just don't really fit in at all?

[Dan2287]

I've had this problem for a long time now, but it's getting tiring, depressing, frustrating - I'm wondering if there's anyone else that feels like that sometimes?

Its like everywhere I go, whoever I'm with or whoever I'm around - I just feel like I shouldn't be there. Hard to describe, but its like everyone else seems to be able to relate to one another and connect on some level, no matter how simple or irrelevant the dialogue is. And then when I'm around, it feels like people are almost afraid of me or something. People just seem to act completely different around me and not around other people.

I try to tell myself in the morning things will be different today, but as the day moves on it gets worse

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Thanks for the responses - some days are just really bad for me a yesterday was one of them. Its comforting knowing I'm not the only one who feels like this - most times I do feel like I'm the only one because everyone around me seems...

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...so different from me and so similar to everyone else. I like to think that I'm perceiving things all wrong, but can't seem to back that up with any evidence so it's not easy for me to accept it.

[Brando]

From the 6th grade to my sophomore year in high school, I was depressed, alone, felt hopeless, and thought of hurting myself and suicide. My junior year of high school I was apathetic and felt no emotions at all. My senior year, I felt relieved that I was finally getting to leave that place. Plus I was only going to school for half the day because I was leaving for Co-op, so I was in a place that wasn't so stupid like high school was.

A year and some months after high school I felt like I was really left behind. I noticed how different and weird I was compared to everyone else. I didn't (and couldn't) socialize like everyone else. I felt like I'd lost, like these worthless people still won out over me, after I was away from them. Ultimately, I felt alone still. I still felt depressed and hopeless.

It wasn't until about 2 years ago that I started looking inside myself and trying to overcome these issues. I've been on various "paths" since then. I tried "faking it til I made it"...that doesn't work, don't waste your time. I tried being nice again...reminded me of the "nice guy" I was before and I didn't like it. I tried separating myself from people. This one actually worked alright. Sort of like "ignorance is bliss", if I wasn't worrying about those people then I seemed better. But that's when I realized, why am I worrying about these people? I don't like them anyway, and they only remind me of the situation I put myself through before.

So where am I now? I've accepted that I'm not outgoing, and tend to be more reserved. I'm still not the best when it comes to socializing but I have my moments, however rare they may be. I'm a passive misanthrope- I don't trust people, I can be paranoid (and I can also see this about myself...weird), and I can sometimes just dislike being around people because they annoy me. I can be a nice person to be around, but I can also just want to be left alone. I have some bitterness left over from everything before. I have trust issues. I sometimes look to the future and feel hopeless, depending on the day I could also feel completely normal.

But despite all of that negative sounding stuff, I feel a lot more comfort with myself once I started looking out for me and only me, than I ever did before. I'm not where I want to be, I want to be comfortable being a normal functioning person and get rid of all these negative feelings and emotions, but years worth of scarring doesn't go away over night.

If I can offer you 2 pieces of advice, it would be this. 1) Let yourself be OK with looking out for you only. The rest of the world does it, so in order to survive you are expected to do the same. Be Hedonistic if that works for you. And 2) Set your problems up to tackle in steps, rather than entire issues all at once. Take little jabs at things that are bothering you, only moving on once you feel like you've handled what it is that needs to be handled. This way you don't get overwhelmed and fall into a slump again.

[Dan2287]

Thanks man - you know you've decribed me pretty well even though you were describing yourself, so you know what I'm going through. I want to be around people really badly, yet I don't have the same opportunities as everyone else and don't have the abilities as everyone else. And on the rare occaision I can be with people, I end up not wanting to be there anymore because I'm not comfortable and not used to it. Your advice is appreciated and I have over the years attempted to follow it...

[Dan2287]

...the thing is I'm a perfectionist - I expect a lot of myself and am never satisfied with where I am. I want to be the best at everything, even though I know I can't. Its an attitude I've tried to get rid of, but I've been like this my whole life so its hard to change that. Secondly, I've attempted doing things in steps. But when I finally get over a hurdle, or two or three, eventually something knocks me back down...

[Dan2287]

....and puts me back to where I was at the start, and sometimes even further behind. Having that happen several times gets very depressing and just feeds that helpless feeling I have most of the time.

[Brando]

Regarding the feeling of being of being a perfectionist, that is probably a byproduct of these feelings because I feel like that too. I suppose being ignored and alone for so long makes you want to really remove yourself from these types of situations. I'm really tough on myself but probably because I was so tired of being nothing.

For me over the years, I've experienced more of taking things in steps only to find out I either have another issue to deal with, or I don't care for the result...

[Brando]

...of what will happen. Like if I try to be comfortable around people, sometimes I don't even want to do that because some people are just so wrapped up in their own world. Who knows though, maybe in the selfish one for expecting people to care about me. I've quit worrying about it.

I figure the advice I can give you now is keep trying to soldier on. When I first started trying to help myself, every little failure made me feel down. But over time I noticed little changes in my thinking and...

[Brando]

...and mindset about things. Like I said in my answer, I'm not where I need to be or should be. I'm almost passively hostile or distrusting of people, but it works until I can figure things out. Just tackle these hurdles one at a time and wait patiently for something to change within you. It happened with me little by little, and was actually refreshing to feel a change within myself.

[sabbasabba]

I'm just reading through this and I'm the same way as you two are...

The way I felt growing up and the way I was treated makes it hard for me to trust people and sometimes I feel like people are just out to hurt me. I had really bad social anxiety my whole childhood and it was to the point where I actually could never last a full day at school until about 4th grade. Feeling so misplaced and anxious and depressed just turned everything into some huge cycle- You try to get up and then when you

[sabbasabba]

Get pushed down you feel even worse and you always just end up feeling like crap in the end- it took me a long time to get over these things, and I was seeing therapists already by the time I was 7 because my anxiety was so bad. I've improved dramatically and I'm a completely different person especially after being out of high school, I never could have imagined I could be doing this well. It's because all this bad stuff makes you strong, stronger than people who never had to deal with

[sabbasabba]

Any of these, because you've had to overcome so much in your life. It made me a perfectionist, I always want to be as good at everything as possible, it makes me a hard worker. I'm hard on myself because of the stuff I've been through- I grew up learning I was never good enough, and being bullied like crazy and it's funny because I was an awkward child but I look completely different now- and it's crazy how much things can change. But you're never alone even when you feel like you are.

[Brando]

That's good to hear! Proof that there's something at the end of the fight, if you stick with it and do what you need to do.

[death_metal_dave]

I live in West Virginia and I am a metal head/Goth I feel exactly the same way, wait, That was happening 2 me when I was a kid before I knew what goth was, I think that was what got me into metal and goth.

I do however have good advice, One day I woke up and said, "Thats it, if people are going to not accept me, its going to be for the right reasons." and I just grew my hair out, dressed in black, got into goth, than later black metal, Than people started talking to me, asking questions like "please don't tell me you are one of them," "No! don't do this!, ect. than I would smart them off. and little do you realize there was a beautiful girl overhearing me smarting that person off. We are still to-gather. Basically, the point is if you are not happy with the in-crowd, why conform to it.

[Anonymous]

some times I do.

I try to go to places and smile and talk to them about themselves, people usually like to talk about themselves.

I try to volunteer.

I try to go to church and talk to people.

I don't like people much because it seems like most of the experiences I have had with people were that they like to talk about you behind your back and also they like to talk to you about people which you don't want to hear about, and they like to some times criticize you to your face, or the worst things are like they like to make you feel like an outcast and call you names etc (bullies). But I do like to feel like I belong and somewhat fit in =)

but anyways, I have a husband now so it's not like these people are really that important to me, I just live by the golden rule and make sure I treat them the way I want to be treated.

Other than that, I don't really care too much if they like me or not. I just know I"m a great person, and super nice and people will like to hang out with me if they get to know me. That's what I think at least. If they don't then I always have my family and my husband to make me feel wanted, loved, appreciated, and like I'm a great person who deserves love and can love. I think most human beings want to be loved and want to know how to love. =)

[Anonymous]

yes I feel like a loner inside even though people say I look calm and quiet...im anything but that inside hahaha I'm a pretty intense, and deep person...I can understand people but they never truly get me. I have this weird quirky side of me too...my friend says my thoughts are random, which is true..once and while my friends will catch me laughing by myself because of a joke or some random funny memory I was thinking about...so sometimes people think I'm just weird but whatever...I realized I work on a deep level, small talk drains me...lol

[JohnGPL]

I get that feeling too sometimes. There is a particular type of person that I click with, and it's definitely not most people. I especially get to feeling that way at family gatherings. I'm so different from most of my family members I feel like I must have been adopted. All they ever want to talk about is current events and personal gossip, and I usually have no interest in that stuff. They have no interest in science or philosophy or art or any of the ideas that I want to talk about (not to mention my political and religious black sheep status), so I usually end up just sitting there watching everyone else And it's made especially awkward because I'm trying to change some things about myself (like my shyness) and when I show a sign of being different than I used to be I get what I think are judgmental looks, which of course is not very encouraging.

I just keep trying to tell myself that maybe most people aren't worth fitting in with.

[NomelLemon]

Yes. Feel like an outsider most of the time. Feels like I'm on the wrong planet. I spend more time alone than with people because of this.

[ihatework]

i don't even try to fit in anymore. just live for your own happiness and sanity and let the chips fall where they will.

[Anonymous]

Have a beer, or pop a prosac you are depressed stop thinking about it and go have sex with someone...

[selfishstars]

You're definitely not alone.

[Desires]

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