How Can I Get a Girl to Lose Weight?

[BostonChris]

I recently met this girl that is absolutely everything I ever wanted in a girl. She accepts me for me and is the most understanding person I ever met. She is falling for me fast and has expressed this to me, but there is one problem. She is overweight. I don't want to sound shallow or nething but I have always dated beautiful women and I need them to be of certain weight for me to find them sexually attracted, otherwise it won't work. I met her in High School couple years ago and she was drop dead gorgeous but college has been rough on her and she gained not only gained the freshman 15 but the freshman 50. So she wants to go to the gym with me and lose weight but I'm afraid she'll want to be in a relationship soon but I can't because I need her to lose some weight first. I don't know how to approach this situation and I know I sound like a really shallow guy, but I need to be physically attracted to a person in order for it to work. What should I say to her or what should I do? How should I approach this?

[ColoradoSoundsNice]

Give up the idea of a romantic relationship: it takes like a YEAR to drop that kind of weight in a healthy manner. And if you bargain with yourself and enter into a relationship anyway - it will bite you in the ass later: you'll get distant at some point (you won't be able to help it - I've been where you are), she'll feel vulnerable - you'll dump her (or she'll dump you) & she or both of you will be hurt. NO good can come of it right now, better off as friends. Plus, no one can make her lose weight but her.sorry man- you gotta give it up. Here's a few things to think about when approaching this: (1) Let her know that you're not ready for her, she's the girl you want to date when your 26 - not 21. She's the material you look for in a future wife (only if that's the truth though) and you cannot deal with that right now (because believe me, when you're ready for her - you won't give two sh*ts what she looks like if she's the one). You both are better off being good friends - no more. Hopefully she can handle that. (2) Secondly, you may want to be totally honest with her about the weight - BUT DO NOT! NOT UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES! Doesn't matter if your intentions are honorable or not, she will/would never forget it - know what I mean? If she brings it up, dodge it - say she looks great and move on. Romantic feeling are eighter there or not, sometimes it's just chemistry, not looks + personality. (3)Think about the reasons why she gained in the first place? - is she in the best place in her life right now? - is she struggling to find herself or her place in the real world? - and, do these things influence her feelings for you? Is she's feeling really vulnerable right now? If so, starting a relationship may be what she wants, but not what she NEEDS. From personal experience, she needs to be on solid ground emotionally before she declares her love for anyone. Its a lesson everyone learns at some point - sounds like she needs to be put in the "Friend Zone" for the time being. Who knows; maybe your friendship would be better than any romantic relationship anyway. And later on when you are both ready, if it's meant to happen: it will. Learn from this one - Hope it helps.

[grenn126]

You said she wants to go to the gym with you to lose weight. Just do it.Y ou don't have to get in a relationship with her. Just go and work out. You can only help yourself with this. If she is willing to lose the weight with your help do it! It can make your bond stronger! Go as just friends!That will not hurt anything!If I had a guy friend that I could work out with I would totally do it!Trust me she should jump at the chance to work out with the guy that she likes. It can always turn into a relationship later. But for no just friends. She doesn't have to know that directly. Just don't ask her on a formal date. If she asks you than don't go.If a guy worked out with me I would fell that he wants me to be a better person and I would want to lose weight for him. She just wants a little help from you. Just give her a little.If you do go to the gym with her you may seem a different side of her. Look you may see it already; She want to go to the gym with you, she wants you to help her lose weight, at least she is willing to go to the gym otherwise she would just keep gaining weight! She wants you to be a part of her life!Dont be lame and not go out with her cause she fat. If you don't another guy may get her!Dont let this happen because then you both will be thinking "what if we just would have went out form the begining"

[pwl0lwp]

if you want her to be healthy, attractive, etc for her own sake (and your excitement) then that's possibly understandable. if you're worried about being seen with her because she's overweight, that's very lame.

there's no way of asking her to lose weight before you'll be "with" her that won't hurt her feelings immensely; if you really like this girl, put that idea aside.

if she's already thinking she should go the the gym, then facilitate that as much as possible: take her along, arrange your time together so she can do her workouts, help her make the most effective use of her exercise schedule (remember rest days, etc), and so on.

walk the talk with things like drinking too: it's no fun to ask her to cut down on booze if you don't do the same.

keep in mind a 1 minute kiss burns 26 calories! ;)

[AOgixxer750]

dude. I don't think your being shallow. if you take care of yourself by eatting right and exercise then you should have a girl that does the same. you should take her to the gym and show her how to use each machine. talk about eatting habbits and a quick easy meal can be healthy. lots of raw fruits and veggies, lots of water( 2L a day at least) no potato chips and pop. its going to be a hard lifestlye change for her and she'll look to you for help. so if you say the only thing holding you back is her weight then help her out.

[l-hedoniste]

Whenever you're tempted to start a sentence, "I don't want to sound shallow or anything, but.", seriously reconsider whether you want to speak at all. If you are shallow--and you are--you're going to sound shallow. Silence is golden.

Leave this girl alone and get away from her, for her sake. If she's comfortable with her weight, then she isn't your type, and you don't want to deal with her anyway. If she isn't, then the last thing she needs is some mindf*ck from you.

Let her date a guy willing to date her as she is.

[BostonChris]

Hey take ur own advice and "seriously consider whether you want to speak at all" because I'm asking for advice and I don't need you saying I'm shallow and a mind F. If ur not gonna help then just keep ur opinion to yourself. Ne ways I don't need to hear from some old creep guy. what is someone ur age doing on here ne way

[l-hedoniste]

If you can't hear the truth, don't ask for it, kid.

[Anonymous]

You can't ask somebody to change their body for you. Who do you think you are? What if you met a hot girl that would look really good on your arm but she asked you to gain 20 pounds of muscle because she only dated buff guys? If you don't like her as she is then don't date her. If you're not physically attracted to her then obviously she isn't the girl for you so find someone else.

[smith2267]

"What if you met a hot girl that would look really good on your arm but she asked you to gain 20 pounds of muscle because she only dated buff guys? "

I'd do it....

[Opinion Owner]

Why? She isn't the only hot girl in the world. I think that would be rather rude and presumptious to ask someone to change the way they are just for your own enjoyment. I wouldn't change myself for anyone else.

[Anonymous]

If she wants to go to the gym well that's a good sign help her keep her diet