You completely click with a girl but she's overweight, bail?

Question

Guys! If you and a girl completely clicked with each others' personalities BUT she had some extra chub that broke your physical attraction...Would you still ask her out? Its definitely NOT all about looks, but people say physical attraction is necessary. If that is the only thing holding you back, would you bail on the situation? Or learn to love?

honeyltsme · Accepted Answer

1. In the society we live in, extra weight often comes with a stigma for its carrier and their significant other, and the more upwardly mobile you are, the higher that stigma usually is.

2. Are you in fact talking about yourself here in a 3rd person voice? I see no pix... If weight is causing self-esteem / self-image issues, that's a 2nd issue your partner would have to underwrite if investing in a relationship.

3. According to science, to guys it's about your waist-to-hip ratio. I.e. if you have a big bum but a reasonably thin waist and normal (not extra chubby) thies, you will be fine.

You are young so your metabolism is up there. A lot of girls who claim and honestly think they are on a diet, sabotage it with monster weekend meals that "don't count", deserts or "health bars" made of carbs, calorie-rich booze, etc. Some simple tips:

1) Weight loss comes from expending more energy than taking in. Calories in vs. out. Sounds simple? It's not. Your brain is wired to maintain your fat level. If it sees you slimming down your mind will start playing tricks on you. Rationalizing that a little cheating is okay. That chocolate cake will look poised to give you an instant orgasm (and in extreme cases it can). Any of your fav sweet or fatty stuff, the moment you start eating you'll find it almost impossible to stop until there's no more on hand.

You have to devise ways to guard against this if you are to succeed. Do not have industrial quantities of sweets or fatty meals on hand. Calories vs volume, pick one or 2 least bad of your guilty pleasures and divide into separate portions. You can't ever eat future portions even if the world is coming to an end. Devise mental or physical rewards (movies, etc.) if you find strength to DISCARD your current daily or weekly "guilty pleasure" portion - but you must literally throw it in the trash. Ask people in your circle to help you stay the course and if they keep on sabotaging you, limit their access to you.

2) It takes muscles to burn calories. If you just diet, after the initial handful of pounds your body will attack your muscles before your fat - you will be limp and facing an uphill battle to burn away further fat. Unlike guys, you can't effectively bulk up your upper body to start burning serious calories via shoulders, arms, chest, back (though you should certainly do weights to tone them, they just aren't going to make or break your weight loss). You have 2 areas in your body that can burn serious calories: your legs and your heart. Assuming both are healthy (which you should check), you have to take both into strenuous zone for the burn to work. Meaning exercise at over 80% of your max heart rate. Steps (ideally real, outdoors), elliptical. If you must run, maximise incline.

3) Some good foods: tuna (canned chunk light tuna IN WATER is just 50cal - add pepper, lemon, salt), 98% fat free unsweetened sliced turkey for snacks. Big glass of water first thing.

I'm a fashion photog in NY not dietologist

SomeOtherGuy · Accepted Answer

Every guy has a cut off point on weight. It's different for each.

However, this is important to note, and applies to most healthy males:

Guys like some girth in the hips and butt. Roundness to the butt is generally acceptable in varying degrees. Guys worry more about a butt being too small/noexistant than too big.

Guys don't mind a little weight on a girls stomach in the front, as long as it's reasonable and not rounding itself over her body. The closer it is to the dimensions of the hips and pelvis, the better.

Guys rarely like the sides of the stomach, or outside sort of curving area, to be wider than the rest of the body, and prefer them to be smaller than the hips.

Generally this all adheres to ethnic desires and a dominant attractive ethnicity in upbringing.

It's far from accurate, but hey it's generally true in reference to the torso. Your thighs also play a part.

Me personally, yeah, if a girl is a lot more pear shaped than hourglass shaped I tend to lose attraction. You should be attracted to the person you're with physically up to a certain age in your life. But no matter what health should be important til you die.

Radiohead200 · Answer

I don't think it matters to some guys. Also, if the girl has a very cute/pretty face a litlte extra chub is not going to deter him. The girl I am seeing now is a little bit heavier, but definitely not "fat" by any means. I would normally go after a thinner diet, but she has an extremely pretty face. Although, we get along great/connect well and have lots of fun. I don't even notice the fact that she is a little heavier anymore!

And this is coming from a guy who is very shallow when it comes to choosing someone...

honeyltsme · Answer

P.S. The reality is women are objectified and also naturally competitive. It is one thing to have a guy love you for who you are on the *inside* - which is quite reasonable. It is quite another to expect them to take a leap of faith that you would not make them keep lying to you about your own appearance or throw fits every time a female more attractive on the *outside* enters the room.

So keep on improving yourself and be absolutely certain you love your whole person inside and out and will keep loving her - and then a guy will come along who definitely will, too!

ryanfromhere · Answer

I'd rather a girl have a little bit of extra meat than be supermodel thin.  When we're talking about too fat that she's unattractive, it's just that.  When someone gets to the point that they are at an unhealthy weight, that in itself is unattractive and shows you don't take care of yourself.   How would you feel if your boyfriend/girlfriend never brushed their teeth?  Why is that any different than not looking after their entire body? It depends on the height of a girl too, but any girl over 200lbs I would not want to date her.

TurbulentDan12 · Answer

In my opinion if I wasn't attracted to her physically it would be unlikely that I would be attracted to her as a whole. Both personality and physical attraction are equally important. The opposite situation where a girl was stunning but a complete bitch that I couldn't even deal with would also be a no-go.

kheserthorpe · Answer

Based on first question 'extra chub _that broke your physical attraction_'. well we haven't specified how much 'chub' that is, but if its to the point I don't find her attractive, I'm not going to ask her out. Physical attraction is necessary.

2) if she was working her ass off trying to lose it ... hmm ... interesting. I might move slowly and see where things go.

3) I'd try spanking it to see if that helped?

iwish46 · Answer

This is a tough one for me. Exercising and eating healthy are a big part of my life and I would prefer to be with someone who also values those things. I always think how great it would be to have a girlfriend that liked going on runs with me. *sigh* Anyways, that being said, if we "completely clicked" and she wasn't really overweight, I guess I would probably give it a chance.

Prof_Don · Answer

I'm mainly into the face.

I'm ~5'10, 205lbs...if she's much bigger than me, then yes, it would be a turn off. I don't think I can be sexually attracted to a 400lb female

But most females are fair game to me; I like some extra meat, as well as average, as well as slender females.

The face matters a lot more than the body for me. :)

kkeepitreal · Answer

I wouldn't bail.  Matter of fact I'm seeing a woman who has some extra chub.  She's still pretty and surprisingly very nimble on her feet so she shattered a lot of stereo types I had about overweight people.

Phoenix1991 · Answer

some chub? Not much of a biggy to me, 20 lbs is nothing in my eyes.

katylaura · Answer

being overweight wouldn't bother me, but if I didn't find a girl attractive I couldn't date her. it's clearly not all about looks, but chemistry is based on physical attraction as well as personality.

Little-Hippie · Answer

I wouldn't really call it bailing. I was never really on board to begin with.

palek · Answer

If she's what I define as the minimum threshold for "fat", I'd bail like a fat man in a leaky boat.

Anonymous · Answer

I'm most attracted to a girl's face. If she had a pretty face, I'm not going to care as long as she isn't hugely overweight.

Anonymous · Answer

well if we really clicked, but I didn't find her attractive.  Sorry, I'd bail

Hades · Answer

How overweight, exactly?

Zimbo113 · Answer

I could perhaps have sex with her... :D

Alpha93 · Answer

All I read was huge ass, that's hot!

Anonymous · Answer

Bail. I'd be her friend no problem though.

Anonymous · Answer

Love your question! +5(:

You completely click with a girl but she's overweight, bail?

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