Girlfriend embarrased of weight difference?

[Anonymous]

Tonight my girlfriend admitted sometimes she thinks of what others think when they see us together. I asked if it embarrasses her, and she said no and that she tries not to care what anyone else thinks. But I don't know about this. It just seems unfair. It never really occurred to me.

A little background: She seems to be hard on herself and her body image. She thinks she's fat. She is curvy, which I think is really hot. I am on the thin side so I wonder if this really bothers her. She is a bit on the thick side, but I've always been cool with it encouraging that she looks great.

I feel as though this might be an issue now though. I don't want her being ashamed of me. It's not as simple as eating a few cheeseburgers either. I'm naturally thin so I'm figuring my metabolism will slow in a few years. My mom and dad were thin around my age too and have gained weight.

I almost feel like calling off our relationship now. Am I wrong? How would you deal with this, would you be hurt? I realize this could be more a personal image thing for her and something she regularly deals with but I also don't want her to be a slave to what others think of me.

Updates

+1 y

She mentioned that she has considered nude modeling for an art class. She asked if I'd be OK with it. She thinks it would boost her self image of her body. But I haven't even seen her nude yet. What do you think about this?

[Darkfairie17]

I think breaking up with her is the wrong thing to do. It will just reinforce this idea she has in her head that somehow her being bigger than you is a problem. If you are happy with how she looks, then you should stay :)

I am a bigger girl myself and have dated smaller guys, and I know what you are saying and I understand how she is feeling. I have always been bigger, I have broad shoulders and as a kid I felt manly.

As weird as she may feel about the differences between you two, most people probably don't even notice!

She needs to gain confidence and that will only happen with time. I don't know how old she is now, but I know that it can be hard to be confident at this age when you are a bigger girl. Everything is telling us to be thin and petite, but not everyone is that way naturally.

Just give her support, talk to her about how beautiful you think she is! Give her lots of compliments.

Definitely sit down and talk about how this is affecting your relationship. She needs to know this. You love her and let her know that too, just explain that her insecurities are affecting your relationship.

Hopefully she can overcome this! It is hard, but not impossible!

She should check out the "Curves Ahead" Facebook page. It's great, and it features a lot of curvy models on there. It's pretty inspirational and has helped me feel better when I am down.

[somnambulated]

I don't think this has anything to do with you at all. She is probably worried not about what others think of what YOU look like next to her, but what SHE looks like next to you and what people think of her. If she considers herself fat, and you are a normal weight, then she will likely assume that people are scoffing at her or having negative thoughts about a "fat" girl being with a normal guy. Of course, I don't agree with any of this, but if she's insecure about her weight, that is probably what she's thinking. If you break up with her, she might assume it's because you weren't being truthful about how hot you think she is, and that you were bothered by her weight after all.

So don't feel insecure about yourself or your relationship, because it's her that is very insecure. And unfortunately, insecurity in oneself is a great way to sabotage a relationship. If you support her and encourage her, and sit her down and tell her the truth and get your worries and fears out in the open, perhaps you can work together to conquer her insecurity, or at least make it less of an issue. If not, then maybe you should think about taking a break because her insecurity is in the way of your relationship.

[Asker]

Thanks for your comment. I am actually and have always been insecure about my weight. I think I am on the scrawny side. Not horrible but it is always in the back of my mind. I just wish she would of realized that it sort of hurt my feelings. She told me a lot of stories about her being insecure about her weight and her butt. I love everything and have told her this. But I feel it is a hurdle for her.

[Cady20015]

Yes, breaking up with her would be wrong. Now, if you no longer have any feelings for her for some reason, then maybe it'd be best to call it off (because being in a relationship with an one-sided attraction is hell for both parties). However, if it's just because things are feeling uncomfortable, then you should just stick it out and try to work things out by talking about it. I, myself, am an overweight girl and I've only had several boyfriends, but whenever someone broke up with me, my first conclusion would be that the reason was because of my weight.. So because things are delicate between the two of you about the very topic, I think that breaking up with her would lower her self confidence even more.

[Asker]

I realize she has been way too harsh on herself and probably doesn't have much to do with me. I just feel like her feelings are crippling our relationship. I want her to be proud. She really isn't fat. Her curves are awesome, but I feel like maybe she doesn't value my opinion if she keeps bringing herself down.

[Cady20015]

I see. Well have you told her about how you felt? and I wasn't suggesting that she was fat, I was just saying that from the point of view of a girl that thinks she's fat, that might be her first conclusion..

[Asker]

I understand. I know for a fact she thinks she is. She pointed to her stomach and other things. I told her she's not and that I think she looks great but I don't know what else to do. She said she is going to start going to the gym I guess.