The doctor told me that I might not be able to have children, what should I do?

[Anonymous]

I'm 21 years old and not thinking about starting my family until 27-33. Well, last week I went to my gynecology follow up appointment and the doctor looked over my test results and told me that I probably won't be able to have children in the future. I'm heartbroken because I do want to be a mother one day and I feel like it is going to be taken away from me because of my poly-cystic ovary and hormonal imbalance. I had an early period at the age of 8 and suffered with extreme menstrual cramps to this day. My gyno really has no final diagnosis about my issue but I'll have to see a specialists, not my primary care physician.

I spoke to my mother about it. Since I am the only child, and she really wants to be a grandmother one day, she was upset by the news as well. She told me that I should start asap after college by 23-24 if being a mother is very important to me, but to weigh the odds I really wanted to complete grad-school before becoming a mom and live some, that is why I would wait until 27-33. I don' t know what to do. I feel like the future of motherhood has robbed me and I'm depressed that I'll end up getting some kind of ovarian cancer like my grandma.

Updates

+1 y

Sorry if I sound wrong, but I REALLY want my own child, and I don't really want to adopt unless I have at least one of my own.

[ElijahCynicism]

You have a few options, if you don't want to adopt.

I don't know what poly-cystic ovary and hormonal imbalances entail, but I'm assuming your eggs are basically infertile? In that case, you could have another woman's eggs put into your body, surrogate-like, and you would birth the child. It'd be filled up with your blood, your nutrition and come into being inside you, and be fertilised by your lovers sperm, the only difference is it isn't your egg.

If the egg is fertile, you could do the opposite; have another woman birth the child, with your egg and lovers' sperm, but the child would be yours and grown from your egg.

If your eggs are fertile now, you could have them frozen and unfrozen when you want to have a child, and use those; that way it would be both your eggs, and your body. That's a little more expensive though, I'll hedge.

Another option is, if you're a f***ing... MILLIONAIRE, have yourself cloned and birth the child; it'll be composed entirely of your DNA, which is what 'blood' means in heritage tradition.

If none of these are feasible; are you religious or spiritual? I know a lot of old sympathetic traditions that make the child yours in a holy sense, if not a biological sense, if you can get behind that adoption becomes okay, because in your mind it would be your child, by divine right. You don't sound that way, though...

That's about all I can think of... You could have your mother have the child, and you raise it as your own. That way it's still part of the family, with the same blood, if blood is what concerns you.

[Anonymous]

depending on where you live you could get your eggs frozen for a few years than when you are with the right guy tell him your story and depending on his response you two can try to find a woman to use your egg and his sperm.

I don't know where you can go to get this done but it is possible.

[Opinion Owner]

update: I understand that having a child of your own blood is something special so it's not wrong.

[IdontWantToBeMe]

i've heard of many cases where doctors were wrong and one of my best friends was told she couldn't have children so she and her husband had unprotected sex for 8 years and she found out she was pregnant, so don't dismiss that it could happen.

Plus there are different options for you to get pregnant so when you talk to a specialist just ask them.

I would say just take it in stride, instead of saying I want a baby by this age or my mom says I should have one at this age.

Do it when you are ready, finish college, find a man that will be a good dad to your child, get your finances in order, be emotionally ready especially.

you could get pregnant in a month or it may take years, you never know what will happen but the important thing is to be ready, not rushing yourself because of what a doctor or your mom told you.

Also I understand you don't want to adopt but if it ever got to that point I think you be surprised how much you can love a child that's not yours.

my heart goes out to you though and I hope you just slow down, take this with ease and it may seem like a big deal at the moment but you never know what the future holds

[lace1228]

I know of a couple of people that got pregnant and they had pcos. It can happen,you could maybe freeze your eggs. You have option. I think you should do your research. You could also look into what options you have for support and maybe some online courses. Also it is never to late to get an education but having a baby might not always be an option for your case. You might consider trying sooner then planed because it might take a long time to conceive. I got pregnant at 21 I was scared but I got through it and being a mommy is the best thing that could happen. Keep believing and keep hope alive.

[Asker]

Thats nice. I wish I had a stable enough situation at the moment, a husband, house, car etc. But even though I'm 21, I'm still living with my parents and I don't even have a boyfriend :-(

[lace1228]

I didn't either,I had no boyfriend no house, no car and living at home. The only thing I had going was a full time minium wage job which at that time was only $7.15 per hr.

[pepper01]

honey polycystic ovarian syndrome CAN make it hard to get and stay pregnant but its not impossible. there are a lot of women with pcos who have kids. I have endometriosis and I have severe mentrual cramps and was told that I couldn't have kids. doctors cannot foretell the future. live you life and don't feel bad about it. things will work out. good luck and you can always message me or add me as a friend. I also have a hormone imbablace so I know what you are going through

[Asker]

Thanks.

[pepper01]

no problem. and I hate it how everyone thinks adoption will solve all the worlds problems. it doesn't! you will have your own child :)

[Asker]

Thanks again. God Bless :)

[Anonymous]

Don't give up! My parents were married for 10 years before I was born and had countless doctors tell them that they would never have children, for various reasons. And then they did, and I was like a miracle child to them. My mother was also 39 when she got pregnant, and near the end of her reproductive years.

This was back in the 1980's, when fertility clinics and treatments were extremely new and very expensive. It's better now, so there is hope for you!

I think that something like PCOS and a hormonal imbalance can cause infe.rtility. Being infertile DOES NOT mean you are sterile. You still have the ability to get pregnant, but there are a few more obstacles in the way. When you are ready for a baby, just keep trying.

You can also ask if some of your eggs can be harvested and saved for future use if nothing happens the normal way.

[Asker]

Thanks. This made me feel so much better. I won't give up. And whoa 39, gives me hope!

[Anonymous]

u can see specialists and get treatment done, may be in vitro or something. I'm so sorry to hear that. I can imagine how it must feel not to pass your dna on. :( but definitely research specialists and find treatments.

[Asker]

Thanks. Yes my mother suggested I start saving money now to get that test done in the future. Everyone is saying adoption adoption. Although its a wonderful thing, I just don't see myself doing that. Thanks for understanding.

[Opinion Owner]

yea I totally get u...i wanna pass my dna on and see what my kids would look like you know? I would love to adapt but having your own is impt too its like the meaning of life and biology.

[Asker]

Yes exactly. Its a beautiful thing. My parents are eager to be grandparents one day as well. So that we can name the kids after my great-grandma. Its a tradition. My mom is named after her grandma.

[Opinion Owner]

awww I wish you all the best! if you have faith anything is possible! don't listen to the other mean comments about adapting some people come on gag and write unrealistic and unthoughtful answers like trolls...i bet if they were in your shoes theyd feel the same!

[Anonymous]

I think you should try to have the baby.. It seems like a really important issue to you and you risk it the longer you wait and it's something I don't think you can reverse if it ever gets to the point where you can't get pregnant anymore. It'll be tougher to have the life you wanted and the freedom of not caring for a newborn but I think it's a responsibility that's worth it considering you may never have the chance to birth your own child if you wait.

[MilaPohstro]

You could adopt or get a carrier when you are ready to have kids, It can be your egg and your guys sperm.

[Anonymous]

there are a lot of babies who don't have homes ya know...adopt one.

[Opinion Owner]

well then you don't merely want to be a mother, you want to biologically reproduce, which is not the same thing entirely. which is sad considering all the kids who need homes and overpopulation, etc. but you do whatever you want to do.

[Asker]

I wish you would just hear yourself. I said that adoption was a beautiful thing, but not for me. I prefer to have my own, thank you. Maybe you should adopt, considering you have such a strong opposition about my statement. I think you misunderstood everything I said and maybe you should shove your opinions to somebody who opposes adoption, not me!

[Asker]

Further more, my father was adopted. You think I would put down adopted children? I know there are children out there without homes and people who are more than happy to take them into their lives and raise them. I hope you think twice before you put others down about wanting to biologically reproduce, because I see nothing wrong with either choices.

[Opinion Owner]

okay I got that the first time, you don't want to adopt. definitely got it lol I didn't misunderstand anything. being a mother is a nurturing, care taking, role that involves everything beyond actual procreation. you're not the only one, many people want to be biological parents as well. I'm saying there's a difference in the connotation. if all you want is to be a mom, its an easy fix.you just don't like what I'm saying. I'm not moved by your "adoption is beautiful." that's irrelevant to what YOU want.

[Opinion Owner]

you posted a question, open to answers and opinions. you don't get to choose who answers and who doesn't, but you can at least control yourself. I don't need to shove my opinions anywhere, there fine right on this page with everyone elses. :)

[Opinion Owner]

they're*

[Asker]

I really could care less what YOU think at this point. You're just an internet troll togging with people who don't have the same view as you. I don't care if you aren't moved by that statement because that's how I feel and I certainly don't have anything to prove to you. I asked for constructive advice, not for some argument about how I should adopt.

[Opinion Owner]

you really need to get your emotions in check. I never said you were putting adoption down and I didn't put down anyone who didn't want to adopt. I said its unfortunate that people don't want to because of all the children left in the system who never get adopted. I'm going to say that because its true and don't actually care if that bothers you. sorry, love.

[Opinion Owner]

im a troll? honey you have issues. good luck in life.

[Asker]

Thanks, that's the most positive thing you've said.

[NerdInDenial]

You can always adopt.

[Asker]

I wouldn't mind that, but I still want my own.

[Anonymous]

adoption