I think I'm afraid to lose weight...Any advice!!!!?

[Anonymous]

every time I make progress I start binge eating I'm 200lbs currently but I'm well proportioned with a larger chest and commercial good looks so I'm not a model but I still turn heads...I enrolled in 3 physical activities at my university this year swimming for 1.5 hours Monday/Wednesday, volleyball 1.5 hours Tuesday/Thursday, yoga Tuesday nights for 2 hours and It's too late to drop I absolutely must go the next 4 months for a grade I have no choice

These classes are very physical but provide me with fun alternatives to the gym I'm enjoying all of them immensely!...I took them to help with weight loss but I keep having this feeling that I have to have guys accept me as overweight first b4 losing weight! Why is this?...I have a feeling that if I do lose all the weight I want I won't ever know whether or not I'm valued for my personality and this depresses me...I'll feel I had to change because I wasn't good enough and I'm afraid to feel that way...

[Distant]

Physical attraction is a huge factor in finding a partner. People seem to undervalue this aspect. You don't have to change or lose weight for anyone but yourself BUT if you feel that your weight is playing some factor in how others are judging you then it's your decision to act on it. You shouldn't be afraid to lose weight because you're trying to force someone to like you for your personality because, if someone likes you, they'll like your personality too. It's a package deal.

[Asker]

My family has a huge history with diabetes and my doctor told me I was at risk so thts my main motivation I don't feel unattractive but I feel if a guy would go for someone "unconventional" like someone overweight then it prooves thy don't care what I look like

[HammerofTruth]

I think this is a trust issue, and maybe a self confidence issue?

[Asker]

Why trust?

[HammerofTruth]

It seems like if you lost weight you wouldn't trust that a man would be interested in you, your personality, and the type of person you are.

[Asker]

But what if tht same guy I had never expressed interest before I had lost the weight? Would it make sense for me to turn him down if I wasn't good enough b4 or is it reasonable for someone to expect a whole package? Because I'm not sure...it seems unfair...

[HammerofTruth]

I understand what you are saying. I agree that is the way it SHOULD work, unfortunately it's not how it is. Attraction HAS to be there. As shallow as it sounds. For instance, there are girls I've had a crush on that just plain weren't attracted to me, and vica versa. Since I started working out I've had a lot more women hit on me than I did when I was smaller. Does this answer your question?

[Asker]

Yea I get you its kind of shallow of me but really its because I've always been told I'm attractive just overweight...

I'm afraid to get much better looking...its stupid I knw but the idea of a guy leaving me if I were to gain the weight back is kind of heartbreaking...I can send you a picture of me...maybe I need a reality check or someone tht doesn't knw me to tell me I'm actually not tht good looking maybe tht would help if I knew nothing would change?

[HammerofTruth]

Yeah sure, go ahead.

[Asker]

[e-mail] <- this is my alternative email message it with your user name in the subjectline and I'll send a picture back

[HammerofTruth]

Just sent it.

[HammerofTruth]

I got it. Sorry to say but you are a pretty girl (lol that felt weird apologizing for that) and when you lose weight it will only heighten that fact. Although I think you should embrace it and not fear it. I know that you are afraid of shallow people but I also think that it might help attract the right kind of guy to you as well. Does that make sense?

[Asker]

Yea it does :P it does and thanks for the complement, I want to be in shape and healthy more than anything I just don't wana be used :/ but I guess you have to watch out for people who aren't any good anyway

[HammerofTruth]

That's true, and it's good that you are losing weight for you. Try putting your picture on the reality check thing to get other people's opinions. Although I did and I haven't gotten any feedback lol. You'll be just fine. Do what makes you happy and confident in yourself.