Serious question about a dying family member.?

[Anonymous]

My grandma is in the hospital, most likely dying because she has stage 4 lung cancer, and she recently caught pneumonia and a bacterial infection. She lives in another state about 20 hours away, so i rarely ever get to see her. I got ahold of my aunt and asked if it was okay for me to visit, if she was up for it, and she basically told me no, to stay home because she thought "that would be the best thing for her." Apparently my dad drove up there to see her and it freaked her out because he rarely ever visits. She thought he wouldn't have driven all the way there unless it was to say his goodbyes, and she got paranoid thinking the whole family knew she was dying and just didn't want to tell her. So they think since i rarely ever see her either, that my visit will be too overwhelming and freak her out even more and she'll just end up throwing in the towel and assume she's dying. I just had a baby, and im the first one to make her a great grandmother. Not only will i not be able to live with myself knowing i didn't get to see her one last time, but even more so if she never gets to meet her great granddaughter.
My aunts words were,
"We know what is going to happen and where this is headed. Don't think for a minute that this is not very hard on us...we are her children! I need to know she has comes to grips with her mortality before everyone out of the blue starts showing up to say their "goodbyes". Remember this is ALL about her. Not about you or me or your dad or anyone. She is my mom and I am going to protect her. Respect that...or not. Your choice. I respect how you are feeling, but let us decide when she is ready to say "goodbye". Again, it is only about her, not what is good for the rest of us."

Sounds like flawed logic to me, and i just dont know what to do. It seems like an impossible situation. Does anyone have any response?

[Paris13]

I can tell you right now, that if you Do Not "say your final good-byes," you will never be able to live with yourself, knowing you had listened to your family on what they thought was best for a dying family member.
When my grandmother was on her deathbed, we all came from all over, and she appreciated it, because she knew it was nearly time to go. She even put my hand, along with my two sister's, on top of each other, for she was trying to tell us to remain close, love one another, and this would make her happy for where she would soon be going.
You are a grown woman with a baby now, and old enough to make your own decisions when it comes to something as important as this, sweetie. If you allow your family to rule the roost Now, then they will always feel they will have the upper hand in the future to rule every other segment of your life. So where does it end? It won't. That's why your mind is pulling at your heartstrings, and yes---"it's your choice..."your life as well.
You need closure, and once she is gone, this will eat you alive like a parasite if you don't hurry and do what you need to do.
Take the ride with your baby. Once you arrive by her bedside, with her First great grandchild, believe me------she Will not only be "overwhelmed with Joy," but "freaking out" with such happiness and tears, that you may even give grandma a little more time on this earth. She might even think of you both as her angels.
It's not only "flawed logic" that they are trying to drum in your head, but Disrespect to you, and they are being selfish with this situation, which is Not "an impossible situation" in the least.
I feel for your pain, have lived through this with many members of my family in the past. And I can tell you, it's hard enough on Everyone concerned that their love done is dying, and I also believe that Everyone should be together at a time like this, comforting one another, and yes------comforting grandma as well.
Good luck and God bless, sweetie.xx

[musicbrain5]

Wow, I think your aunt was very rude to you. You are family and just as important as anyone else. Go and see your grandmother, I'm sure it will make her happy. Bring your baby so she can meet her great grandchild - not many people live long enough to become great grandparents so this will be quite special. Don't listen to your aunt, she doesn't get to dictate who visits when. I did not get to see my grandmother before she passed on, and I wish I had gotten to see her. So take this chance to visit. <3

[Red_Arrow]

I believe your aunt is really trying to protect her mother and you have to respect her for that. I don't find it controlling, etc., just very caring. But I also believe she is wrong. If your grandmother has stage 4 lung cancer, she is obviously getting closer to deat and her body will start breaking down. The pneumonia and bacterial infections are likely part of that process. She may fool nature and last many years, but it sounds like it is very possible that she may only have weeks, or even less. You need to try to convince your aunt of these things and let her know that yo will not let her die without seeing you and your child. Then go! Hopefully you will be able to get pictures of her with you and your daughter.

[Cheeky_Unfortunate]

Go see her. Show her the new life that you have bore. Now is not the time to worry about death, because it does come, but instead give the gift of peace. Time does not stop and death is not patient; the reality is no one knows what is best and "offending" the living is not as imperative as comforting the dying.

[emerald_isle]

Wow, it's sounds like your aunt has a personal thing that she's dealing with and is somewhat directing it in your direction which is not fair. I say stand your ground and continue to request to see her. Sometimes people may think they are doing the right thing, but end up hurting more people in the process. Especially how she responded if her words were fairly close to how you phrased them in the quotation marks. Things happen in life to cause us to be so busy, and lose track of time. even though you weren't around so much in the past, it's never too late to "make amends" or to "right wrongs", or to get to know someone or see them again even if their time left on earth is short. I think your aunt is a bit in the wrong, i understand she may be hurting, but who knows seeing you and that precious little baby of yours may be just what your grandmother needs to brighten her day or brighten her outlook. I hope this helps.

[Gianisaur]

you hav to go c her. if u don't u will regret it 4 the rest of ur life and also bring the baby cuz then the grandmother can die happy knowing that she is a great grandma

[Hyped_up_on_coffee]

You should call her first and tell her that you want her to meet her new grand baby