To all those who struggle with insecurity

We've all wanted to be the idolized, stereotypical 'attractive' person we see splattered on every single magazine cover. Every time I see a pretty girl, I think to myself 'life must be so happy and easy for her' she naturally has what others spend years yearning and pining for. Although, what we see may no be what she sees.

In reality, our sick and twisted society has created the ultimate trap. When he/she looks in a mirror, they don't see all that we may see, they see what they are NOT.

To all those who struggle with insecurity.

Once people have decided to judge you solely on your looks, that becomes the most scrutinized quality you have. People tend to judge a book by its cover immediately. People say first impressions are everything. Maybe thats why so much of us suffer from social anxiety or are even antisocial. We think, no, we know many are going to see us for whats on the outside and are not going to want to look deeper, deeper into what we are really. Everyone is afraid of rejection. And that may be exactly what we have coming if we don't fit the cut.

People have made looks much too important. And thats miserable because its something we have nothing to do with it, we didn't choose to look this way. Its all a competition. You may be pretty, but she's prettier. He may be hot, but he's hotter!

We all think the attractive person has it best, yes it may be true, their lives are easier. They're treated better, they most likely have more friends, more people who are interested in them. But all that glitters is not gold. There's always going to be a more attractive person than us, ALWAYS. We downgrade our existence, our qualities because of the way we look. We’re conditioned to safe guard this fleeting and elusive quality that we know will leave us one day.

Even attractive people think they're not worth it, they're not beautiful enough, 'just a little bit prettier', there's no stop to it. We see ourselves for who we were, not who we are. You see your middle school and high school self with the braces and acne and awkward body structure you were still growing into. Not for the beautiful or handsome person you've blossomed to in your adult years.

People will make you believe beauty is all you have. What happens when your beauty starts to wrinkle away hidden under grey hairs and saggy body parts? Does that make you any less of a person? What terrifies us most is that its temporary, we know that something we may have depended on is going to fleet away, whether we think we are attractive or not, we know we're only going to get less attractive, and that scares us in our masked society. 'Will he/she still love me? When i'm old and fat and ugly?'

We constantly compare ourselves to others, acting as if giving that person a thought about their physical attractiveness or wishing to be them would suddenly transform ourselves? Some of us get plastic surgery thinking it will fix everything. But nothing will change. Other than your brand new, partially fake body part. We lose weight, even though we don't need it. Sure, you lose 10 pounds, even 10 pounds lighter you'll still be unhappy with your body.

We blind ourselves, thinking beauty fixes everything, but truth is, thinking you're beautiful fixes everything. We can't fix the fact that we strive to be attractive, we want to feel attractive, so what can we do? Think we're beautiful.

In reality, being anymore beautiful doesn't do the trick because the thing thats warped about you isn't your looks, its your mindset. So thinking you're beautiful will give you happiness. Your looks and your body isn't with you forever, what is with you forever is your soul.

Anyways, if you're with someone who only cares about looks, whats the upside to that? You want someone who sees you for what you really are: a beautiful, intelligent, humorous person.

The idolized body and face will change. Throughout history what we see as beautiful has vastly changed from Ancient Egypt to the 21st century. Point is, its all temporary. We should be attracted to whats forever.

We may never feel comfortable in our own skin unless we believe that we're worth it. We hide ourselves from the world, sometimes under makeup, under baggy clothes, anything, but all we need to do is open ourselves up.

Is this really what we want? Do we want ourselves to become some lifeless person, who's lost their spark and their wonderful personality because of some artificial mindset saying we're not enough?

So if a woman doesn't have curves she's not real?

TODAY ON ABC NEWS-MILLIONS OF WOMEN DISSAPEARING OF THE FACE OF THE EARTH!


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What Guys Said 10

  • In a perfect world wed all like beautifull soul or whatever but this is the real world and looks definitively matter. Ask a fat girl how her life is going or an ugly guy and you'll see how depressed they are just because people treat then badly only for being born unfortunate looking.

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    • Ofc, it matters to ourselves. Even a thin girl may think she's fat. If a girl is unhealthy whether its obesity or even anorexia or bulimia, that need to be fixed. But so much of ourselves are healthy and make ourselves unhealthy bc of our negative thoughts. They may matter but they aren't whats going to fuel happiness or love.

    • life is tough..

    • sure is :/

  • You know, I prefer the hard love version of fixing insecurity.

    "You can love yourself for the wonderful person you are. Just don't expect others to do the same when they have never talked to you. At that point, why are you so damn concerned about what people who don't even know your name think of you?
    If you have so little confidence that you're that concerned about validation from strangers, then maybe you should start working out and eating right, because clearly you know it's a problem if it bothers you that much.

    So how about you put all that effort you spend on being insecure into something useful, and get into the best shape of your life instead? You'll feel better, you'll look better, you'll have more confidence, and you will finally stop hating yourself for not doing something this fucking simple.

    But hey, if that's too much. Give up and quit, and prove everyone right.

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    • Of course, trying is always good, but some people try to completely change themselves and hide themselves behind things like makeup, if makeup boosts your confidence-bravo. But we shouldn't have to try SO hard to change ourselves bc of beauty standards in modern society, The hate doesn't go away though. If you read what I said its a problem in our mindset and obviously you probably don't suffer with sever insecurities, it can be a mental disorder, like BDD. Lets say you're 135 pounds, you lose 10 pounds, you may not feel any more confident bc we're changing the wrong things. Once again, its our minds not our bodies. If you weigh like 300 pounds, OBVIOUSLY thats not healthy and you need to fix that but people think like 115 pounds is chubby on a 5'4 person, not others but we ourselves may. I'm 5'5 and I weigh 115. Not happy with my weight! It isn't that easy, we have to change the way we see ourselves then we can do weekly facials and work out, if thats what builds our confidence.

  • Even though you make some solid points there is no denying the fact that appearance plays a big role in both dating and your everyday life. Someone who is healthy and take care of their appearance is more likely to get interest from the other sex and even an easier time finding jobs. Everyone doesn't need to look like a photo model bu being healthy and taking care of yourself is highly beneficial.

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    • Well, it plays a roll in dating bc there's so much shallow people who can't help but be attracted to the more attractive human being, although you don't need to be attractive to be happy, being with someone who only cares about looks is unhealthy anyways.

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    • @Take Owner Meh, I have to disagree. At least I could never spend the rest of my life with a girl that I didn't find attractive. I want a girlfriend and eventually wife that is beautiful both on the inside and outside. You can call me whatever you want but that doesn't change the basics of human biology and attraction.

    • Inner beauty is forever. Outer beauty is temporary, why diss someone with such a beautiful personality if they don't match your standards on physical appearance. Sure its a bonus, but I think a person's main priority in dating is to find someone who's beautiful on the inside and not ignore them as a possible lover bc once again they don't fit your requirements bc outer beauty isn't whats going to fuel a relationship unless all you're looking for is sex, sex, sex.

  • Nice take,

    But, It dosen't change the fact that our entire lives are dictated by how we look...

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    • It doesn't but we can still manage it. Thats just the way we are and we're gonna have to live with it, but we can always downsize these inferior feelings bc of the way we look on the outside and we can always push it away a bit and not make it a huge priority, beauty standards I mean, health is a priority (just pointing this out bc people are getting confused on what I meant)

  • Is that Heidi montag?

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  • everybody is insecure on some level.

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    • Of course. But would you rather feel extremely insecure or partially insecure? We should control it because its extremely rare it will completely go away.

    • it's about managing it.

  • Such insecurity is the result of the pressure of society and hollywood, plastic surgery and yade yade yada. It's not up to me what you believe to be true. I am not responsible for this, therefore, not my problem. Find it in yourself to change your perception or just burn like countless people before you.

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    • I never even said you were responsible? I don' even know who you are. And if you mean the male population I never included in here that it was their fault, this is to boys and girls, girls suffer more, but there are still men who suffer with insecurity. Its not so easy to change your perception and i'm telling people in here to try to change it by thinking they're beautiful... did you comment on the wrong MyTake.

  • Damn!!! Great take... seriously, good job.

    We blind ourselves, thinking beauty fixes everything, but truth is, thinking you're beautiful fixes everything. We can't fix the fact that we strive to be attractive, we want to feel attractive, so what can we do? Think we're beautiful.
    💖💕👍

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    • Glad you agree! Thank you! Ya, I do lots of deep thinking so all of this just kinda flowed out of me :-))

  • Sure we all have that voice in our head telling us that there's someone better out thier, but that's what drives me. Set impossible goals for yourself will catalyze the most improvement.

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    • They may not be impossible, but you're right the farther it seems to reach the more you will improve bc it takes more effort to get there. There is something better out there though, you just have to find it. :)

  • Good point , but when ur told ( you are not good like ur friends , ur uglier ) then it hurts you and it makes you want to stay away from hanging out ever again

    Problem is , people who do not mind the outside beauty as much as the personality are becoming more *hidden* , or they are declining in numbers

    I do not see an end to this , and like she said below ( dies alone ) :D

    And i do not mean women only , both women & men...

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    • Yup, I know. Its sad but thats just who we are. We can't really help it that we depend on physical appearance so much, we're afraid to die, we procrastinate, make sometimes impossible goals for ourselves and never strive to achieve them, are sometimes selfish, etc. Some are unlike that (few lol). But I guess we just have to make the best of it. Like I said not only feeling attractive is all you need to be happy (happy in a way of when it comes down to physical appearance). And that confidence is attractive to others. Win win :)

    • Yeah , like u said few , and i'm betting that i will meet one of those few one days... Thanks 😀

    • I bet you will, np :-))

What Girls Said 19

  • that's a really nice take :) good job

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  • Great take! Society really can be horrible and once you get ideas stuck in your head, they're hard to get out. I typically have the same body type as a VS angel while maybe being slightly less toned, but I've always been insecure. Even being skinny most of my life, I felt fat but then I got bullied for being skinny and gained weight to try and please the person and just felt even worse.

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    • Thank you!
      And ya, all this advertising and ideal human are just so brainwashing!
      I feel you, and it kind of saddens me how people think that a pretty person is so happy. I'm still 15 so I haven't exactly totally grown into my awkward body, but i'm thin and all my friends tell me they wish they had my body by proportions as well, but I never see myself that way, it has gotten so bad that I HATE taking pictures or someone else taking pictures with myself in them! I'm so sorry you got bullied though :-(( they were just jealous.
      I got bullied too, so once again, feel ya!
      What I do is I say 10 things I like about myself EVERY DAY, not personality wise, bc I actually enjoy my personality , its why I enjoy alone time way too much lol, but I don't like what I see on the outside, I can't help it. So just do that, and try not to look in mirrors too often :-) by the way I think you're beautiful.

    • I mean, yes i'm insecure, but at least I know that most people don't have it so good and even extremely attractive people have their flaws and their concerns. I don't wish to be anyone else but myself, I just wish to improve myself. :))

  • I liked this take, thanks for taking the time to write it.
    Many many people every single day worry about their looks.. 'What will they think when i'll do my hair this way?'
    'Should I wear this dress? No, I'll look too fat.'
    And then.. It becomes an obsession.. I'm fat, I'm fat, i'm ugly, I'm not.. Her.
    Right now, I'm dealing with this too. I know I'm not fat, ugly or whatever but I just can't stop thinking this way. I hope the world and it's people stop judging us based on how we look. But I know in my heart that they never would. Because after all, when you see a book.. You judge it's cover too..

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  • im extremely insecure

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  • Society is a shallow pool where even the beautiful feel they are drowning. This is brutally accurate. The most beautiful people tend to be the most insecure because they feel that their core value is based upon their looks and there is that unattractive person in the background only wishing they could look that good. ☆☆☆☆☆

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  • I am that woman that always sees herseld as fat well everyone says I'm slim. The struggels of having been overweight as a child and teen are still affecting me today. If I look in the mirror I see overweight even though my rational mind knows that's not real.

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  • I have to say that women strive after perfection because we think that that's going to get us where we want. Trust me, if women were asked before they were born to be: cute, ugly, funny, intelligent or gorgeous? 99,9999% of them would say gorgeous. Why? Because ''the survival of the fittest''. Let me give you an example. We have an average woman, and a gorgeous woman. The average woman has to have more things in her, like good personality, funny, smart, etc.. the gorgeous woman is attractive enough to live as a model. The average woman has to go after men, the gorgeous woman don't need to, her list won't end. The average woman is more likely to be in a relationship because men are not afraid to approach them, the gorgeous woman is more likely to be left alone, and therefore she starts to think ''what's wrong with me..'' and strive MORE after PERFECTION. When she looks perfect, she will scare 99% of men away. The average woman lives more happy because she has her feet on the ground, and is more likely to live in the real world. The gorgeous woman strives to be at the top of life, because she thinks ''If i'm more attractive than 90% of women, I deserve better.'' So therefore she strives after perfection, but the average woman knows she can't do anything to change her looks, so she's satisfied. Basically, women hate women who are prettier than us, that's just a fact. You can deny it, but irl it's different. And women are competitive as hell, they will do anything to be better than you. But beauty is something genetic.

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  • I do believe that society CAN cause insecurities but being insecure starts with yourself and ends with yourself. Forget society and its standards, i know a beautiful curvy woman who is beyond confident in herself and she gets love from everyone from left to right. She doesn't look at magazines and wish she could be like those models because she is comfortable with her self. Someone can tell me all day that my curly hair doesn't go with society standards or the color of my skin and i still wouldn't give two ducks because i am confident in myself. When you finally realize how beautiful you are no one can change that feeling, not even society.

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  • well, body dyshporia is real , many women and some men have it. We dont talk about it becuase we glamorize people who have had work done and call them perfect and beautiful. You can see more people idolizing a woman who has had several things done on her body but call a natural woman ugly for loving herself. I beleive your natural state is beautiful and wether your skinny and not curvy or curvy and not skinny is ok. And your still beautiful. society benefits from body dyshporia , everything from weightloss pills, weightloss regimes, plastic surgery, padded bras and panties, waist cynchers.. etc Body dysphoria is a mental illness that society will never try to cure because they benefit from it. You just have to find your own happiness. If you can look in the mirror naked and think " yep, id do myself" than you are ok, you are fine

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  • It's a good take, but the problem is a lot of people do judge on looks a lot. Its not just for dating, it's just for everything. For me, I am perfectly happy with my body. I've never had any issues with the way my body looks. However, my insecurities are with my face. It just isn't attractive, and I've had so many comments about my face. I could honestly deal with having an unattractive if people didn't have such judgmental attitudes about it.

    I never judge people about their appearance, maybe it's because of the judgment I've dealt with most of my life. I have a friend who does criticize people all the time for their looks. Yesterday she felt the need to make fun of a larger woman. However, as I looked at the girl, I could see so much beauty in her and she dressed really well. She had beautiful red hair and dimples.

    It's just hard for me to be critical of peoples appearances. I guess it's just the result of being judged and hated for 16 years for something I didn't choose! That's what bothers me the most I think. It's not really the fact that I am unattractive, it's the fact that people bother me about it when it's not my choice. I work hard on my appearance too. It's not as if I walk out with uncombed hair and smell. I am perfectly clean and I do what I can to flatter myself. The worst was when someone called me a scary looking woman after I'd just spent the day at a spa. He said that I looked like a Tranny!

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  • Great take, I really liked I tend to be really insecure about my self too. That I dont really feel beautiful. But this was great thans for sharing with us a positive opion.😊😊😊😊

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  • I think that Heidi looked beautiful in the before pic. They say that beauty lies in the imperfections!

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    • Absolutely. She went ahead and ruined everything... Perfection is boring. I like the flaws. They make people unique...

    • There are these beautiful handmade tapestries in India, some centuries old. They take hundreds of hours to make. But they have minor flaws that are left alone, and not corrected. As they believed that through its imperfections shines its elegance and beauty. ( it's uniqueness)

  • This is all so sweet if only it made a difference.

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    • Thank you, i'm trying to help other girls figure out that its just society and their tricks and fads and that it may all be in their head but whatever happens, all you need is to feel beautiful.

  • i agree with this but i do think that looks matter. you shouldn't starve yourself or anything like that but who doesn't want to be beautiful? im sorry but if someone is really overweight then thats not attractive. im not saying that they should lose weight for me or others but for themselves. i do believe that im beautiful but i love some makeup and a nice lipstick. i used to be overweight and i can honestly say that yes i do look much more beautiful now that i've lost it. someone who is lets say 5'5 and 210 pounds isn't "thick". thats just fat. someone who is at a healthy weight is much more attractive.

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    • Well, I mean happiness, ofc if someone is struggling with anorexia or severe obesity, they should fix that for sure, eat more or eat less. But i'm talking about healthy people in that case scenario, they're healthy and they're fine, but lets say they have a hump on their nose and curly hair they don't like, some acne here, small eyes, anything! If they flat iron their hair, cover it up with makeup, do this here, they won't be any happier, thing is you think you're happier when you do something to try to cover up your flaws which may not even be flaws, but in reality with insecurities and bad self confidence, no matter how beautifully you blossom, you're still going to look back at yourself and think you're not worth it, think you're not beautiful, all we need to be happy when it comes down to beauty is to feel beautiful. Thats the point i'm trying to make, and its perfectly fine if you don't fully agree with me.

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    • They shouldn't be sad about it. You can fix your medical conditions, but you shouldn't think you're worthless because of them.

      Also, I appear to have overstated the minimum danger level nessecary to fix it. Any medical condition your doctor thinks you should fix is okay. Acne, weight, and all that.

    • @amplify we have so much technology and stuff that i wouldn't want to live with an insecurity

  • Aww that was such a beautiful take, made me think :)
    As an insecure person this made me feel better and also made me kinda hate our sick and twisted society. I love that part where it goes: We blind ourselves, thinking beauty fixes everything, but truth is, thinking you're beautiful fixes everything. We can't fix the fact that we strive to be attractive, we want to feel attractive, so what can we do? Think we're beautiful. ^_^

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    • Aww, haha thank you, everyone seems to like those line I stirred up haha.
      Although, yes, our society is sick and twisted and we may have caused that ourselves, there's still wonderful people in the world!!
      And even though I say all these things which I do believe are true, I sometimes don't follow them, even though I know outside beauty like being skinnier and having pin straight hair (which is what I kind of want?) is barely that big of a deal, I still look for validation that I am pretty, even though ik it won't change anything, so I guess i'm kind of guilty haha :P I'm not really one to talk. But I do think my take will certainly help some people :-))

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    • I want to fit in that description lol curvy hips, toned TALL legs, unfortunately I'm very short and I envy tall girls :( and you're lucky you have a fit butt lol I feel like my butt is nonexistent 😁

    • I'm kind of short too! And please, I bet its there and only shallow guys would care about a girl with the full package and/or a big butt.

  • The Before and After pic with the blond in a black bikini, I thought the one on the left was the "after". The curls make her look more "alive" and I think she's prettier than with the straight flat hair. This is funny to me because I've always hated my curly hair and tried for so many years to straighten/flatten it!

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    • Same girl! I've had curly/wavy hair for a while too and I just flat iron as many times as I can :-(( trying to stop though.
      And ya, there's so many other things that have gone downhill with her new self as well! I

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    • lol, I forgot what she does, but omg tv is my all time 3rd bae, how can you live?

    • I watch everything commercial free via DVD, Netflix, or download.

  • Welt, that was beautifuk, touching and somewhere depressing xD

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    • Aww haha thanks, ya I needed to add some encouragement! >:T
      But believe me, I know this is kind of counteracting what I said, but people usually see themselves much more unattractive than others do. Do you know Mila Kunis? She's super pretty and she thinks she's hideous and the only reason she got into acting was bc of her humor. So don't worry, and looks aren't important, who wants a guy who only likes you for your looks, right?

  • Yes, I'm beautiful!
    *dies alone*

    lol

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  • Love it !
    In the modern society, people judge people by their look just because its the fastest way in just one blink away.
    But we forget that human has feeling too in we are way more that what we appears to be.

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    • Thank you :)
      Ya, you're so right! Have you noticed if a person tells a story about someone your first question may be is he/she attractive and people usually are more intrigued and interested with something involving an attractive person! A lot of society is based around looks. And people really need to see the person for who they are on the inside!

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