Girls, What is wrong with me?

Okay so I'm in this never ending cycle of being in the friend zone. I'm usually that guy that girls/women can come to when they need someone to listen to them about personal problems, drama or someone they can confide in but that's usually about as far as my conversations go. I don't think I'm terrible looking, I do have a slim build and far from overweight but am working out at a gym 3-4 days a week to do strength training, I've got a good, stable job working in a physician's office doing billing and minor IT work, so what is it about me that I'm just not good enough to be with? My standards aren't high, just someone who likes me for me. I can ask them out but it's usually the same old answers that "I just don't see you that way" or "I'd prefer we just stay friends". It is frustrating to hear and see that women would prefer a guy who is good to them, has a stable career, and want to someone who betters himself but then when I do all these things, I'm still turned down.

So, I'm willing to entertain anyone's suggestions. Thanks for your help.


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Most Helpful Girl

  • I find that it is all about confidence and the way you go about asking a woman out. I'm much more attracted to a guy who doesn't make a big deal out of it and psychologically it's been proven that once you inform someone you have feelings for them, they'll likely start fantasizing, rationalizing, or even start to feel that way toward you as well. I know confidence is not an easy thing to come by, but "faking it until you make it" in this scenario could really help you make it to the point where faking is no longer necessary. Good luck!

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    • Thank you. I'll try that.

What Girls Said 6

  • You might have to date woman who are more keen on finding somebody. If somebody is taking their time and has many options - they will only go for the cream of the crop and ignore the average guys. Find somebody more keen and you will have a chance.

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    • Excellent thought! Thanks!

  • Your too nice and too available... the qualities above are for an already boyfriend. I'm sure there will be like 1 in 100 girls that will like you for you right now but being too nice and listening to problems is a boyfriend's job or someone looking to be friend zoned. If your taken outta the friend zone whom else do they spill their problems to?

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    • Thank you for your thoughts and insight. I'll try to make myself less available and less... nice to everyone.

  • I don't think it's your personality, maybe they don't like the way you look. You might find that special someone one day but until then.. Don't worry, be happy!!

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  • Friend zoning isn't a bad thing. The women want a friend. You expect a relationship in return for your nice manners, and listening skills. Your not a nice guy, you expect females to be ready to jump on you for being friendly. That is not nice that is creepy.

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    • Wow where'd all this come from? Alright, let's start this. You believe that I expect a full relationship solely based on my manners and listening skills? Clueless yes, but I'm not that clueless. You must think I'm a pretty shallow person if you believe that I think "females to be ready to jump on me for being friendly". SMH, I want a person who is my equal or better half to share in all things in life. Someone that challenges me and vice versa. That we get better together. Do I expect all that from listening to a conversation or fixing stuff? Of course not! I get tired of hearing women say they are tired of dating losers who are deadbeats, abusers, or otherwise. Guys, like me, that have been overlooked so many times - don't realize there's a diamond in the rough who would treat her with the respect and dignity she deserves, to treasure her for all time. Placing none before her. So why not take a chance on me? Oh yeah, because I'm "creepy". Thanks for your thoughts though.

  • Where are you meeting all these women who dump their problems on you? And why do you let them?

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    • Friends of friends mostly - complicated and not enough space to go into here. I'm unique. I am the only male where I work. So over the years, I've become a self educated man about patience and tolerance, So I've become a lightning rod at work for people when they need to vent about others, problems, etc.. But my point is this, I've become "habitized" into this role because I have done it so much. Why you ask? Because a guy is much less likely to spread gossip than a girl will. I know that's not always the case and I don't want to start a firestorm of sexist comments and rants. That comment came from a close female friend of mine with whom I work with when I asked her one day why she always felt comfortable telling me stuff that I really had no business, nor want, of knowing.

      But perhaps I should reevaluate that. Thanks!!

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    • Lol - love all the presense comments. - and yes I can follow it. Agreed, drama = mine field so that's definitely out. And it's interesting that you bring up this give and take idea. Because I had a similar topic come up with one of my long time friends. He mentioned something similar. (okay not so similar - basically said to quit caring so much or switch jobs). But the gist was the same. Appreciate your time! Thx!

    • Good luck! Don't let the "forgotten nice guy" become your identity.

  • You're balding. You look like you have subtle Strabismus (forgive me if I'm wrong. It's a horrible disorder.), you're lipless, old, don't really have any brows, your skin texture looks odd (maybe that's because of the awkward face you're pulling), and you just look like a very petite guy.

    A woman doesn't necessarily just want a nice guy. She wants him to be sexually attractive, and nice. It's part of human nature. Unless you have that sexual appeal, she's not going to want mate with you, but she will appreciate your personality which is probably why they always friendzone you.

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    • I'd love to look like a super stud just like I'm sure you'd like to look like a supermodel, but in case you haven't noticed my dear, all of the things you stated are things I cannot change. You're young so I'll forgive you.

    • Wow, this is so rude I don't even know why he bothered to humour you with a response. That wasn't honesty, that was brutality. Grow up child, people like you will not flourish.

    • Calm down!! Geez. It's not that big of a deal. If I find someone great, if not, oh well but I WILL NOT tolerate vulgar filled rants attacking Momo13 or any other individual regarding my question.

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