How do I cope with being an ugly guy?

I'm really ugly and it's causing some severe anxiety and I'm about to lose my job, I can't afford theraphy but as soon as I get out of my house I get anxious and scared and dizzy I can't to to people face to face, not even males. I get called ugly day in a day out by everyone (yes this actually did happen I did not imagine it) and this happened enough times and little by little my anxiety grew to this point.

Before you answer:
- Yes looks do matter and they either make you or break you in dating
- no confidence on a ugly guy is NOT sexy
- I already work out
-Cant afford theraphy
- yes all people are shallow

Updates:
Jusat answer the question I dont really care or belive the "youre not ugly" comments just asume that I am in fact ugly (because I fucking am) and just answer the question how do I cope with being really ugly?

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Most Helpful Girl

  • As someone who feels I could have written this myself (except as a female) I understand how you feel. I'm kind of shocked given your profile photo, but I don't want to doubt your story. I know how it feels to talk about something you go through only to have people not believe you.

    It's something I'm still trying to accept as well. I used to have anxiety as bad as yours, but I've been working on it. It's only mild now, but I still get anxious when I have to meet people. I am terrified they are going to judge me for how ugly I am.

    The thing is, I got scared of the fact that I was wasting my 20s. In September I am going to be 29. Most of my 20s I spent it hiding away, or else just going to work and then just walking around at night or hiking alone during the day. I pushed any friends away that I had, and I didn't have many to begin with.

    Lately though, I've realized I don't want to waste my life anymore. This summer I've been doing things that I've been wanting to do. It's hard, and sometimes I have to convince myself to do these things. It's getting easier though. I've never had a boyfriend, and that is something that really bothers me. I doubt I ever will, so instead of feeling depressed about being lonely I've just been doing everything I enjoy on my own.

    The comments hurt, and I still get them but I remind myself I'll never see these people again. I have to keep reminding myself that there is more to my face. There are some people who do like me despite that, so I just focus on them and not the ones who feel the need to insult me. I basically have to take it by day.

    It's hard but when I remind myself how I spent my early to mid 20s, it motivates me to get out more. I am not young anymore, and I don't want to waste my 30s. You just need to keep convincing yourself of what it more important. You have to take it by day. It's not an easy fix. You won't wake up tomorrow and want to go out and face people. You'll have to convince yourself every time, but you'll get to the point that you can do it. There was a time when I had no job and I was about to lose everything because I couldn't leave the apartment.

    That's why I wish people wouldn't comment on peoples looks. They don't understand what it can do to a person. For some reason a lot of people think it's acceptable to be rude to a person just because their face isn't attractive. Then when a person (like you) brings it up, people deny it happens.

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Most Helpful Guy

  • Geez, whatever is tormenting you, you got to deal with it man. I don't know if you're looking for attention (i hope not) or have some kind of confidence issue but you're an above average looking dude. You're wasting your life by dwelling on stuff like this, yes there are shallow people but it's not actually that hard to meet normal people. Im an average looking dude but have dated way out of my league girls because I was personable with them and made them laugh. You can personality your way into being liked but a dude who looks fine like you but is fearful has only himself to blame. That anxiety fear should be your main goal of treatment, otherwise you'll be stuck in a negative cycle for a long time. I use to try to "cope" with issues I had but it doesn't work, it's like a fake bandaid that comes unpeeled eventually. Only thing you can do is face it head on.

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    • soo all this girls telling me that I'm below average looking and telling me thats the sole reason they are not dating me are all in my head? girls like good looking guys

    • ok but you have to work with what you have, some girls are going to be shallow but you cannot change how they perceive you from your physical look alone. It's a shitty game but you have to keep it moving, waiting to grab up the prettiest girls and then find out they're not actually good people isn't going to help you in the end either. Change environments if you have to, if you're hanging around the same crowd they may already view you a certain way if you don't want to change.

    • it doesn't work. like that here If you aren't good looking you won't get even a fat girl

What Girls Said 9

  • You have to focus on obeying and serving God because God gives you confidence when you serve him and sacrifice yourself for him. I know a fat and short guy who has more confidence then anybody I know because he is very religious and close to God. God does not care what you look like and when you learn to accept God - you will not care either.

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  • Stop telling yourself you're ugly, you aren't. You cope by stopping yourself every time you start to think these thoughts. Remind yourself that there are over 7 billion people on this planet and everyone looks different. Hollywood looks represent a very, very, very small fraction ( and in most cases aren't a true representation of what the person really looks like ) of people.

    Try to look in the mirror once a day and say "I like me". Remember that your face doesn't define who you are as a person. YOU define who you are, and that inner self approval with eventually reflect on your outer self and how you perceive yourself as a whole.

    EVERYONE has things they are self conscious about. NOBODY is perfect.

    The trick is not to solely focus on the bad or negative as you see it.

    It breaks my heart when I see people damaging themselves like this. :/

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    • yeah but everyone else tells me I'm really ugly so it must be true

    • I'm sorry you believe what other people say about you. Acceptance comes from within not from others. Estheticly speaking you are not ugly at all. If someone has told you you're ugly then they are very cruel and lack a heart. I hope you find a way to accept yourself and see the good things about yourself and build on that. Demeaning yourself will only lead to more misery. I wish you well. :)

  • You're not ugly at all. People who tell others they're ugly, have a ugly personality themselves. Who puts another human down based on looks alone? That's just downright mean!

    Believe me, personality is more important than looks for girls. Looks may be first impressions, but eventually looks fade away and the personality shines through :)

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    • not really every single girl that I'm interested rejects me with something like this" you're awesome to bad you're ugly" por something of the like I dont buy the whole "girls are attracted to personalities " thing they like hot guys same as men like good looking females

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    • Thats all fine and dandy but in the real world women have to like you physically to be with you

    • Not all women :) Most don't. Perhaps you go for the 'wrong' women like Unsername already said. At first looks matter a bit, but once the girl gets to know you, the importance of looks fade away

  • that's not true not all people are shallow !
    to start with we all have things we hate about the way we look and we focus on them too much , i'm pretty sure you dont look as bad as you think you do !
    and you should stand up for yourself , they call you ugly answer them with some sassy answer dont just stay quite fight back , dont let people bully you !
    and vent it out , to a brother , sister friend. and i'm pretty surre if you lose your job because of the way you look you can sue them!

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  • if you have a kick ass personality then you'll find the one that will think you're beautiful for only you

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  • I would like to see u actually

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  • I would say, try and develop another aspect of yourself that isn't your face. Focus on having a really awesome sense of style/dress or grow your hair a bit and make it look incredible. Those are things you can control. Plus, they'll make you look and feel more confident.

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  • If that is you in the profile picture you dont look ugly to me at all - I can't imagine why people would say that to you.

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    • that doesn't answer the question tho

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    • then why does EVERYONE around me in real life tell me I'm ugly to my face then?

    • I have no idea... you must be hanging around the wrong people. They sound nasty to me!

  • try to be a good person.

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What Guys Said 5

  • If that's you in your profile pic, get rid of the lip rings/studs, whatever they are. That will be 100% improvement. I don't like them very much on girls, either.

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    • that doesn't answer the question

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    • How about if NO girl ever likes you not even fat ugly girls?

    • I think this is getting a bit paranoid. Keep trying! Don't give up! You'll find someone!! Now has the metalwork gone yet? Is that putting them off? I know damn well my sister would hate them and wouldn't look at you because of them!!

  • Even though you're deluded in thinking you're ugly, I'm gonna tell you what actual ugly guys do: they compensate by developing other traits. E. g. an ability to make people laugh. Being really kind and helpful to others. Working hard in business. Whatever.

    The silly thing is that a) you aren't ugly, but handsome, and b) other traits are MORE IMPORTANT than looks to women.

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    • Not really I'm a good guy and I go to business school and I work hard and dress well and even work out and have an okay body yet girls reject me and literally tell me that the sole reason they aren't interrested is because I look ugly

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    • so what uyou are saying is that I'm literally fucked

    • No. I'm saying apparently the women where you live have a weird taste. All you need to do is meet women from other places. The world is huge.

  • You don't look ugly at all. Try to change who you associate with. They sound like shitty people.

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  • What the hell are you talking about? Im seing your picture and you are not ugly...
    Just try to push the best from you, that's something you can do.

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  • You could try a different hairstyle and from what i've noticed it makes a lot of difference, I know for example a lot of girls who would call me decent when having a short haircut while saying that i'm cute once i grew out my hair. You can also try to grow out a beard. I think it would also be a good idea if a friend took a nice picture of you that you can post on datingsite. You should try to find women that don't live in your area. I'm refering to the womens who live in different countries. Who knows if you active enough then you could be lucky. The last option would be to ask girls what they find ugly about you and make use of cosmetic surgery to improve that feature.

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