How did you gain confidence about your appearance?

I'm 24 years old, and I still lack self confidence -- espeically when it comes to my apperance. It always upset me that I didn't look like the generic girl, or blossom like all the other girls I knew growing up. I always wished I was 5'10, big blue eyes, blonde hair, high cheek bones, and thin thin thin thin. Instead I was supposidly blessed with how I look. So, how did you gain confidence? How did you learn to accept your apperance?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • You have to realize that there is no one standard for looks that everyone agrees on. What you described might be a media fueled version of pretty but it's not for everyone and I can name 100 examples that don't fit that mold.

    While I generally think blond is good looking I still am most attracted to dark hair. Mysterious and intoxicating. Love dark hair.

    Your attitude and smile are more than half your looks. Do that part right and you can make up for other perceived limitations. Be self conscious about it and don't smile and you are already putting yourself 50% behind.

    It's your look. Own it. Don't worry about it so much. When you find someone who loves 'you' they will be intoxicated by your look.

    In some ways you can be too pretty. Some of those girls are always wondering if people are in love with their looks or them. They sometimes lead pretty unhappy lives in the long run because for everyone - looks fade. If your relationship is built on looks it's tough to maintain long term.

    I like your look. I'd just say ditch the lip ring. Makes me not want to kiss you and otherwise I'd see you and be thinking of finding some way to get my lips on those big pretty lips.

    Have a great day!

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Most Helpful Girl

What Guys Said 39

  • I just stopped giving a fuck and actually started talking positive to myself. I told myself I was hot, even though I didn't believe it, I just said it every day. I think I'm attractive, but I'm no Adonis, but I am confident with my looks. I would like to improve some things, and I'm working on it, but overall, I like my body.
    Your negative thinking is product of your own mind, just replace the negative thoughts with positive ones. It takes time and it's exhausting some times, but it's totally worth it.

    You're beautiful. I know it. He knows it. She knows it. They know. YOU know it! :)

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  • Put the focus on yourself. I suggest you to find a big mirror in the house today and ask yourself these questions. 1, who is the person that i am staring at? 2. what is your personality, are you introvert, extrovert? outgoing? shy? etc? 3. things that others might have said or done to tell you that they like you? 4. do i really need these big blue eyes? , blond hair and high ceek bones? ... (i can tell you the answer is no... because why would you want to be someone that you think is attractive? when the people around you might not think that?) Another thing is it may look great but it may also not suit you? so you will need to find your style that suits you!
    besides.. lots of blode girls have the same looks.. and its boring for lots of guys... and remember this "pretty girls are easy to find but beautiful girls are hard to find...
    true attractive girls have more than just a good looking face, they also have an amazing personality.
    best way to maintain good confidence is to build it up instead of gaining it from others. You need to contently believing yourself and tell yourself that you are unique and your friends likes you the way you are etc... you need to guide yourself through this whole process or else you are stuck and gone back to depression again.

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  • The secret to confidence is knowing what confidence really is.

    The best definition I've ever heard is: "Confidence is the feeling you have before you understand the situation." :) It's true. So true.

    What looks like confidence in a truly thoughtful, attractive person is more likely self-acceptance, mindfulness and love. And those things are far more easily developed than a substantially different physical appearance. Bonus: They make you a better, happier human as well.

    Good luck.

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  • I started listening to Kanye West's music and made it my goal to have an ego as big as his.

    In all seriousness though, I was horribly self conscious when I was younger. In fact I'm STILL a bit self conscious. But then my confidence started building when I had my first girlfriend. Even though the relationship was shitty, I STILL managed to get a girlfriend. Something I was convinced would never happen. Then after her, I had started talking to more girls and there were actually a couple times where we were almost official.

    Yeah, they led me on each time and it fucking sucked. But it still helped my confidence because those girls were VERY attractive. I eventually thought to myself "If I could get girls like THAT, while looking like THIS, then I'm not as ugly as I thought."

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  • I worked for it.

    You'd be surprised how much your confidence raises when you spent years pouring your blood, sweat, and tears into progressing your body.

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  • I just said 'fuck it, this is me, take it or leave it'. Be a niche. I'm personally more attracted to 'niches' than conventionally attractive people that everyone fawns over, so it's not outside the realms of possibility that people may feel the same way towards me.

    Also, genuinely, you look amazing.

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  • Self confidence is not an easy thing to build. Contrary to one comment, you have a very pretty face.

    I also suffered from low self extreme into my late twenties. I have improved it, but still suffer low days. The advice I have to give will require a lengthy conversation. Message me directly.

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  • I confess that I'm not fully confident about how I look. I just accept that it's the only appearance I have and I have to live with it xD. However, it doesn't mean that I think it's too bad.

    I believe that it all started when I was a kid and a young teen. I was fat back then and I hated the way I looked. When I lost weight my confidence was very much boosted and helped me a lot to gain much more confidence than I could imagine.

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  • The secret to the sauce, is to start looking at the flaws in EVERYONE.

    Then you realize that nobody is perfect.

    Therefore, you are more comfortable with your own flaws. The key to being self confident is comfort with your flaws, and I just told you the recipe! #ThankMeLater :-D

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  • I still haven't gained confidence about my appearance. I wish I was tall and was able to bulk up as easily as my other friends. I am slowly coming around to accept my appearance but I think I will always have some part of me wishing I was tall, or at least taller.

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    • Your appearance lacks nothing. I like your height, but what you lack in stature you make up for with class, humor, intelligence, sarcasm... generosity! 💙

    • You give me way too much credit @BelleGirl21

  • I have high cheekbones at least. I used to be very spotty with acne, i looked horrible, i was small too, always the smallest in the class always, this was around the start of high school aged 11 until about 16. I then found that I was fast, one of the fastest in my school, that completely demolished my "lack of confidence", i decided I had enough with spots and acne which i had suffered for 4 years so went to the doctors and got prescribed cream, within a few days it went, that completely boosted my confidence where i started to work out and run instead of being lazy and so pessimistic. If you lack confidence do something about it! get out and achieve something aim for a goal in return you'll get something good out of it xD

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  • you just accept that people gonna hate and some will love you for you and you make time for those who like you not hate you.

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  • The only way to gain confidence for me was to think positive, for the longest time
    i was a negative thinker but not anymore

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  • You begin by loving yourself and being proud of your appearance. Ignore the media and what other people think. Believe you are beautiful and you will be. Anybody that tells you otherwise is envious of your self-confidence or is too brainwashed with the media's definition of beauty.

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  • Confidence? What is confidence? It's certainly nothing I have for myself, especially my appearance. I wish I could tell you what to do but I can't even take my own advice. I wish I could stop caring but ultimately, I can't. However you should just take more stock in your personality, that's what I try to do.

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    • I don't mean that in a bad way, as if I was saying you weren't attractive. I just meant that you should focus on your interactions with others and try not to listen to what other's may think.

  • U want the magic answer in 2 words "Work out". U gonna get real confidence + great body

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    • She never said it was a weight problem. And No, working out is not the solution to beauty problems, much less for women

    • Show All
    • Working out isn't just for weight loss!, it makes u set goals and fight for them so when accomplished it comes with great confidence.

    • While true, it's a huge step between the description and that conclusion

  • I'm 21, partial acne, always near bald due to occupation,
    my face is frozen looking like somebody who just doesn't give 2 cents about anything.

    I accepted my appearance, I built my personality and after a while, started dancing randomly in public. Then noticed self-confidence was built on impressing people with anything so they won't pay attention to how you look.
    Dancing gives you spirit ! Always be in good spirits.

    Well I don't know, that's me, I have low standards for people.
    You can only expect them to accept you, SO MUCH~
    So I just got to know the ones that Love me for me !

    Oh and my frozen in time face, meh, its my face,
    If people only read the cover, that's their loss. c (:

    xoxo

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  • First of all, not all blondes with blue eyes are attractive, I've seen plenty that were really ugly lol. Second, confidense, real confidense, is all about beleiving you can get through anything. Wheather thats a passing a test, or getting a guy you like, or not letting people take advantage of you. So as long as if you beleive that you can get or get through anything that gets in. your way, you will have confidense.

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  • Friends. They smile at you, talk to you, they accept me for who I am, that should help you further a bit

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  • I stopped giving a shit about looks really there are more important things to worry about and not caring about what other people think works too

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  • I didn't most people don't have it so don't be worried most people you think have it actually just fake it. Fake people that's life

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  • Always praise yourself never say you wish you were like this and that because you will be unhappy all your life, be happy the way you are, praise yourself and know that no one in this world is perfect

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  • I feel sorry for you my girl had little confidence in herself and appearance but she's slowly learning to love herself again even her imperfections she said she just kept saying to herself I might not be perfect but I am perfect for me

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  • Appearance is like anything in life, dependent on you

    By this, i mean you have to love you and rise above any other thoughts about you

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  • I started lifting.

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  • Sounds like your really beautiful, don't let what others say about your appearance get to you. Only true friends except you for you, not your body.

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  • You look pretty without blue eyes or blonde hair
    Dont compare ur self with others
    And dont give a fuck about their opinion
    Just be ur self , u look cute 😊

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  • stare at yourself in the mirror until you like what you see.

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  • By stopping to ask others to rate you especially on gag.

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  • I am very good looking but im the exact same... my penis is small so it kills my self esteem

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What Girls Said 33

  • I gained confidence and learned to accept my appearance as a young girl through dance. I've been dancing my entire life <3 Crafting the art of particular choreography, truly telling the story of a piece on stage, and learning how to move my body is a skill set that made my confidence skyrocket. While losing myself in the music and synching with other dancers, I felt a massive self-love and appreciation for my unique self. It forced me to embrace myself with patience and refinery at a very young age. So I guess it kind of gave me a natural confidence and self-appreciation that just grew stronger and solidified over the years. I think another thing that helped my confidence was seeing beautiful women who represented me. I mainly identify as Brazilian but I am very mixed with French, Afro-Brazilian, and a bit of Japanese. Seeing beautiful females who looked like me during my preteen years made me think "I can be beautiful too. :) "

    I think the best way to gain confidence is to...
    1. Don't compare yourself to anyone else. Appreciate and recognize your unique set of individual features. Cherish them, take care of them, and enhance them without completely changing them.

    2. Know your worth. Comprehend how invaluable your worth is. Not just the worth of your physical features but what your body can do and what your mind is capable of producing.

    3. The only woman you should ever compete with is yourself. You should be focusing on your own weaknesses and seeking to strengthen them. Your potential self should be the goal. Not what another female has or appears to have. But the potential of YOU and only you.

    It's also important to honor yourself where you are on your timeline and not harshly scrutinize yourself to the point where you become a bully in your own mind and not a motivator.

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  • I had horrible self-esteem for most of my life. I was never fat, but never worked out so was super out of shape. Especially when you're 5'10 and have bigger boobs than the average girl, that can make you feel like a super uncoordinated big blob.

    I never 'blossomed' into a swan as I got older. If anything, it got worse as I got curves which were anything but sex in my opinion due to being nowhere near to in shape. What made my confidence and at the same time overall happiness and mood sky-rocket was when I started working out. I didn't like it at first, but now I'm proudly addicted. It wasn't easy to get to this point, lots of sweat, sore muscles, plus pain for being overworked at times but I wouldn't change it for the world.
    Try to head to the gym 2-3x/week with a friend, who will make it a lot more enjoyable. Once you start getting results within roughly 2 weeks, maintenance and getting further good results in terms of your figure will be motivation in itself. :)

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  • I stopped comparing myself to others. I decided that what anyone else thinks about my appearance doesn't matter.
    then I focused on my positives and improved those to make my supposed "defects" less important (to me).
    the only thing that really really bothered me and something no exercise or positive thinking was going to fix was my flat chest, so I got implants (small ones, "natural" size) my confidence level went up considerably after that. I know it sounds shallow, but it helped me a lot, no way of sugar coating it :-)

    Keeping positive thoughts about yourself is hard at first but pick out a few things you like and repeat them to yourself in front of a mirror: "I like my..., I am..." and so on

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  • I say it to everyone who asks similar questions: I realized that I couldn't hate myself pretty. You can't hate yourself skinny, you can't hate yourself pretty; you can't hate yourself into being smarter, or more talented. Hating on yourself only further hinders you and is generally seen as an unattractive trait, which is even more counterproductive. I learned to change what I could (for me, in a HEALTHY way) and accept what I couldn't. The more I accepted my own flaws, the more other people did. Accepting yourself and especially loving yourself is an attractive and intoxicating trait that people can appreciate. Realizing this made it way easier to just be okay with me.

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  • It comes with age to accept who you are and focus on other things that make you confident.
    For me it was graduating, having a respectable job, and also doing a sport that I love, where I can find success (not being great, but just being better than before!) That also helped me to lose weight, have a new body shape. I started feeling proud of myself and what I have achieved and the compliments came flooding in... it's a circle (do good --> feel good --> look good --> get the attention) or the negative thing in contrast (focus only on your body and don't do anything --> feel worse --> look bad/unhappy --> people don't recognize you)...

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  • If you find yourself having negative thoughts about the way you look, stop yourself and re-frame it as something positive. For example, if you think your nose is too big, stop and remind yourself that you have a strong, unique profile. If you think you are overweight, think about your awesome curves and plan what lifestyle changes you can make.

    Good luck.

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  • I usually listen to specific songs and realize that all the girls around me look ridiculous becz they have the same fashion trend, hair style and all that crap cz they think that's what sexy is. But be yourself, i think girls who hv their own fashion and who looks SO different are way prettier. The girl u described tho is not sexy, if i see a girl like that i think it's another bitch who wants to fit to what certain types of humans say is hot, i sometimes get jealous of girla who are completely opposite

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  • By recognizing that there is a hell of a lot more about me that is valuable than my appearance. Honestly, once you start to concentrate on all the other things that make you uniquely YOU, appearance starts to seem less important and the less important it seems, the less critical you'll be of yourself on that front.

    When you view your appearance as highly important, then you're going to be a lot more critical of every little thing - you'll notice every little imperfection and dwell on them instead of looking past them. But when your appearance is merely one among many things you value about yourself, then it's easier to see past the imperfections and notice your distinguishing features and appreciate them as part of what makes you unique.

    Why would you ever want to be generic?

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  • Starting eating feel good healthy food and have a positive mindset.
    I knew thay being attractive has actually little to do with actual appearance and more on your presence/aura.
    Listen to peaceful music and balance your mind.

    I turn heads the more I feel at peace with who I am. The more natural I look and feel.
    Can't stress how little it has to do with superficial looks.

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  • You Start to accept your features one at a time. I used to hatte every thing about me. I wouldn't even want to pucker my lips when saying "O" so that they don't appear bigger. Hated my eyes, my nose, my lips, my eyebrows, my entire body. Even my arms and armpits.

    Slowly, as I grow up, I started to accept some of my features the way they are one at a time. And Start to embrace the features that aren't that Bad. I'm now at peace with my eyes, have accepted my nose, embraced my lips because apparently guys find them kissable, and I'm kinda lucky to have visible cheekbones and people like my hair

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  • For me it was a weight issue. I was ashamed of my body because of my weight and so when I hit 160 lb, I was like "Nope! It stops there!" and dedicated myself to losing 40-50 lb (the 50 is my most recent decision. I'm tired of fluctuating between 120 and 130 so I'm trying to get it so I fluctuate between 110 and 120 instead. And yes, those are both healthy numbers. I know my BMI ratio). I'm no longer ashamed of my body now that it's mostly muscle because it reflects all the work I went through to get this way =)

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  • What I did, which I know sounds cliche and made me look coincided, was that I looked in a mirror and said positive things to myself and look for things that I thought were awesome about myself. I started to believe the compliments I got and didn't take them as if they were saying it to be nice. Because once you see the beauty in yourself, which you have, everyone else will see it better and you'll shine so much brighter. Don't think makeup will do that because it won't. Look at yourself without makeup and just waking up. Wake-up look in a mirror and say I look gooood 😊😉 become comfortable with yourself. Won't happen over night but it could definitely happen within a year. You just have to see the beauty before anyone else can! You are beautiful and will always be beautiful! 😊😘

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  • For me, I guess it was at some point I just got so tired, you know? I just got fed up with stressing myself out over my acne and teeth and nose and stomach fat. I was making all these imperfections out to be so much worse than they were, seeing myself as so ugly, when in reality I'm pretty average. After I finally reached that conclusion, I just kind of stuffed giving a fuck about those things that I can't change. Because you know what? No one cares as much about those things as you do, so once you shrink their importance down to the size of importance most other people are probably giving them, you realize that you were being ridiculous and just carry on.

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  • I still don't have confidence about my appearance. I don't know if I ever will at this point. Maybe I will when I'm older and people don't care about looks as much. I was hoping that would happen by now but even in the late 20s people are still judgmental about looks. I don't have a pretty face, and by this point I never will. So I just have to wait until everyone else's looks fade and hopefully by then people won't care as much about looks. Maybe in another ten years or so for me.

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  • Looked at the mirror , i said damn im super cute :) lol my familly ad friends tells me im beautiful.. i ddont beleive but i do think that imspecial in how i look afterall no one has my face or my body so yeah im pretty and cute and beautiful and sexy lol

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  • By realizing that the generic girl look (5'10, big blue eyes, blonde hair, high cheek bones, and thin thin thin thin) is not ideal for everyone and doesn't even determine that you're pretty. I find Gisele B√ľndchen pretty masculine looking even though she has all other traits you spoke of.
    It also helps to find and wear clothes that suits your body type.

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  • Point out all your great features, don't compare yourself to anyone else. Start believing you're beautiful, because you are. Maybe go to the gym , (NOT to be "thin") , but to feel good and proud about your body. Don't be mad at it. Your body does so much for you, start loving it instead :)

    That's how I gained a little confidence.

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  • Embrace variance. I don't know if I'll ever think that I'm pretty or sexy, God knows I'm not conventionally attractive. But different people go for different things. I don't like being disrespectful of people I love, who find me attractive, so I try to be more accepting of my body as it is as I way of caring for them. And also, I like to remind myself that I tend to go for guys who have often been told by society that they're undesirable, and are insecure, too. I find them uber-hot, but they can't believe it. I go for all kinds of women's body types. So, while I probably won't ever believe I'm the girl that every straight or bi guy and/or lesbian/bi girl will want, I can believe that a subset of them sufficient for my purposes will. I still get laid, even being kinda funny looking.

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  • The only thing that has really helped me was working out. That's when my viewpoint switched from "what do others think about me?" to "what can my body do? What can I be for myself?"

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  • You look a bit like Emma Willis www.google.co.uk/search

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  • Books, listening to experts, affirmations and dump all the negative people in my life.

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  • keeping count how many guys want to date you , seemed interested , or want to have sex with me also by keeping count on many people like your personality and the compliments you receive

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  • I don't know.. When I was little I used to think I was hideous, but one day I looked in the mirror and thought I was pretty damn cute.

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  • Tbh, even though I model part time, I have NEVER really been totally confident about my appearance BECAUSE OF all the compliments and the attention and the constant internal pressure I feel to maintain it all 24/7/365.

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  • I guess I was always pretty confident with my appearance.

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  • By knowing that you might not look like the "generic girls" but there is something special in being different... dress to impress yourself, embrace your body and image..

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  • complimenting people
    it's one of the fastest ways i got out of my head

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  • I stopped comparing myself to people. I still have my days though

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  • You don't give a rat's butt about what everyone else thinks, including you.

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  • I never wished to look different. Only maybe thinner and less hairy. But now that i have had laser hair removal i don't really mind anymore. Actually when I step into a room I always feel like I am the best looking person there, even if I am not. Since i can't change my appearance i am not going to make myself feel bad about it!

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