Is there something wrong with me?


I have been rejected by 4 guys this year. It seemed to be going okay but then I get ignored or dumped. I got out of an abusive relationship early on in summer and my self esteem has been in tatters ever since. I'm trying to get back out there but dating is hard, I can't seem to get anyone to stick around. Am I too ugly to date long term or is my personality defective? These are the kinds of things my ex has put in my head but they feel true. That I'm not someone you show to your friends or family cause I'm worthless. Every relationship or dating since just seems to confirm all the things he said. I lost a lot of weight to try and get something about me to look decent, I'm not fat anymore but I don't know. I've been made to feel like something hideous you hide away. Am I?
Is there something wrong with me?



Updates:
Never mind. I'm clearly defective, thanks anyway everyone.

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Most Helpful Guy

  • No your not ugly at all, in fact I think your really attractive. It seems you keep on running into the wrong men, they all seem like assholes for rejecting such a beautiful person. You just haven't ran into the right guy yet. He is out there you just gotta keep on looking for him, and be patient mr right will show up in your life when you least expect it. I have hopes and dreams of finding my true love one day, and you should to. Just be yourself. I hope this hey!

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    • Thank you, you're really kind. I'm not even looking for true love, Id just like someone to stick around for a while and at the very least be a friend. Maybe I'm better off being alone, I can't seem to do things right.

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    • Let's be friends then :)

Most Helpful Girl

  • there's definitely nothing wrong with you at all!!! Just been unlucky I guess with the run of blokes you've had.

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    • Thank you, I think I'm just better off being single now. It just feels like everyone around me is in a relationship and I can't help but feel like that's because I'm flawed.

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    • I'm still recovering from the abusive relationship too. When you're told that nobody will love you enough times, you start to believe it. Thank you though, it's nice to hear someone with a similar perspective.

    • you're welcome and you have had it harder than me but it's in our nature to love and be loved so your ex is totally wrong!!!

What Guys Said 22

  • Awwwww no, don't think that of yourself. You're really pretty and probably haven't met the right guy yet. And regarding what your ex said, people do that to make themselves feel better and make the other person feel bad. Ignore it because it's not true. Good luck!

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  • There is absolutely NOTHING wrong with you.

    You are perfect just the way you are. Don't change a thing about you because someone says so.

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    • Thanks for the up vote.

      I looked at your pictures again and can't believe that people would reject you. You look so beautiful in those dresses. I especially love the spaghetti straps, and the low cut on the second dress. That is so hot!!

    • Thanks, you're really too kind. Your words definitely made me smile, though I can't see them being true myself. But thanks, I've been rejected a lot this year :/

  • There's nothing wrong with you. Rejection is part of life unfortunately. You need to be comfortable with being single. When you are comfortable with that, you are free from the fear of rejection because you need anyone. Just be a little patient; you'll find a good guy. Don't give up!

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    • I was single for 3 years prior to my last relationship, so I'm not uncomfortable being single. Everyone I know is in a relationship, it's difficult to continue being the only single person in my workplace or friends groups.

  • Girl you look really pretty!! Looks is definitely not an issue. Don't listen to what your ex says. Let him get ass raped without the benefit of lubrication. The only thing that matters is what YOU think of yourself. When you look in the mirror, do you like what you see, both inside and out?

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    • Thank you. Honestly no I don't but I think that's because of what I've been through and how my vision of myself has been skewed by someone else. I've never felt particularly nice looking, I'm trying to love myself but it's difficult. I know nobody can love someone who doesn't love them self though.

    • That is very true. You really are very pretty. It's a shame you don't see it. But I don't know you personally so I can't comment on that.
      Are you like a stage five clinger? Lol jk
      No one is perfect but no one else is gonna be as good at being you than you so you might as well rock that shit!!

    • Cheers. Haha no I'm not a clinger, I give everyone their own space, I don't know, being myself doesn't seem to be working but I guess I'm going to give up trying to find someone. Thank you for the nice words though, it means a lot, even if I don't know you.

  • You are very attractive to me so don't let there comments bring you down. It's definitely not your looks. Can't speak for your personality but if that's an issue then you just haven't found the right guy. Probably just have dealt with immature guys only after one thing.

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    • I think that's all I am to people. One thing, so if they do or don't get it then they walk away. I can't trust anyone anymore to be real with me about what they want.

    • You will find someone that cares more at some point and it will probably happen when you least expect it and aren't even looking for it. And when it happens you will know immediately and be able to trust the person because it is completely different than any other feeling.

  • You look like someone who just stayed at the Casino after losing half a mil,
    drinking all night.

    Get more some sleep in love !
    Worry about Men when those worries under your pretty eyes of yours go away.

    If you want society's PoV, My best guess would be, you look like the masculine type.
    Ever tried looking for love from a woman?

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    • Gee thanks. I have insomnia, I can't do anything to fix that. I've been to the doctors, there's nothing to do. Thanks for your really mean opinion, it's definitely helped. L

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    • I'm not as slim as I would like to be. It took a lot of work to get this far. Nobodies perfect I guess.

    • Shush you. Slim is yucky.

  • I don't think you're hideous, worthless, or any of those negative things.
    I do think YOU are very cute and sexy. I really like you're eyes and lips. If I saw you around, I'd want to hang out with you.
    Personally I'm not a fan of tatoos, BUT I still think you're attractive. You're not fat!
    Everyone has flaws. And remember they are called Exes for a reason.
    If you want, feel free to DM me anytime! *Hug* ;j

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    • Thank you, you're very kind. I know not everyone's into tattoos but that's what makes life interesting I guess.

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    • 1. You can't. I'm never going to feel like I am. I suck.
      2. Well yeah I'd be your friend.

  • You have to stop dating pieces of shit that say so mean words.

    You are cute, so i suppose that may be your personality / behavior.

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    • Probably. I don't feel like I'm a bad person or that I do things to make me a shitty girlfriend. I know I'm a good friend. You're probably right though. Maybe I am shitty.

  • Probably just the type of guy that you are dating or attracted to because you're far from ugly! I promise!!

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    • Thanks, I'm probably only attracting jerks. Seems all the nice guys aren't in my area.

    • I'd beg to differ. Stop looking/searchung and simply do what makes you happy and you'll likely meet someone you share common interests with!

    • I wasn't searching. The people I meet I meet in life and they seek me out, they date me, then they drop me. I've never forced anything and I'm not searching for love. I don't think wanting someone to stay for more than 5 minutes as a friend or a lover is too much to ask though. I get what you're saying but I'm not going on a million dates trying to meet the one, really I'm not.

  • Depends, if you are looking for a long term relationship, maybe you are trying to attract the wrong type of guys.

    Have to say, while you seem attractive enough, the tats, piercings and hair dye are kind of a warning sign. Most guys I know would have trouble taking you seriously as potential wife and mother from the start, even though you may be the nicest and most committed person in the world.

    Maybe go back to a natural hair color, let the piercings close, dress a little more feminine and look for guys who are slightly more stable and less exciting.

    The fact that you lost a lot of weight is a big plus. You are at a good body size.

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    • I'm not going to change things like that about me. Fine, you're not into them but some people are. I don't want to be a mother, nor do I want to get married. I understand you're a traditional person but some of us aren't. I don't think someone doesn't deserve love because their skin is colourful.

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    • I'm sorry, I think you do have some serious self-confidence issues. While I can't say I'm a big fan of tattoos, you are clearly a very attractive woman. If the men in your life have been telling you otherwise, that is because they are bad people trying to control you. I'd guess you also have a lot to offer, and I sincerely hope you can get your head in a better place, tats and all. You definitely should deserve a better class of man. I think once you get a better sense of who you are and what you have to offer a relationship, you'll find someone.

      If keeping the tats is non-negotiable - how about the piercings?

    • None of it is negotiable. This is what I look like. A few pieces of jewellery aren't a split tongue. I have two studs in my chest and one in my nose. They're very personal to me. If being pierced and tattooed means I'm always going to be treated like garbage then I will be alone. I'm giving up on love anyway.

  • You're pretty attractive, and beautiful yes but you say your self esteem has got low. Well there you are. You know the problem. Unless you get your self esteem back, have self belief and confident, there won't be guys around. A happy, cheerful and a positive girl is what guys, or anyone (your friends) would want

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    • Well I'll die alone then won't I. Never mind.

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    • It helps when you have people who actually want to be around you. I can't fix my self confidence, I've never been able to, I'm giving up. Never mind.

    • No no @Asker that's the last thing you'd wanna do, giving up. I know, i have been through it and that's why i am telling you to concentrate on yourself. No one's gonna come and help, you have to do that yourself. And it's not hard to gain your self confidence. There are many useful self help books plus there are centres that hold seminars for that. Never give up. No matter what. If you keep looking for what you want in others it's gonna bring nothing but disappointe. Your life is in your hands. You're the Michaelangelo of your David. What you think, you become that way. Take help from your close friends and never ever think about giving up.

  • ... i have the perfect guy for you, he's actually looking for an LTR but let me warn you, he does have a checklist.

    @BackInGame

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  • sorry to hear you were in a abusive relationship.
    I know it's easy to so but you have to believe in yourself if you don't love yourself how do you expect anyone else too?
    You need to tell yourself at least twice a day that you are a strang confident beautiful women.
    Find you inner beauty and your outside beauty will shine through.

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    • I'm going to die alone then cause clearly nobodies going to love me.

    • please don't say that.
      It will take time but you will get back to yourself.
      you will find them you just need to believe it.

    • Back to myself? There was not much of myself before him. Never mind.

  • Actually your completely my type. Godsmack and sex drug all on its own. But babe, it's not about the physical as much as the emotional and spiritual. You gotta let your self be loved in order for someone to love you. Don't rush into things because your lonely either.

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    • I'm ugly inside and out then. I'm not trying to rush things. I just would like someone to stick around for 5 minutes and not have my life being a revolving door. I'm never gonna be loved cause I can't love myself. Thanks though.

    • I think I was misunderstood. No your not, the fact you feel that way proves it. Your are beautiful inside and out. Your ex didn't love you, so now you find it hard to love yourself. Right? Listen, love yourself. You deserve it. Your to beautiful to feel this way.

    • I don't think I misunderstood you at all, nobodies ever loved me, me loving other people has never made them love me. so I've never loved myself and you get treated like you deserve, so I obviously am undeserving. There's something wrong with me if people keep hurting me, the faults with me.

  • You're beautiful, you'll find a nice guy one day (:

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  • You're a beautiful woman and you shouldn't second guess yourself on how you look

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  • No, I definitely find you attractive, but I don't now how you carry yourself in person or your personality really. Can't really what kind of vibes you give to those four guys that would make them want to reject you.

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    • One was my ex boyfriend, one was a friend who left me standing in the middle of town at 2am by myself - he just went and I didn't know why and I had to walk home. He knew what he was doing. Another was a friend who just stopped speaking to me for what I can tell is no reason. The 4th is someone who dated me a few times but then basically told me I was only ever going to be a fuck, rejected me completely for who I am and what I thought was happening. Pretty crummy really, I can't tell what I did wrong. I try and be a nice person and a good friend and someone who's there for people but I just get walked all over. thanks though.

  • You're in no way hideous. You were probably just not their cup of their tea that's all. People get rejected numerous times left right and centre. That doesn't mean there is anything wrong with you.

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  • no.. nothing wrong with you. you look fine, don't worry.
    your ex said those things just to hurt you so just try to forget what he said

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    • It's difficult when you've been conditioned to believe certain things that they're not true. He's not been the first to say things like that and I doubt he'll be the last.

  • your not ugly... dont ever say that ton yourself cz that might change your life completely... how is your character? think of wht wrong is there about your character... the problem must be in character jas think swit one... another thing dont ever believe wht negativity pple say about you affect you...

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  • You aren't very attractive in my eyes.

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  • Gotta see more to judge if you ugly or nah but you are about average, try tinder. Everyone score

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    • I hate tinder. It's all about hookups.

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    • I've used tinder before, I got rejected by someone I met from tinder. Well, we went on a few dates and I still got rejected so no, I don't want to use tinder.

    • @Asker. Get real, don't try tinder. Try to go out and get involved in social circles. You'll make friends and your chances of meeting your partner will definitely increase

What Girls Said 4

  • Your really pretty and them rejecting you might have nothing to do with how good you look. Maybe they stereotype you based on your red hair, your tattoos, and your piercings.

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    • The rejection happens after they've known me a bit. It's not an initial first reaction, they're already aware of the hair and tattoos and stuff.

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    • I mean we've been dating dating and then they've rejected me. I don't chase people who don't fancy me or show an interest in persuing anything? I get hit on enough, it's just the people I date don't seem to want to stay.

    • It could be the self esteem issues or if you are sleeping with them they may wonder how many other guys you are sleeping with. Work on being confident and relatively chaste and hit on guys who show a deep interest in you and see if they are more likely to stay. Also this may be normal. I know guys who dated 40 different woman before getting married.

  • You're a normal girl.
    First get back your self esteem and self worth, and then go out looking for a date. You sound like someone who values herself through others. Maybe it's time to stop that.

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    • It's difficult not to when we're constant told our self worth depends on what others think of us. I've never been told I'm beautiful, I've regularly had my self worth destroyed by those I thought closest to me. I'm not going to date anymore don't worry.

  • I've had a similar experience, was in a long term abusive relationship. He used to tell me things like, "you're fat" "you're the ugliest girlfriend I have ever had" etc... And they are comments that ring in our minds when we are rejected in dating. Dating is hard!

    What I have learned and am trying to practice is, finding myself worthy of my qualities and attributes and loving myself the way I am.

    Sometimes guys can sense that a girl doesn't value herself and has low confidence/self doubt and that can get them to walk the other way.

    It's hard to put yourself out there when an idiot's comments still ring in your brain. The important thing is to remember they said that to purposely hurt you and that it is only true if you believe it!

    You are attractive and look like you have a lot to give, remember that and love yourself :)

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    • Thank you. I think people are always going to walk away because I've never felt any self worth, especially after this year. I'm better off alone anyway.

    • You are only better off alone only whilst you heal and find that happy girl you used to be before that asshole! Don't give up, take the rejection as fuel to become the person you will love!

  • You're just not their type. It happens, and is all part of life. Females often forget that guys have a choice in whom they sleep with, not all guys just get with every girl.

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    • I just wish they could come to that conclusion before they spend a few months getting to know me.

    • Every girl wishes that._. Our heart ache would be solved, so freaking fast 😔

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