Is an uneasy self esteem bad?

This question is mostly for the guys. Basically I just want to know if you think it's bad that - I spent most of my life being rejected and picked on by guys (especially the ones I liked) and because of this sometimes it's hard for me to fully believe my boyfriend when he tells me I'm hot/sexy. ?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • It's not really good or bad. It's just a natural consequence of the environment you grew up in. We're social animals and when you go through harsh social rejections, you can't not be affected by that. I've been there and it sucks. I could never fault a girl for that.

    For the guy it can be a good and bad experience.

    It can be kind of endearing when a girl is insecure because your compliments are so much more valuable to her. It feels good to be that healing presence in her life. I personally feel closer to girls who are a bit vulnerable and sensitive because the fact that she's let you in on those things means she trusts you and what you say and do matters to her as opposed to girls who are aloof and overconfident and you wonder if they would care if you got hit by a bus.

    On the other hand it can also be frustrating because you want the best for her and you want her to experience the joy of self-confidence. It's kind of baffling to guy when a beautiful girl thinks she's ugly or unlovable and it makes you sad because she can't believe you when you tell her the truth about how you feel about her. She's got this distorted image of herself in her head and nothing you do or say can make it better.

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What Guys Said 8

  • I am 61 years old and I am dating a lady who just had her 64th birthday. I think she is sexy and attractive. When it's time for bed, I don't want to go to sleep! :) I know that other people may look at her and say she looks a little better than average for her age, but. . . she's not gonna turn heads. But that doesn't matter to me, because she turns me on. . . and I tell her that frequently, and I sincerely mean what I say to her.

    So. . . it doesn't matter what anyone else thinks. All that matters is what you think and what your boyfriend thinks. Does he find you attractive? Guys all come equipped with a built-in lie detector for that topic and you should already know whether you get him aroused. We can't fake that like girls can fake an orgasm.

    Yes, guys are concerned about a girl who has low self-esteem. But many guys also suffer from low self-esteem. We all have our baggage that we carry around with us. One of the things I have learned about girls with low self-esteem is that they tend to be very loyal girlfriends.

    So. . . stop worrying and just enjoy the fact that you have a boyfriend and he is very attracted to you.

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  • It is not really bad as long as I know that so that I can at least partially understand why she does not feel that way or does not believe right away me when I say it and it is true from my point of view.

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  • i have a feeling you will alway have a problem with it because you have because so guarded trying to protect your self

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  • This will change as you get old (as guys do to an mature). Most women have low self esteem (just look at this site). You have to believe your boyfriend though. He wouldn't just say it.

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  • Why were you picked on? you look pretty from what I can see.

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    • Thank you for the compliment. Um as far as for the picking: because I'm really short, I struggle with my weight, I'm shy and socially awkward, for being tomboyish, for having mostly guy friends, for being kind of a loner, for being strange, ... I dunno haha

    • Everyone gets picked on to some extent. You just need more fuck'em in your system. I have an abundance of it. It's weird the way my brain works and it's probably due to the government training but anytime someone says or does anything that is mean, rude, or inappropriate to me I always think the same thing and I'm instantly calmer. I can't post it publicly here because I'm going to sound crazy but it works

  • Hi,
    Believe him until he messes up.
    Everyone is different in their tastes.
    There is no reason for him to lie if you are already in a relationship.
    I would say he is quite happy with your looks.

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  • Well I looked at your profile pic and from that I'd say you're looking mighty fine!

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  • lol ask a man. if you are a woman like that u got it hard but still insecure girls get tons of dick for foul validation. if u are a man like that u are FUCKED. and not in the sense that you'd desire... .

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