How to quit basing my self esteem off attention?

I have grown up my whole life never really being told I am intelligent or funny.. I am beautiful, cute,, pretty, gorgeous, etc.

Days I get lots of attention, especially from guys, I feel like a princess on top of the world.
Days I get some attention, I feel down and upset, also like I have made everyone upset at me (that'd the best way I can describe it)
Days I get very little or none... I cry and cry and I feel like a horrendous, hideous, beast and I subtly do what ever I can to get more attention the next day. I don't want to make a scene or I will look stupid. So I dress a little more revealing and I and even more nice the next day.

This is not okay. How can I stop...


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Most Helpful Guy

  • Well, when you don't get attention, remember that you are not less beautiful than when you get. Just the situation and surrounding is different. May be you don't meet many people where you are that particular day or something similar. If you know that you are beautiful, cute, pretty, gorgeous etc, you don't need more attention to prove that.

    Otherwise, do you have a boyfriend?

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    • Thankyou. And no... sadly, whenever I like a guy it seems he likes me but he does not.
      That's another reason for my low self esteem... I feel I am no good enough to keep guys attention

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    • Well for a good example... last guy I was talking to:
      We kind of had "a thing" but we weren't dating. He's super shy and everyone told me (even his mother!) That he only talks about me and his friends showed me texts between him and them where he was talking about me - all good things.
      But whrn we texted his replies were at least an hour or two apart, very short.. like 1-5 words, and extremely vague.
      So I asked him do you want me to leave you alone? He said no not at all and that I don't bother him at all..
      Then I asked so do you want to hang out? He said yeah totally.. sometime this week.. what's good for you? And then I suggested a day and it was good and set then all of a sudden he's like
      "Look, can I be honest with you? I really don't think you and I would work out."
      ? He threw me a curveball

    • Hm, I wonder if your need for constant attention turn the guys off. They probably somehow see that and don't feel good with that, although from the example you gave I can't conclude anything.

What Guys Said 6

  • You are right it is not okay...

    Well you have reached the first step which is realizing you have an issue. The second step is realizing you don't need the attention to be good with who you are.

    I think you would benefit from doing some charity work for people and see the type of people that actually require some attention. You should see that attention should only be given to people who deserve and actually need help/attention. Helping out with the charity in the community will also make you feel good about yourself and boost your self esteem.

    In essence, you do something good which boosts your self esteem requiring less attention from other people to achieve the same effect.

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  • I think talking to a therapist might help because there has to be some reason why your self esteem is so low. Also, you can message me anytime if you need someone to talk to

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  • Just be happy with the attention you get just learn to be content with the attention you get that day not what you could get.

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  • there is no easy way to change except to value you self for who you are not by how other see you or interact with you. if the guys only want to give you attention when you dress provocatively then they are only chasing you for the wrong reason.

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    • I understand... how can I start valuing myself..
      It's hard for me. The way I usually feel valuable is when I get attention :\

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    • always be your self but try to just tone down that one aspect. anyone who who doesn't like you for the person you are doesn't deserve to know you at all. your self worth is not set by who gives you negative attention but by those who give you positive attention and see you as the wonderful person you truly are. including your self

    • Wow that helps me a lot thankyou so much

  • *cue the thousands of ugly girls are on gag telling a pretty girl to "just love yourself girl" while secretly hating themselves for not being as pretty*

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    • Are you saying I'm doing that?

    • no, i'm saying you're the pretty girl and you're going to have a lot of ugly girls to stop caring what other people think and to just be you and act all superior... lol

    • Oh okay. I was a bit confused for a second. Haha

  • well here's my question was is it that you really want
    do you want attention
    or no

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    • I do want attention. Good attention. I feel weird when I don't get it.. like something missing

What Girls Said 2

  • If you find out let me know :(

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  • Usually when you have low self esteem you end seeking approval from others. You have low self esteem and need validation. You probably do need to talk to a counselor. Sounds like there can be deep rooted issues.

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