Boyfriend is always criticising my looks/appearance... What do I do?

I've been with my current boyfriend for almost 1 1/2 years now. We communicate things fairly well but it seems he cannot stop criticising what I'm wearing, how my hair looks, how I'm wearing something. Like before I leave the house to go out with him, even if it's just to the store real quick he always has something to say about what I'm wearing. Or even if we're just eating dinner together in the privacy my house he doesn't hesitate to say something! Most times I find it completely unneccesary and cruel. I never wear things that are too revealing or slutty or anything like that. He just seems to want to dress me himself!

For example just yesterday while we were eating dinner in the kitchen I put my hair behind my ears so I wouldn't get my hair in my food and I was also wearing a beanie, so it looked kinda silly of course but he just had to say something about it. He insisted that I took the beanie off cause I looked silly. I said I wasn't really thinking about how I looked and just wanted my hair out of the way. He preceeded to get angry with me about how silly I looked until I took it off.

Another incident occured wear I bought this exact headband and wore it out one day
Boyfriend is always criticising my looks/appearance... What do I do ?
He thought the headband was hideous! (not me pictured here but the same headband in the picture is the one I had) and he demanded that I never wore it again. He thought I looked embarressing! He didn't wanna go anywhere or do anything until I took it off and never put it on my head again. Despite how cute and matching my outfit was and how good it looked on me. He even offered to pay me the money back for it so he could throw it away. Absolutely ridiculous right ?

These instances happen almost everyday. He points out if a shirt doesn't flatter me, he points out if I'm wearing something that doesn't suit my age (and I'm only 21 so I can't understand that) he doesn't like when I wear my hair in pigtail braids cause he says I look like a child. It's just never ending and it's very frustrating! I'm not wearing slutty or revealing clothes. And my clothes fit just fine and I wouldn't leave the house looking like rubbish. It's like he just critisises me just because he can! How can I possibly deal with this? What can you say to your boyfriend when he seems to be controlling of your wardrobe?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • First of all, I have to say that you have a particular sense of style in a good way. It's different, definitely the opposite of rubbish, and personally I like it. I can't say that I know exactly why he would be criticizing you and to be honest it's disrespectful. Because, from what you wrote it sounds like the sense of style you have is a part of you, that it's not part of the "norm", it is who you are. I'll admit I might be a little over dramatic right now, but I want you to know that is how I'm looking at it. Now, if I were you I would approach him and try to have a conversation on the topic of why he does what he does. Because, there could be something more to why he is criticizing you. Maybe something happened in the past that you don't know about that is causing him to be this way or maybe it could be as simple as his personality. I don't know the reason for his behavior, but it's up to you if you want to find out. I'm not going to say he's a bad person and that you should leave him, because that's not my place and that's not what I think you should do. However, if he is naturally this way for no reason then I would agree that it is disrespectful to you and you don't deserve to be treated that way. So, I would take a stand and try talking with him, because no one should have to be criticized for who they are. I hope that you can find out why he is doing what he is doing. This is after all my opinion, so of course you can disregard everything I wrote, but I do hope that it was helpful in someway and I hope for the best in your situation.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • This would irritate me just as much as it seems to irritate you.
    Next time he does it, I'd calmly state that this is how you intended to look and why he has a problem with it? You are not there to "represent" him in any way nor do you have to dress yourself the way he likes you to.
    For me, clothes are just not that important, so if he was my boyfriend, I'd also tell him that. As long as you don't dress like either Lady Gaga or a homeless person he shouldn't have any problems with your outfits.

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What Guys Said 39

  • Dump him and find a guy who isn't a complete asshole

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  • He'll only get worse. Next it will be what you can and can not do. Who you can and can not see. What you can or can not say.

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    • yep

      stinks of major control freak all over it. manipulative

    • Precisely. This is early signs of abuse. It's only gonna get worse.

  • Those are some glaring red flags. A guy who loves you will accept who you are and will be eager to see what quirky thing you will come up with next.
    This guy wants to make you into something you clearly are not.

    Dump this guy and ship him a blow-up doll.

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  • girl if you really dress like that... with frickin mouse ears and beanies and crap... even I wouldn't wanna go out with you either. i mean, if we were going to the circus or carnival or disney world... sure why not. but not if im going to some nice place where adults are... hell no. and pig tails? seriously? what are you..8?
    seems like your guy wants a WOMAN not a little girl. let your hair down, get a decent dress or pants with a nice blouse/shirt and maybe throw in some heels or nice looking flats.
    i don't like the fact that he only points out negatives, but he has a point. i had a girl too that accessorized too much too... i rarely was seen in public with her and i acted just like your boyfriend is acting to you.

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    • What's the point in being with someone if you can't accept little things like how they dress? You're better off finding someone who actually fits your preferences instead of being with someone and trying to change them constantly by putting them down and criticizing them. You having a problem with how they dress is not their problem.

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    • It's not like I always dress "like a child" I dress appropriate to the day, the weather, how I feel whatever. There's plenty of days where I wear womanly clothes, but he's just unhappy if I wear what I want apparently...

    • hopefully he likes your birthday suit...

  • Your *boundaries* are, where? You've dealt with this bullshit for a year and a half? I would have told him to fuck off permanently on the first comment. I'm actually angry for you. Maybe you need to consider why you're so passive to him and unable to find your voice. Why would telling him, 'stop, no, it's not okay' be so bad? Might be a question for you in your relationships going forward. I should also imagine that your self esteem is pretty low if you can do no right. =/

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  • It will not get better as you spend more time together. If you can't handle being treated like this for the rest of your life, you need to get out while the getting is good!

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  • well it sounds like he isn't really accepting of who you are but rather has some sort of unclear idea of what he wants you to look and act like

    the simple solution is to have a frank conversation with him. explaining that you don't like and won't accept the constant criticism, especially for doing harmless things. explain to him that he needs to become less critical and more accepting

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  • Criticise back. Attack is the best form of defense. We were drinking after a job up North. We'd drove fr 3 hours to get back home to make the European cup game that was on and a few pints after 4 weeks hard work. We all sat round a table in the pub and a wee guy I knew but didn't really like started slagging me off. Halloween was round the corner and whatever he said got a laugh out of my mates sitting around the table. That's encouraged him and you could see he was going for the follow up and all my mates were looking at me waiting for the comeback. I'm pretty sharp witted so before he opened his mouth I said. 'What are you talking about, a couple of bolts and your laughing' everybody was screaming with laughter and I'm getting pats on the back. His face fell and he barely talked for half an hour. This wee guy was baldy with a big head and a scar round his forehead. He looked like a mini version of Frankstein. I took the wind out his sails and he knew in future he was out of his league so he never tried that again. That's what it's all about. Respect. Don't let anybody walk over you, especially those you are close to. Sharpen your own weapons and have them ready to defend yourself with. Metaphorically obviously. Take the wind out of his sails

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  • Sounds like my ex. She placed her "image" above all else. So, whenever I would wear something that she didn't think was appropriate, she had to voice her opinion. I found it hilarious... I've never given much thought to what people thought of my choice in clothing.
    Ironically, her friends often complimented me on how I looked. Oh well, glad I don't have to deal with that anymore.

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  • Well he sounds like a fucking dick for one. He sounds like a controlling ass wipe , how did you stay with him this long without noticing this? But I say you say the same thing you just told us. You don't like how he speaks and treats you , he needs to back off a bit because like you said you don't wear anything revealing or slutty. So what's the problem. Tell him you feel like he's controlling and he says mean things that hurt your feelings. If he understands and tries to change that's good for you both but if not I'm sorry but I think you eventually should leave him.

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  • he is not worth your time

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  • Wow dood needs a sensitivity course... maybe next time start picking his wardrobe apart. Better yet just go into his bedroom and start setting aside stuff for the garbage and see how he feels. If he gets bitter then say... now you know how I feel!

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  • Dump him
    He'll get worse and worse until you let him walk all over you

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  • Get a new boyfriend.

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  • Firstly, you look like Minnie Mouse in that outfit. Not that it looks bad on you, because it doesn't.

    It might just be that he doesn't want to walk around with someone that dresses like a classic cartoon character. Again, I will reiterate, it doesn't look bad on you.

    Rather shallow on his part, but that's my guess. I personally don't get people who obsess about fashion. If you like it, then wear it. If society doesn't like it, then they can look away.

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  • What do you do? Find a new boyfriend who loves and appreciates you. It's clear that he doesn't.

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  • He is being a dick, though he might not realize what he is doing. If you want him to get the message, start doing the same thing... Start telling him what to wear and all that. Then when he asks why you are doing it, tell him well if you are gonna tell me what to wear, then I should be able to do the same...

    I have done this a few times with my girlfriend, but only when she is looking really bummy and we are going somewhere. If its just around the house I don't give a shit. It's not like I'm dressing up all the time, so I can't really expect her too. I will say though, it is still nice when she does it here and there. I reignites the spark to see her all made up and looking good. Fall in love all over again. That being said, I should do that more for her as well. I'm sure it goes both ways.

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  • leave him because he doesn't support who you are as a person

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  • F*** that

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  • Tell him to grow up or gtfo. I mean that headband does look like minnie mouse ears. I agree that it's silly. That don't mean he should try to make you throw it out. He's either a control freak (is he controlling in other ways?), or there's something he's hiding. I don't know what tho. How could a girl in a beanie with her hair tucked behind her ears not look cute?

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  • So leave the guy.

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  • He is so concerned of your looks. Although the headband looks juvenile, I still love your outfit. If I were your boyfriend I would not say those things.

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  • Tell him to fuck off and then if he keeps doing it, tell him to fuck off for good.

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  • Punch him in the throat

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  • find a good looking guy, fuck a hell out of him, go and tell your boyfriend that you had a best fuck ever and then dump him.

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  • That grab and looks a bit degenerative.

    I wouldn't even enter into a relationship with you if I knew your dressing style would annoy me. Perhaps you should ask him if he thinks you do a poor job dressing yourself.

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  • You change your looks or change your boyfriend. I'd recommend option two.

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  • dump him.. he is a loser and an abuser

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  • Talk to him about it.

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  • one simple solution change the boyfriend.

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2 private opinion(s)
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What Girls Said 38

  • You're 21. Way too young to be tied to an assnugget like that. Ask how he likes your butt as it's walking out the door.

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  • lol @ some men... i mean id take the criticism if it were constructed decently, but it seems like he and a lot of other men have no idea what they're doing in that department. gotta run a 2 day course for it or something.

    "how to talk to women without being a prick"

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  • The question is how much worse will it become with time? And I assure you, far worse...

    He will not only criticize you about these things, but many more...

    Tbh, I wouldn't want such a pest for a boyfriend. My guys need to be chill

    Also, may I say it, but how gay is it that he is commenting on your fashion choices? LOL

    Seriously speaking though, you should reconsider the relatonship, because he won't stop his critiques with just this.

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  • Wow, you're boyfriend sounds like a jerk! I'm sorry, but I would kick him to the curb.

    It's one thing to want you to look good. But to be honest, you sound like you know what you like. You don't need any help picking out an outfit. It sounds like he is being all sorts of controlling when it comes to your appearance. That's not a good thing at all!

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  • You should be with someone who builds you up, not tears you down at every chance he gets. Leave his ass. It's not something you have to "deal with".

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  • Im not even in this relationship and it already frustrates me. Being constantly critisized like that must feel so annoying! Dont take it anymore. Leave him and dress however you want. That headband seriously looks so cute. Rock that headband with a new guy who will appreciate you more and not care so much about your style and fashion choices😊

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  • LEAVE HIM, like yesterday. He is too controlling and he is only going to get worse. People who are like that end up being emotionally, mentally, and or physically abusive the longer the relationship goes on. Abusers don't start hurting you on day one it starts little by little. The fact that he got so angry about you resisting his attempts to control you with the whole hat situation is a big red flag. Do not sit him down and try to reason with him. Do not let him guilt you. Do not let him convince you he will change with words or gifts. Get out before it gets worse. This is coming from someone who has been close to people who have been in abusive relationships, it always starts with stuff like this.

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  • Wear what you want to wear. If he has a problem it's his problem. Dump him. He should be proud to be with you, not embarrassed. I have a quirky sense of style so I know how you feel but never change who you are or what you wanna be for someone else.

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  • No offense or take offense whatever, but that headband is silly on an adult. I wouldn't wear it unless I'm going to Disney world or to spend time with kids. Pigtails? Really?
    Look, there are too many pedo/creepy guys who like that little girl get up. It's really creepy how many men are obsessed with it. You're lucky to find a man who actually likes a woman to look like a woman.

    Anyways, I guess you should break up with him and find a guy who likes that, which is far too many of them who do literally get turned on by that "little toddler girl" look. Creepy af.
    *shudders*

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  • Get a new boyfriend. Like, I cannot stress this enough.

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  • If it was me I would definitely sit down with him and tell him he is acting like a controlling freak the whole time... I mean maybe he would say something SOME TIMES but not ever day!!! Especially that u said u ain't going out with sluty or revealing clothes... But let me be honest here... That headband is only suitable if u are in Disneyland and they are selling those things to adults... No matter how beautifully matched that headband and your outfit was, that headband is for children, I mean NO OFFENSE with what I said, I just dont know how to say it in another way... So yeah. Good luck with him

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    • And by the way... Now he is only controlling what you wear, but holly crap in the future things are gonna get waaaaaaaaaay worse!!! Especially if you keep on doing what he says every single time

  • Alright, you have a serious problem. Aka your boyfriend. Girl! You're adorable and you've got style! Your boyfriend is being a complete jackass, and I suggest you sit him down and tell him what's what or break up with him. You deserve someone who tells you your pretty and beautiful every day! Someone who tells you he loves your quirkiness and that you're fun and exciting to be around, even just for the way you dress! Take my advice, make him stop or find someone who loves you for YOU. <3

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  • No offense, but you're boyfriend sounds like a major douche. You need to tell him to either back the fuck up and keep his mouth shut about your appearance or he needs to get far away from you. This is not a healthy relationship at all, and you don't need to take him shit. If he's willing to stop trying to control your looks then there's a possibility of you two working out, but if he's too focused on your appearance then he needs to leave.

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  • You need to get out of this relationship pronto. He's a controlling asshole and the way he treats you now is a huge red flag for potential physical abuse down the line. He is already being emotionally abusive by trying to control how you dress and tearing you down by criticizing your appearance.

    Please don't put up with this shit. No one deserves to be treated like that

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  • I would never let my boyfriend control my wardrobe to that degree. What I wear is a part of who I am, and if he doesn't approve of that then he's probably not the guy for me. But its your choice!

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  • I don't like that headband tbh, but the boyfriend is very immature. I don't think I would ever date a man like that tbh.

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  • This guy sounds controlling. You say he always has something to say about what you wear in public? Sounds to me like he thinks he is intitled in having a woman dress for his needs. Never change YOUR LOOK for him. I dont see how a mouse inspired head band has to result in a fight. I had a boyfriend who didn't want to be seen in public with me cause at the time I worr wigs. (I lost my hair and kept some of them for emergencies or simply for a quick new style) and he was so embarrassed he wouldn't even hold my hand. I dumped him not too long after that. Never let anyone tell you how to dress and if he is so embarrassed or whatever it is he feels when out with you then he needs to go. He is the one with an issue not you.

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  • Dump him, if you stay he'll just get progressively worse. He'll see that you are allowing him to treat you poorly and he'll just keep pushing it. Get yourself a man who treats you as if you are beautiful even if you are wearing a burlap sack!

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  • probably because your style is ugly, but then again why should he care? he's your boyfriend and not your style advisor. i suggest you ask him why he's dating you if he's going to criticize your fashion because he most likely dresses like trash judging from his attitude.

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  • "You do you, and I'll do me... jack@ss."

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  • You need to get away from him, that's abusive behaviour and will only get worse as time goes on. He's trying to control you by bullying, criticizing you and belittling you and he will eventually strip you of any confiden

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  • Dump him he's disgusting.

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  • What if I told you that since you aren't married that you could easily just fucking dump him?

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  • Honestly, it just sounds like a way for him to control you. I wouldn't be okay with that.

    He's right about the head band though, not cute In my opinion at all

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  • If a guy isn't happy with how you look, screw him. You are your own person. He just isn't respecting that. Dump him.

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  • He sounds really controlling! It'll be up to you but I think you know what the next step is. A guy that is controlling like that will only get worse.

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  • I didn't read it all but if your boyfriend is criticizing you based on your appearance then he doesn't care about you. And you're super cute so I don't know what he's bitching about!

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  • He doesn't respect you... why do you need all this criticism?

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  • Leave his ass. He sounds whack.

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  • You're in an abusive relationship, you've already invested a year and a half into this fuckwad

    You need to run

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