I have been married to my amazing wife for the better part of 5 years. December 2015 she had our son and suffers from stretch marks, sagging loose skin etc. She feels very depressed about the way she looks now and I understand her pain. I can't say as though I like her new "look" but I still love her. I'm unsure of how to comfort her when I find her crying in the closet because the pregnancy has clearly dominated her body beyond repair without surgery. Surgery is not an option. What can I do to help her regain confidence? Will time fix it? As a side note she exercises daily, snd eats well. I've included a picture she took of herself yesterday. She doesn't know im doing this and I'm wondering if I can't get some positive comments to show her, to cheer her up.
Most Helpful Girl
I'm no expert or anything but I'll try to help. Doing more cardio will most likely help as well as core workouts to tone the area. Stretch mark cream is also available This will take time so don't be discouraged.
But if I were you, I would help her build her confidence. She's beautiful inside and out to you and she should know that she's beautiful herself. She just had a baby. A baby! Now you might think that's normal but she just developed another human being inside of her and those are her battle scars of your beautiful son. Even if they don't fade, she's still gorgeous and a ridiculously strong woman for having a baby. I don't care what anyone else says, she's beautiful.
I'm not sure if this will help but I've been through a somewhat similar situation. I developed early and stretch marks that are slightly lighter than my skin color cover my breasts, back of my legs, and hips. I also have a giant scar on my back. People used to say I have claw marks on me and that I had roads on my breasts. Whenever I went to the beach and people saw my back, some kids would tease and call me shark girl due to the shape. I hated them and no matter what I did they didn't go away. After awhile I learned to love myself and they were my battle scars. That they made me who I am and made me beautiful. That I'm not just some random girl that's like everyone else, that I'm someone and they prove it.
She's beautiful and I hope she knows that! <31
Most Helpful Guy
I would start by reframing your premise. Lose the word "ruined" from your vocabulary. Instead, think of her body as being "transformed". Those marks are a physical manifestation of her love for you. They are proof that she had sex with you, that you fertilized an egg inside her and that you made a baby together. Start looking at those marks the way they deserved to be looked at... with pride.
Those marks are positive proof of everything that's good in your life: your wife, your child and the love you share.
When you start seeing her this way, she will possibly begin to see herself in this way too.
When she is feeling badly about her body, don't wallow in pity with her. That doesn't do any good. Instead, listen to her and let her get her emotions out, but then politely disagree with her. Tell her why and how these marks make her even more beautiful in your eyes. She laments the loss of her youthful body which is understandable. The greater portion of her angst isn't about her body, but rather her relationship with her husband.
Part of your JOB as the man who brought this transformation upon her is to reassure that your love for her not only remains undiminished but has actually grown. You're not helping her by merely agreeing to look past her so called "ruined" body. That comes off like you're doing her a favor. The implication being that she has now lost value to you, but you're such an awesome guy that you won't hold it against her. That thinking is toxic.
She has brought life into the world. She has put your genes into the next generation. She has done YOU a massive favor. Start repaying her by loving her transformed body.
The next time you are going make love to her, before you begin do this: kiss each and every mark on her belly. After each kiss, tell her how beautiful she is, how much you love her and thank her for becoming the mother of your child.6