My Wife's "Ruined body"?

I have been married to my amazing wife for the better part of 5 years. December 2015 she had our son and suffers from stretch marks, sagging loose skin etc. She feels very depressed about the way she looks now and I understand her pain. I can't say as though I like her new "look" but I still love her. I'm unsure of how to comfort her when I find her crying in the closet because the pregnancy has clearly dominated her body beyond repair without surgery. Surgery is not an option. What can I do to help her regain confidence? Will time fix it? As a side note she exercises daily, snd eats well. I've included a picture she took of herself yesterday. She doesn't know im doing this and I'm wondering if I can't get some positive comments to show her, to cheer her up.


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Most Helpful Girl

  • I'm no expert or anything but I'll try to help. Doing more cardio will most likely help as well as core workouts to tone the area. Stretch mark cream is also available This will take time so don't be discouraged.

    But if I were you, I would help her build her confidence. She's beautiful inside and out to you and she should know that she's beautiful herself. She just had a baby. A baby! Now you might think that's normal but she just developed another human being inside of her and those are her battle scars of your beautiful son. Even if they don't fade, she's still gorgeous and a ridiculously strong woman for having a baby. I don't care what anyone else says, she's beautiful.

    I'm not sure if this will help but I've been through a somewhat similar situation. I developed early and stretch marks that are slightly lighter than my skin color cover my breasts, back of my legs, and hips. I also have a giant scar on my back. People used to say I have claw marks on me and that I had roads on my breasts. Whenever I went to the beach and people saw my back, some kids would tease and call me shark girl due to the shape. I hated them and no matter what I did they didn't go away. After awhile I learned to love myself and they were my battle scars. That they made me who I am and made me beautiful. That I'm not just some random girl that's like everyone else, that I'm someone and they prove it.

    She's beautiful and I hope she knows that! <3

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Most Helpful Guy

  • I would start by reframing your premise. Lose the word "ruined" from your vocabulary. Instead, think of her body as being "transformed". Those marks are a physical manifestation of her love for you. They are proof that she had sex with you, that you fertilized an egg inside her and that you made a baby together. Start looking at those marks the way they deserved to be looked at... with pride.

    Those marks are positive proof of everything that's good in your life: your wife, your child and the love you share.

    When you start seeing her this way, she will possibly begin to see herself in this way too.

    When she is feeling badly about her body, don't wallow in pity with her. That doesn't do any good. Instead, listen to her and let her get her emotions out, but then politely disagree with her. Tell her why and how these marks make her even more beautiful in your eyes. She laments the loss of her youthful body which is understandable. The greater portion of her angst isn't about her body, but rather her relationship with her husband.

    Part of your JOB as the man who brought this transformation upon her is to reassure that your love for her not only remains undiminished but has actually grown. You're not helping her by merely agreeing to look past her so called "ruined" body. That comes off like you're doing her a favor. The implication being that she has now lost value to you, but you're such an awesome guy that you won't hold it against her. That thinking is toxic.

    She has brought life into the world. She has put your genes into the next generation. She has done YOU a massive favor. Start repaying her by loving her transformed body.

    The next time you are going make love to her, before you begin do this: kiss each and every mark on her belly. After each kiss, tell her how beautiful she is, how much you love her and thank her for becoming the mother of your child.

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What Girls Said 12

  • I'm not sure how she used to look but that to me doesn't look anywhere as bad as some women get. Yes she has sagging skin that can be helped with excersice and waist training. Her stretch marks aren't that bad eother she can try bio oil to help lighten them up. However your message and question are really geniunw. Just remind her how much you love her and that doesn't mean just words. Be intamite, kiss her tell her she's still beautiful, looks will fade with or without having a baby, stretch marks are just the straps she's earned for being a good mother and wife. They happen. Don't be afraid to kiss down her stomach she may protest but it creates the image that her stretch marks don't bother you. Time and your love will help. She just needs to be reminded.

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  • My friend looked like that and it DOES go back to original. Granted she was 19, but you guys seem pretty young as well. It took about a year for her.

    For stretch marks specifically, does she use those oils and stuff that is out there?
    Drinking helps. And I mean it. She should drink a litre before leaving the house and then another after coming home and at least 2 more while at work. And what you should always do, exfoliate and nourish your skin everyday. That's what you can do about it.

    What you can say, well just make her feel desired. She wouldn't care if she didn't think men (specifcally ) would think it was gross and unattractive

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  • A womans reproductive cycle is simultaneously miraculous and a big horrible headache at the same time. All the changes that come with pregnancy is very hard for many women to cope with. The differences feel so real, like it’s a different body you’re in. I feel like I’d feel the same way when the time comes. I’m a medical student who has rotated in Obstetrics already… every body is different. Some women have scars from episiotomy and 2nd/3rd/4th degree tears from delivery, some women have their labia stretched out, others have C section scars, most have darker and larger areola, some have linea nigra, some have melasma dark pigmentation all over, and many have stretch marks. It comes with the territory. I know it’s hard, but I hope she can find strength in your love and your new baby. I saw so many miscarriages and ectopic pregnancies and severe disease in utero and difficult deliveries and couples unable to conceive despite trying for years that I started to realize what a blessing it is to have gone through the entire experience walking out with a happy healthy little one. Every change on her body is a battle wound that meant something. It meant life to someone else. Some of the changes may linger or stick around but less prominently and some may resolve completely. Every woman is different. Time will help greatly. Has she tried Bio Oil perchance? I have had hip stretch marks before and Bio Oil made it go away. Regardless, it sounds like she’s doing great things for her body. Have her talk to her doctor and get the reassurance and knowledge she needs to hear. Do you have other friends who have given birth? Have her talk to her female friends so they can relate. You’ll see, everyone’s got some battle wounds from birth.

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    • Also I do really hope you don't tell her that you don't like her new look.

  • If she's working out absolutely her body will change.. Tell her to shut her face she just had a baby enjoy THAT. I find girls this size attractive ANY ways.. (not into sticks no offense other girls) Stretch marks are awful to look at on your self but I have not had one bad comment after 11 years 3 kids and yes stretch marks they will most likely lighten up some Unfortunately that's one of the consequences of having a child some of us women are not blessed with bouncing right back without a stretch mark insight nor havin meDia photoshop every thing... and I do not think twice when I see a girl with stretch marks.

    Dude... ever think she picks up on you being "not so sure you like her body" thing? SUCK IT UP SHE JUST HAD YOUR BABY YOU ACT LIKE SHE IS ALL THAT, LIKE THEE MOST BEAUTIFUL THING IN THE DAMN WORLD!!!
    Buy her flowers, give her extra hugs and kisses, tell her she's beautiful every day... Have her get dressed nice take her some where that fits yalls life.

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  • You should probably save up for the surgery or take to a spa that specializes in skin tightening. I'm a fan of the skin tightening meathods myself. I don't blame her for crying, it's a shock when your body looked one way a year ago and now it looks completely different. A lot of mental adjustment is needed, therapy can help with body image issues.

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  • Awww it's so sweet you still love her <3. Honestly, that's nothing a minor surgery can't fix. Why is surgery not an option?
    She's beautiful. She's a mother too, that's such a huge blessing.

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    • I mean, what is he supposed to do, ghost? That kinda defeats the purpose of marriage, don't ya think?

  • tell her to workout, also she should've used stretch mark creams. its fixable

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  • She looks great. The marks will fade and as for the sagginess its not as bad as it could be. Stick to exercising and eating "clean"-- she'll look amazing.

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  • If she keeps up with exercising, it will get better, promise.😀

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  • The stretch marks will fade.

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  • Maybe try to make it a positive thing

    She should be proud to be a woman and to have given birth to a tiny human, tiny humans are so cute😁💕

    Where those stretch marks with pride girl, they ain't nothing to be ashamed of😊✌🏻️

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  • I'm pretty sure you're a dead man if your wife ever finds out you posted this.

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What Guys Said 16

  • Dude if you love your wife, please don't show her these comments, you have good intentions, and you want to help just take the advice and use it, there are creams she can use to alleviate those stretch marks as well as other methods. If her self esteem is low due to this, respect her enough to be there for her and support her through this, give her lots of reassurance it will get better, help with the baby too and try to make life easier for her, she'll appreciate it even if it doesn't show right now, you'll be paid in dividends believe me. Please showing any of this or even putting her pics up her could shame her. I'm glad you love her and try to protect her self esteem and ego more so you don't make the problem worse, not many women would be pleased you posted this but they will be pleased that you want to help make them feel better about themselves.

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  • Working out will help. I think they have something for stretch mark scars that will make them less noticeable or even disappear. Tell her that you enjoy her body still and find her attractive. Lastly tell her too pick up her son and hold him look at his smile and her stomach and ask herself if it was worth it. Own the marks, enjoy the child.

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  • Tell and show her daily how much you love her, that you love the person she is, (not for the skin she had). KISS that belly.
    DO IT *DAILY!!!*.
    And continue doing that. Do it during years.

    Look at all those 60+ yo people who still love each other. Do you think their bodies look youthful? Really?

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  • She'll probably be pissed you showed her picture to a bunch of strangers online without her permission.

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  • I equate her stretch marks with thescars a man may accumulate in his work. In both cases they are part of the price we pay to build our families. Just as no one would think less of a man with scars acquired doing his part for his family, so her marks are equally representative of her efforts to build hers. They are marks of honor.

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  • It is going to take her time to get through. It may be that she is suffering from some post partem depression and is using her body appearance as the cause of her depression.

    It may be worth getting her to have a conversation with her doctor and perhaps even to see a psychiatrist if need be.

    I will say that as someone who loves soft curves and tummies, she looks hot to me. But that probably won't make her feel better.

    But definitely have her talk to her doctor about what she is feeling and going through.

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  • If I were you, I would delete this question and never mention it to your wife. I doubt she would like the fact that you have posted this image of her on the internet for the whole world to see. I think showing her these positive comments will have the opposite effect. You heart was in the right place, just don't think your brain followed through.

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  • Your wife's amazing body conceived, carried and delivered your son. It's still beautiful.

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  • I am sure she can use some oils and shit for the stretch marks, and probably workout to tighten the skin around that area.
    It's not a big deal, every woman goes through it, just make sure you let her know you love her.

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  • She looks wonderful. You should give her love and affection. Do not just tell her how much you love how she looks but also show her.

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  • Time and excercise will fix this and she doesn't look too bad

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  • Tell her doing some weighs and exercise should fix the issue. Skin stretches buy may also become firm with exercise. She just needs to do some cardiovascular workouts and do some weights. Good luck!

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  • tell her too get over
    she wasn't gonna be super skinny forever

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  • This makes me rethink my stance on abortion. :(

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  • The creams and exercise take time and dedication. Keep at it and eventually it will go away.

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  • The stretch marks will fade to white but the texture won't.

    There are more women then she may realize with this body, sadly, so many are hiding it the rest feel alone.

    I don't know what will actually make her feel better, but the marks really -don't- matter. Do tigers look ugly because of stripes? Of course not.

    December? It's still early. Is she still breastfeeding?

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    • No, she isn't.

    • I still think she has relatively easy potential with what she's doing to keep losing weight.

      But this sort of happened to my partner, and the skin never went back, and she never came to terms with it.

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