Not hot enough?

A guy have told me that I am single for long time because I have high standards; handsome, tall, high educated etc.. Did he mean I'm not hot enough for that type of men or that I'm just unrealistic because that type of men are rare.


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Most Helpful Guy

  • A little of both.
    Some dating sites have done pretty unique studies. They have had neutral parties rate men and women, and gotten a mean score for what a particular guy and girl looked.
    So, let's say they have a guy and a girl who are both 7s, after the averages of many honest ratings.
    When the girl is asked to rate herself, she tends to rate herself at an 8-9, so women tend to inflate their own rating in their head.
    And they tend to undervalue guys. She is likely to rate him a 5-6.
    This has been tested and shown true over and over.

    Basically, women tend to overvalue themselves, and undervalue men. If she only put herself at an 8, and kept him as high as a 6, she still thinks he is beneath her, and that, based on her perception of her looks, she should be able to bag a better guy, when, to the objective observer, they are comparable with each other.

    Sake of argument? Just because women over value themselves, that doesn't mean they are ugly. There is NOTHING wrong with a 7! But that isn't where she wants to be.

    I'd suggest look at some of the guys you've said "no" to a little closer and more honestly, and look at yourself a little closer and more honestly. You might really look fantastic... but you might not be the model you think you are.
    He might honestly be a little plain, but he might not be as unappealing as you thought he was at first glance.

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What Guys Said 13

  • Never apologize for having high standards, it's only natural wanting the best.. but before looking at others, one should at first look at themselves. I'm not talking about appearances here, but about what "you" would provide for such a person. Like, what makes "you" worth it to someone who has everything/been through everything? Also, the only standards of yours that I consider "high" is the educated part, because the rest is merely opinion and preferrence. Now, if you were to see through the eyes/with the mind of a guy, would "you" be a "high standard"?

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  • Those men are out there; you just have to realize there is a certain point where and when you will have to lower your standards.

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  • I'd say it's the second while also taking your generalization, your evaluation of yourself purely in the sense of your physical appearance (and assuming that's all that males ever care about, implying a certain level of sexism and misandry) and mild narcissism into consideration.

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    • , ofc they care about personality, intelligence etc.. I'm just insecure about my looks

  • Hard call, he may be trying to say you are being unrealistic - What I would advise is don't narrow your thoughts to what a guy must have but widen the field, you will still go for a person that attracts you but you are giving yourself more options, you might surprise yourself and fall for someone you didn't think was your type.

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  • It could be taken both ways regarding context however "handsome, tall, highly educated" is not rare in any sense of the word and is actually really common. Skilled labor is the lifeblood of the Industrial Economy. Now whether you're looking for a specific type of education or not is a different story; a highly educated financier is not a highly educated architect who isn't a highly educated doctor for obvious reasons, etc.

    But perhaps you are not up to standard at all; are you yourself "highly educated"? If your age range is real I've my doubts, no matter what you got in grades or whatever, because highly educated men tend to date women of equivalent standing so a PhD isn't going to get hot and bothered over a bachelor degree.

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  • the kind of guy you are looking for is rare , they have already been taken or they just dont announce themselves to everyone.

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  • You should lower your sights and be more honest about who you could see yourself with. That's just how life is, getting someone out of your league does not happen very often.

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  • Err no he's just jealous you didn't chose him xD

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  • He probably meant not hot enough, as well as being unrealistic. Because obviously all the good looking girls would get all those requirements.

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    • if you want an honest opinion about your looks, send me a picture of you and ill send you a picture of me and we can 'judge' each other :)

  • how are we to know how hot you are if you dont post a pic?

    we are not mind readers so have no idea what he meant.

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  • Its the second one (And that guy sounds jealous), But you will always be worth those type of men! As long as they feel the same way towards you, then it will already be "Set in stone" soon enough... :)

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  • You're just waiting for the "perfect" one. No problem in that.

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  • A lot of women think all they have to bring to the table is beauty and sex but that's not really so rare that a guy who has lots of choice values it very highly.

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