How can average looking girls get a guy?

i can't get guys not even as friends. like today I asked the guy next to me how to solve this physics problem and he said I don't know and then he introduced himself to the girl behind him and asked to check answers when he could've talked to me about it. This actually happens a lot to me. Guys would ignore me or brush me off even though I try to be friendly. I have seen a few hot guys look at me when I was in high school. But most had girlfriends and they never talked to me they just looked at me.

In college I'm usually alone or with one other female friend. I sometimes would see guys look at me but again they never approach me (I'm not exaggerating I don't even remember the last time I hung out with a guy as friends) but I see them striking up conversations or hanging with other girls. I always thought I was an average looking girl but if I'm 20 and can't get ANY guy to talk or approach me let alone be interested in me then I'm obviously uglier than I think. So what can shy average looking girls do to get guys to notice her and approach her? I'm not into bars or parties and I don't hang out with people that do that. I'm never invited to parties anyway. I guess I'm not fun because I would say I focus a lot on academics and Please don't say approach them yourself because 1. I'm shy and 2. When I do approach they seem to be uninterested or ignore me usually. Thank you

Face:
How can average looking girls get a guy?Body: 110 pounds, 5'5, no ass, 30DD boobs


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Most Helpful Guy

  • Your looks aren't the problem - you are well above average.

    Almost certainly, it's the vibe you give off. You said it yourself: you don't "seem fun", and I think that's exactly what the problem is. I'm sure you can BE fun, but between your shyness (which means you aren't very outgoing) and the "serious" and "academic" vibes you give off, guys just assume that you aren't interested in them, or in "having fun" (meaning: hanging out, going to parties, etc.)

    Girls are always quick to blame their lack of success with guys on their appearance, but your personality really IS important. Guys aren't even getting to know you because they're not getting any signals of interest from you, and most guys aren't going to risk rejection by approaching you when the odds seem heavily stacked against them.

    Just as we often tell guys that they need to work on themselves, take some chances, and be CONFIDENT if they want to get a girl, I'm telling you the same thing: you need to show some confidence. Go to places and events where guys are going to be, and GET INVOLVED. Sit in the middle of the room (not in a corner), get involved in the conversations. LAUGH. SMILE. Let guys see you having fun and being fun, and suddenly guys who never noticed you before will start paying attention to you.

    I know that will be scary and difficult for you to do, at first especially, but that's the thing that is standing between you and getting a boyfriend. How bad do you want a guy vs. staying in your comfortzone?

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    • I took as the majority of this response as rude and not conforming to what is comfortable for the Asker.

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    • Society and Rules Suck! XD

    • @SchweitzyLogan

      I agree, this sickfuck society sucks. Bad.

Most Helpful Girl

  • Omg, I can relate to this so much! I'm really shy but I do have guy friends. I focus a lot on my academics too since I want to get into a good University but I seriously don't know why guys don't talk to you since you're really pretty. The number one thing I would say is to be confident, not cocky but confident because to girls, confident guys (not cocky) are really attractive (or is it just to me?) and I think it'd be the same with guys. Maybe make a joke or tell them something interesting about you when you get a chance to talk to guys. You can also dress up once in a while (curl your hair, wear extra cute clothes or shoes). For example, when you asked the guy how to solve the problem, you could've introduced yourself and asked if you wanted to check answers just like he did to the girl behind him. If you're too shy to do any of the things I suggested, I'd suggest for you to try to be less shy (trust me, I know this sounds horrible because I'm really shy too) but my boyfriend and I met in class when I made this stupid joke with my friend (who I'm normally not quiet with). At first, I was shy but eventually warmed up to him. So, just (or try to) pretend that the guy is a friend that you've known for a long time. Hope this helps, good luck!

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    • Wow ok I'm not lacking confidence I'm just shy I am confident in myself that's not the issue

What Guys Said 37

  • I think it's probably not your looks but maybe your behaviour body language etc. Some people always just melt into the background when they're in groups etc. You should pump yourself up be more confident and maybe do something to stand out maybe die some of your hair etc. I know it's super annoying when people say be more confident because if you have no confidence it seems impossible but it is. You need to have something like a slogan that you can repeat to yourself before you go hang out with a group where guys are etc. And maybe physically pump yourself up too body language helps you be more confident. Once your there be more active, take part in the conversation and just have fun etc. Once guys notice you more I'm sure there will be someone who asks you out don't worry.

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  • I'm not sure what the issue is here, but it definitely isn't how you look or your size. You are very attractive if that is you in the photo.
    Tell us about your personality... you say shy, but I don't see shy in that photo? Do you talk really fast, do you seem overly excited when you see people (that can turn some off).
    Not sure, probably require a conversation to hear how you are in front of people. I've seen attractive girls not get boyfriends, it is because the boys are lame or the girl seems beyond their level (in confidence, quality).

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    • I'm shy and i don't smile like that normally only in pictures and I'm kind of awkward sometimes

    • So that would explain some reactions. Realize that people feed off each others energy... that makes sense right. If a guy is "energetic and outgoing", girls react to that. If a guy is "creepy", the react to that. Same for girls. We all want someone who is kinda like us in temperment, easy going, fun, whatever...

      so the question is why you are shy and awkward and then to work on that. it may be your personality (e. g. like an introvert) but likely some life experiences that go with it that accululate to make you uncertain of yourself, uncomfortable, etc.. all fixable over time if you resolve the root issues and change your "heart" and mind to see things differently. I was shy and introverted for a long time.

  • Step one! Quit thinking your not pretty other wise your already cramping the guys style if you can't carry your self reasonably confidently.

    Step two if your really to afraid to ask a guy out, just remember he will likely be just as dorky and funny awkward for him as it is for you. Especially if he has never actually dated a girl or has had a steady relationship.

    Step three recognize once you introduced your self that you dont need to keep talking. Its not necessary to keep filling the empty space.

    Step four most importantly seem like your enjoying yourself, smile, laugh. Seem alive and dont get down if the guy isn't into you and just keep trying.

    As my niece says (she's 6 and smart) "Everyone is themselves a lock and a key, the tricky thing is finding the right fit."

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    • I don't talk to guys all the time but when I do they seem uninterested or they just respond with one word answers

    • make small chat.

  • Ok hun it's ain't you its the guys. You are not ugly you are pretty. Guys these days are too afraid of rejection so thats why they aren't approching you. They must like what they see when they look at you no?
    Just try to smile like you do in the pic and have a welcoming aura about yourself. Dont cross your arms or look away when a guys looks at you. Be inviting and smile back.
    I gotta be honest with you most of us outgoing guys that approach women are gonna be at the vars and clubs. It just happens lol. I was there. Plus your 20 guys are dumb yet and most likely looking for fun ratger than a relationship. Maybe look for older guys.
    Just do you and I'll think you'll be fine. Maybe try online dating?

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  • I think you look very pretty - What I would do is look at forming online friendships where shyness is not as much a problem, that will help your confidence maybe look at dating/social apps where you can meet guys which may develop into dates or friendships.
    Okay hopefully this will increase your confidence in real life and you may find yourself talking to more guys. With that new confidence look at things like social/sports clubs, hobbies/classes to meet more people

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  • You probably give off a low vibe " don't talk I'm not interested vibe." A lot of girls said that I looked mean but when I spoke to them they knew I was friendly. It's not that you're average looking you are very beautiful with a nice smile. Smile more when taking with the friends you do have and it is okay to be quirky guys eat that up. Be more relaxed people like relaxed people. Try going to parties. I promise some guy may talk to you.

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    • I don't reall drink so there's literally no point in going to parties if you're not gonna drink and I'm relaxed I'm just shy

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    • I don't know what college you go to but every college party i've been to there are drunk people but there are also people who choose not to drink. If you can't meet people that way , have you tried meeting people online?

    • you're 16 lol i doubt you've been to college parties

  • You probably just need to build your confidence, femininity and how you carry yourself

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  • You're pretty cute. I had this issue for a while and it wasn't until my friends pointed that I am pretty intimidating and that can be offputting to a lot of girls. Learned how to smile more and started working on it and I started getting approached a lot more and I'm a guy so that has to tell you something. It's all about how you are perceived to others. Maybe you are not noticing something that could actually be off putting to guys.

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    • I don't talk to guys all the time but when I do they seem uninterested or they just respond with one word answers

  • I think you should try the place where shy guys hang out, online.

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  • You're actually very pretty. I think you have a hard time attracting guys because you're shy and you don't socialize that much not because you're unattractive or there's anything wrong with you. by the way you can message me anytime if you have any other questions or you want to talk

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    • Well how do I be more attractive to guys then

    • You can try being more outgoing and socializing a bit more

  • I'd say you're above average looking. I'd date you, if I knew you and liked your personality.

    Best advice is to make yourself approachable. Don't wear sunglasses or earbuds everywhere. Don't be on your cell phone too often. Also, look low maintainance. Wear a t-shirt, sweatpants and make your hair look frizzy. It makes you look more laid back. More guys would approach a girl like that than girl with designer clothes and salon hair.

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    • I definitely would!

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    • okay, so I'm in the same situation too. women don't notice me and I can't find good ways to introduce myself to them. what places do you usually hang out and how would I approach a girl like you? how would I know if you're interested in me when your shyness could be mistaken for coldness?

      it's hard to do with most places. gym: were both flushed and sweaty. I best not interrupt her workout ; supermarket: its kind of awkward and she's busy ; at her job : it's unprofessional and i wouldn't know if she's interested since she's paid to be polite. ; at my job: don't shit where you eat ; at a club: she just wants to dance with her friends.

      where would be an appropriate place for a guy to politely flirt with a girl?

    • Hey bro, I feel ya, but sometimes you just have to go for it! I was working the other day and I saw a girl and thought "hey she is very pretty, but I don't think she would like me." She went into a Super One and I'm like "Screw it!" when she came outside I told her straight up that she was pretty and I was wondering if you would be down to hang out. I am EXTREMELY SHY. But this time I just went for it.

  • Make yourself interesting, find a hobby other than physics. Your looks are above average like you said. and are you sure the other chick isn't smarter or something? no need to be insecure and automatically think he's asking for help from someone else cause he thinks there more attractive. If you play your cards right and play hard to get trust me you'll be approached a lot more. Just find self confidence and it will all work out for the better (perhaps i suggest gym as a hobby, it helps abit, plus gives you a nice booty :).)

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    • It was a physics class but ok and I never said I'm above average I said I'm average so shouldn't I be able to get at least a few guys. I do have confidence in just shy there's a huge difference a lot of outgoing people who are attention whores lack confidence I'm confident in myself and what I can offer that's not the problem I'm shy?

    • Well I dunno I used to be like this for a bit, all I know is as I believed or had more to show in my self it changed me. I've become very confident over the last two years just by working on myself rather then coming up with excuses. I bet those people get laid just because of their lifestyle. if your seen as this quiet person, that's exactly what others will think of you, someone that is boring, no fun, and just lacks skills. Even in fact they can be deeply hidden and much to be appreciated. That's the difference between outgoing and shy.

    • yeah i know the difference but thats just my personality? i mean some people are just shy... doesn't mean i lack "skills"

  • You're a cute girl with a nice body just try seeming more approachable by smiling and you can even just keep trying to strike up convos with guys til one responds well! You seem like a nice girl! If you need more help feel free to message me.

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  • 30DD is much more the average and you face is fine too, I think that you just not looking in the right places or you very unlucky, there are who looks much less and have a guy.

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    • Can people stop commenting on my looks? This was honestly not helpful

  • You're not average by far, above average I'd say. Advice, don't wait for guys to talk to you, approach ones you like or are interested in. Self confidence is not only attractive to women, guys like to see it in women also.

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    • Like I said ^ I do talk to them sometime but they brush me off or just say one word and act uninterested

  • It could be your vibe, because your attractive.
    Try to relax and look and feel chill. Guys like confident girls.

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    • im chill i just don't socialize? quiet people are the most chill people

    • Just be yourself, I'm sure there is a great guy out there for you.

  • Hey! I just made this account like 2 minutes ago so you are the first person I am responding to! Anyway, you are exactly like me except the female version XD.
    1. They are jerks for ignoring you!
    2. You aren't ugly!

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    • Shoot I accidentally posted it what I was going to say after is that at the beginning of the school year (college) I say something along the lines of "Hey, What's your name?" Getting the persons name always breaks the ice. Just ask basic questions like "do you like this class" "where are you from" I am shy too but I did this and I actually have more female friends than guys now... Just talk about the basics and go on from there!

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    • Maybe introduce yourself, ask them what they are going for. Why they are in the class. What their favorite class is than get more into personal life outside of school, if you don't do much outside of school be casual and say you are "Bored and have nobody to hang with" this can hint to the guy (if you are interested in them) that you want to hang. I would say take it slow before any of that though. Get the guys general vibe and if you do not like what they are about, (like you said partying and drinking) just move away. There is no harm done if you move away after you just met the guy! Am I at least helping a tiny bit? XD

    • when I talk to them they seem uninterested or they just respond with one word answers

  • You are really not average looking, you are a one hit knockout, a true beauty wow, if you lived near me and i saw you, first id ask if youd have a boyfriend, if you didn't then id proceed to ask you out after brief small talk

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  • Yes you can

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  • You're really pretty tho😊i think they're stupid for ignoring you, you said you're shy , people don't really like shy people for some reason.. I'm shy too I know how that feels, I say work on your confidence and be patient

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    • It's not I'm not confident I'm just shy and I don't talk much I'm pretty confident I might have a low self esteem but I'm confident in my abilities and myself as a person definitely

    • Well it's probably the shy part. Unfortunately many people think shy people are boring or uninterested , and usually come off as cold. I know how that feels😟 but hang in there you're awesome ok! 😊

  • Your not even average but a little above it
    Please don't insult us ugly guys we know
    pain. And you have DDs perfect.

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  • First : You're attractive AF
    Second : Wait I'm coming to approach you LOL

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  • what's your attitude like? perhaps you don't come off friendly.

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    • I'm shy but I'm a nice person and I try to be friendly but I don't smile a lot or talk that much

  • Honestly I don't know why, you are attractive, and I hope you don't take this the wrong was but I would do everything I could to get with you in all ways

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    • This is a very thirsty and desperate comment but if you are really only 17 then I guess you've just naturally got a lot to learn.

      You don't know anything about her...

  • You look quite fine to me. I think it's all in your head

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    • It's not in my head like I said I don't even remember the last time I hung out with a guy or was asked out and some of my friends have boyfriends or are talking to guys.

    • Listen... you're good looking enough to get a boyfriend. Honey boo boo's mom is one of the least attractive women i've ever seen on tv, and even she has a boyfriend. If she can do it, so can you

    • That's honestly not helpful

  • well. ... now i'm sure it is kind of mental issue not physical

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  • To me you are very pretty. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder

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  • Hey , u can follow me if u wishes to have online friendship

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  • You're better than average looking.

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  • i think you look pretty and above average :D

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  • More from Guys
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What Girls Said 19

  • OMG YOU'RE SO FUCKING PRETTY JUST OMFG STOP!!! :'(
    Plus the weight doesn't matter because I'm 5'7 and 140 pounds and look anorexic as shit, but my friend is the same height and 115 and looks chubby.

    Just have an outgoing and more confident personality!!! Make people want to be around you. When you approach try to be very inviting and confident. Don't be afraid to make a mistake in your words, we're all human we all do. I think men appreciate it when you're more outgoing, it makes them feel human. :)

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    • I'm confident that's not even the problem I'm just shy

  • You are cute, i wouldn't say you are a plain or average girl. Maybe whiten your teeth and get your brows done but no major improvements need to be made..

    Biggest thing: stop chasing after the hot guys. Look at the quieter nerdy guys. I say that because that seems to be your category. No offense but just own it. You dont go out, you dont party and you are shy so you can't expect those types of guys to really pay much attention to you. Try to join clubs and interact with the more low key guys. I dont really know those types of people haha so I can't really tell you where they hang out. But you are a cute girl i bet if you just were a little more open and smiled at a guy that you were interested in it would make his day and you might get a boyfriend.

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    • Whitening teeth may lead to cancer so I'm not risking that but I'm not trying to get hot guys but if anything they are actually nicer than the below average looking guys at least to me but some of course are jerks I want an average guy but they don't seem to be interested that's my problem

  • You are above average!!
    It's not how you look but act. Guys LOVR confidence.

    I'm shy when I meet someone new but with my friends and people I'm comfortable with I'm a whole different person. Laughter and having fun draws tons of attention. If you look like fun people would like to be your friend.

    I'm not saying to go partying day and night but there is time for everything.
    Maybe you need to build your confidence with new girlfriends first. get chatty and laugh. Guys will approach you on there own

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    • I don't need to build confidence I have no problem speaking up or standing up for myself that's not an issue. I'm just really shy

  • Please aswer this girl because , sistah, we da same. SAME situation. Guys look at me but won't really approach me.

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  • What kind of face do you typically have on? I've heard of girls having a RBF (resting bitchy face). Do you have that? If so, you may seem unapproachable. You're a cute girl! If you smile like that at them, you shouldn't have a problem. Guys probably check you out, but may have gfs, so they don't react. How your voice... normal? The sound of someone's voice can alter how they feel about getting to know you as well. You shouldn't give up though... you are cute and obviously small. Hit the gym and do some squats and lunges to get that butt though :)

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  • by smiling!

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    • Lol I forgot to mention I don't smile much but is that it? Guys must be all over you

  • lol if you're average then i'm not even on the scale. Anyways. You need to start gaining confidence because you're well over average and have a high chance at getting a man. Just be confident and have a good personality! voila :)

    goodluck chicka

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    • I'm not even as pretty as you so I don't know why you'd say that but like I said I do sometimes talk to boys but they usually ignore me :/

    • We're almost the same in height and weight. And you have breast that some kill for. You need to embrace what you have and forget about what you don't and yes you're extremely beautiful! i guess they don't because they think "such a beauty coming to me and speaking to me" so they clam up. Or they could be insecure or just straight up A-holes. When you meet dudes like this you just leave. Think of it as one door closing and another one will open :) don't be so hard on yourself chicka. Tons of men would kill for you ::) have some faith and confidence. You already have a humble personality! so don't worry about that. Hold that head high sista ;)

  • Smiling really is very very important, and so is eye contact. If you don't smile guys won't know they have a chance and people like being around happy people. I also noticed male attention would increase when I stopped worrying about finding a relationship and just started finding pleasure in making them smile, through simply chilling out and being my weird old self lol. Life's just more fun that way ^^

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    • Well yeah but when I talk to them they don't really seem interested or they brush me off and talk to other girls

    • How do you talk to them?

  • you look fine gurl

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  • I'm pretty average, might even be considered ugly. I have a boyfriend and we've been dating four years.

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    • How'd you get him?

    • We just became friends, and a few months later admitted that we were attracted to one another and had strong feelings for one another.

  • that's average?

    it's not your looks. you probably give off a "not friendly" vibe. smile more and use open body language.

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  • You don't hang out with any guys at all? I was the same way, never went out, never drank, and focused a lot on school. But I still had guys message me on fb, or talk to a mutual friend to give a hint they were interested

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    • Nope they never approach me nor my friends but I'm sure it's because you're really pretty based on your profile picture.

  • You're super cute though, above average looking. Perhaps they find you intimidating somehow and are nervous to talk to you?

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  • You are very pretty! Don't worry, that one guy is going to see you as his golden star😊

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  • Trust me you are not average looking you are gorgeous you can get any guy you want.

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  • You are not average, you are actually pretty :)

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  • You're beautiful. You should have no problem

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  • I think you're stunning!

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  • You're 110 pounds and have 30DD boobs? I find that unlikely, unless you are extremely skinny/have no muscle, in which case I am concerned for your health. That might actually be your problem. i fluctuate between 115 and 130 during the year, and run competitively (I went to state for XC, so I'm in good shape) and am considered short for my age and have small boobs. I am concerned for you.

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    • This does sound harsh but I am concerned for you

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    • Ok. Sorry if I sounded mean spirited, it just really stuck out to me as unnatural, but as long as you're ok with it and healthy im happy.

    • I really don't care if you think it's "unusual". Again it's because I don't have the best health right now but I'm working on it? I don't think I need your approval or happiness I have a naturally fast metabolism and big boobs I don't see why you had to point out my breast size and weight and compare my stats to yours? I don't care about your weight or size please stop.

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