Self perception versus reality?

I'm having trouble figuring out how much of my self perception is in my head versus how people actually perceive me. I have a tendency to waver between self confidence and thinking I look disgusting and am a terrible person. I guess to describe myself- I'm a quirky guy but do well in school. Can come off cold because I'm sarcastic, but people have said I'm warm when they get to know me. Physically, I'm 5'3" at 21. I started lifting in high school because I was bullied and ultimately got mugged by classmates. Now weigh 133 and have a 6 pack. Brunette hair, straight nose, bright green eyes with long lashes. Part of me says I'm not that bad looking or a terrible person, but every time something bad happens I get down on myself and blame myself.

Last relationship I got out of was a bad one- a briefly dated a girl, never established firm grounds with where we stand, and kept on hanging out with her. She ultimately came in one night naked after getting out of the bathroom when I was hanging at her place and asked me to stay the night and get undressed. We didn't have sex because I felt awkward about the nature of our relationship. Afterwards when I asked her what she was doing because I wanted to finally figure out was going on, she said she was never interested in me and would never sleep with me. One of her friends asked me out not too long after, and I broke it off shortly after because I didn't feel she was a good match. After this she started going around telling people how she could never date me because it was too awkward since I'm shorter than her.

Out of seven girls I formally dated (I'm a junior in college), 5 asked me out. Then there were a few girls who have told me to my face I was gross to look at and they would never touch me. Every time I think a girl might be interested this mindset comes into play.

Any ideas how I might overcome this or how accurately my perception of myself is?


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What Guys Said 2

  • Your self-perception is being operated by the people that surround you regardless of whether or not it was in your head. Regardless of how you feel about yourself the people that you surround yourself with can have a huge effect on you. Even if you were a very good looking person, the people you surround yourself with could indeed impact the way you view yourself. Your problem is that you surrounded yourself with the wrong people. We should always surround ourselves with people who make us feel better not worse about ourselves. Those who constantly fire negativity at you are not the type of people you wanna be with. Now everybody has insecurities, embrace them fully. And those who do nothing but feed you negativity, they'll affect you and affect your self-perception. Again, not the type of people to surround yourself with.
    So how you overcome it? Go with people who make you feel good about yourself, and those who feed you negativity, get rid of them. And learn to love yourself the way you are. Your opinion of yourself is what matters the most after all.
    Take care.

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  • Isn't all self-perception in your head?

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