I'm attending a wedding celebration party at the moment and I'm disappointed in myself as long back as I can remember... But this evening, looking at all those having fun, dancing with someone they love, and me, sitting on my table, observing what's happening around me... I had a lot of crushes, but no girlfriends... Heck, I haven't even been just a little bit more than friends with a girl and it makes feel like crap... I take care of my hygiene, I wear clean clothes, and do all kinds of stuff that should impress a girl but life's been merciless for me... I'm just an ugly fuck walking the Earth with no one to live for... I was rejected by everyone when I was just a kid, a mere innocent child... I had everyone around me, yet nobody was around when I needed them... I was alone. from the start and nothing has changed since... I just finished high school and I won't be going to college and I don't know what to do with my life...
If I wasn't such a coward, I'd kill myself right now... I kinda gave up, and won't be trying anymore... I'm gonna live and work just to survive without any luxuries and I'm gonna donate all my money before I die...
Look at. the picture above... Can you say that I'm not ugly? You can but deep inside you know that you just wanna spit it out and say "Yeah you're ugly and there's nothing you can do about it"... I wish I got cancer, and I wouldn't try to cure it... I'd accept my death right now and live the rest of my days for me...
Most Helpful Girl
First, I want to say I'm so sorry you've gone through those experiences that you have. I can relate to you on having no one around when you needed them.
However, you must look at it a different way too. Those past crushes, those experiences, feelings, everything back then have made you who you are, and life has given you situations, feelings, and pressures, to work through in life. You should be proud, as you have succeeded this far.
Personally I don't think you're ugly. I believe no one is ugly from appearance. It's all about what is inside that matters most. From the photo you look very unhappy, and after reading this I can understand why. We are each unique and different in our own way, and no matter what others think, we have to be happy with ourselves first and foremost.
A coward is a shy person, being shy is nothing to be ashamed about. You just have to work on finding that confidence boost to get through it, and once you do, there's no turning back. Better things will come.
If it bothers you not having someone in your life, you can change that. If it upsets you that you feel alone, you have the power to find more people and befriend them. Fill your life with people who mean something to you, and who are there for you. Even if it's just one friend, it can change everything.
Have faith, and please don't think so negatively of yourself. You deserve to be happy, and you can make those changes if you really try. Don't give up on life, it's one chance we have.
I hope you find your happiness soon. Best wishes to you