Why are women so indirect when all men want is for them to be direct?

[NotSoBad]

Is it me or do you some of you notice this also. Women seem to be indirect about everything they want. I have recently just broken up with a girl. I asked her the following direct questions. Are you confused? What are you feeling? What are you thinking? Why have you been so distant lately?

An example of a direct answer would be:

I really feel that we are not right for each other. I really think you are a good guy but I don't think you are the guy for me.

An example of an indirect answer:

Regardless of what I feel. I did not like the way you acted that day. Just some advice for your future relationships no one is going to put up with that.

The indirect answer also includes little things like still hanging out with the guy even though they really don't want to and doing little things to annoy the guy just to cause some type of confrontation.

So my question is this:

Why is it so hard for women to be give a man a direct answer?

Why must they beat around the bush?

I included a poll so people can vote

Written answers are very much appreciated.

I believe most women are direct

I believe most women are indirect

[LifeWithGod]

Mentally girls can make everything about their life connect. I would give you an example but it might seems as if I am beating around the bush. From school, family, friends, that TV show we watched, and stepping on that spider this morning, as each event relates its importance increases drastically. Now if stepping on that soulless spider this morning can connect so much that it hurts us emotionally (I'm not going to lie I wouldn't kill a spider once because I over analyzed the situation so much that I viewed myself as Hitler) Imagine in our minds what it would feel like to be dumped. How it would impact EVERY part of our life. Not being able to truly understand our male counterparts and "always assuming that they hide their feelings" understand how a girl would want to sympathize.

When something significant enters our life, a hard decision that we feel is for the best - like choosing sides between family, we always like to be as vague as possible. Call it avoiding the situation, ridiculous or maybe even survival, its how we work. But then again, isn't that how life works, guys get to drive and girls make sure everything is in order (Gas, food and possibly a map - because we know boys don't stop for directions ;) )?

I personally love softening the blow, however, more often than not, in life it is just easier to be direct. We all have to learn lessons. It would be like when we first realize the value of the dollar, or reality in general. You can't soften that blow, anything you do to soften such cases, often result in a much deeper wound.

I will let you tell it how it is, so I can pick up the pieces afterwards and enable others to live in such a harsh world. Call it emotion, but what I have will give a little kid the kiss that makes them feel better, when someone else says "suck it up."

[Anonymous]

Because girls don't know what they want. Most people just have down knowing their instant gratification pleasures but any thing deeper is clueless to some. We think we know what we want when we want it. But really, not so much. No one really want to hurt any one else esp. Some one we care about. But manning up and telling it straight is harder then you think. Even when we jerk some one else's emotions around. She might not know or be letting herself know how much this is distressing you. Does not know what she really wants. Does not wanna be a person to hurt you.

[nobodygirl]

Women are indirect because they can understand when other women are indirect. They don't think they're being indirect. Also, they're scared that whoever it is won't agree with them. Or they're afraid of hurting feelings. Basically, they feel that they can get their feelings across without being to bold.

[virgokid]

I agree with your first sentence about women. I am a guy, and guys are direct. In my experience, girls want guys to know what they mean before they say it. Most times I already know what the girls is feeling and thinking but I just want to hear it directly. Usually I an just in denial. Unfortunately, I can't change the way a girl will communicate with me, and I shouldn't have to. I have learned that most of the frustration in dealing with women is my own acceptance of what's going on.

[Quackpotty]

As per the questions at the bottom, I think:

1. Girls feel emotions on a whole entirely different level to guys. Some guys may think that rubbish, but it's honestly true for all the girls I know. They see things like how hard it is for guys to come up to them and be vulnerable in saying how they feel about that girl - and they don't want to hurt your feelings (let's face it - it's bloody difficult).

2. They beat around the bush because they want to soften the blow of whatever they want to say. Another reason is that they maybe want to feel that you're listening and are ready to engage them in the current conversation.

Basically, I say it's because they care and analyze everything they do on a level that most guys will never comprehend. They feel every conversation emotionally , and very deeply. Some guys joke and say that a girl will analyze the answer to the question of "What's for supper, darling? " and come up with your having said "Have you finished cooking for me so I can go watch television, and perhaps we can do something. Special. Later. "

They do it to themselves all the time, and it means that if they want to have an easier time of life, they need to be indirect, strange though that may sound.

[NotSoBad]

Are you saying they are indirect because it makes their life easier?

[Quackpotty]

Not so much that it makes it easier, but rather that it's less emotionally draining. I once had a major thing for a girl who, when I told her I liked her, SHE was the one in tears when she turned me down. She started off indirect to avoid that and failed.

[NotSoBad]

Wow that's a major turn of events. Did you console her?

[Quackpotty]

She gave the hint (hence indirectness) that I wasn't going to have anything with her (nicely) when I told her, then she called later and she was in tears. The surprising thing was that I was okay, yet she wasn't. Couldn't console over the phone easily.

[ionlife]

I don't think you'll get any direct answers from women on this. :)

I truly wish I knew to answer to your question but I just attribute it to the differences between woman and man. I'd definitely would prefer for them to be more direct in their needs, desires, and wants but alas, I don't think I'll see it in my lifetime.

My only thought is that perhaps they want us to improve upon our mind reading capabilities so they give us these little tests to aid us. :)

[foible]

I am a woman and I love women but i also wish women would be more direct. They're indirect because throughout history, that has kept women safe from violence. It's a behaviour that gets passed down from mother to daughter. They say everything they want to say indirectly. I hate it so much. I am very blunt. People overwhelmingly describe me as "blunt," "straightforward" and "direct". If I was a man, no one would even notice or think it worth commenting on. I'm not rude. I just say what I mean in as few words as possible and because I'm a woman, people think it's odd. I wish everyone would say what they mean so i wouldn't have to work so hard to figure out what they're saying. If you're a woman, grow a spine and just say what you mean. If someone physically hurts you over that, then call the cops lmao. If they call you a bitch for being blunt, say "thank you, I do speak my mind and so should you :)". We live in a society here. You can speak your mind. People will call any woman a bitch who says things without sugar coating them, but I'd rather be a bitch who gets what I'm owed than be a spineless ninny who everyone describes as "nice" and "nonconfrontational". Confrontation is part of life girls. Stop trying to dodge it.

[Anonymous]

“Regardless of what I feel. I did not like the way you acted that day. Just some advice for your future relationships no one is going to put up with that.”

It doesn’t matter how she feels about you (even though this highly suggests that she does have feelings for you), because you screwed up big time with your actions.

[Chillaxitwnthappen]

Here is my list,

1. They don't want to "hurt" us

2. They are embarrassed

3. Women are really weird and can't make up their minds

4. They don't think they are being indirect

5. I'm still thinking of a fifth.

[Bh9021077]

Personally for me I think it's kind of a 'shit test'... in that I need to know if a guy can understand/read my needs so well I can trust him to care for and protect me without me having to nag and direct him a lot. Within reason. I think I become more direct the better I know the guy /build some mutual trust.

[dwiller943]

I could ask guys the same. I'm ALWAYS direct with what I say or ask. But some (not all) of men that I have come across are so indirect.

[CT_CD]

I believe most women are indirect