I got an illegal immigrant pregnant. She will probably get married to someone else soon. Should I be involved?
I was in a dead end relationship with a girl. It was bad pretty much from the beginning. She broke up with me right after she found out she was pregnant but it was clear to both of us that this was inevitable. She was on birth control and it was dumb to let it go on as long as it did but that's in the past now.
She is very poor. She came here on a visa from Asia that has expired years ago. She is going to lose her job soon. Her life is going nowhere here but she had a good life and career in Asia and deeply misses her family there. She has thought about going back to Asia many times but has a green card fantasy of America.
Her ex fiance is still in love with her and wants to marry her despite everything that has happened. She said she might do this but has to be sure because she doesn't want to hurt him. She has also said she plans on dating right after the baby. She says she is confidant she will get married one way or another within a few years after the kid is born. She refuses to make a decision on the ex fiance right now and says she only wants to think about the kid at the moment.
She's not the type that can think things through very well in advance so I think she doesn't realize how demanding it would be to raise a kid and how difficult dating would be as a full time mother. I think this would push her more towards her ex fiance.
I also think she underestimates how lonely she will be and how much she will miss her family and want to go back and be with them. She initially said she would go back to Asia because she couldn't handle not being with them during this. She now says she won't go back but doesn't want to think about the possibility that she won't get married so I feel she may change her mind. Her family would be able to help her tremendously with watching the kid, enabling her to date and it would be easier for me to financially support her there as well, plus she could have a career again.
She has said she is okay with me being involved or not being involved - either way. She said she will not get the courts involved for child support but I said I will support her financially whether a court tells me to or not or whether she is in America or not and I mean it.
I do not want to have a kid. Given the crazy scenario, I felt adoption would be best. She will not consider this though so I don't want to push it. I feel my life will be ruined if I am involved and that I'd be miserable the rest of my life. I think she also would be miserable having to deal with me the rest of her life.
The best situation in my mind is if the kid lives in a normal family and will happen if she gets married so I don't think I should be involved in the kid's life if she does that. I also don't want to prevent her from moving back to Asia because that situation would be easier for everyone financially, etc. However, there is some possibility that neither of these will happen. So the question is:
Do I get involved in the kid's life or not?
What's Your Opinion?