Benefits of Getting Married Young

[Anonymous]

In recent times, there seems to have been a secularisation of marriage, with couples choosing to cohabit rather than take the plunge. The value of marriage seems to have decreased especially amongst younger people.

My story is as follows; I met my girlfriend when we were 16, got engaged at 18 and we married at 20 and it is without doubt the best decision of my life. People had their doubts (especially my parents) but we are happier than ever and our bond only gets stronger.

Getting married at a young age isn't the norm anymore but there are a few reasons that I have picked out that benefit the decision to get hitched earlier in life.

It makes you stronger

The 20s is a tough decade; you need to sort your life out, build a future and assert yourself in your career choice. Having a life partner with you helps to take the load off and you have unquestionable support when you need it. You mature a lot during this time period and with a husband/wife, you learn to empathise and to nurture. These are important life skills and strong characteristics.

It's easier to conjoin your lives together

If you're together from a young age, you won't have a great deal of individual baggage to deal with or a massive range of differences in the way you live your lives. It's very easy to fit into each other's way and eventually create your own.

You can get your life together earlier

If you've already got your personal life in gear, you'll have more time to focus on your other goals in life, whether they be work-related or whether it be a dream you have and you can set about these goals at an earlier time in life.

Less pain and heartache (and less baggage)

This always leads to fewer regrets as well, you don't have those relationships that you really wish you hadn't got into. This also can cause a lot of stress in marriage as well if you or your partner is either close to an ex or can't seem to get rid of them.

You have so much more time together

This seems like a bit of an obvious one but you have much more time to create wonderful memories and the more you have, the more you will cherish them. Your relationship will also strengthen to a phenomenal extent and the love between you will be so great that it simply cannot be disturbed.

People look up to you and admire you

This is true, people look up to your relationship as a benchmark. It seems to be in society that the younger a couple get together, the cuter that relationship is. People admire your strength as a couple and wish to have what you two have got.

Less pressure to start a family

Ususally when a couple get married, the inevitable questions will start rolling. "So when are you thinking of having a little one?" All that kind of stuff however you go down the aisle at an earlier age, there will be more of a focus on your careers rather than when you'll be starting a family. There's also less pressure on yourselves, the body clock is ticking but there is o immediate danger. You can relax and take it easy for a while.

This has been my take on young marriage, I hope you enjoyed reading and i'd love to get your opinions on it. Hopefully this article may have inspired a few people to take the plunge themselves!

[Anonymous]

This is a ridiculous take. Age of newlyweds is a key factor for first marriage dissolution. Teens who marry face a marriage dissolution risk that is almost double that of individuals who marry between the ages of 25 and 29, and people who wait until their mid-30s or later who have a 43 per cent lower risk. The problem is that of a lack of self-identity and physiological underdevelopment. The human prefrontal cortex does not cease to develop until the age of 25, which is responsible for the control of risk-taking behaviors. Also, a lack of life experience with regard to relationships, your career, and the development of a large social network makes one prone to mistakes, rushing into the most serious agreement of companionship before one has a career sorted out, and has had little dating experience with others and thus has a convoluted picture of what they want in a partner, is an enormous risk and I would go so far as to call it a waste of time. A proclaimed self-assured 20yo is analogous to a chicken thinking it can fly because it possesses feathers, when in reality its lack of wing development leads it to crash into the ground. There is a very crucial period of one's life between the ages of 18 and 28 where one explores the world as a fresh faced adult, experimenting with different people, careers, and ideas, which leads to a form of self-actualization that directs them towards the path of their destiny. Marriage at such a young age halts the process of interpersonal exploration with the opposite gender, and thus an alarmingly high proportion of these young married people end up divorcing and then regretting the decision, wishing that they spent their younger years exploring the world and dating different people so they had a clearer view in their head of what they wanted in a partner. It sounds like you have a bad case of "familiarity breeds contempt" syndrome, often suffered by young insecure people who thrive off of the feeling of security of being in a relationship, which they let cloud their judgement, and paint over their fears with regards to facing questions such as "Who am I?" "What do I really want out of life?", "What would bring me the greatest satisfaction in life?", a fear that often masquerades itself as pompousness, entitlement, and a deluded sense of superiority because after all, how dare a young person let the world know how blissfully ignorant they truly are?

[myTake Owner]

So you're just going to generalise every age group and throw them all into separate baskets? OK that's cool. Not every person below the age of 21 is yet to have a career, people do start of in a trade from a young age.

[myTake Owner]

*off

[Ozanne]

We get it, people should fuck around in their 20s. The 20s have now become an extension of the teen years. This viewpoint is from a guy who is preventing the fallouts of the risks and drama that people have when they act like frat boys because they think that's what their 20s is for. He rejects this expectation he should fuck around and is happy. I fail to see what's wrong with this. I can see it if the couple is immature and aren't ready because they have loads of drama in their years prior to the marriage (or months), but a couple like the Take Owner doesn't sound like this at all.

[Opinion Owner]

The 20s are not an extension of the teen years by any measure, and any parent who willingly allows their teenage child to "fuck around" as you put it is utterly foolish. In a perfect scenario a person is not sexually active until they are 18. The teen years should be spent developing the social skills and study practices that will enable a person to flourish into a smart, social person that can make many friends, find a career, and build connections that last a lifetime.

[Opinion Owner]

@Ozanne

[Prettygurl12]

I met my boyfriend when I was 14. We're planning a 2018 wedding (I think :p). We'd have gotten married already but we want to get through school first.

[Not_Helping]

1. Actually having a life partner when you're young is significantly harder because A) they are delusional (www.huffingtonpost.com/.../...ions_n_1784371.html) and B) they have all the symptoms for a marriage that is going to fail (www.dailymail.co.uk/.../...-lowest-level-1974.html , www.theatlantic.com/.../) including being impoverished on their own and literally "dependents", confused, indecisive, unstable, and to some degree neurotic. Romanticism drives these people into relationships that are guaranteed to fail because they are not built on any sound foundation such as trust (you've know the person a whole two to three years), stability, and permanence.

TL;DR: Young people change too much and actually have too little of a personality to truly grasp the commitment level of marriage. They are just too immature in most cases.

2. It is far, far harder to "conjoin" when you have nothing. As a matter of fact one of the speculations as to why young marriages and cohabitation and relationships in general fail is because there's nothing there to actually surround. Ironically it is so "loose" and "empty" a meeting that there really isn't need for commitment; to make that easy to understand imagine two scenarios, one where a couple has to raise $100,000 and one where they have to raise a total of $1. Which requires more commitment? Couple this with the fact that most people in their twenties are still dependents and that $.50 probably didn't even come from their work (www.slate.com/.../...explain_why_young_adults.html , www.slate.com/.../...explain_why_young_adults.html) so now with even less commitment towards their own lives how does one conjoin successfully?

3. People tend to get their lives together no slower or faster. The average time in college does not change (www.washingtonpost.com/.../ , www.donaldasher.com/.../...e%20in%204%20Years.pdf) and thus the notion of getting your life together when you're a dependent is laughable. It simply isn't happening with the average student still taking 6 years not including those married couples who rapidly have children instead of waiting until they are out of school. Having your personal life together is fundamentally a myth until you have the social standing to show for it and by that time you will definitely be in your late 20s to early 30s because even if you started school at 18 the earliest you'll be finishing is probably about 24~25 but that's green with no basis or background in the field you desire. It is frivolous to believe this.

4. There's no difference between a basic level and married relationship here; it is a matter of commitment and comfort versus demand and fealty. Getting married only potentially traps you in a relationship with someone from Nightmare City. Divorces are difficult even for

[Not_Helping]

people who have few to no real assets. It is not the same as getting sick of her and her nagging or getting tired of him and his lack of ambition and throwing your hands in the air and walking out the front door never to return. The idea that you are "good" at choosing a mate at a young age, as shown in the links above, is silly so choosing someone to marry in your youth is by far the greatest mistake and the easiest way to end up in a relationship you actually cannot legally break free of. Besides "crazy exgirlfriend" on a dating resume sounds better than "my three crazy exwives".

5. This has nothing to do with marriage specifically and is simply shifting from relationship to relationship.

6. Actually "the cuter" your relationship the more people are saying it's novel but won't last. That's not good; you don't want a "cute" relationship you want a strong relationship because being a cute couple in HS is just saying "awe, they look good together, too bad heartbreak is coming."

[Not_Helping]

No one looks to youth for inspiration. That's why the whole "THAT 13 YEAR OLD SOLVED AN ADULTS PROBLEM!" headline is so amazing to us, because most young people are just sources of folly, not fundamental wisdom.

7. This is complete and utter bullocks. ( boards.weddingbee.com/topic/pressure-to-have-kids/ ) first a forum filled to the brim with 1,000 plus persons who have the problem, and now a column piece ( elitedaily.com/.../ ) and now ( www.elephantjournal.com/.../ ) satire. Why? Because it's nonsense. Actually a lot of people experience a lot of pressure based solely on age, not relationship status, so it doesn't encourage nor prolong the questions. people who want to see the babies just want to see the babies!

[Anonymous]

I got married young to my high school sweetheart and at this point I regret it. We ended up growing tired of one another. I liked him at 17, but I couldn't stand him by 23. Now we're seperated and 24. We got married at 21 and at that age, so many of our friends were single leading the single life. My husband thought that he was missing out on something and let his friends ruin our marriage. If you're gonna marry young, make sure it's with the right person. Turned out, he didn't miss out on anything. All of his ONCE single friends are in happy relationships, some engaged and he's single living in his mothers basement. His friends are too busy with their women to be bothered with him anymore. It certainly wasn't my dream to be divorced by 24, but this is the reality when you marry young. The chances of it working out are slim. I wish things were different, for so long, we made plans, but this is the life that HE chose. He thought that he was missing out on his youth and now that all of his friends are ready to settle, he's alone.

[myTake Owner]

There are some great points you've got there; i'm sorry to hear that it didn't work out for you. I know that different people will have different circumstances and other people will have contrasting experiences. Like most things, sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn't. You just have to hope it does if you decide to do it.

[HuckyHucky]

There are SO many fallacies in the "benefits" you mentioned. To point out a few:

1. "The 20s is a tough decade; you need to sort your life out, build a future and assert yourself in your career choice." Um, yeah, that is EXACTLY why it's generally best for people to WAIT to get married. Get your crap together before you go dragging another person into it with you. Learn how to be independent and mature first.

2. "You mature a lot during this time period". You should already be totally matured BEFORE jumping into marriage. It's the worst idea in the world to devote yourself to one person for the rest of your life while still in the maturation process. You may mature into a 30 year old who is no longer interested in the type of person your partner is.

3. "you have much more time to create wonderful memories" You mean much more time to deal with your partner's crap.

4. "people look up to your relationship as a benchmark. It seems to be in society that the younger a couple get together, the cuter that relationship is." You know who aspires to have a picture-perfect Instagram-worthy relationship? Idiot teenagers. You know who you shouldn't be trying to impress? Idiot teenagers.

5. "If you've already got your personal life in gear, you'll have more time to focus on your other goals in life" Nope. Especially not for women in general. Many tend to focus on their relationship and let their career slip to the wayside because they've gotten complacent and dependent upon their guy.

6. "Less pressure to start a family" More like more pressure. When you're all young and spry people EXPECT you to get right to that family making business.

So, in summary, your entire MyTake is jank.

[myTake Owner]

Ouch.. my poor feelings

[HookingSwan]

Oh. I'm not defending marrying early or marrying later. I just think he made some very good reasonable points. At least, it's his perspective and he is in his right to offer it. You too, offered your perspective and yes, you can refute some of his points. You are in your right to offer your oppinion, I just think the way you came about it was unnecessarily harsh. Feel free to bash me. But i think you could have been a little bit more toned down.

[HookingSwan]

by the way i agree with the wonderful memories part. if you have to tolerate too much crap from ur partner, like u called it. then probably u are not with the right one. This sounds like someone who hasn't experienced love yet. At least a stable kind of love

[9mfeo]

Haha, yes! That's exactly what I was thinking! There are far more problems with early marriage than there are benefits.

[Hidden_P]

I'm happy for you. Really. But it depends on the people and the situation.

My parents met at 18 (mums age, dad is 2 years older). Got married at 22. First child at 26. Last child (me, number 5) at 36. Mum started cheating on dad aged 48. Divorced aged 52. She's 58 now.

Take me and my ex. Met when 15. Dated for 5 and a half years. He cheated on me and we broke up.

Although I like and approve of your story the reality is for most people, do what feels right. If I had married my ex I wouldn't have had the chance with my now boyfriend - who's 26 - and I am grateful we had that chance.
So we haven't married as young as you. But one day I hope to marry the man of my dreams, the father of my children and my soulmate. And it doesn't matter how old I am when I walk down the aisle. Having parents that used to scream, shout and hit each other until I had to call the police, brothers who fought and had faces put through glass windows and almost dying, being on the phone to 999, being my dad's carer when nobody else was there... I don't care, I just don't want someone to have the childhood I had and I want the partnership I've dreamed of.

But I'm happy everything's worked out for you.

[Battooot]

I'm sorry you had to go through that. /respect from me that you still seem mature and well-headed even after your experiences.

[Hidden_P]

Thanks @Battooot kind of have to be after that! But yeah I wasn't trying to make the take owner feel bad I was trying to highlight why waiting is sometimes a better option... Really it depends on the people. I'm glad it worked out for him but for many couples it's the worst thing you can do

[Battooot]

I know you weren't trying to make anyone feel bad, it's just an old habit of mine to read and find out the qualities of the person from the way they are writing and how they think. I found out or at least i assumed that you are pretty mature and well-headed which are traits that i really like and appreciate to be in a girl that's why i said what i said :p

In regards to the marrying young thing, as you said, it depends on the people. But more specifically, it's just all about maturity. If both couples are mature mentally, and decided to get married young then there shouldn't be any problem with that.

[vishna]

I definitely wish you the best.

I was too much of a child to get engaged at 18, and I'm definitely not ready at 20 to get married. I'm still a child in a lot of ways.

Even though I'm with someone I love, I don't want it and neither does he. I'm in school, and I'm so many years from completing it. I would have no money to get married (yeah, I'd like a reception and nice honeymoon), I would have no time for him (school is my job and what I'm focused on, and he and I live very far away)

It would be a terrible decision at this point in my life because if I did get married, I wouldn't live with my husband, I wouldn't have the time to dedicate to him, and I know I have a lot of growth to go through.

Also, I don't really get the secularization of marriage thing, because it's more about women getting jobs and being more than housewives that's upped the age, not a lack of religion. It's more about education in general, in addition to changing times. But the overwhelming majority of Americans are still religious.

[MissFabulous]

I think this is a very interesting take on benefits of getting married young. I have a lot of friends who have gotten married young and I often thought, "wait whats the rush, dont u want to wait until u have a stable Career and u seen the world first". I have personally always wanted to have my career, car, house, and see the world first and then get married. I have seen a lot single parents in my lifetime and want to make sure that I'm set beforehand & can afford to support Me & my family and take time for me & live it up some before settling down (such as traveling, chasing dreams, & ect). I want the same for my Husband. Im not saying that once you settled down u have to be boring & ur life is over, its just your not making decisions only for yourself but have to make a decisions with someone else cuz it can affect not only ur life but ur spouses too. So your not just accountable for your life but
your spuses too.

After reading your post, it made me see a different perspective of the benefits of getting Married young. I know getting married young isn't for everyone but I think u made a good point & I think it's amazing that you two found each other, & happiness and have these good benefits. I wish u two a very blessed & Happy marriage. Thanks for the new perspective. :)

[Hexxus]

Im very happy that everything has been working out so well for you, there are however a few things that I would suggest others take into consideration before making the choice to marry.

All of the benefits you listed can be had without the contract of marriage and without the risk of financial destruction. From a male point of view the contract of marriage is unacceptable.

In the vast majority of the cases men lose half their net worth and a portion of their income (alimony) and if children were involved they lose them as well no matter who filed for divorce or what the reason was.

Add this to the fact that there is an estimated 30% paternity fraud rate with in the united states. That's right, almost 1 in 3. In almost 1 in 3 births the mother knowing lied to a man, telling him that he was the father of a child that is not his.

In short, women tend to profit from divorce while men and brought to the brink of bankruptcy. So unless there is a massive reform on devoice and family law to prevent this, I will never and I repeat never get married.

[Hidden_P]

Yup. My mum got all of the money in the divorce my dad got the assets.

In court my dad's lawyer said "but that money was set aside and labelled as Hidden_p's university fund" and the judge said "well it's her mothers now."

I never went to UNI because of my mother. I've had to be an apprentice on apprenticeship wage for 2 years and work 2 jobs.

I haven't seen or spoken to my mother in 6 years and I hope she rots in hell, disease ridden whore.

[Hexxus]

That really sucks, im sorry that happened to you.

[jmbaby]

I think there a lot of factors to consider when you marry young. I was 18 when I met my husband and married at 19. He was 32, 12 years older. Needless to say instead of growing together, I grew into what he needed and wanted and some what lost myself in the process. I dealt with it 13 years and finally divorced. Now at 34 I met the love of my life and we just had our first child. Sure we are not 20 anymore but we both know what we want and need and we respect that. I think 18 to 25 at least, is the time everyone needs to just experience life. What you may want in a person may change over time. How can you really know what you want if you don't know who you really are? At 18 who really has their life planned to a T and at 50 can say life actually went according to their plan. I say don't worry about love and marriage, it will happen when the time is right, at 18 or at 34. Just live each day, you can have an idea of where you want your life to end up but leave a lot of wiggle room. I really think young marriages are unhealthy. People are more likely to change in their 20s then late 20s early 30s. It's not like the old west where people were lucky if they lived past 45. Don't rush into anything, just enjoy.

[knight1986]

Great take :). I'm also happy that i married in my mid twenties, has taught me so much and has in some ways made me grow up faster as i accepted more responsibilities. And my wife just fell pregnant now, so we are so excited to have a little one on his/her way. And marrying young you get to build your lives together, its been absolutely amazing so far for us.

[myTake Owner]

You're spot on, you do learn a lot of maturity and responsibility and the bond between you grows stronger. Thank you for reading and the biggest congratulations to you and your wife.

[knight1986]

Thank you so much. I completely agree, i was amazed at how quickly you mature and accept the responsibility. Only a pleasure. Thanks again for your warm wishes

[koibito]

And here's the cons! :)

1) You are too optimistic in life. Love works magic! The end.
2) You fail to envision who your future self and her future self would be - they may not be compatible!
3) You blow your money on things that don't matter, leaving little for what matters
4) You haven't met better people - a lot of people really get better in their later (non-teen) years! You used to think she was a goddess, turns out goddesss appear after age 25 (just a random figure)
5) You don't start to see the nuances of love until later in life.

Ofc this is just my own perspective - many more mature couples have already understood this very well, but in my opinion they are rare and it's unreasonable to expect most couples to be that mature.

[BeeNee]

I think there are far too many people today focusing on the what ifs when it comes to marriage as if life itself isn't already, one big, what if. It's like, well what if I get divorced, what if she has secrets, what if he cheats on me, and on an on. Marriage should not be entered into lightly, but if someone is so strangled by the what ifs, they may very well be sabotaging their own chances at finding a long standing loving healthy marriage. It's a risk every married couple takes, but if if didn't work out for so many people, then people wouldn't do it at all. I applaud you for doing what was in your hearts and getting married. Sure this isn't the case for everyone who marries young, but people have to also realize, that you aren't "everyone else," you are your bride, and yourself and you have to make decisions that are right for you and that benefit your happiness. Great post.

[MissFabulous]

Great Answer! :)

[bomba78]

It's great that it has worked for you so far and I really wish you many happy years to come, but there are also things that speak against marrying young.
Some people change a lot once they hit their 20's, they get careers, might discover new aspects of their personality and if this happens to both partners, there is a big chance of just growing appart.
At some point one might feel like they have missed out on all the "baggage" as you call it.
Out of all divorces, statistically speaking, a whopping 38% is in the 20-24 age group. Those % drop considerably to only 5% after 35. This is something to think about and no coincidence.
Anyway, all the best for you!

[meatballs21]

Plus, when you realize in your late 20s that you rushed into this and your sweetheart isn't the one (or she has 'matured' from the fun and breezy 20 year old you fell for into a fat lazy 30something) then you're still pretty youthful when you divorce and find yourself in the dating world again.

[JohnBhoy94]

With a lot of baggage I would add to that xD

[meatballs21]

@JohnBhoy94 having your naive little dreams crushed tends to do that :p

[dragracergirl]

I agree with everything you just said. I met my husband in high school, got engaged at 19, married him at 21, been married 23 wonderful years. I can't imagine my life without him, he is my best friend. Yea its rare but some of us are just lucky to find the right one right away. there's nothing wrong with getting married young at all.

[BertMacklinFBI]

its awesome that you got married young and had it all work out for you. and I appreciate you making points too. unfortunately its not like this for everyone, but its amazing that it worked out well for you both.

[myTake Owner]

Yes you've got a great point; everyone's life is different and they all have their own pace. I just wanted to get the positives across to any couples thinking of doing it. Thanks for the feedback.

[checkyesjulietx]

I respect your decision to marry young and I wish you all the best but I do not think it is for everyone, espcially not me. I would much prefer to find myself before committing to someone for the rest of my life. I would rather mature and be certain about the person I am before I get married.

I think a lot can change fi you marry young, especially before you are both fully mature. As you grow older, your plans and goals could change. You have to adapt as your partner discovers themselves and I would rather save the hassle.

[Ozanne]

Wow. I have always been against people marrying young thinking it's a terrible mistake. I read this and got to understand your point of view and you told me things I hadn't considered, now I have a different opinion of it thanks to you. Especially the children part. That is true people likely leave you alone about it! They sure didn't with me because I married late. LOL

I wish you many happy years together! :)

[Justsocrazy]

This is so true! I'm going to be young married too, Me and my boyfriend met last year.. He asked me to marry him this year at the age of 16 and we will probably getting married when we are 18+. This may sound ridiculous with being engaged at 16 but we have our reasons like the fact that my boyfriend is serving in the armed forces. Hate me for it if you like but he means the whole world to me.

[Minxxie]

I think being in a committed relationship has helped me figure things out along side someone going through the same things, plus only paying half the rent and not having to have random roommates is nice. We have talked about marriage as a possibility in the future, I can't see myself with anyone else but we need to get through University first. Education is more important plus a wedding is not in my budget!

[sherbearee]

Lots of people aren't ready to "take the plunge" at such an early age, esp. with schooling, jobs, etc. But if it worked for you, than good for ya :)

[myTake Owner]

Yeah I appreciate that different people have different circumstances and concede that this article may be slightly biased but i was trying to highlight the positives. Thanks for the feedback.

[sherbearee]

No problem, and dw about the opening sentence... alludes to intelligence:P