People Under 25 Probably Shouldn't Get Married

[ForeverYours39]

So I was doing some googling to see what the popular opinion was on getting married young. (Young as in under 25). I have personally always believed it’s not a good decision to get engaged before age 25. However, I found an article written by Steven Crowder from 3 years ago that says the very opposite in an extremely rude way, which really pissed me off.

He wrote his opinion piece in response to a Huffington Post article on why marrying under 25 should be banned in the U.S. His first response is “I know what you’re thinking…hipsters. “. To which I reply, no that’s not what anyone is thinking. How is thinking that way at all like a hipster? He’s already coming off so intelligent to me. Crowder goes on to say that he knows of many people, including himself that have gotten married and have been married for quite some time and are still happy. However, I’m going to assume that he is a religious man and so is his family, so that leads me to believe that these people frown upon or maybe even do not allow divorce. Therefore, it’s not like they have that choice so no wonder they’re still together.

I know of an Evangelical couple (my friend’s parents) who are apparently not in love at all anymore but are staying together for their children’s sake. That’s fine for them or anyone else who really wants to deal with that unhappiness (I guess you could potentially be happy that way, but it’s unlikely). I, on the other hand, could not deal with that. And as a child, I would want my parents to be happy. Once I was mature enough to understand what my parents were feeling, I would definitely hold no resentment towards them or their decision to divorce. By the way, I grew up with split parents and went through two divorces, so I know what I’m talking about with that one. He then says that it’s not all people or people like him marrying young that’s the problem, it’s the Huff Post author marrying young that’s the problem. “That tends to happen when vapid, valueless leftists make poor life decisions,” he says. That statement was honestly completely unnecessary and rude. Crowder then states that unlike what the author of the Huff Post article says, he has not changed his mind since he was 14 on the person he wanted to be or wanted to be with.

In my opinion, that’s terrifying to be the same person you were at 14 and never experience change and growth. It also sounds incredibly boring. But like the other author stated, many, many people have not found out who they want to be or who they want to be with at that time in their lives. They still need time to grow and figure out what they like by dating around. And dating around is not shameful either. Everyone does things in their own way and dating around is one way to find out what you like. Then the Huff Post author states that she wanted to spend her early 20s partying and having fun. Crowder just outright insults her and everyone who chooses to live that way saying that it’s “living life like a dime store floozy”. Honestly, just what the hell. That’s generalization, sexism, and just being a dick. He doesn’t even try to see that’s what the majority of young people are doing and recognizing that you can do those things and still be responsible.

Crowder also says; “I’m guessing that ability to withstand peer pressure and adhere to one’s values might translate to the kind of backbone necessary for a successful lifelong relationship.” What he doesn’t understand is that a lot of people who partake in the partying lifestyle are not submitting to peer pressure, it’s just something they think is fun and so they partake (and I’m speaking from experience). Additionally, just because a person has this kind of lifestyle does not mean they don’t have what it takes to have a successful long-term relationship. Those two things are almost completely unrelated. He goes on to question the Huff Post author: “Did [anyone] explain to you the statistical benefits of abstinence until marriage, and the possible pitfalls of living together before tying the knot?” This is where he cites a book written in 1996 to try and back up abstinence.

Honestly, abstinence doesn’t even seem relevant in this conversation. Nonetheless, it’s been proven that states who only teach abstinence have the highest number of teen pregnancies. So his information is obsolete and irrelevant. Another thing, I don’t think it could at all negatively affect a couple to live together before marrying. If anything it would be beneficial because it gives you real insight on what it could be like to be with that person 24/7 and help you decide if that’s what you want. Altogether, I was very upset by this man’s article. He fails to understand so many things about the maturing and growing that happens to a person in their young adulthood. Human brains aren’t even fully developed until age 25. (Which is probably the reason the Huff Post author chose the age that she did.) It’s honestly very reasonable to ban marriage for adults under 25 for this reason. Yet, I understand why that won’t and shouldn’t happen. Adults should be free to make their own stupid mistakes.

[ccp16]

I don't think you should be banned form getting married by 25... Many people are financially stable, done with school and could have a job for that. I don't think that happens often enough today, but it does happen. I for one would wait until my later 20s to achieve these things... plus, even if I had met someone I loved and wanted to marry, I think I would rather just cohabitate and have fun while we are young, then get married and do the family thing as we get older, no rush.

I think the big difference here comes from value systems relating to marriage. You are right, conservatives are far less likely to even consider divorce, it is a sin to many and can be seen as an outcast by family members.

My aunt got divorced from her husband because he was cheating and gave her an STI. She divorced him and my grandparents and many of her friends (she is very catholic and most of her friends are from church) all basically ostricised her. They said she should have worked through it and God forgives... This to me is pure insanity. God may forgive, but how can you side with a man with four children and has a year long affair and because he regrets it and says he was steered wrong, forgive him and call his faithful wife the sinner? crazy.

My old friend form undergraduate is very conservative as well. He had sex with a girl (unmarried) at 18. Because of this, they now HAVE to get married. It is the only option they see to be faithful to God. They went on to a LDR through all of college and were miserable. They used to fight on the phone nightly, especially if he came out drinking with us, she was very un-trusting (he never even came close to doing anything wrong). But still, this was better than the shame they would both feel at home and internally... crazy to throw away your entire life of happiness because you had sex before marriage... They are getting married this Fall and all I see on FB is a count down until they will not (more like can't) be single forever!

All I mean to say with these examples, is that to conservatives like this author, marriage really is forever regardless of how wrong a choice it was at what age. Whereas liberal minded people, such as ourselves, don't see marriage ins such final terms. I agree, many people do need to work harder at it before throwing in the towel (especially young people getting married) but ultimately, these value differences don't allow for a good conversation between these two camps. But that guy was far too rude

[ForeverYours39]

Thank you, I agree with you. too.

[SolitaireBond]

What complete and utter rubbish you have written.. And as for saying that my brain has not fully developed, I find this totally insulting.

Explain this to me if you will, according to your article I have supposedly not matured and my brain is not functioning properly.. So please tell me how it is that am able to own and run three extremely successful businesses, I have almost 100 employees, and I have a turnover approaching £5m.

Now, onto the main subject here.. I started going out with my future husband when I was thirteen years old.. We moved in together when I was seventeen years old.. I became engaged on my twenty first birthday.. And we got married last September, when I was twenty four and a half years old.

So Miss "Clever Clogs" ( @ForeverYours39 ) give this your very best shot in convincing me, that I have got it all wrong.. And that I should have waited for this, that or the other to happen first.

And finally, may you too continue in life making stupid mistakes, such as writing such pathetic nonsensical claptrap articles.

[ForeverYours39]

Alright, cool, I see you're seeing this objectively and not at all taking this personally. And you definitely read that your brain is not fully developed UNTIL 25, instead of thinking that at 25 it's still not fully developed. Your age here says you are 25, so I'm going to assume that is your real age. It is not my opinion that your brain isn't fully developed until 25, it's scientific fact. Obviously, much of your brain is developed/developing, so you're still able to do things like you have pointed out. My point was, it seems smart to wait until your brain is completely done forming before such important decisions are made. I know I didn't explain myself well, as many people have pointed out. If I could edit or update this Take, I would in order to clear up some misunderstandings.

[SolitaireBond]

Well thank you @ForeverYours39 for taking the time in replying.. Your response is very much appreciated.

May I assure you that I am indeed twenty five years old, and indeed reached this age only this year on May 22nd.

I still find it totally impossible to believe any of this so called scientific fact about the human brain development though.. Purely my opinion only of course.

[ForeverYours39]

https://i.imgur.com/Ak9yZHf.png Need I say more?

[ForeverYours39]

I wrote a less angry, more personal version if you want to read it. www.girlsaskguys.com/.../a11058-young-marriage-divorce-kids

[sephylove]

Wow, finally a take where I can say A LOT about. Your opinion was rather interesting to read. And while I do see your points, I'm going to have to disagree with a lot of what you wrote. Hopefully in less than a rude way!

I'll go through my points in accordance to the order you wrote this take.

First of all, I would like to say it is a very bad idea to even contemplate of banning marriage if you are under the age of 25. Biologically our bodies are able to reproduce much before that, so speaking from a purely scientific background, we should be able to mate near puberty and it is ideal to do so. (Keep in mind this is scientific, not my opinion on what should be the social norm). But I just wanted to illustrate that setting an age limit of "25" has no basis in the world of reason, as it is incredibly ambiguous.

Let me elaborate further. Many females mature before men. A woman of 25 may have the maturity of a 30 year old, while a man of 25 may have the maturity of a 20 year old. So maturity has less to do with a certain limit, and more to do with how people grow, and that's different for everyone. This counts for personal growth as well. There are people who have nothing figured out and they are 40 years old, does that mean they shouldn't be in a relationship? It is important to grow as individuals, but realize, that it is possible to grow together as well. And there are some who have a well established sense of self awareness when they are in their early 20s. Does that mean they should be held back because a law states they are just not "ready"?

I hope you don't mind this lengthy response, but I have a lot more to add.

You mentioned, "I’m going to assume that he is a religious man and so is his family, so that leads me to believe that these people frown upon or maybe even do not allow divorce." Now, first of all, assumptions have no basis on anything except personal opinion. Which is fine, but it is difficult to imprint that on every single religious person. There is no correlation to being religious and divorce. If you would like to assume, assume the pros as well. The reason divorce may be frowned upon may be because people opt out of relationships rather than working hard to get through problems together. Or its better for younger children to grow up in a house hold with both parents rather than just one.

Now I know you said, you know and understand if parents divorce. But realize, you did not understand this until you were much older.(Contd...)

[sephylove]

... You may not mind, and actually understand quite well why your parents divorced, but you cannot speak for everyone. There are children who are greatly saddened and confused by the split of their parents. NOTE: I am not saying divorce is horrible, sometimes people don't get a long and there is no other option. Hey it happens. I'm not saying it's a bad thing. But I don't think all religions ban it either.

A marriage is based much more than just two people being in love. It is hard work, and a lot of other factors play a role. Just because two people are in love, does not mean the marriage will be successful. It does not qualify a happy family, and certainly does not mean they will be together forever. Life happens, and even when you love someone sometimes it is not enough to be together.

You cannot cite one study, there are so many extraneous variables to consider. Plus, correlation does not equal causation. (Contd...)

[sephylove]

Teaching abstinence, and rate of pregnancy can seem to have some similar trends in date, but that does not mean one is caused by the other. And actually, human brains remain to be flexible and growing until about the age of 30. And neuro-plasticity slows down at around age 20. The number varies dependent on population and individuals. Personal growth and "brain growth" do not have to be linked in order for you to discover self awareness and maturity.

I'm going to stop here because I totally went off lol. But I hope you understand. Your take was heated, and I could sense your anger towards this Crowder guy. But try to look past just what you think, assume, and read in one or two researches, and even past the condescending tone in someones writing.

My final verdict to your rant: No I do not think it is reasonable at all to ban marriage before the age of 25.

[CandyandPinkCats]

What do you think about parents staying to together without being married? I think it's more authentic, because the same financial and legal benefits aren't there... They may be staying together mostly because they genuinely like each other.

[sephylove]

That's a good point! Some people have kids or get married just for benefits, sadly. But I think a relationship might become "loose" over time if a couple has been living together for a long time with a family together. There is less of a responsibility I guess on the relationship, especially for a guy because he doesn't feel as committed as he would if it were his wife. I'm not saying it won't work, but it's probably not for everyone.

[BCRanger10]

I disagree.

First of all, yes, Steven Crowder is a Christian. Yes, he is a conservative. However, he's also a comedian. Being snarky and condescending come with the territory just like... Jon Stewart and Stephen Colbert.

Secondly, if you're upset about a comedian acting in such a way, keep that in mind the next time you hear Patton Oswalt, Janeane Garafalo, or Bill Maher say the things that they do.

Third, the Huffington Post is just as biased towards liberals as Fox News is towards conservatives.

Fourth, the development of the brain is irrelevant. Love and marriage are not about logic and reason. Love and marriage are about the choices you make that form who you are and involve sacrifice and humility. Logic ("compatibility") plays a basic and minimal role. Love is about the apprehension of the whole of another person rather than the mere comprehension. Age has little, if anything to do with it.

But since you mention it...

What if a kid wants to be the best athlete, best doctor, or best soldier he can be? Wouldn't it be a good idea to start getting himself ready younger? Did you read or see Lone Survivor? Marcus Luttrell started training to be a Navy SEAL when he was 15 years old.

So, if a young boy wants to be the best husband, the best father, and above all, the best man that he possibly can be, doesn't it speak to his maturity if he starts making those decisions at a young age, before it even gets on most kids' radars? Doesn't that show growth? And believe you me, just because something is "exciting" doesn't mean it's good.

You are entirely too harsh on Crowder for knowing what he wanted at 14. People complain about "ah, kids these days. They're so immature and hopeless." If you think that teenagers aren't capable of great love, maturity, selflessness, and indeed, heroism, I would encourage you to read about a young Italian girl named Chiara Badano.

And for the record, Steven Crowder is 28.

[ForeverYours39]

Sure that's great to work towards what you want, it doesn't mean making huge commitments before your brain is even close to being done developing is a good idea.

[BCRanger10]

What does the development of the brain have to do with anything? Why is that important at all?

[ForeverYours39]

I wrote a less angry, more personal version if you want to read it. www.girlsaskguys.com/.../a11058-young-marriage-divorce-kids

[BCRanger10]

1) I do want to read it, but I keep getting a "page not found" screen. 2) Even so, you didn't answer my questions.

[ForeverYours39]

www.girlsaskguys.com/.../a11058-young-marriage-divorce-kids I copied it wrong the first time sorry.

Brain development is obviously important because you should want all of your brain to be functioning before making such a huge commitment. And you'll most likely be more financially stable if you wait until at least your mid-20s.

[BCRanger10]

That still doesn't answer my question. Perhaps I should rephrase it. Why is the brain and its development the most important factor in this?

[BCRanger10]

I've already explained why the brain, biology, and logic are not sufficient to enter and maintain a relationship like marriage.

[Magdalena93]

OK. So you think people under 25 should be banned from getting married? My grandparents got married when they were 16 and 19 years old (grandpa was 19, grandma was 16) and they're still together- very happily I might add. All of their friends got married young, and all of them are still together and happily married. When I compare that to most 30-year-olds nowadays, who get married, get pregnant as soon as possible, and divorce right after the baby is born, I don't see why people SHOULDN'T marry young. I think the problem is that people nowadays think about fun only- not about responsibility or life-long commitment. No. Fun is the most important, and especially boredom is considered something to be kept out of your life. So when the butterflies start melting away and you "love your partner, but you aren't in love anymore" the most logical thing is to file for a divorce. So you can start chasing butterflies again.

The wrong values are being presented to us as the right ones. That's where the problem is. It has nothing to do with age- it has everything to do with how you want to see marriage.
I married relatively "young" (I was 20) and I couldn't be happier. I've only been married for two and a half years, but my values are the right ones and I know we'll be married for life. But please, older person, tell me that I shouldn't have gotten married because to you I'm too yound and stupid to do so anyway no matter how mature I am :)

[Realfire22]

Preach, girl! Tell her like it really is!!

[CincinnatiRedsfan]

@Magdalena93 Relax, she quoted Huffingtonpost, which is nowhere near a reliable source lol. This myTake would have been better if she explained her reasonings.

[ForeverYours39]

Right at the end I literally said it makes sense for it to be banned, but I don't think it should be.

[CincinnatiRedsfan]

Well the states that only teach abstinence may have a higher teen pregnancy rate but correlation doesn't mean causation. Teenagers are supposedly having less sex than they ever have in history, and we supposedly have the lowest teen pregnancy rate as well. I don't care which sexual education class people prefer, because that has nothing to do with it. I prefer a true education class anyway but it doesn't matter, because birth control is usually too expensive for teens anyway.

Also, I learned in an adolescent class the whole "brain development at 25" is a myth. That's only taking into account the SIZE of the brain. Your brain uses its thoughts on neurofolds.

It depends on the person. I'm not ready to get married until my 30's but some people might be ready right after high school. Maturity depends on the PERSON once you're an adult. Gender also plays a big role in brain development.

Your argument isn't convincing if all you have is "brain development." There is also a lot more to marriage than that.

[CandyandPinkCats]

The science studies and everything change so much! I bet a year or two from now, they'll say something like "The brain stop developing at 30" or whatever the exact opposite of what they're saying now is.

[Phoenix98]

That's not always true, my mother got married before age 25, both my aunt and uncle got married, before age 25, both my grandfathers and grandmothers got married before age 25, both cousins again got married before 25, they are all together and have fine happy marriages with no regrets.

You also have to understand that some people don't grow, change or mature I've seen people twice my age that act like kids and never grew up, while others may go faster or slower compared to other people. I for instance matured quite a bit quicker then the rest of the people I grew up with. And have pretty much reached the point were I'll be for the rest of my life maturity wise, yet I am only 22 and I've been like this for several years. -shrugs- this isn't really a one size fits all type of thing.

I do agree that people should wait and get married around the age of 25 simply for the fact that most people are better off financially. And can actually support having a family, but they do not have to wait if they do not want to, I don't think under 25 marriages should be banned and that idea is ridiculous.

And while you are right that the brain is not fully developed until around that age, you must also know that quite a few people will not act or even really be any different a few years away from 25 as opposed to being 25, their brain maybe developed but that doesn't guarantee or even mean they as a person or their personality or way of thinking will change.

[ForeverYours39]

I obviously know it doesn't guarantee it, but the chances are much higher. I wrote another Take about this that better explains how I feel www.girlsaskguys.com/.../a11058-young-marriage-divorce-kids

[Phoenix98]

I would still point you towards my examples. It's not the age, it's the people involved at least that in my opinion as I know tons of couples who got married at age 25 or older and still got divorced, sometimes more then once, and my personal experiences with these couples only further strengthens my view on that.

[ForeverYours39]

Well I know a lot of people where the same thing happened but things didn't work out. You can't deny that although it can work out, the chances of it working out are not high. Statistics are against you.

[Phoenix98]

Statistics don't matter to me, numbers are numbers, -shrugs- half the time these "studies" are nothing but bs anyway.

[ForeverYours39]

Okay.

[CandyandPinkCats]

I can't resist asking since you mentioned so many people... Are the women dependent on the men for money? I think that would be the biggest reason why the younger ages would stay together.

[Phoenix98]

@CandyandPinkCats nope, both my grandmothers stayed home and took care of the kids but also worked as well, if that makes any sense I wouldn't know how else to put it lol, and my aunt works my cousins wife is an artist and my other cousin is a teacher, my mother did work, but chose to be a stay at home mother because she liked it better and it was easier when taking care of 3 kids. So all of them had money and jobs, they just simply love their spouses, money had nothing with them sticking together.

[CandyandPinkCats]

But they weren't high paying jobs?

[Phoenix98]

@CandyandPinkCats just standard middle class jobs.

[CandyandPinkCats]

But it doesn't sound like they made enough where they could've afforded the childcare, and still supported themselves alone... That's like the number 1 reason women stay at home, because of the child care costs. I think many women stayed married because it wouldn't have been possible to survive all by themselves, and still take care of the kids. Not that it isn't really hard for a lot of single parents now, but I think that's the main reason why those older couples stayed to together.

[code3]

I used to think like this, I didn't want to get married until I was 30 and had been dating the same guy solidly for about three to five years. But then life happened and remaining unmarried to my boyfriend of a year became impractical. Suddenly we needed the legal binding in order to stay together and live successful, comfortable lives.

In a perfect world, I do believe that marriage should wait. It should be only for love and between two mature adults. Marriage should have nothing to do with income and legal rights. But it's not a perfect world, and sometimes young people need to get married.

[Ilovemilfs]

I agree, I also think people should be banned from having children unless they are above a specified income bracket, have a clean criminal record, and have a good credit rating. Children need to grow up with parents that have the sufficient funds to give their children a good education, technology for them to use and benefit from, healthy foods, good clothes, and enough space in the home for them to be comfortable and have their privacy when they need it.

I myself am focused on my career and education and will not dwell too much on family matters until I am settled into a secure job and have my own house. Then not only can I use my spare time to meet women, my odds of being successful with women increase because I have a stable life with comfortable amounts of money, making this time optimal for finding a wife.

Just my 2 cents though.

[ImaSloth]

So you're basically saying anyone who has a past criminal record can't have kids? Some of the best dad's have had hard lives, they scrape everything together for their family no matter what income bracket they are.. The best people I've known have had parents who worked extremely hard and had low income, you know I think what this world lacks most is people who don't know what an easy life is, people who know what matters and have that drive to accomplish anything because they didn't get everything they wanted as a kid, they earned it through hard work and by being determined to be better, my dad was poor as a kid and worked hard his entire life, now he is a CEO.. You want to know how to destroy an economy? Get rid of the guys with low income and watch the fat cats starve..

[CandyandPinkCats]

@ImaSloth I'm curious, since they worked so much how much time did they spend with their kids? You know like how people say kids being raised by other people or school/daycare is bad? So if you think they're some of the best people you've known... were they raised by their parents?

[ImaSloth]

Absolutely they found time, they did everything for their family.

[FatherJack]

I agree to some extent , here in the UK , benefit ( welfare ) leeches were popping out huge numbers of kids for extra child benefit & Child Tax Credits , the " government " have finally capped this at 2 children. Those same children then become adults that do exactly the same !!

[TheGuyFromMiddleEast]

People are more than allowed to have and voice their opinions. You have your opinion, Crowder has his opinion, Huff Post writer has her opinion. However, the government HAS NO RIGHT TO INHIBIT PEOPLE. If you're defending a law that would inhibit people under ae of 25 to get married, people who have been sexually active FOR ALMOST A DECADE, it's nothing more than tyranny.
Just like conservative people cannot ban your right to party, you can't ban adult people's right to get married whenever they want.

To come to the point, I agree with Crowder. The base of the whole society, i. e. family, is built upon marriage. and there's no way you can say people will more likely stay married when they marry after they are older than 25.

[ForeverYours39]

Literally my last two lines: " It’s honestly very reasonable to ban marriage for adults under 25 for this reason. Yet, I understand why that won’t and shouldn’t happen. Adults should be free to make their own stupid mistakes."

[oddwaffle]

There is a very very strong incentive to NOT get married before 25. 70% of marriages fail because of money problems. Economic stress is extremely heavy. Honour doesn't worth an apple when you have been starving for a long time. Love alone will not carry you through despair, hopelessness and real hunger.

A young couple will have a lot of problems if they don't plan ahead. They are also extremely susceptible to shocks like having children, accidents or deaths.

It doesn't mean that people don't succeed getting married young, it just that they are rolling the dice with their lives in a game not rigged in their favour. They might win but it's going to be extremely miserable once they fail and ruin their future.

[Thats]

"They are also extremely susceptible to shocks like having children, accidents or deaths."
Why do you say that?

[CincinnatiRedsfan]

@oddwaffle Well, how do you explain the young generation in the 1950's then? They were often married directly after high school and had the lowest divorce rate of all time. Our current generation often gets married after 25 and we have one of the highest divorce rates of all time.

And there is no truth to young marriages being "accident" prone. You made that up off of the top of your head.

[CandyandPinkCats]

@CincinnatiRedsfan These days, I think the highest divorce rates are actually for the people under 20. Like I said before, I'd bet many of the wives were just dependent on their husbands.

[CincinnatiRedsfan]

@CandyandPinkCats I'm not denying the fact many wives used to rely on their husbands, that's probably true.

However, our divorce rate is due to people under 20. People under 20 represent a very small percentage of married couples. As I said before, most people these days are waiting until at LEAST 25(or older) to get married, yet, almost half of them (so they say) are getting divorced.

I just think it depends on the person. I think people divorce more these days because it's more acceptable.

[ForeverYours39]

I wrote a less angry, more personal version if you want to read it. www.girlsaskguys.com/.../a11058-young-marriage-divorce-kids

[oddwaffle]

@Thats: What I mean is that live changing events tend to greatly affect young couples. For example, if you're 21, on your 3rd year and you get married and pregnant. Your chance of getting higher education will be drastically reduced and 1 year of education tends to increase your income by 10%. Another example would be that you're trying to get your PH. D. and you're paying for your 1st house. Your husband gets into an accident and you're coughing up the medical costs.

For older couples, they tend to have more capital and savings so they are more likely going to survive events like that.

@CincinnatiResfan: The situation in the 50s is a lot different than the current situation. In the 50s, a GED would probably get you a decent job and Bachelor Degree will get you ahead a bit. Now a person will a GED (esp male) will probably struggle while BA/BS will probably do much better.

The current divorce rates is a reflection of how marriages under 25 are failing.

[ImaSloth]

Age means nothing in my opinion, I'm 20 years old and don't do things people my age do, I'm way more mature do to my disability and life experiences which have made me grow up quick, mentally I feel 30+ so you can't simply make a law for marriage at 25 because people have different levels of maturity regardless of age, I want to find a girl and settle down with her because life is short and I don't have time to waste "testing the waters" because I know what I want. Divorce is way to wide spread now a days and I think it's sick, divorce should be a last resort.. Marriage should be a mutual thing between lovers, it is a decision individual couples must make, not the government..

[ForeverYours39]

"It’s honestly very reasonable to ban marriage for adults under 25 for this reason. Yet, I understand why that won’t and shouldn’t happen. Adults should be free to make their own stupid mistakes."

[ImaSloth]

My opinion in my words, I don't quote others.

[ForeverYours39]

I was quoting what I already had said in my article...

[ImaSloth]

To be clear I said I don't quote other people, I didn't quote the article for that reason, and you didn't say everyone should be able to choose like I did, you said they should be able make their own stupid mistakes, basically saying to everyone who doesn't get married after 25 that their choice is stupid... That's like saying to someone buy whatever TV you want, but saying it's shit because you wouldn't have got that brand..

[Remonster]

Hmm. I thought I knew what I wanted at 20, now it's entirely different. And yes I also felt mature for my age back then. Things change, they always do.

[CandyandPinkCats]

I don't believe people should get married under 30, let alone 25. Or have kids that young. Not just because people change, but because of the finances! Did you know there's 15.2 million kids from married households living in poverty, and another 16.7 million live in single parent households? That's not much of a difference. So marriage doesn't mean more stability for the kids unfortunately. I think people should establish their finances first, above everything else.

[CandyandPinkCats]

And I think for the older couples having lower divorce rates... The wife was probably dependent on the husband financially.

[ForeverYours39]

Another great point! There's so much that changes financially in your mid-late 20s. Waiting is good.

[Bonnie12I27I12]

i dont think marrying young is a good idea. you haven't met enough people yet to know who you'd be good with. you haven't met all the different personalities yet. people are pretty immature before the age of 25. they start to mature a lot more after that age. especially guys. thats the age where you are starting or getting sort of into your career. you wanna be able to work and support yourself before having to support a family and possibly think about having a baby. i wouldn't want the responsibility of a marriage on my shoulders at that age.

[nert73]

Human brains are fully developed at age 21. That along with a few other flaws lead me to disagree even more so with this post.

Being 25 doesn't magically make you ready to get married just like being 18 doesn't magically make you ready for the world. I know lots of people that got married before they were 25 and they're just fine. Great, even. I also know a few that were married after 25 that are either unhappy or divorced. Age doesn't grant you the ability to make good decisions or to be at a certain level of maturity or to be able to do things like getting married. Sure, legality has some to do with it, but my point is clear enough.

[ForeverYours39]

I don't know where you got that information that your brain is fully developed by 21, but it is false.

[nert73]

No matter how many times you say it, I won't believe you. I'm not wrong.

[CandyandPinkCats]

I've read the brain can develop on until the late twenties.

[nert73]

Goody good

[Coffinspire]

Well for women that statement is useless, because woman mature 2 years faster than men, and also, between 18-25 the prefrontal cortex is almost done developing, which holds decision making, and the reward system (what can I get out of this). So it really doesn't apply to a relationship they are just less likely to give in to peer pressure. I've been married since I was 21, dating my husband since I was 17 and have known him since I was 14. I've been with him for a total of 6 years now and wouldn't change it for anything or anyone. We have both always been mature for our age though, so that could explain why we work, and we both need something that the other has. Also, I think it's a great idea to get married before 25 because you have a better success rate for your offspring (carrying and development) at the approx. age of 23. Obviously, that wasn't factored into his calculation. Just because your brain isn't "fully developed" doesn't mean it's not working lol

[ForeverYours39]

I know it can work. It's just definitely not a bad idea to wait and be sure because it's a huge decision to make.

[ForeverYours39]

I wrote a less angry, more personal version if you want to read it. www.girlsaskguys.com/.../a11058-young-marriage-divorce-kids

[Coffinspire]

I think a better argument is the fact that couples don't spend enough time together to actually make the decision they're making. Studies show that people that have been together for at least 4 years prior to marriage have a better success rate than those that have been together for a year or two. Which makes total sense because even though I've been with my husband for 6 years, I learn new things about him all the time. You brought up a great point in your other take, the impulse marriage is a growing phenomenon and people really don't think about what it's going to do to their children. I think that's why there has been so much divorce and infidelity (besides the widely accepted option of divorce just because you aren't happy and are too lazy to work on it, not the case for everyone though) I have also been victim of an absent father (good riddance!) And my mom married him when she was 26, but she was still naïve

[PippiL]

People change with time. But that holds true for people of all ages. Young love may not always be rational, but it can be quite strong. Young people are deeply impressionable. The saying "you never forget your first love" is evidence of that. My grandparents got married when my grandpa was 17 and my grandma was 16. And they are still just cutesy gooey in love with each other. There are lot of factors that determine whether married people stay together or not--not just age. And a lot of couples who get married later in life end up divorced, too.

[ForeverYours39]

I know it can work. It's just definitely not a bad idea to wait and be sure because it's a huge decision to make.

[ForeverYours39]

I wrote a less angry, more personal version if you want to read it. www.girlsaskguys.com/.../a11058-young-marriage-divorce-kids

[complicated_soul]

I dont agree with a lot of your points. Maybe it's more because of the way you worded it.
But these two points are the ones O disagree the most with,
1". However, I’m going to assume that he is a religious man and so is his family, so that leads me to believe that these people frown upon or maybe even do not allow divorce. Therefore, it’s not like they have that choice so no wonder they’re still together." Your somewhat lost me at the word "assume."

And also the part where you say , "It's not like they have that choice."
I don't think that is valid.

And divorce isn't an easy thing to do. You won't get it till you are in that situation. It is hard emotionally, financially, etc.
It is not like dating for a few months and then breaking up.

[Anonymous]

It's not always a bad idea to get married before 25. If it's the right relationship with the right person, real love, then it'll work. I believe in love and God. My sister met her husband when she was 15, they started dating, then married when they were 18. Now they've been married for over 4 years, they're happily married and have a baby boy and pregnant with their 2nd baby. And my paternal grandma and my grandma met and got married when she was 16, he was 18 and my dad was a baby, had 2 more boys and they made it until my grandma died due to health problems when she was 60. They were married for 43 years until she died. It's about marrying the right person.

[Realfire22]

I agree.

God's not going to put two people who aren't ready together. No matter what their age is.

[ForeverYours39]

I wrote a less angry, more personal version if you want to read it. www.girlsaskguys.com/.../a11058-young-marriage-divorce-kids

[Opinion Owner]

I tried going on that link and it says page not found

[chrisbigman]

The problem is people rush into marriage too quickly, whether they are 18 or 40. People need to take the time to truly get to know the other person and really search for whether or not you two should get married. That's why it's not necessarily a good idea to get married within a year of meeting each other - even if both people are a bit older (40 or older). Both people in the relationship need to really get to know each other before walking down the aisle. If neither of them can't do that, then they shouldn't be getting married. Just because states only teach abstinence, doesn't mean that abstinence is not the answer. Teenagers are rebelling so much that no matter what parents say, they will do the opposite. They need to listen to their parents and understand why parents are telling them why they are telling them. If parents don't explain that, then that's also part of the problem.

[creepycreeper]

The problem isn't age or maturity it is a combination of societal pressure on women to act like men, unrealistic expectations, and a lack of incentive to stay together or compromise because the government will bail the woman out soon as she's not happy. That and the fact people don't fear God anymore. Change the marriage laws to stop rewarding women for divorce and people will stop getting divorced. Same goes for having kids out of wedlock, the government gives women a check for every bastard kid she pops out and some women make a damn career out of it.

[CincinnatiRedsfan]

The funny thing about this mytake, is back in the 1950's, there were a SURGE of people getting married right after high school and they have the lowest divorce rates out of every generation.

Since the 1990's, people get married 25 and over (all the time really) and we're living in one of the highest divorce rates of all time.

Of course, this doesn't mean if these people were married at 18, this wouldn't have happened but I find that ironic.

[creepycreeper]

@CincinnatiRedsfan The liberal progressive douchebags will continue to deny the facts and spin false propaganda articles like this in order to make themselves feel better about fucking up our society and running our country into the ground. I'm just waiting on Jesus to handle them.

[CincinnatiRedsfan]

Well I'm not a liberal or conservative, I don't play the whole "conservative vs liberal vs third party" game.

I think the biggest problem with her arguments is...

1. She's quoting statistics from Huffington Post, which is nowhere near a reliable source, and...
2. She doesn't offer ANY explanations as to way. Posting false statistics (more than likely) doesn't help your case.

Then again, she said "PROBABLY" shouldn't get married, so she's being open-minded to the ones who do.

[creepycreeper]

@CincinnatiRedsfan I no longer believe there is any middle ground to stand on. I used to be more moderate in my beliefs but talking to internet atheists convinced me I better turn my life over to Jesus.

[Magdalena93]

I agree with you on all of what you said here. Someone of 18 years old who wants to make her marriage work and has the right values, will have a better marriage than some 30-year-old who only gets married for the dress and the party and the ring. Where the first will try to find a solution to any difficulties she might have with her husband, the latter will divorce him as soon as he forgets to "do his own dishes and take out the trash" only once.

[Meesterlijk]

You should read this article about marrying young. The writer speaks from his own experience and is very wise and not judging anything. I read it this morning and it really changed my views upon the subject. www.artofmanliness.com/.../

[BCRanger10]

I LOVE The Art of Manliness!

[ForeverYours39]

My main reasoning is that the brain is not fully developed until your mid-20s. That's why I don't think it's a good idea.

[ForeverYours39]

I wrote a less angry, more personal version if you want to read it. www.girlsaskguys.com/.../a11058-young-marriage-divorce-kids

[Meesterlijk]

Yeah I understand the point of the brain not being fully developed, but I like the argument in the other article that states it's not necessarily a bad thing. I like the idea of developing together. That being said, there is some truth in any conviction. I don't think it's wise to marry the first person you have feelings for (because you don't know how these feelings are compared to feelings you might get for another person), but I don't consider marrying under the age of 25 a bad thing. I think the ideal age to get married is somewhere between 21 and 30. (P. S.: My parents are together for 31 years now and still very happy. They never got married.)