I grew up very untraditionally.
My mom and father had me on impulse. She was 20 and he was 28. My father is a very irresponsible and disgusting person, so they broke up after 3 months. He was around until I was 8 and then basically wasn’t apart of my life anymore My mom got married and divorced twice after that. The first marriage she had another kid and his dad has been apart of his life. But I’ve really been without a dad for over 10 years. So I know what it’s like to have one and I know what it’s like to not have one. And because of that, I know it can be better to not have a dad if he’s a shitty person like mine is and when your mom is a strong, independent woman like mine is. I know I probably have a little personal bias, but I’m honestly trying to look at everything I’m going to say objectively. That’s just background though.
I honestly feel like a couple should be so careful and responsible when choosing to get married or have children.
I see so many people around my age and that I graduated with rushing into marriage. A lot of them only having dated their partner for 3 months to a year or two. I know it really depends on the people and I know I don’t know these people well. But I also know that broken families are so hard on kids. With these couples getting married so young, it’s hard to know if it will work out. A lot of people can say their grandparents or parents have been married since they graduated high school and they are still together. However, you have to realize that times were different back then. Social and religious pressures could have prevented them from getting divorced because it was/is very looked down upon. The couple could have also believed it was better to stay together because they made those vows and they were going to keep them. Today, it’s a little different. Even if it wasn’t different, there is always that risk. It’s a larger risk when you get married young. It is speculated that this is the case because brain development does not finish until a person reaches the age of 25 or so. Furthermore, when I see this happening, it really makes me worry. I may poke fun at them and say how crazy they are, but deep down I’m worried. I’m not against people getting divorced even if they have kids because I think people deserve to be happy. However, I know how it feels to be that kid because I went through it 3 times. It causes so much confusion and depression. It also makes your kids feel like they need to be mature faster in order to handle these things. I definitely feel like what I had to go through in my childhood made me grow up a little too fast. I had to deal with adult things that I wasn’t ready for. (Granted, my situation was a little different.)
[On a side note, I don’t think it needs to be a mother and a father. I just think the child needs a healthy home environment. It could easily be a mom and a mom or a dad and a dad. And even in the event of a divorce, as long as the couple explained it to the child and made sure he/she knew what was happening and knew it wasn’t his/her fault, that could turn out better, too.]
Altogether, my main point is that being completely sure that you’re making the right decision would be extremely beneficial to yourselves and any future children. Making sure that you’ve been with each other long enough, you’ve both discussed what you want from the relationship, and that you are both 100% on board and ready definitely helps. Additionally, it would behoove the couple to consider that people are not fully matured and developed until a person is in his/her mid-20s before committing to each other for all eternity.
TL;DR: I know young marriage can work, but because there is a high chance it won’t, waiting a while won’t kill you and it is greatly beneficial to all involved parties.