Young Marriage, Divorce, and Kids

I grew up very untraditionally.

My mom and father had me on impulse. She was 20 and he was 28. My father is a very irresponsible and disgusting person, so they broke up after 3 months. He was around until I was 8 and then basically wasn’t apart of my life anymore My mom got married and divorced twice after that. The first marriage she had another kid and his dad has been apart of his life. But I’ve really been without a dad for over 10 years. So I know what it’s like to have one and I know what it’s like to not have one. And because of that, I know it can be better to not have a dad if he’s a shitty person like mine is and when your mom is a strong, independent woman like mine is. I know I probably have a little personal bias, but I’m honestly trying to look at everything I’m going to say objectively. That’s just background though.

I honestly feel like a couple should be so careful and responsible when choosing to get married or have children.

I see so many people around my age and that I graduated with rushing into marriage. A lot of them only having dated their partner for 3 months to a year or two. I know it really depends on the people and I know I don’t know these people well. But I also know that broken families are so hard on kids. With these couples getting married so young, it’s hard to know if it will work out. A lot of people can say their grandparents or parents have been married since they graduated high school and they are still together. However, you have to realize that times were different back then. Social and religious pressures could have prevented them from getting divorced because it was/is very looked down upon. The couple could have also believed it was better to stay together because they made those vows and they were going to keep them. Today, it’s a little different. Even if it wasn’t different, there is always that risk. It’s a larger risk when you get married young. It is speculated that this is the case because brain development does not finish until a person reaches the age of 25 or so. Furthermore, when I see this happening, it really makes me worry. I may poke fun at them and say how crazy they are, but deep down I’m worried. I’m not against people getting divorced even if they have kids because I think people deserve to be happy. However, I know how it feels to be that kid because I went through it 3 times. It causes so much confusion and depression. It also makes your kids feel like they need to be mature faster in order to handle these things. I definitely feel like what I had to go through in my childhood made me grow up a little too fast. I had to deal with adult things that I wasn’t ready for. (Granted, my situation was a little different.)

Young Marriage, Divorce, and Kids

[On a side note, I don’t think it needs to be a mother and a father. I just think the child needs a healthy home environment. It could easily be a mom and a mom or a dad and a dad. And even in the event of a divorce, as long as the couple explained it to the child and made sure he/she knew what was happening and knew it wasn’t his/her fault, that could turn out better, too.]

Altogether, my main point is that being completely sure that you’re making the right decision would be extremely beneficial to yourselves and any future children. Making sure that you’ve been with each other long enough, you’ve both discussed what you want from the relationship, and that you are both 100% on board and ready definitely helps. Additionally, it would behoove the couple to consider that people are not fully matured and developed until a person is in his/her mid-20s before committing to each other for all eternity.

TL;DR: I know young marriage can work, but because there is a high chance it won’t, waiting a while won’t kill you and it is greatly beneficial to all involved parties.


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What Guys Said 2

  • Yeah, your mother is so strong and independent, getting married and divorced 3 times and all. Pffft. If anything she sounds like she has poor judgement and decision making skills.

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    • Uhm fuck you. Also I said she was only married and divorced twice. Nonetheless, she is extremely strong and independent. She is an amazing person and has helped me through so much and dealt with so many horrible things for me concerning my dad and other things. She's made mistakes, I know, but she makes up for them completely and she knows how to stand on her own.

  • THANK YOU!!

    haha

    TLDR was nice

    i totally agree with your point with accepting... the average young marriage is more likely to fail but if the marriage is done in certain ways age does not matter

    for example:

    studies show that if you marry a virgin you only have a 15% chance of divorce and if a girl has over 15 partners in her life you are 85% more likely to divorce

    my idea is age does not matter just the circumstances

    also young women now days are trying for careers and women who have and want long term careers are more likely to divorce and cheat

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What Girls Said 7

  • No offense but your Mom seems to have poor decision making...3 divorces?
    I'm sure she's a great woman... but it's great you picked up on her mistakes to help benefit yourself in the long run.

    I've been in the same relationship since I was 20 and got pregnant at 22.
    Love goes through many phases.
    At times there are struggles.
    Going through those hardships in marriage (or any relationship for that matter) shows you if your love for that person is true.
    Will you bail when things get hard?
    Or will you both stick it through, and make it together?

    Yes, people should know each other a significant amount of time before rushing into marriage (I agree with you).
    But life isn't always planned, there's a risk with everything.
    Sometimes it takes years to truly know a person (so you can marry and still find out secrets about your partner).
    Although studies show the brain doesn't fully develop until age 25.
    Each person has their own maturity level and what they can handle in life.
    I don't think a person should wait until exactly 25.
    It really depends on the individual.

    But yes,
    lesson to take from this article...
    "Don't be in a rush for something that is worth waiting for."
    I mean... if you want to spend the rest of your life with this person... what's a few more years to wait?

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    • Only two divorces...

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    • How is that rude? Your defense mechanism is way more up than it should be.
      You're ready to take a jab at people If they say one thing you do not like.

      I figured that was your reason for mentioning her in this article as I stated to a user below.

    • Also I agreed with your overall article as stated. I know what you are putting out to others

  • It's a risk when you get married ever - at all - if you're a bad judge of character...
    Or completely disregard anything other than the sex component and hence become pregnant so the marriage is desirable to occur at that point.
    The chances of being this way is higher if you're younger, BUT - if someone is a smart person they will most likely know how to read people and know who is a good person and who isn't.
    It's never about age - it's about intelligence.
    Experience is desirable - but not key at all...

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  • You took the words right out of my mouth. My dear, I am glad that you are responsible, self aware and adult enough to know this. I think YOU should get married because clearly you know what it would be like and have what it takes.

    If you choose to of course.

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  • There's no need for marriage. It just makes things difficult legally if break up do occurs.

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  • I just want to say pay no mind to people commenting negatively about your mom just because she was married more than once without knowing the details and circumstances we should not judge. I'm sure everyone that wants to be married only hopes to have one marriage and never have to divorce but shit happens and if you believe in love and want to get married again that is your prerogative it doesn't make you a bad person or irresponsible just because it happened more than once. They have people that have never been married and they have the same fuck ups with live in partners it doesn't make them better than anyone else. I do agree with you about getting married too young. People should get to know each other and have the same views on important decisions as well as have compatibly and be emotionally and financially stable

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    • I don't think people are judging the fact that her Mom rushed into having kids with someone she barely knew and later on had two divorces.
      People are just looking at the fact her mom could have made better decisions.
      I thought her reason for mentioning this was the influence of writing this article.

    • She only had 1 kid (me) with someone she barely knew. The 2nd kid was with someone she was married to for 5-6 years. Then the second marriage was 1-2 years with no kids.

  • I don't think I agree with some parts but I agree with this part ,"Making sure that you’ve been with each other long enough, you’ve both discussed what you want from the relationship, and that you are both 100% on board and ready "

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  • Wow, almost no one commented on this! I totally agree with this. I've read before that the 'honeymoon' period that couples have can only last a max of 2-3 years... After that, the reality finally sinks in.

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