I know that the Supreme Court ruling for making gay marriage legal throughout the country happened a little while ago, but the subject is still prevalent, so therefore I will speak about it.
Christian "traditionalists" claim that gay marriage is a slap in the face of God, that it defies nature and should have been kept illegal. They also said the same thing 50 years ago about interracial marriage, but I digress. They claim that marriage is strictly defined in the Bible as between a man and a woman, as if the Bible can dictate what laws should be made and what laws should be voided. But just like with everything else, these traditionalists love to pick and choose what parts of the Bible to obey and what parts to consider as "obselete" and "not with the times" (like the part where it says to not get piercings or tattoos).
"Blasphemy! How DARE you mark the body that the Lord gave you with that style of font?!"
So what exactly does the Bible say about marriage and what qualifies as marriage? For those of you who have your handy dandy Bibles on hand, turn to Genesis 2:24.
"Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh."
That seems pretty straightforward, doesn't it? A man leaves his parents and moves on in life by joining together with his wife and becoming one flesh (giggity). It's still done that way today, right? Well not exactly. At least not in Western society. See, back then marriage wasn't done because a man and a woman loved each other. That was unheard of. It was about conveinence. It was about two families merging together via a young, and usually unwilling, couple. The families wanted to ally themselves together and share resources with each other so that way they could grow even more prosperous. That, or they just wanted to put an end to the senseless fighting.
"Okay but the Bible still says that marriage is between a man and a woman, right? So that settles it, now let me go home."
Noooooo. No. No that would have settled it had the Bible only stated that. But just like you, it had a lot more to say about the subject. The Bible REALLY loves to get specific about things like this.
The Bible also defined marriage as between a man, his wives, and his concubines [concubine - (in polygamous societies) a woman who lives with a man but has lower status than his wife or wives.] Father Abraham has 2 concubines in addition to his wife. Abraham's son Jacob had 1 concubine, but 2 wives. Solomon the Wise had 300 CONCUBINES as well as 400 WIVES.
See guys? Wisdom is what gets you pussy." -Solomon the Wise
The Bible defines marriage as between a man, his woman (because women were considered to be property), and his woman's property (but even the property had their own property) in Genesis 16:3-6:
"3 So Sarai, Abram’s wife, took Hagar her Egyptian maid, after Abram had dwelt ten years in the land of Canaan, and gave her to her husband Abram to be his secondary wife. 4 And he had intercourse with Hagar, and she became pregnant; and when she saw that she was with child, she looked with contempt upon her mistress and despised her. 5 Then Sarai said to Abram, 'May the responsibility for my wrong and deprivation of rights be upon you! I gave my maid into your bosom, and when she saw that she was with child, I was contemptible and despised in her eyes. May the Lord be the judge between you and me.' 6 But Abram said to Sarai, 'See here, your maid is in your hands and power; do as you please with her.' And when Sarai dealt severely with her, humbling and afflicting her, she fled from her."
Wow. That just screams "Novela". Which is basically a really short soap opera, for you non-Hispanic/Latino people.
The Bible defines marriage as between a man and his deceased brother's wife in Genesis 38:6-10:
"6 Judah got a wife for Er, his firstborn, and her name was Tamar. 7 But Er, Judah’s firstborn, was wicked in the Lord’s sight; so the Lord put him to death. 8 Then Judah said to Onan, 'Sleep with your brother’s wife and fulfill your duty to her as a brother-in-law to raise up offspring for your brother.' 9 But Onan knew that the child would not be his; so whenever he slept with his brother’s wife, he spilled his semen on the ground to keep from providing offspring for his brother. 10 What he did was wicked in the Lord’s sight; so the Lord put him to death also."
That's right fellas, God will smite thee if you don't knock up your dead brother's wife.
That's right, Barney. God doesn't give a shit about your "Bro Code".
The Bible even defines marriage as between a rapist and his victim in Deuteronomy 22:28-29:
"28 If a man happens to meet a virgin who is not pledged to be married and rapes her and they are discovered, 29 he shall pay her father fifty shekels of silver. He must marry the young woman, for he has violated her. He can never divorce her as long as he lives."
The Bible, an advocate for feminism since 1400 BC.
The Bible defines marriage a between a soldier and his prisoner of war in Deuteronomy 21:10-14:
"10 When you go out to war against your enemies, and the Lord your God gives them into your hand and you take them captive, 11 and you see among the captives a beautiful woman, and you desire to take her to be your wife, 12 and you bring her home to your house, she shall shave her head and pare her nails. 13 And she shall take off the clothes in which she was captured and shall remain in your house and lament her father and her mother a full month. After that you may go in to her and be her husband, and she shall be your wife. 14 But if you no longer delight in her, you shall let her go where she wants. But you shall not sell her for money, nor shall you treat her as a slave, since you have humiliated her."
Translation: "When you go to fuck someone's shit up, and you see a fine honey that you wanna dip your fingers in, you take her, make her shave her head and do her nails and strip naked in your house. And after a month of crying for her folks, you go and claim her as your prize. But do NOT be a douche to her, because you already ruined her life as it is."
Last but not least, the Bible also defines marriage as between a male and female slave in Exodus 21:4:
"If his master gives him a wife and she bears him sons or daughters, the woman and her children shall belong to her master, and only the man shall go free."
Which would be the modern day equivalent of dog breeding. Even their puppies will still belong to you.
But dogs are so much cuter.
"But, but things were different back then!"
Exactly.
"Well Paul said that gays shouldn't get married!"
Ah yes, Paul. The former Christian persecutor-turned-disciple who also believed that women were to stay shut in church and let the men do all the talking. Please tell me how his opinions are relevant to this day and age, especially in politics.
TL;DR The Bible's definition of marriage doesn't mean shit. For those who'd rather look at a pretty picture that explains everything instead of reading, here you go:
Love won the day gay marriage was ruled legal, deal with it.
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