25 Reasons Why He Won't Ask You To Marry Him!

1. He's gay
Hey I swear it happens! but is a bit of a long shot. However! I remember when my mom found a bag of dildos in my stepfathers closet, later we found out later they were for him and his tranny boyfriend. (Can’t believe I picked one up!!)
2. You want it too much
If being gay is the most unlikely this is probably the most likely. There is a pretty darn simple rule when dealing with other people. The more you want it, the less he wants to give it. (Of course if you are talking about giving him oral sex… he might be swayed)
"If he is not making the moves after a few years, it is very likely that he never will."
3. You haven’t laid it down
If he is not making the moves after a few years, it is very likely that he never will. This is when you need to make it clear, “no ring, no relationship.” Put the fear of absolute loss in front of him, but don’t do what an ex of mine did, ask my parents if she could marry me and then actually offer to buy the ring. (We had only been dating 2 months and I didn’t say yes)
4. He likes free milk
This is pretty clearly related to not laying it down. We have all heard this trite saying many times but there is truth here. Why should a man severe his umbilical cord to any possible sexual relations with any other woman EVER AGAIN. That is like asking for his testicles for safe keeping, no way! (P.S. I like the female version of this saying, “Why buy the pig if you can get the sausage for free!”)
5. Sex is bad
I was sure FINALLY that this was the one but, after 2 years of attempting to bring out her inner freak I finally gave up. I realized I could never marry a woman that wouldn’t allow doggy style because, “I feel like an animal when I have sex like that.” Ummm… Yeah?
6. He doesn’t feel he has enough money
Right now in my life I don’t feel entirely flush with cash, this not only puts a huge damper on my dating life but the idea of marriage?? No freakin‘ way. In a guys mind getting married is as big a financial obligation as buying a house but at least with a house he might get a return on investment! (However if you are the rich one, discard this)
7. He is terrified of the whole forever part
Telling a guy that his sexual future is going to be bonded to one woman, FOREVER is a bit like making him commit to one food forever, with the added benefit of probably getting sick of it after 2 years. While this would be an excellent diet plan the thought of committing sexual suicide might have him a bit spooked.
8. Witnessed too much divorce
This is my personal demon, I have 6, count-em’ 6 parents! How does that happen??? Think you’re confused? Try being the best man at your stepfather’s wedding to your new stepmother. Witnessing a pile of broken marriages, cheating and the wreckage that ensued taught me very young that marriage was F-ed up. How to fix him? Drug him and go to Vegas, it’s the only way…
9. He's too comfortable in your pseudo marriage
Why in the world should be pull the trigger when it already feels like you are in a marriage? You live together, you sleep together, you shop together, you make him buy tampons and vagisil. What is he really missing that you aren’t already providing? The pseudo marriage is a fun time to play house but may ultimately destroy your relationship! Think about it, all the pressures of marriage without the absolute commitment? It rarely lasts.
10. Doesn’t want to give you half
He has some cash and you are broke with two kids. Why in the world would he want to surrender all that he has built for something that honestly isn’t all that sacred anymore? He believes that divorce is worse than a house fire and doesn’t want anything to do with it. (Ever play Robert Kiyosaki’s Cashflow game? One of the major financial obstacles is DIVORCE – “You lose half of everything you own!” Maybe he played this too?)
11. He is waiting for a better option
I know this kinda sucks but you might be what I call a “place holder” you know when you buy a frame and there is a cute guy/girl/couple already in the picture? You might be a version of this for him. He keeps you around because you kinda, sorta fit the bill but not quite. He can’t and wont pull the trigger with you because you are not the “ideal woman” he imagined. I would recommend heavily cheating on a guy like this and preferably with his best friend.
12. Terrified of the whole “kid” thing
Now this is something that I do see as being pretty valid. I was lucky that my mom found a great guy that was willing to be my stepfather when I was only 5 years old. I think this is a challenge to a man who has never been a father. Personally, I would rather raise money for Bill Gates than raise someone else’s child.
13. You are in debt/make little $
Closely related the whole “half” thing. I have a good friend that just became a doctor and started making 30,000 to 50,000 a month. My friend has slaved through 18 years of college to finally get this payout. (18 fucking years!!) I imagine his feeling is any girl that makes 2,000 a month will be a HUGE financial drain on his future. Fair enough, but not so cool for his girl… (Curious to see if the money will upset their relationship. Jumping from 3,000 to 30,000 a month, might be a bit confusing!)
14. He is a guy
If you are married, you are one of the lucky ones. I hate to say it but most guys I know refer to getting married as temporary insanity. (Many women I know feel this way too) I know this is biased but having the perfect marriage is something most men just don’t dream about as often as waitress over at TGI Fridays. (That is the second time I have mentioned her… maybe I need to pursue this?)
15. Marriage is jail
An old friend (no longer) who has been married to his wife for almost three years, likens his marriage to Jail. He wrote a post for me here, Marrige and death, a married man’s point of view. He hates marriage so much that he verbally and emotionally tortures his wife, he is so abusive that it shocks me she stays. Do you really want to be a cell mate with a guy that punishes you daily, thinking you tricked him into this jail? (You might want to read his post and then leave a NASTY comment but unfortunately only I would get it)
16. You aren’t sexy enough
Before you bristle at this, let me explain that this really is more his problem than yours. He most likely is using this as an excuse to not take the relationship to the next level. Even if you were to get a boob job, ass job and a offer a life time of hand jobs, it wont matter. He wants something that doesn’t exist, a woman to melt his fear.
17. You are too nice
If the closest he gets to proposing is when he has finished a bottle of Jack, you might be too nice. I know you are focusing like mad on being so sweet and kind so he will get this hint but this isn’t going to work! In fact, it probably is currently backfiring. Drink a little of that Jack yourself and gather up the guts to MOVE ON.
Gogus olculeri
18. You haven’t been together that long
I had only been with this girl for two months when she told me that she thought I was, “The One!” My mind immediately pictured Keanu Reeves in the Matrix and I thought, “Yeah… that would be cool.” Two seconds later I snapped out of my guy fantasy and realized what she meant. So I focused my matrix powers and ignored her until she went away.
19. His/your parents don’t approve
“Oyasuminasai!” (Have a good night!) I said in Japanese at her mother while she aggressively ignored me and crawled away on a broken leg, and slammed her bedroom door! (Seriously she did this) I really loved this girl but I could NEVER marry into a family that couldn’t handle the fact that I was a foreigner. I imagined meals in bitter silence while her family silently rebuked her for marrying a gaijin. Screw that, if I wanted that kind of misery I would be friends with Moxie. (Inside joke)
20. You asked him to marry you
There is a fine line between hinting and forcing. You do need to lay down the law with some guys that refuse to let go of their forever bachelor fantasies but laying it down the wrong way can back fire. I recently saw this with some friends of mine, she demanded marriage after one year, only to find out that her best friend was preggers with his baby. A year later her married the best friend, ouch… (Maybe this story doesn’t illustrate my point well?)
21. Was married before and it was BAD
Ironically, I think I know more women that feel this way than men. Clearly it wasn’t marriage’s fault but he/she has that association now. Kinda like when you were a little kid and stuck your finger in an outlet for the first time. If not, go try it now, I will wait… Want to deprogram this? Good luck… if it works tell me and I will apply your technique to my neighbor’s incessantly barking dog.
22. You are “Angry girl!”
Why doesn’t he want to get married? because he is afraid! This fear could have many sources but one might be your anger. The thought of tying the knot with a woman that will emotionally flog him the rest of his life might be a little scary. Solution? Get him into S&M and train him to, “SHUT UP AND EAT IT!”
The thought of tying the knot with a woman that will emotionally flog him the rest of his life might be a little scary.
23. It's been 5 years, what’s another 5?
This one is insidiously simple and something a lot of couples get caught in. They simply get too comfortable and if it ain’t broke, why fix it? I know you have been patient for an amazing 5 years but jeeze… if you are this much of a weakling I am sure you will put up with five more, right? This is a grave that you dug for yourself, so don’t complain that it stinks!
24. You or he is/are still married
This one is not what you might think. A very close friend of mine hasn’t slept with, or been physically close to his wife in 6 years. (This was her choice) He became very lonely and met someone he loves very much. He really wants to marry his girlfriend of 4 years but… he doesn’t do it. Why? Not because of his wife but because of his daughter! Of course, this is just an excuse, the truth is my friend is simply afraid. He has been beat up by his controlling wife and is terrified to do the right thing. You would think that when people reach their 50’s that they would be wise, but conditioning is a bitch.

Mike Masters writes a blog for women about relationships at MikeTheMasterDater.com. Traveling the world and dating every single he met along the way allowed Mike to make an uncountable number of mistakes in relationships. These mistakes led to a fluency in the psychology of dating that could only be gained from radical immersion.


What Girls Said 26

  • My boyfriend just says he doesn't want to get married, it's a waste of money, it's pointless and doesn't mean anything any more.

  • robert kiyosaki is a pimp

    • わろた(≧∇≦)
      not sure what kind of experience you had but if you're white and have at least some money japanese parents are eager to give their daughters. dispensible. sons? fuck no !

  • Lmao. I agree with some of those.

  • I swear I've been waiting for this discussion. I'm going to just drop my kids father I'm tired of waiting. 4 kids 2 rings same guy 8 years no marriage. I'm done. Thanks for this list.

  • You really shouldn't be writing advice for women.

  • He knows that being step parents to each other's kids (3 egocentric teenagers between us) would likely break us up. It is worth a little financial strain to wait until they all graduate from high school until we talk about marriage!

  • This was a great article...fun to read!

  • I'm guilty of #2.. lol

  • 26: You're breathing!

  • Thanks, great article

  • My boyfriend is thinking harder about marriage than I am, and it's really scaring me because I'm bristling at even having been committed for the past four years. It's not like I'd even want to date around, either; I just legitimately want to be able to focus on myself without worrying about men for a while.

    I don't know, I'll sign a prenup I guess. I'm not sure why marriage is such a huge deal.

  • getting married is so much more easy then getting divorced, and I think it should be the other way around.

    if it was the other way around, I don't think as many people would be afraid of marriage.

  • I just want you to know that not all woman use Vagasil. Some woman are actually clean, unlike nasty hoes.

  • Some of what you say makes me think of things differently!

  • Haha been there done that. My goal is keep cougaring young guys, period. j/k Joking aside, marriage is tough. So men and women both should give it a lot of thoughts anyways. It is scary, so I'm really not sure how men come up with the courage to really ask. I would have to agree with "temporary insanity". I'm glad I'm not a guy. LOL

  • Marriage IS Jail!

  • His mother is on her third marriage right now and has already threatened separation twice. You can learn and grow from mistakes like these though. I think it has more to do with whether you are the type to give up and resign yourself to something or whether you are the type to pick yourself up and learn from your mistakes. I think the latter is infinitely more optimistic in relationships and actually does better in them. BTW - benefits to marriage: longer life, money saved, better sex life, etc.

  • The big deal about forming a life partnership - not the legally binding contract part that can be legally broken; the one that is really more a way of giving you and your partner the option of filing taxes together and reaping the benefits of filing jointly - is that it enriches your life and makes it fuller if you and your partner are willing to work for it. I understand the cynicism that comes with a 50% divorce rate, both my husband and I come from divorced parents.

  • Great read. I am also in the not totally into marriage thing..

  • I'm really OK - beyond OK with not getting married - it's that guys fear getting to a certain level in a relationship will eventually lead to wanting marriage, which for me is not the case, yet they simply do not believe it.

  • More from Girls

What Guys Said 13

  • Marriage is a serious legal commitment, and its generally said that divorce favors the woman, and I never seen much to the contrary, and even pre-nups aren't bulletproof. Of course there are so many important legal benefits to marriage, but I would bet that more than half of people get married for other reasons like religious beliefs, which is why they don't consider the consequences as much.

  • Wow you hit a lot of these spot on, some people just don't get it. They think house kids blah blah blah but what they fail to realize someone (99% of the time the guy) has to pay for it. As scary as it is some of these hit home.

  • I don't think there's anything wrong with marriage..

    But there's definitely something about that marriage cake!

    After just one bite.. say goodbye to your sex life.. and hello to 50-80lbs over the next five years..

  • "Living together & dividing the costs of living among two people, while having two sources of income" is what saves money.. NOT "marriage"..

    When you compare "married couples" to "single people".. and conclude that "marriage" is what the cause of their wealth/net-income difference is.. there's a name for that in statistics..

    "a bull-sh*t study"

  • I do believe that the same super-scientific researchers & statisticians that talked about how much money you save by getting married, also discovered how much more money people who work more than 80 hours a week make! And! If you thought the better sex life was good news, say goodbye to wrinkles & aging! Seamen applied to your face just twice a day visibly reduced signs of aging by up to 98%!

    Common, there's no hidden motive in this research.. seriously..

  • Longer life? That is really contingent upon who you are married to! Save money?? Wow... I have see the opposite more times than not. Better sex life?? Oh hell NO!

    What, are they surveying the only truly successful marriages they can find?

  • It is really interesting to me how many younger women feel less driven towards marriage. I have to admit that I see a lot of intelligence in this move.

  • I see. Personally, I don't see the reason to marry. It gets rid of the tension in a relationship and makes it easier to be lazy. The only reason to rush into marriage is because you don't want to have to make any romantic effort because no matter what, that person can't leave if the relationship goes south.

  • Okay box... Not important to me but strangely enough, it is a very very popular concern for 20 something women. There seems to be a trend in the US to only be "a little bit married" or in other words do all the things that constitute marriage without the actual ceremony. I am simply explaining some of the reasons from the male perspective, why this might be the case.

  • Do I get a good answer?

  • Good question!

  • Why is getting married so important anyway?

  • 26. He read about Western divorce laws and family court policies towards men, and he isn't a total idiot.