Your wedding night, the common issues that are taboo!

The night to top off what is supposed to be one of the best days of your life. You've finally officially committed yourself to one person for the rest of your life and you look forward to the future with great hopes. Only one problem. You feel obligated you HAVE to have consumate the marriage THAT NIGHT.

It's tradition afterall, what could go wrong? Your wedding night, the common issues that are taboo.

Why am I not feeling sexually aroused? This is supposed to be the cherry on top of a perfect day, but I don't feel the romance suddenly? Did I make a horrible mistake in who I married?! I don't understand I was so sexually attracted to this person before we got married what changed?

The answer is nothing. Neither you nor your partner changed. What changed is now you feel pressure. This is something YOU HAVE TO DO THIS NIGHT. It can suddenly feel like an obligation more than a desire. It doesn't mean you don't want to have sex with your hubby/wife it just means you're too anxious. Ever hear of "performance anxiety" a lot of guys can get when they have sex for the first time with a new partner. It's that exact same thing. You aren't feeling aroused because you're so caught up in what you're supposed to do your forgetting to let your body feel good. Your sexual drive is being overpowered by fear anxiety and nervousness.

But guess what? There's nothing wrong with that. It's natural to feel this way. You just took a HUGE step forward in your life. It's only natural to feel nervous about it. But now many wonder "What are we supposed to do if we don't have sex? Doesn't this mean the marriage is doomed to fail if we don't have sex on our first night as a married couple?"

What you are supposed to do is do whatever you and your spouse are in the mood for doing. You're married society isn't married to you tradition isn't married to you. You don't have to fall into peer pressure and do it just because that's what traditionally happens on your wedding night. Why ruin your first time having sex as a married couple(for many this is your first time having sex) by doing it more so because you feel it's your "job" and not because you are feeling turned on? Instead rally around each other and comfort each other. If you or your partner are not feeling the heat turning up and mostly just want to curl up in a ball then do that. Comfort each other instead of have sex that one or neither of you are really desiring at that moment. Curl up in bed at your hotel and watch tv together. Make each other feel safe and secure and let them know you're they're for them.

Not having sex on your wedding night does not mean your marriage is doomed. Having sex when you clearly aren't in the mood or your partner is clearly too nervous for is more of an omen than just cuddling together that night. You're having sex because it's expected of you not because you feel it that night. Reassuring each other and putting each others true feelings and desire before tradition is a sign that you'll have a great marriage. Don't make a timeline that you HAVE to have sex. Just enjoy each others company relax and eventually the butterflies will go away on their own. Those feelings of cold feet and anxiety of how massive a step you just took will subside and that's when you'll be overwhelmed with the desire to pounce on your lucky spouse. The true natural desire to want to have that sexual connection is when the marriage should be consumated. Your marriage is about you and your partner. No one else. The two of you decide when you want to do things, not tradition.

If you think this myTake is complete bull and I'm talking out of my bum please don't be afraid to leave a comment below reminding me so.


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What Girls Said 3

  • 3mo

    I wish society put less pressure on newlyweds. The idea of consummation on the wedding night is outdated. I would probably be so tired I would want a nap. I know some people that on their wedding night they just ordered a ton of room service. Other couples like my sister and her husband broke a futon.

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  • The whole idea of consummation of the marriage on the wedding night is an outdated one. This practice was supposed to prove the legitimacy of your marriage, and to break the virginity of the couple, both being tried and true virgins of course. Now days, just about every one is on the per-marrital sex train, living together before marriage, hell, even having kids before marriage. If you consider a bride getting ready for the ceremony, most likely she did not sleep the night before due to normal wedding jitters, and then had to wake up at like 5 to start getting ready for a ceremony that ends at like 1am... all day long you're inundated with family and friends swarming you wanting pictures, and to dance and to share in your joy... by the time you roll into the sack together at what 2 or 3am, you're both utterly exhausted. It's more simple physical mechanics than not wanting to be intimate with a partner or fear or anything like that which can still happen, but can the couple take a nap first? LOL

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  • 3mo

    My hubby and I were virgins on our wedding day. We got married at 1 and had pictures done and then somehow snuck away during the reception to "get it on". We came back enjoyed the party and went on our way to the honeymoon. Don't put pressure on yourselves to do it just because society says you have too...

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What Guys Said 2

  • Have you been married and gone through this?

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  • I know some couples who didn't have sex on their wedding night.

    I know some who had sex before the reception.

    For the most part, that was a pretty good indicator of where things were headed.

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