The 7 Secrets to a Great Marriage

Someone once asked me what the secret was to a good marriage. I responded with Trust, Communication, Honesty, Compromise, and DESIRE. I've been married to my wife for 11 years and we've been together for 17 (since 1999). I feel like I have a strong understanding of this subject and wanted to share.

I have also added Respect and Apologize to this list as I've grown and learned a lot since I originally wrote this.

Your spouse is the first person in your life that you give every part of yourself to. -Me

Trust

Goes without saying trust and integrity are a major part of a relationship. Always do the right thing when no one is looking, always do right by your spouse. Never intentionally put yourself in a bad situation or a questionable situation that can turn bad. Always focus on your own relationship, put your spouse first, and if you get invited somewhere by the opposite sex, ask why your spouse wasn't invited. You must know each others intentions and this one sits heavily in line with Honesty. Do not do things that make your spouse uncomfortable, it's not worth it.

Communication

There should never be something you're afraid to your spouse about. Remember you are both a team with the exact same goals. Tell each other everything, communicate the dumbest of things, communicate the important things. Discuss, Plan, and Execute things together. You must be willing to talk about uncomfortable subjects, subjects that make you mad, and subjects that make you sad, and you must do so without losing respect for each other, without losing yourself, and while staying true to each other.

Honesty

You must have open and boundary-less communication at all times. If you can't say something around your BEST FRIEND, why are you saying it? If you did it and won't admit it, why are you doing it? Always be 100% with each other. Your spouse is supposed to be your anchor, your co-pilot, and your wing-man. Your spouse is supposed to ground you, guide you, and comfort you. Do not be afraid to ask each other questions and don't be afraid to answer. Respectful communication is important.

Compromise

You CANNOT have everything you want in a relationship. You CAN have just about everything though. The purpose of having a great relationship is that your goals are similar, your hobbies overlap, your parenting style align, and your end-game is happily ever after. At some point though you need to pull back on your own wants and desires and focus on what is the best for the relationship. Sometimes you may think what you want is the best, sometimes your spouse thinks theirs is the best, but at the end of the day your goal is to find a common ground and push forward. You're both probably wrong but that doesn't matter. What matters is that you supported each other 100% and overcome any challenges.

Desire

This one has always been important to me. You have to WANT to stay together for you both to fight for it. Giving up is the easy way out and it needs to not be an option. Give your spouse your everything, want and love them like they are the only person in your life. Show them they are exactly what you want, show them they provide what you need, and they will do the same for you. A relationship is not a give-and-get scenario. It's a GIVE-and-GIVE scenario. At no point should anything ever be considered a punishment or a reward for an action. Your entire relationship is the reward and the only punishment is when you admit your own faults to which your partner will accept those faults and empower you to overcome.

Respect

Your relationship is absolutely SACRED. Religious or not, I won't preach this to you, but your partner is EVERYTHING. You must respect who they are, what they are, their possessions, their wants, their desires. You must love, protect, and show compassion for their entire being. You must set aside your ego for the greater good. Whatever boundaries you have, they are concrete. Understand your partners needs, don't criticize their concerns or insecurities, and push them to be a better person at all times. Respect sets the foundation for everything else. It tells your partner you are on equal ground and are a team.

Apologize

For the love of God put your ego aside and learn to apologize. Learn to know when you are wrong without being told. Sometimes you may be technically right, but in your relationship sometimes you need to accept being wrong is the better outcome. Yeah it sounds stupid, but petty arguments over shit that doesn't matter will never help your relationship. Learn to pick your battles, learn when to say, "I'm sorry," and work things out as a team. If both partners are on the same page misunderstandings drop to near-zero and compassion, respect, and empathy go through the roof. If all else fails, ask for clarification, understand, apologize, and move forward.

Your spouse is the first person in your life that you give every part of yourself to. You'll always have unconditional love for your parents and children, but your spouse is different. He/She commands a different level of respect, trust and love. You must be there to support and grow that love. You are each literally responsible for the well-being of the other in a way no one can imagine. Do not share yourself with another person(s) mentally, physically, or emotionally. Those are things you must allow your partner to nurture and protect. You are each responsible for respecting those boundaries that makes your relationship yours.


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What Girls Said 10

  • 1mo

    very true

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  • 1mo

    Totally, but I also think not being a spendthrift is huge too. At least from all of the stories I've heard.

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    • 1mo

      Money is a big issue in most relationships, but I think the handling of it can fall under respect, compromise, and communication easily.

    • 1mo

      Yes, but I was talking about personal self control lol

  • 18h

    perfect-

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  • 1mo

    One thing is respecting and showing compassion to your spouse/ partner, another is making them your everything. I don't believe in such or putting your partner's needs and desires above your own self-esteem. Then again, when there's mutual respect, they wouldn't ask for something you don't feel comfortable with.
    Anyway, think the most obvious is "commitment" for without it there's no marriage. You need to keep trying to find good things about the other, to an admiration level even. In that regard, perseverance, patience, belief, hope, ambition, lifestyle and family life compability.
    Although obviously invaluable, trust and the others should be there way before marriage, IMHO.

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  • 1mo

    We are still just newly weds, a year and three months. We were best friends at 6 (him) and 5, nearly from the day we met. We grew up just a couple houses apart, we've been together nearly every day since we met. I cannot visualize a life with anyone else, he has said the same exact thing to me, (without being prompted). I feel like he really is my other half, he makes me feel complete, which sums up the only way I know how to describe that feeling. I think I realized the deep, lasting love for him when I was 15 almost 16, though we didn't begin officially dating until I turned 16. Little did I know that while I was discovering my love for him, he had come to the same conclusion about a year before. We were both too fearful of losing our best friend to make it known to the other. It was through a heart to heart talk with my Mom, that she just outright told me; "he feels the same way about you, I can see it in the way he treats you, in the way he respects you and the way he looks at you". It wasn't quite a lightbulb moment. We did start talking about our feelings and began dating a couple of months later after I "officially" turned sixteen, old enough to date by my parents wishes. Both our parents have been nothing but supportive of our decision. We had already decided to get married after finishing up our college studies; we chose sooner rather than later and have the best study buddy ever. The thing that We both are really thankful for is our pastor highly suggested we go through pre-marital counseling; every one of your bullet points were covered in our counseling sessions. The Love and Respect principals were covered in at least two or three sessions, in a nutshell. As a man he inwardly and emotionally desires to be respected by me, it's just one of the ways I can reinforce my love towards him. For his part, I as a woman inwardly, intellectually and emotionally desire his love in a respectful manner. Once we "partnered" together we began noticing little changes for the good in our relationship. There never has been a bad day for us, we'll maybe that one time when I was nine and didn't get my way! (Not really!) The absolute most important aspect of our relationship is that we approach it as each one gives 100% which equals 100% given and accepted. Number one best thing we learned, "Divorce is not an option, ever because true love forgives". We also are of the same faith, (he used to invite me to church so we could spend more time together as kids!)

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  • 1mo

    This is great and true. Your wife must be lucky to have you!

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    • 1mo

      I'd like to think so but I'll let her chime in if she wants :)

  • 1mo

    Never been married BUT from all of the failed relationships and marriages I've seen i have to say this is spot on/

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    • 1mo

      I've found that the relationships that fail do so because they stopped putting each other first. It's a tough concept to embrace but it's essential.

  • 1mo

    I love seeing pr marriage Mytakes <3

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  • 1mo

    Great take :). And the best part is that they are all doable and will make any relationship successful :)

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  • 1mo

    this is so amazing... exactly the kind of marriage i want... u made me speechless... great mytake!!! u r one great couple!!

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What Guys Said 12

  • 1mo

    In other words common sense.

    Good take.

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  • 1mo

    Great take - I agree totally

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  • 1mo

    Great metal. Has someone been reading marriage books?

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    • 1mo

      I've read a few but I've been around this block a few times :)

  • 1mo

    I'd make love to that blonde in the pic 25.4 hours straight with no pause.

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  • 1mo

    Very good points, great Take 👍

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  • 1mo

    These tips all mean well except the utmost tip wasn't mentioned. The ultimate tip for a successful marriage is ; ( Forgiveness ).

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    • 1mo

      For sure! I guess if you wanted to you could lump it into Apologizing as the two would for sure go hand and hand.

    • 1mo

      Asker... learning how to be an excellent forgiver is the key to long relationship or marriage. If those two don't interest you , then forgiveness doesn't apply in your world. We all have choices in life. Misery or happiness.., your choice /you're misery or happiness. Although apoligizing and forgiveness are two different things. You apologize when you've done wrong , you forgive unconditionally when you feel towards that other individual regardless of the matter at hand.

  • 1mo

    Statistics and studies say the key to a great marriage is patriarchal/traditionalism. What's even better than those types of marriages believe it or are arranged marriages. Both aspects are logic based and marriages based on emotion fail. Since feminism started marriage has a sky high divorce rate with 97% initiated by women.

    A marriage based on equality is unbalanced. Also how can a relationship be equal when a women is sexually attracted to a man of superiority. Women are hypergamous by nature and want a man better than them in terms of looks, money, status and attitude.

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    • 1mo

      Opinion owner. Now I see your view of women. Certainly glad I never followed your advise about women. By the way... look at all the pink up votes you got.

    • 1mo

      @Djaaaaaay You again! I thought you'd eventually pop up sooner or later spewing blue pill nonsense. What are you talking about regarding how many female up votes I get, like I give a dam what these feminazis feel about about my facts. Don't comment here and begin patronising me old man.

      This is not my view these are facts after researches been made proving these conclusions. You social justice warriors and leftists are damaging this planet with your irrational ideas.

      All never argue anything I say you just come here to insult me and white knight women. Don't be kidding your self... women are only in your life for your millions of bucks and resources old timer.

    • 1mo

      Awwwww. 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂🤔

  • 1mo

    The REAL 7 secrets to a great marriage:

    1. Don't get married.
    2. Don't get married.
    3. Don't get married.
    4. Don't get married.
    5. Don't get married.
    6. Don't get married.
    7. Don't get married.

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  • 1mo

    Great mytake. I love the apology part. Not to many poeple understand that.

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  • 1mo

    Great sex absolutely does prove a couple is still in love. Sex does involve physical pleasure, but the emotional intimacy a couple experiences during sex is by far the best part of sex. Occassional we may just be in the mood for a quickie, but most of the time I just want to enjoy the intimacy of being alone with her and no one else, and she wants me inside her and she pulls me in as hard as she can because she wants to be as close to me as she possibly can.

    Sex itself is not love, and love is not a feeling, but when you are in love it will produce an incredibly intense desire to be as close and intimate with that person as you possibly can, which only happens during sex. If you don't have that desire then you're just not in love anymore.

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  • 1mo

    Thise should be a patt of a relationship, engagment and marriage

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  • 1mo

    And most importantly it's money and religion.

    Ayyy, I spoiled it!

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