Need marital advice. Husband still not home yet almost 2am?

I will try to keep short and brief

My husband has been going through legal issues and maybe facing jail time for 20 years. He has become abusive in my opinion. He has anger yells throws things has bruised me etc

I try to talk to him but to no avail. He won't talk about it (feels he isn't treating me wrong) and has taken his ring off too (this the fourth time)

Last night he tried to have sex with me I said no. He sent me a text message saying he's seen my true colors and Insinuated I'm cheating on him.

It's almost 2am and he hasn't come home yet.

Someone please tell me what to do. I don't want to fight anymore. He speaks down to me (says things like get your ass home girl and take care of these kids)

I try to stand up for myself but now I feel he is being spiteful

Please married people help me what do I do? I have pictures of my bruises still. I'm afraid to get him in more trouble.

I have 3 kids. And he moved me away from my family. We have been married for six years


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Most Helpful Guy

  • It sounds like you are looking for an answer that will make your life with him better. Can't give you one, because I cannot see your life getting better as long as it is with him. It is unfortunate that you have invested so much time with him and that you have three kids. Because he is headed away from you. legal issues and probable jail time will likely take him away physically, but emotionally he is not into you now, either. He is abusive, both physically and emotionally. And he is getting worse.

    You need to be speaking with someone who can advise you in matters that will protect you while making life better. If you belong to a church, spiritual counseling should be available. And for other matter, I hope someone on here can refer you to a website that has people you can call for advice on getting away. Having the kids complicates your options.

    Guys don't usually magically turn into monsters overnight. There have probably been signs for a long time. Probably even before you married. And then more signs before your first kid, and more after that. If so, you have ignored them until the problem has grown into a monster.

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What Guys Said 5

  • There's so much going wrong here... Get a professional, seriously. He will keep everything secret you tell him, also from your husband or the officials. In the end, it's your decision how to deal with that he hit you.

    But really, if you want to save anything (and keep yourself and the children save), get a professional urgently. You waited way too long already.

    Doubt that anything can be saved here. Why don't people just get advice long before it's gone that far that it can't be fixed anymore? Is it really that hard?

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    • It still can be fixed, but someone just needs to offer a proper plan of action. Someone more experienced in this topic like the domestic violence hotline/centre, a therapist for support and to get her confidence back up enough to leave him. I feel I can't offer much as I don't know a lot about this. You can't just walk away from him as he's unpredictable. Who knows what he's capable of. I can understand it's hard she has no family around as he pulled that away and it's tiring to be a mother. She needs to get out though if not for her but for her children. They could be the next victims.

    • Didn't read it all now, sorry, I'm really in a hurry, but yes, most can be fixed as long as people want to. The problem is that at a certain point neither will be willing anymore.

      As I said: Professional counselling EARLY ENOUGH. Even my wife and me get some advices every then in a while, we all make mistakes and it's never wrong to get somebody else's opinion.

  • I am a true believer in marriage. However, it requires mutual respect. If one person is being abusive, the other should not have to take it as part of life. You need to seek legal advice to break it up. Sorry. There is not other way around it. Physical abuse has no other way around it. Don't sit on it.

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  • Take the kids and leave. Go back to your family home and lawyer up. You need to get rid of ANY guy that puts bruises on you or he will eventually do the same to your kids and they'll grow up thinking that's OK. You don't want that.

    Seriously. It's over. Be smart and get your ducks in order as fast as you can money wise so he can't hurt you, and get the kids the hell out.

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  • It doesn't matter how much pressure he may be under, no man has the right too hit a female, unless they are defending themselves

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  • i dont get why girls stay with these kinds of dudes

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    • Because they appear outgoing charming full of life. It's usually not until you're married or living with them seeing them on a daily basis that they show their true colours.

    • who do you think changed them?

What Girls Said 2

  • It hurts me to hear about your man not treating you right. It is absolutely horrible for anyone to have to go through their partner abusing them day in and out esp having to cater to his needs in fear of what he might do next.

    > Contact your local Domestic Violence centre. They will have information on support groups/counseling/how to protect yourself and your children.
    Also I think with going to a counselor you'll build up your confidence to find your way out. They are there to help you. You're doing this for your children too.

    That's what I would suggest if you're battling against him. I don't know much about escaping abusive men. I understand though that it may seem impossible to get away if you're worried about if he gets into trouble what effect that can have on you as he'll put you to blame for saying something. This needs to stop though, he can't get away with this.
    Check out these websites plus many others as there's a lot of information on the internet that can tell you how to handle this situation as many women have been through this there's many personal advice on how they have escaped themselves, you're not alone.

    roogirl.com/.../
    jenjen0703.hubpages.com/hub/Leave-Abusive-Spouse
    http://denise-w-anderson.hubpages.com/hub/How-Do-I-Stop-the-Abuse
    tracylynnconway....pages.com/.../UnderstandingAbusiveRelationships

    You can do this.
    Take care of yourself and keep us updated on your well-being.
    Will be thinking of you.

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  • Let me tell you I wouldn't care how much pressure my husband was under I wouldn't just set back and let him beat on me and make me feel like I've done something wrong! I can see being upset and taking some of that out on me, and that's fine, but the second he hit me he would have bigger problems!! Him going out and stay gone all night, and taking his ring off, isn't good at all! And your kids don't need to be around all that it just isn't good!

    Was he abusive to you before y'all moved? Or is it something that has just happened? I know a lot of times a man will do whatever to get his gf/wife away from her family and friends so she'll feel trapped and helpless and won't leave because she'll think she don't have anyone to help her or anywhere to go.

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