What is the best way to approach someone with wanting to break up a marriage of 18 years?

Verbally and emotionally abusive relationship with 2 children. I still love him, but want to experience freedom from the fear of waiting for the other shoe to drop/walking on eggshells lifestyle. I don't want to destroy him, but I can't live this way. It has gotten so bad to the point where I have considered suicide as a way out of this relationship.


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Most Helpful Girl

  • If he is verbally and emotionally abusive it is time to walk away from him. If you can't do it for yourself do it for your kids. Don't your kids deserve a better life than to hear you and witness the abuse? Think of your kids here before it's too late and they think it's normal to either be in a relationship like this or to treat others like this. The longer you stick around the more of an impact it will have on your kids. I would just tell him flat out that you're leaving once you have established a back up plan. Do you have money saved? Do you work yourself?

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What Guys Said 0

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What Girls Said 2

  • first of all, I apologize. I'm sorry that you have to think about it. I'm sorry for your children who have to witness the abuse of their mother. I'm sorry that you're kids will probably grow up beating their woman, or getting beat up by their man. I'm sorry that you haven't gotten out sooner so he won't root these psychological problems into your kids.

    there is a way out of everything.

    you can leave him, you can do this. you have two kids and they need their mother lionness.

    one of the most important jobs of a lioness is to protect her cubs, and they will do everything they can to protect their young. they will fight to the death, sometimes, and gang up on the intruding males.

    you have all the resources to leave, and I'm not saying you won't struggle, but you're a woman. and we were born to struggle-women all over did it before you and you got it in you to do it. you got family, you got support groups, search for pro bono lawyers, there's womens shelters, and the government. make a plan before you leave if you want, but DOCUMENT EVERYTHING, carry a small calendar book, mark down EVERYTHING. ok, june 2 he hit me for so and so. June 4, he yelled at me in front of the kids and they cried. and so on, DOCUMENTS ARE PROOF IN COURT! WRITE EVERYTHING DOWN, photograph every iota of abuse. call your family, call someone to let you stay for a while, re engage with people, and when you leave GET A RESTRAINING ORDER. and please do not make the mistake my mother did and let the kids see the father because you feel bad for the children, its not your fault so he can see them when its all situated and you're safely out and youve been taken to court and the JUDGE says when and how he can see his kids, IF he can. this isn't your fault, you don't deserve to be abused, you are worth everything in the world and you worth being treated with some dignity and respect! he will probably cry and be so apologetic. Hell, I remember seeing my step dad cry, guess what happened the next week, my brother was rushed to the hospital. there is no salvaging this marriage and its NOT YOUR FAULT, PLEASE GET OUT!

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    In the U.S., you can get help from the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE (7233). The TTY number for the hearing-impaired is 1-800-787-3224. The service operates around the clock, and is free, confidential and anonymous. The hot line receives nearly 20,000 calls every month, so you are not alone.

    The Web site at ndvh.org includes a warning to use a safe computer if you are concerned your computer use might be monitored by your abuser. There’s an “escape” button at the top right, which immediately takes you to a neutral site — in my case, the Google homepage — if you fear your husband will come along and see what is on your screen.

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  • girl...I have just this to say; if this has been an abusive relationship then all you have to do is walk away. No one has the right to abuse you in ANY way. If there are kids involved, then by all means please grow up and realize what you are doing to these kids! I don't know if they are boys or girls but either way you are giving them the wrong idea of what a relationship should be. Be strong for you and ur kids NO ONE else. Make a life for ur self and for those kids. The mother fu...can go to hell. He had the chance to hv you and this is what he did with it. MOVE on, be strong and walk away!

    What will happen to ur kids if you are missing?

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