If a wife cheats, can you cheat back on her?

This obviously isn't something I've ever wanted to deal with. We've been married for 4 years now, no kids still and found out through messages she had an ongoing affair lasting for about 6 months.

She's been remorseful since but I've been thinking about having my own fun too as the only way to make it work out. I think this makes more sense. She sure wasn't thinking about me during that time so when I do it, I'm not going to think about her either.

I'm thinking about having a ONS seriously. Now I really want to see what it must have felt like for her to get pleasure elsewhere.

Updates:
The point is I don't want to feel like the betrayed victim anymore. I want to feel the way she felt when she did that and during that lying period.
All I'm thinking is revenge now. This would now make it even.

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Most Helpful Guy

  • I believe in an eye for an eye, but we both know she won't feel the same if you decide to cheat back on her, she's mentally prepared for you to do it.

    You, on the other hand, were not ready for it when she did it. That's why it hurts so much.

    It's gone dude, just divorce and walk away. It's your best option at this point.

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    • This got me. I sure wasn't ready to deal with that blow. Now it's like everything I've been living with her feels like a total lie.
      I think I'm going to be spending the whole night today at a motel.

    • I know, it's like she stole a million dollars from you and all you're able to do back to her is steal like ten thousand, if that. What's worse is that she'll ALWAYS, for the rest of your life, be able to hold that over you, you'll never be able to get even with her.

      I know how much that makes your blood boil, so, like I said dude, just walk away. This is one of the disadvantages of being the good guy, the bad people will always have first attack because they don't play by your rules.

What Girls Said 15

  • Relationship is not about revenge. You are not in this relationship to get revenge, you are in it to get love and give love, to have her trust and give yours to her. But if she has cheated on you its clear that you can't trust her and she doesn't love you. So when the basic aim of this relationship is over, whats the point of dragging it? You are spoiling your life, nothing else. Why would she care if you cheat on her? She could only care if she loved you which she doesn't.

    End it for your own happiness. Don't stoop as low as she has. In a way you will be justifying her actions by copying them. If you think cheating is morally wrong then don't do it yourself.

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  • I don't think you should be married, if you think cheating back on your supposed loved one is gonna make things right.

    It's not logical in the slightest. Just childish and petty.

    How are you any better, if you go and fuck another girl? It literally makes you just as bad as her. In fact, it makes you worse because you want to do it to intentionally hurt her.
    She's a lying cow, who did it because she wanted something else. You want to do it to make her feel bad. You're the worse person in this situation.

    Act your age for god's sake. Dump her and move on.

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  • It will only make you feel worse. All it'll do is make you envision what happened when she cheated. Not worth it.
    And do you really want to stoop down to her level? Walk away and be the bigger person. Don't be like her, don't be pathetic. Revenge is pathetic. Cheating is pathetic. Don't.

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  • I've been in your shoes, I was married. We had a child together and shortly after our son was born I found out he had been cheating on me with quite a few girls. I felt betrayed, I had so much hate that I wanted him to feel the same way I did so I cheated on him, he found out and I didn't get the reaction I was seeking. He had a problem with it but he didn't hurt. He didn't yell at me or cry or feel betrayed. It turns out that if your other is going to cheat on you and then find out that you cheated on them they don't really care. We divorced and all I had done was given him a "reason" as to why we didn't work out. To this day he tells everyone that we ended because I cheated. So in my honest opinion I would say leave her, don't let her have anything on you. Let her be the one people look down on. She chose to cheat she should have to live with it. But like I said I do know how you feel so do what you feel is needed, whether its you leaving her now or cheating on her to try to make her feel hurt.

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  • revenge makes sense...she cheated on you and you cheated back on her, and this might keep going...better you finish that going to nowhere relationship, you're still young and have no kids..move on

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  • No need for revenge. Two wrongs don't make a right. You would only be stooping to her level by doing it back. Tell her that you found out she was cheating, see how she reacts. If she tries in anyway to deny it, I would get a divorce. I would get a divorce anyway because someone who cheats will always cheat in my opinion. So it's not even worth it.

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    • I know 2 wrongs don't make a right but I don't think I can't ever get all those disgusting things I'm imagining she must have done with the OM as well as all those time I've been lied to. I don't even want to kiss her. She disgusted me to the point, I imagine doing it with another woman.

      I've called her out all the bad names in the books (dirty, whore, everything you can think about). I hate what she did.

    • I understand and that's normal when someone cheats on you. Divorce her; and you can have any woman you please.

    • Be the better person.

  • I've been cheated on and I know how you feel.
    But don't you feel doing the exact same thing back to her will make you exactly like her? Didn't what she did make you hate the person she has become?
    Don't cheat because you want revenge. It won't help. You think it'll satisfy you, but it won't. Be a better person than your wife so she knows how much she messed up.

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  • The very fact you think that cheating on her for revenge will make it all even tells me you're not mature enough to be married in the first place. What she did is beyond hurtful, but doing it to her out of spite is almost worse. You have two options; seek couples therapy and try to save your marriage, or divorce and move on. I suggest either way you come to terms with why it happened and how to deal with it the responsible way. You won't be any less hurt by her actions by having sex with someone else. if anything you'll feel worse; You just can't see this at the moment because you're angry and hurt. Whatever may come i hope your wounds heal.

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    • At this point, I don't care to hear her reason nor even know why it happened. There was no excuse for what she did. She absolutely disgusts me. I can't stand to even look at that thing. She has become a disgusting thing in my eyes.

    • I'm sure it's a horrible position to be in.

    • More than horrible. I see her as a POS now. If I were to even kiss her, all I would see if her fucking the OM and both of them having at me, making fun our marriage.

  • Just leave her. Why stoop down to the level of a cheater?

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  • Why all the playing around? If she cheated on you just leave her.

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    • I will. I want this divorce process to go as fast as possible.

    • Then don't give her any ammo to use on you. Keep it in your pants.

  • go for it
    eye for an eye
    tooth for a tooth

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  • just leave her forever,, don't waste ur life on her and don't take revenge...she don't love u

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    • Nope, she can't love me at all. Now it just feels like all my efforts and hard work of always being faithful and believing we had a great communication were worthless.

    • don't feel tensed dear..some people don't know how to love and she is one of them...just go ahead and start a new beginning...if she has done wrong to you then y r u waiting for her..its foolish...live ur life happily...t.c dear..!

    • Thank. I'll be starting the divorce filing process during this week. I disgusts me. I still haven't stop calling her bad names. It's like I don't really care about my marriage anymore.

  • You don't cheat back, if you are a nice person.

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  • Divorce herk

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  • No,.Though revenge seem tempting, please don't stoop at her level

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What Guys Said 15

  • It's complicated after but I am much more of a dump her but it's a marriage so nowadays women make out like bandits in divorces which sucks. But I also feel that "cheating" on someone who most likely doesn't even consider herself with you mentally wouldn't even have an effect on her.

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  • Never make a big decision without reflecting on it. You won't feel fulfilled, satisfied or just after revenge cheating. You are far better off keeping your higher ground and staying at a point you can judge her and look down, don't stoop to her level. You are now the one in control, you can choose to end this relationship and as she is the adulterous one you financially don't suffer so much. If you never done it before why do it now and make yourself feel cheap.

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  • Sure you can cheat as revenge, nobody can stop you from doing it... But it will almost certainly kill your marriage if you do it. Your marriage has taken a bullet to the chest... Your cheating would be adding a second bullet to the brain.

    You cheating on her won't undo the fact that she cheated on you already. Better options would be to seek marriage counseling or divorce.

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    • Have decided to proceed with the divorce process. I've been spending the night in a motel again. Can't stand to even look at her.

  • Dude, you are a betrayed victim, and you banging another chick might even the score, but marriage isn't about the score fool. You need to seriously think about leaving her ass, not getting even.. Your still young enough to find a better partner man, don't wait to long to decide, otherwise your going to make it hard on yourself. And don't convince yourself that its a one time thing only, My friend made that mistake and now he is kicking himself...

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    • It sucks that I invested so much on this worthless piece of garbage of a wife. If I had known she had a cheating character, I would have never even gotten engaged to her.

    • Word, dude a lot of us have been there, my friend too... People tend to trust themselves more than the advice of their friends. I'm not saying its right or wrong, but it happens. I would leave her man... There are so many chicks out here its crazy to waste time on women who can't be loyal...Let me know how it goes man..

  • I am so angry with this. But accept the reality and let her go.
    Yes start acting like a man and bang random girls. These girls are never happy with good guys. Common don't be a good guy. Do the same, but end this relationship smiling.
    Get over the feelings.. Find a new appropriate chick as a life partner.
    But don't be angry, don't argue, just smile on her when you leave and congratulate them for new relationship.
    This is called as non violent pain giving therapy.

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    • Whatever it is , you won't do it for revenge... But for yourself..

  • Understandable. And possibly a good idea, but it might just worsen the situation though.

    But it would put you out of the victim mentality which will really help your self esteem...

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  • Yes you can cheat back, but is it morally right to cheat back, in my opinion no, two wrongs don't make a right. If your wife cheats, and you don't cheat back it could be a little concerning to certain women.

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  • No 2 wrongs don't make a right

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  • You're foolish to stay with her. But if you think it will work for you, cheat back.

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    • I'm not even gonna spend the night with her today. I'm gonna stay at a motel. Can't even look at her.

  • You can't expect anything from anybody…

    If i had a wife and she cheats, i would just leave her for good and move on.

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  • I was cheated on. nothing you can do

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    • Nope, nothing will compare to what she did. It sucks that I have file divorce and it won't be right away but I'll have to wait for several months. When it's just a relationship you can walk away easily.

  • Why cheat? Be the better person and leave the relationship.

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  • I would just leave her and not bother cheating back. What's the point?

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    • I guess, I just wanted her to feel how I felt and in a way it's like saying ''Well now that you had your fun, I can have my fun too, why not'' sort of thing. But yeah, you're right. I'm gonna spend the night at a motel today. I don't even want to sleep with her. I feel nothing but disgust and in my mind, I picture her and the OM.

  • Hell yes take revenge

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  • Nah bruh you dump that bitch.

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