Am I being emotionally Abused?

I've been a good husband and have never cheated (emotionally or physically). I've always brought home the $$$ and treated my wife with appreciation and patience. I've taken care of myself and try to look the best i can.

This is a long one so Thank You in Advance for your help.

Here Goes:

1. I keep getting yelled at every 3 months over mistakes I've made in the past. I have admitted to the mistakes, apologize for them, and have never committed them again.

2. I keep bracing myself every 3 months for another verbal attack for mistakes I have admitted to, apologize for, and have never committed them again.

3. Wife is very critical of me. She critiques everything i do and often says "you aren't doing this right" and "you're being to slow".

4. Wife is not approachable. I'm afraid to get yelled at if i try to initiate something to talk about.

5. Wife always brings up my past sex partners because she knew them an didn't like them.

6. Withholds sex because of my sexual past.

7. Wife has never trusted anything I've said.

  • Wife is Emotionally Abusive
    88% (14)100% (6)91% (20)Vote
  • Not Emotionally Abusive, this is normal
    12% (2)0% (0)9% (2)Vote
And you are? I'm a GirlI'm a Guy
Updates:
#1: The mistakes are mentioning my EX GF's briefly in some conversations when were dating. I only mentioned them a few times and not in detail.

And the other mistake i made was looking up one of my Ex's on FB just to see if she failed

0|0
13|5

Most Helpful Girl

  • She is straight- out abusive! You are being verbally and emotionally abused, and she has no right to treat you that way, no matter WHAT you've done in the past! Everyone has a past, but no one has the right to treat you harshly because of it. Honestly, and out of all concern, why are you staying with her? She's gonna deplete you of all your self- worth, confidence, and everything you live for. You need to talk to her about this and make it clear- either she cuts the bullshit or you're dumping her ass. No one has the right to treat you that way... And you deserve someone better.

    I dealt with an abuser myself and I know how it feels... being trapped in that emotional cage, and the cycle keeps repeating itself. Nothing is wrong with you, it's the abuser who has problems. So don't think that something is wrong with you. <3

    0|0
    0|0
    • Thanks, I'm glad somebody is seeing what I'm seeing. I'm sorry you had to go through that. Hopefully a good Man (not boy) will be yours sooner than later.

    • Show All
    • I've been thinking for the last year that someday she won't have a Man to yell at. Maybe that someday is soon. The divorce will cost me huge $$$ out of my bank account and alimony payments on top of that.

    • Yeah thats the catch... unfortunately the divorce process drags and is pretty expensive too. But honestly, its a temporary thing and although it will cost a lot of money, at least you will be out of this emotionally damaging cycle. Soon enough she won't have you around and she'll have no one to prey on. Leaving her will be worth it... And she doesn't deserve you. You just gotta do whats best for you, and that will take a few sacrifices... Wishing you the best. Don't let her step on you anymore!

What Girls Said 12

  • Sounds like you're frustrated and fed up. Maybe it's time to take a break from this marriage to allow her to decide if she can put the past in the past and trust you. Also it's a chance for you to decide if you can put up with this from her for the rest of your life.

    0|0
    0|0
  • Your wife sounds insecure and jealous. I think that she has personal issues that she has to work out on her own before you guys attempt to fix your communication skills and other things as well. I wouldn't want to be around someone who isn't approachable and yells at me all the time. That's just flat out misery. If you have already apologized and you are doing everything right as a husband, I wouldn't focus on it or cry, because it's not you it's her. She has to learn how to forgive so you guys can have a healthy long-lasting marriage. My advice is to go to marriage counseling. There might be something else that you are lacking that's not making her happy enough to overlook those things you've listed above.

    0|0
    0|0
  • You argue once every 3 months and you consider this abusive? My parents argue with each other about 80 - 100 times a day and they argue with me about 40 - 60 times a day.

    0|0
    0|0
  • Based on #5, 6, 7, why did you marry her?

    0|1
    0|0
    • 5,6 Didn't happen until after we got married. 7, I didn't notice until after we got married.

    • Show All
    • I think you need to tell her how much this bothers you and mention divorce. I really don't know how you thought it was a good idea to marry her when she's been pissed about the ex-gfs PRIOR to the marriage.

    • I thought it was normal for her to be pissed because she knew the girls and didn't like them back then.

  • She sounds like someone who is not emotionally stable. And you can't always handle such people because after all there is something called self respect.
    If I were you I would talk to her in a calm way and try to reason out.
    And if she was SO unstable that she wasn't ready to listen, I'd take a break from the marriage. I'd give her time to improve and see if she realized her mistake and my importance in her life. If she did, good. If not...I would probably leave forever.

    0|0
    0|0
  • my mom did this to my dad everyday.
    yelling and screaming at him for anywhere from 2-8 hours a day. same topics you mentioned. my dad just sat there in silence.

    no, it's not ok.

    1|0
    0|0
    • That's what I do. I just sit there in silence and take it.

    • Show All
    • I don't want to do that. I'm in the gym 4 days a week and plan to stay that way.

    • you shouldn't take the abuse though

  • I don't want to think one-sided, but yes sounds like she's abusive.

    0|0
    0|0
    • This isn't 1 sided, trust me. I'm the only one working.
      I work 12 hours a day and go to the gym 4 days a week. Thats it. I don't have a life.

    • I see, hope everything gets better for you :/

  • Oh my! I'm sorry, but she sounds crazy! That's not normal at all! She is your wife and y'all should be able to talk about things without her freaking out like that. I've told my husband to just tell me if something is up that I need to know about, don't not say anything and let me find out because that's just gonna piss me off...I don't freak out nearly as bad if he just tells me. Lol.

    0|0
    0|0
  • Wow it sounds like you're describing me! I would say you're my husband if only he spoke english.well, I did just the same and still do every now and then I also knew his exes & I hate them I bitch about almost everything I tell him ughh why would you say that, ughh why would you allow the barber to make your sideburns like that, ughh you're so immature and bla bla the list goes on a female passes by oh you looked at her ass right? point is I nagg and bitch about everything and anything...reasons why:
    1) im insecure
    2) The more dominant I am the more control I have.
    3) I wouldn't be so rude or mean if I wasn't this fat.
    4) I believe other women are more attractive than me.
    5) I have trust issues because I know he can do better :(

    Truth is I love him to death but its my own insecurities that are destroying our relationship :( & there's not a day that goes by that he doesn't reassure me of his love for me.

    0|0
    0|0
    • wow.. it's amazing that you could openly and honestly admit to these things. Kudos to you :) <3

    • Show All
    • Hmmm I see but do you love her? what are your feelings towards her?

    • I don't really love her anymore, because she doesn't love me back and I'm getting abused.

  • My mom does the exact same thing, although my dad is not very faithful but she just forgives him and then uses it against him constantly. My dad usually doesn't say anything, which is also stupid. Not a healthy relationship, one of them should get some balls and get divorced.

    0|0
    0|0
    • So yes, I would say that you are being emotionally abused.

  • Wow. No, this is not healthy normal. She sounds like a major bitch. Withholding sex from your husband is a NO NO, not acceptable EVER. Your sexual past has nothing to do with her and it's really not her business or right to give you crap for it. Bringing up past mistakes is a huge relationship DON'T DO as well. Forgive and let it go. Why on earth did you marry this woman? She must have been doing this shit way before you married her.

    0|0
    0|0
    • Most of this shit happened after we got married. I was fooled, what can i say.

    • Show All
    • 3 years

    • Well shit, just shit. I think you need to take a stand, stick up for yourself. Put her in her place, she is your wife. She is supposed to answer to you. Be prepared to leave if she can't follow thru.

  • What's with the every 3 months thing?

    0|0
    0|0
    • I don't know? She lets something build up inside and the pattern is that she explodes on me every 3 months. It's so frequent that I can time it.

    • Strange. This doesn't sound like she's being a productive part of this relationship. You read any relationship books? Even if she's the one who needs more help, the partner who is most motivated in making change can be the spark...

What Guys Said 5

  • I'm sure this situation has two sides to it, and these descriptions are a tad exaggerated. Going off exactly what you said though, I would definitely say she's emotionally abusive.

    0|1
    0|0
    • This isn't 1 sided, trust me. I'm the only one working.
      I work 12 hours a day and go to the gym 4 days a week. Thats it. I don't have a life.

  • Definitely emotionally abusive.

    Put it to her like this "Can I change my past, and do you want to live in the present and the future?"

    Put it to her like this "Do we have a monogamous sexual relationship, or no sexual relationship at all?".Once a year doesn't even qualify as casual sex.
    If there is no sexual relationship, you are free to find other women who want you.You're only cheating if there is a partner at home who wants you.Make this clear to her.

    Another thing is that the people who mistrust you most are the ones you can trust least.They judge you according to how they would act in the same circumstance.

    0|0
    0|0
  • She needs to stop bringing up past stuff. You're married and those days are over. You're a breadwinner and she's not even being grateful. So you definitely sound like you're not being appreciated and being taken for granted.

    0|0
    0|0
  • Time to start taking control of your household. Start saving money and hiding assets. Hit the gym and talk to a lawyer if she won't straighten up.

    1|0
    0|0
  • You need to tell her to stop and be prepared to leave if she doesn't. Stop being afraid of being yelled at, you shouldn't have to be. The more you let her treat you like this the more she'll do it, and the less respect she'll have for you.

    0|0
    0|0
    • True, I've been thinking about leaving for the past year. I will be paying a lot of alimony $$$ and lose a $$$ in my bank accounts, but I'm willing to do it.

    • Maybe see if you can find a way to lessen the damage if you do divorce, there must be some way as yadda says hiding assets etc. This is why I discourage men from marriage. The woman can be abusive or cheat on you and you'll still be forced to pay her. It's a joke.

Loading...