Should I let my parent's arrange a marriage for me?

My parents want to basically set up a marriage for me. This isn't being done for religious purposes (me and my family are all agnostics). In fact its more for social/economic reasons. My family is wealthy and highly respected in our community. This girls' family is as well. My parents know her parents quite well as they go to many of the same functions. Her parents and my parents have been talking about getting us together with the intention to marry. The girl apparently is on board with the proposition. However, this is likely because she has been raised to never question her parents' judgement and obey their every command. My parents and her parents are sticklers for marrying within the same class and background which is why they think this arrangement is perfect.

I have met their daughter only once. She is 20 and I am 22. She is studying to be a designer and I am currently in law school. However, the expectation is that when we marry, she will stay at home (her family's expectations not mine). I don't know her enough to say whether I like her or not. Personally, I don't know how to feel about this proposition. I know it would make my parents happy. I know it will be a lot easier for them to set me up with this girl instead of me having to go to a club/bar and meeting them for myself. My parents told me that they and her parents are willing to let us date for a year before getting engaged. They plan to marry us once I graduate law school and get a place at a firm. Her parents and my parents told us that they are going to build and furnish a house for us and give us a "nest egg" in the bank. It seems really nice to be all snug and set up.

Even though this idea seems quite logical, a part of me feels like I am going to be robbed of my youth. I won't be able to enjoy my twenties because I am going to get a wife and then kids and a house. It also feels as if my parents and her parents are going to be uber controlling our marriage. What should I do?


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Most Helpful Girl

  • huh I guess movies about rich and wealthy people are true...ok in this situation you would really have to ask yourself if you say no and find yourself a poor girl would they support you? My answer would be no because your family wants more wealth however I do not know that for sure...so what if its the same situation and you just go off and have fun will they still support you? And if not, will you be able to support yourself?
    If I were in your place I would not get married just yet one because I am 22 and I want to know what other kinds of people out there, two I would want to travel by myself and meet people, three I would travel the world, study different cultures, visit every scientific community lol (ok so I am a science geek) but unfortunately I am not 22 and I am not you these are the things I would love to do if I were in your position and I am pretty sure you want to do something on your own too before you settle down and if you do get married you are right you will get robbed of your youth...

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What Girls Said 5

  • I'm on the same boat. My parents possess the same plan for me, but I on the other hand would never stay at home lol. But like I know where you are coming from. Don't accept it right away, but just date her. See how she is, and if you like her then marry her. Arranged marriages are so helpful in that sense. The guys have such an advantage! You just pick the girl you like, and if their parents accept, then you can get married. Girls have to wait and wait and wait.

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  • arranged marriages has got its drawbacks dude...you should be the one to know if you will be happy by living by the side of a girl you've met once

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  • You are a grown man and can do whatever you like

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    • I know but in this situation, I don't know what to do. Both decisions seem to have advantages and drawbacks

    • Don't do it. You should marry someone you love

  • Just date her and see how it goes...

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  • I feel that we are old enough to decide whom we like and parents view might differ greatly from us. Happiness is paint by us not anyone

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What Guys Said 2

  • Run.

    I'm Indian, I understand the issues you face, even if they factors behind it are different.

    Here's the thing. When they say you can date for a year, it's with the presumption that you will marry her. It's not really an option to date and just see where it goes. If you break up, you will be ostracized.

    Next, you really need to think about what you want in a wife. You talked about what she does for a living, and about her staying at home and about your parents and her parents bribing you to get married with a big "nest egg" and a house. You didn't talk about whether you found this girl attractive, whether you found her interesting to talk to, whether you like her personality, etc.

    If economics is all that motivates you, then go for it. But if you really want a fulfilling life, you will have to think really hard about what qualities you want and find attractive in a spouse and you'll have to decide if this girl fits the bill.

    And you are really going to have think hard about how much you want your parents dictating your life.

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  • Get to know her better. Spend time with her. You're both young though so my assumption is if you do that you will both fall in love and will get married. So before you do that, consider that.

    If it were me, I would tell my parents to fuck off. Player for life.

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    • Yeah that's definitely a good idea. I feel though that her parents and my parent's will ruin the getting to know each other process. They will constantly be interfering and manipulating. They will have their hand in every decision we make. They will force us to go to their hoyty toyty events as a couple so that they can show us off. They will want to know every detail of our relationship. They will do everything short of holding my dick for me as I fuck her. My parents and her parents are super control freaks. That will definitely affect our relationship.

    • Hehe. I would tell them to back off. Threaten to impregnate the nearest *insert undesirable* girl :) Then just get to know her.

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