Guys why would my husband do that? Is it because of me? Does he hate me and her? Please guys explain his behaviour!?

i just giving birth my first baby girl and she's 3 months now i really care about her more than anything else. The problem is that my husband mad at me i don't know why. Before two day ago i was really tired after taking car about my baby and when i went to the bed my husband jumped on the top of me and he started to kiss me and i told him that I'm really tired and i can't do this now and he became mad and i don't remember because i slept. In the morning he was waiting for me and he started to kiss me...etc and i remembered my daughter and i just jumped to her room and i told him that i have to change her clothes because she was crying and he said ok :( and this is happening everyday until yesterday we were watching the TV and he started to kiss me and hold my hands and i kissed him and everything was perfect until my daughter cried and i left him to cheque if she's fine and i went to him in the livingroom and i was carrying her and he was silent i asked if he's fine or not? and i apologised to him and he shout loudly saying (( we are living in hell since you born this damn baby! You only care about her more than anything else! We can't can't sleep at night we can't have sex like before because you're always busy with her everyday for over 3 months i didn't even touch you). He made her cry and i told him honey I'm so sorry we really need to discuss everything together tomorrow. He said ( tomorrow again! She's cry everytime i try to touch you or during our making out! What the hell is that!!!) i was trying to make him clam down but i couldn't he was really angry and he left the house since yesterday and he's avoiding my calls i talked to his friend and he said that my husband is fine but he still angry and need to be alone for a while. And i was happy because he's fine but I'm still shocked after yesterday and i don't know what to do.

Updates:
Girls you can help me too not only guys please what can i do to get him back
My husband still mad at me and i really miss him and i want him back to me. Please girls and guys help me. i don't if it's my fault or not but I need help?

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Most Helpful Guy

  • Sounds like he just flipped. I wouldn't take it too seriously.

    A lot of guys get frustrated at the lack of sexual drive or attention they receive from their woman after a baby is born. It's stupid and shitty, but it sounds like that's what's happening here.

    He's kind of acting like a selfish douche, but he's got needs too, I suppose. A quick blowjob here or there when the baby's sleeping would probably go a long way to keeping him from feeling neglected.

    But he's got to understand that newborn babies need lots and lots of attention. Things will get better as the baby gets a little older and starts to sleep for longer periods of time, but he needs to have patience.

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    • So did you see that is my fault?

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    • I don't think it's your fault, but I think you could try to be a little more aware of his frustration and sexual needs, and try to meet them when you see an opportunity to.

      That doesn't excuse him acting like an asshole about it, of course.

    • I don't know i feel bad i really he's sad because of me

What Guys Said 9

  • This guy should have thought about what babies do before he got you pregnant. What an inconsiderate ass he is, it is his child too so maybe he should actually take care of her occasionally and be responsible and act like an adult instead of a whiny teenager.

    Look at it this way, he appears to care more about his sexual needs than the needs of his daughter or you, his wife. That to me is pure selfishness and is inexcusable. Why would you want him back? Is there any chance he will grow up and be responsible? Did he ever discuss wanting kids before you were pregnant?

    I am so sorry to say but maybe there is a point where you realize the man you had before your child was born is not the guy you thought he was. I wish you luck, you seem like a good caring mother, you deserve better.

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    • He's my first love and we still love each other so much it's just because I'm busy all the time and we didn't spend more time together like before.

  • I'm sorry for your situation. honestly its not your fault your husband needs to get with the picture and realize that the baby comes first. Don't miss understand sex is an important part of marriage, but he knew that when the baby came he wouldn't get as much sex and he knew that that child will always come first. there could have been preventative measures taken, but the reality is that when that child came in to the world both you and him were given a responsibility to raise it. I don't think he's understanding that the child comes first and that if he is so sex deprived that he needs to get familiar with something called masturbation for a while. Not to say that you won't have sex with him or do him sexual favors, but the reality is that there is not going to be that time like before and sometimes people have to settle for less for a while that's life for the next 6-8 months. I suggest when he gets back you lay your cards on the table and be really honest with him. Sometimes men need to have it all put on the table so that way they can decide what they want. Because he either wants to be a dad and be apart of the family or he wants to leave, and those are the choices on the table he either stays and gets over himself and acts like the man he should be or leaves. It's hard sometimes to kick men in to shape, but sometimes we need to be kicked in the right direction to get things going. take this time that you have away from your husband to think about what your going to tell him and be strong in yourself because you have the strength in you to do great things your child is a testament to that. when he gets back don't be afraid to be mad at him even yell at him if needed. lay the cards out, and don't forget to tell him you love him, but he's being an ass. I hope this helps you dear.

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    • Also remember to tell him how you feel and what you need, and what will happen if he doesn't shape up. He is in the wrong for leaving so be ready to let out all your stress on him.

  • Hmmm.. I'm married with 2 children.that being said if you can't find time to spend with your husband and all you're doing is watching a kid grow then you're doing something wrong. Kids are not end all be all. Manage your time better. It seems like an empty excuse to me.

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    • What do you mean?

    • I'm not seeing what takes all day watching an infant. You can only feed, wash, change and play with a 3 month old so much before they fall asleep on their own. You keep telling this guy no everyday using the baby as an excuse. Anyone with any formal knowledge of children knows watching a child that lacks the ability to crawl/walk/run is the by far the easiest part of patent hood. If the 2 of you haven't figured out a feasible routine after 3 months I really do feel sorry for the 3 of you.

  • He's pretty obviously sexually frustrated. You need to delegate the kid to be handled by someone for like a day or maybe just two hours or something so you can have some time for each other, because he seems to need it, with valid reason.

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    • So it's my fault

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    • He'll get over that.

    • I really hope that

  • Okay if you don't take care of your man sexually he is going to get frustrated. If you have yo make 5 min at least out of the day for a quickie then do it. At this rate he may try to find it elsewhere. Hope it doesn't come down to that, I understand your tired but I've dated girls with two babies and they always found time yo please me while not neglecting her children. Of you have less energy, take some vitamins, eat healthier. Heck take a libido enhancer, anything but neglect your man.

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    • Is it bad that we didn't had sex since 3 months?

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    • Yes definitely, it will show him he is just as important to you as your baby. Also as a treat at dinner you cab whisper in his ear that you're wearing lingerie so he can get excited about it, only as a tease.
      I'm so happy your taking the necessary steps he will be thrilled!
      Good luck!

    • Thank you so much I'm really happy because you give me this idea

  • it would be something seriously wrong if you put him before your child, and he should know that. He is acting immature, did he want an abortion when you got pregnant or did he want the kid? (yes this is relevant answering why he acts like this)

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    • He wanted the baby when i was pregnant and he was so excited even more than me but know he's different. I didn't say that he hate our daughter but he's mad all the time because we can't sleep and spend our time together and stuff like that.
      So yesterday he was really really mad as you read in the question and i didn't know if it was my fault or what?

    • I'm sorry to say this, but he is seriously immature. He wants a kid, but have no clue what comes with it. The kid will ALWAYS be the first priority in the relationship there's no way around it.

      He also doesn't hate his daughter, it was just not the way he expected. Try to find time to have sex with him during the daytime after work and after taking care of your daughter etc.

      Also it's make sure to tell him it's a small period of time it will be like this, the amount of attention she needs decreases soon.

    • I need him to answer me first

  • Are you serious?
    you have to be careful about your husband if you wish to keep him around, all the women around the world can have babies, cook, clean, wash and at the end of the day they manage to have sex with their husbands.
    you're saying that you are tired? well I bet he's tired too. he wasn't out playing or watching movies. he was working.
    your situation right now is totally normal. this is your first baby and it has been only three months. but from now on you have to be able to manage your time.
    and that doesn't change the fact that he HAS to understand what you are going through this times. just let him feel that you are still interested in him.

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    • I do. I'm still interested in him and love him like before and i feel so bad because i made him sad like this and I'm planning to fix everything. I didn't see him since two days and the house is like a hell without him. We really need him and i wish he could forgive me :'(

    • he WILL, tryst me ;)
      just make your move

  • How often are you having sex?

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    • Don't ask me questions about sex because the last time was before I born my daughter :S

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    • He's not okay with it.

      Stop beating yourself up. Just carve out a LITTLE time to be sexual and have fun.

      If you can get a babysitter and go for a romantic dinner, that's lovely - probably MORE for you then for him. For him, you being cheerfully sexual with him is the -high- priority, NOT the romance. He doens't need 3 hours to get in the mood (you might?). If the baby falls asleep and you drag him into a bathroom for a quickie, he will be energized for days.

    • I will do my best :S

  • Neither you or your husband are completely blameless, for this fight, but you do need to make time for your husband somehow. You are repeated rejecting him over and over, completely ignoring his needs and it is making him feel unloved, and undesired. Having a demanding job is no excuse for a man to neglect his wife, and having a baby is no excuse to neglect your husband.

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    • I didn't mean to reject him everytime but i swear I feel that I'm really tired and need to sleep because we didn't sleep all night.

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    • Oh my god nooooo it's not like i got the baby and i don't want him anymore i really love him so much and he knew that. And i didn't even mean to make him angry like. I really love him and miss him as much as he misses me but i can't have sex while I'm sleepy and tired and he understand me wrong.

    • I am not saying he thinks you used him to get a baby. I am saying that is likely how he feels. What we think, and what we feel are often completely opposite.

What Girls Said 7

  • He needs to realize that things will never be the same.
    Its hard to adjust to having a kid at first, but as they get bigger (they cry less),
    things will get better.
    It's definitely more harder on you because it seems as if the baby is in your care mostly.

    I recommend telling your parents you want them to watch the baby for a little while,
    so you can your husband can have time alone.
    It's unhealthy to complete neglect your husbands wants (although it isn't by choice).
    You both have to make something work.

    Even if it doesn't happen soon enough...he should be understanding.
    Caring for a kid is hard.

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    • I'm trying to be with him but when i fine that time I become so tired

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    • Yea, show him he's important too.

      Good luck!

    • I will, thank you

  • Seems like he's just frustrated because he's not getting laid. He might be a bit jealous of the baby too, since he/she is getting most of your attention nowadays. I think this is pretty normal for most couples, like when a baby is born you just don't have as much time to be intimate anymore. Is he helping you at all with the baby? If not, then if you divide the tasks more evenly, it might help with you feeling less tired.
    But it seems to me like he's not being understanding at all. As I said, this is pretty normal for a lot of couples, and him getting directly mad at you as well as yelling at you is really not helping at all. What you need to do is sit down with him and have a talk. Explain to him that this is simply what happens when you get a baby together, and that him yelling at you won't make the situation any better. Then you should try to figure out together how to solve this problem. Maybe have a date night once or twice a week, when you hire a babysitter to take care of the kid. And whenever the baby is sleeping and you're not 100% exhausted, you could try being intimate with each other again.
    This requires both you and him to make an effort. He needs to be more understanding of the situation (i.e. he needs to realize that he can't have sex with you whenever he wants to), and you need to find that last bit of energy in your body to make your man feel wanted and needed again. Once you find a nice balance, it should be pretty easy to work out.

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    • Thank you so much
      But he still mad and don't want to talk with me since yesterday.
      Should talk with him or wait for him i really don't know what to do.

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    • Then i should go to talk with him right?

    • Of course you should!

  • Try asking him out on a date while someone you trust watches your baby (at their house. maybe one of your parents if they live close enough)
    That way you can have a romantic night all to yourselves and you don't have to worry about the baby

    But be careful with him. You sound like you love him. But if he really loved you he would love your baby too (from what you said she's both of yours?) he kind of sounds like a potentially dangerous person for your child to be around, especially when she gets older and starts to crawl/walk

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    • His her father :S

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    • Ask to spend the entire night loving him.

      To get his attention tell his friend that you NEED him and didn't realize how much. And that you have a special surprise for him when he gets home. (buy some new lingerie for him or what ever you need to full fill one of his fantasies)

    • I will do it. Thanks for the idea
      It's amazing :)

  • Both of you are at some fault. He is being selfish and immature. I have four kids. Their dad never helped me during the night. It's exhausting being up all night. I know how you feel. BUT, we still made time for each other and had sex. Even if I was tired. Babies tend to sleep more during the day. If you're both home and the baby is sleeping, go for it. Instead of waiting for him, you initiate sex with him. You know best what the baby's sleeping habits are. As soon as she goes to sleep, take some time for yourself to take a bubble bath, relax, etc and then go to your man. It's to the point where he left so he may be considering finding sex elsewhere. Does he have a cell phone? If so, send him some naughty pics of yourself. Tell him you want him to come home so you can show him that you love him. Put that spark back into your relationship. Also, plan a date night. Men don't understand what we go through as mothers. Giving birth and taking care of a baby is exhausting. You do need to talk to him about that. Ask for his help. Some time to yourself every day while he cares for her will help you to get some rest and be refreshed for him. Like I said, this isn't just your fault, but you need to step up to the plate. Make your man feel good and communicate with him on what you can improve together to make things better. There is a saying that "It takes a village to raise a child". Moms can't do it alone. Good luck to you.

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    • Thank you so much for the advice it's amazing and I'll do like what you said

    • No problem. I hope it all works out.

  • Intimacy is important and all that, maybe HE should help with the baby more. Newborns are a hassle and a time and energy suck. Maybe if he would let you sleep in on the weekends and get up with the baby or something you wouldn't be too tired to spend time with him. He sounds really immature, congrats on your TWO babies.

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    • You know that i can't let her cry all night without being with her right? And yesterday he just leave the house because she cried and i went to her!
      I feel him and i miss him too but i don't have time.

    • Okay but why can't he get her sometimes when she cries? You would be more well rested.

    • He's actually help me sometimes but as I told you he want to spend time with me.

  • What you two are going through is very normal! I gave birth to our baby 6 months ago, and for the first 4 months solid, this kid was attached to me 24/7. Any time my partner and I would try and get it on, the baby would start crying. I swear babies are genetically programmed to ruin their parents sex lives! It gets better I promise! Around 4-6 months, babies usually sleep better, are more content being alone, and can self soothe better. Try talking to your hubby and let him know that while you are giving a lot of attention to your baby, you are not neglecting him because you want too. On the early days, My partner would find the most inopportune times to try and get frisky, and no matter how tired or upset j was, I always agreed, because I never knew if my baby would be asleep for that long of a stretch at a later time. Hope I could be of help in anyway:) good luck, and remember that the first few months are a very hard adjustment for both parents

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    • Thanks god
      I fixed everything in the good time but now
      I'm planning to going to a trip with him
      It's a good thing right?
      I mean without our baby
      That's hard for me but my husband needs me too.

    • You guys gotta do what's best for you. Personally, I have never spent more than 2 hours away from my baby, and I Dont think you could pay me all the money In the world to go 8+ hours away from him, but from what I have read, your husband really needs some intimate time with you. I hope you two have some much needed fun together

  • Because you don't give him sex. That's why

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    • I've been busy that's why

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    • Don't get mad when he cheats
      He works his ass off. Yet he still makes time. Stop making excuses and give him a blow job and have sex with him

    • I did it

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