I slapped my husband and he hit me back? (Page 2)
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Its more fun to act like a man then to be treated the same way as one huh? Your poor child. i guarntee divorce is in your future. you can't even go 2 years and you already being abusive towards your husband of course he slapped you back you hit him and i have a feeling probably more happened then you mentioned. Stop trying to play the victim you are no victim. i was an an abusive relationship where i ended up in the hospital but not once did i touch him back im not a victim so someone who STARTS It sure as hell isnt. your job is to protect your child raising him in this enviroment is sad. like i said poor poor kid and you are very selfish.
You hit him in the face, what the hell did you expect him to do? It annoys me to no end when women spend all their time saying "Equality among the sexes" and then start whining when they get LITERALLY what they asked for. I'm not saying he's not in the wrong, but you hit him, what's he going to do? Apologize and start crying? No, he's not four. You're both adults, if you hit him, he's going to hit you back.
What you need to is apologize for hitting him in the face.
Only she apologizes and not him?
I'm sorry Latina87, you must of misunderstood me! I'm not suggesting that only she apologize. They were both in the wrong. However the question asks what SHE should do, not what the guy should do.
Hope I cleared this up!
I see. Thanks for clearing it out. To be honest, I would be very susceptible to any type of threat perceived. If I were yelled in my face by a husband, I would immediately feel threatened.
I'm so susceptible that one time my then bf tried to role play what I should do if my kid brother (who was 4 at the time, now he's 12) trying getting in my room; basically he was trying to show me how I could lightly pushed him and lock my door (he played me and I played my brother). Needless to say, I made an ugly, hateful face at him, giving him a stern look. My bf off course had a WTH confused expression and couldn't believe I was already thinking about him in that manner.
These are my only two NO's in a relationship or marriage: 1) No cheating 2) No level of aggression done in anger
Well of course, I believe the same two things.
Personally, if my girlfriend got angry at me, and she was mad beyond the point of reasoning, I'd politely say "Alright, I'm just gonna' leave, and let you calm down a little bit. Go ahead and text me when you're calm, and we'll from there". Of course, if she's wrong I'll point it out, but never in my life have I, or will I resort to physical violence. You shouldn't treat someone you care about in such a rude way.
@Latina87 You are so illiterate I can't even understand you. Whatever that whole mess was about your boyfriend and your little brother. Anyway...
Apologies are not conditional. You don't say "Only SHE apologizes and not HIM?" That's not the issue. If you feel you did wrong, you fucking apologize, regardless of what the other party may do. You sound like the kind of person who is completely insincere.
I can't empathize much for you... you did hit him first!
The only reason why I have a few drops of empathy for you is because him hitting u back hard isn't "equal" force to the slap u gave him.
I'm not sure what exactly you expected. Unless he slapped you back with noticeably stronger force, you can't really blame him. Was it the most mature and best way for him to react? Definitely not. But it was 100% your fault.
As soon as you cross the physical barrier the other person has the right to defend themselves how they deem necessary.
If things get that bad walk away. Call the police, or call a friend. Violence begets violence
You should not have threatened him, nor should have hit him. He should not yelled at you. You could have only stated for him to stop yelling at you and then walked out the door. His reaction was a defense reaction by the amygdalla. Not that I am condoning it, but you did hit him. You were in the wrong on this. You have the improper reaction. You could have just walked out the door.
I don't believe a guy should hit a girl because lets be honest, a guy can hit a lot harder than a girl. But you shouldn't of hit him and let the anger get the best of you. You were both wrong but I think he was more in the wrong. Two wrongs don't make a right and like I said guys have an unfair advantage, naturally bigger and stronger.
Logic finally
Domestic abuse has VERY little to do with physical size or strength, please stop spreading this myth. Female abusers frequently engage in violence in spite of being smaller - one way they do this is simply by using weapons or element of surprise, e. g. knives, or picking up a heavy object like an ashtray and throwing it a man's head - men are regularly injured and even killed by women in situations like this, so downplay this serious problem. Statistics show that female abusers are far more likely to use weapons. Another thing that allows female abusers to get away with abuse is that many men already automatically don't hit back, as they've been taught not to - women who abuse take advantage of this.
Numerous studies and surveys across the West have repeatedly shown that female-on-male domestic abuse is at least as common as male-on-female domestic abuse.
Dav123, shut up. We are talking about her situation so stop bringing an irrelevant argument to the table. When weapons are involved, lives are at stake. She was not threatening to him with a slap.
Yes, it's very interesting how some posters are immediately bringing weapons in the situation as if that were in every day life, as if every women is some crazy one-eye monster wanting to use a knife.
Yes, there are certain crazy ones out there but that doesn't make up the majority nor is even the norm.
@"We are talking about her situation"
Actually I was responding to YOUR statements that, and I quote, " lets be honest, a guy can hit a lot harder than a girl" and "guys have an unfair advantage, naturally bigger and stronger". So YOU started speaking about all couples in general, not this specific situation. And YOU ARE WRONG about it. You couldn't be more wrong, and you need to stop spreading harmful myths, please. You need to educate yourself on this issue, go read up some of the studies on how widespread and how severe the problems are - go inform yourself, please - because you are spreading incorrect, harmful, damaging views.
And "shut up" is not a counter-argument. If you don't have a counter-argument, and all you can do is say "shut up", it means you are incorrect. A person who has a logical counter-argument does not respond with "shut up", he responds with a logical counter-argument.
"University of Florida study found women are more likely than men to "stalk, attack and abuse" their partners"
"University of Washington study found women were nearly twice as likely as men to perpetrate domestic violence"
"Virtually all sociological data shows women initiate domestic violence as often as men, that women use weapons more than men, and that 38% of injured victims are men. California State University Professor Martin Fiebert summarizes almost 200 of these studies"
"A recent study in the Journal of Family Violence found many male callers to a national hotline experienced high rates of severe violence from female partners"
"California State University surveyed 1,000 college women: 30% admitted they assaulted a male partner"
"A University of Pennsylvania report found 13% of men reported being assaulted by a female partner in the previous 12 months, of which 50% were choked, kicked,"..
divorcesupport.about.com/.../male_abuse.htm
Wow you're a bit beyond reasoning. Once again, yes there are crazy types out there that go to the extreme of trying to choke a man but in this situation, she wasn't trying to cause him seriously bodily harm nor go into the kitchen searching for knives. This was an argument that got out of control and he went on yelling at her (she had asked him to stop yelling), then she got it worse by slapping him but he also made it worst by hitting back.
What you have here is a heated argument gone wrong, not your ''Crazy woman stabs lover with knife'' case.
So far nothing indicates that the asker's huband felt his life was in danger and that he got scared of her slap. Technically he didn't do it in self-defense but in anger.
@Latina87 "she wasn't trying to cause him seriously bodily harm nor go into the kitchen searching for knives"
I know that, I didn't say she was. If you look at the context, I was replying to Shyguy's specific comments - he posted some generalizations that are incorrect and ultimately harmful, and I was trying to correct them by posting some facts. Sorry if I seem a bit obstinate on it, I just feel that domestic violence is a serious issue and that it doesn't help to spread myths.
I think everyone, even @Shyguy_1988, is already aware of exceptions to the rule and he was just implying what to do in a situation when the woman is upset and angrily hits but has no intention of going further nor looking for weapons.
Thanks for stepping in for me when I was away Latina87 but obviously dav123 doesn't get it and its no use. Obviously I was talking about her situation which is why I didn't talk about weapons or anything escalating to another level. If you can't read between the lines then I'm sorry I can not help you, grow some common sense.
You're welcome. Apparently we're dealing with sub-culture poster. They want to hear ''Oh yessss, he punched the hell of you and great, I like his response'' type of reply. I'm noticing those are the only replies that are getting up-voted the most, the ones that everyone is putting the guy as a hero. I'm surprise people have gotten to that point.
I guess now I know how most people are in their animalistic form, if not in real life then online here by their replies.
Well, I disagree with a lot of people on this site, guess I'm considered old fashioned here. Good thing aside from this site I think most people would agree with me, I hope.
lol this isn't 1920's bud women want to be viewed as equal therefor treat them as such.
@Latina87 most guys got like that because women dont act like women.
It sounds like you have a very dysfunctional relationship with your husband that has descended into violence. Both of you obviously think that hitting their spouse is okay. I hope your son didn't have to see this. Relationships where there is physical violence between the parties don't end well.
What's ironic is that most couples are terrified their kids might see them making love (OMG) but think nothing of their kid seeing them arguing or violently beating one another. It's no wonder so many kids are messed up.
What you should do is apologize profusely for initiating physical abuse. Then the two of you need to get counseling or something to learn conflict resolution skills (e. g. how to talk through your differences without resorting to violence), even if just for the sake of your son.
He doesn't need to apologize? Lol
05Jueey you're right and I'm LMAO at all the posters saying she's needs to apologize as if she were the only one in the wrong.
@05Jueey: Generally the person who initiates violence (i. e. the one who commits the initial 'wrong') is the one who should initiate the apology in a situation. Only after she has apologized, THEN he should offer his apology. If she doesn't actually feel apologetic, then he should not apologize. Most people intuitively understand this sort of thing.
@05Jueey I bet that if the genders were reversed in this situation you wouldn't think she needed to apologize. Men are not unfair, they're just sick of all this hypocrisy.
What happens if she does her part in apologizing but he doesn't feel apologetic for his part at all and thinks he was in the right?
Does it really matter? This relationship is completely broken, and so are the two participants.
"Does it really matter? This relationship is completely broken, and so are the two participants." Naive statement. How do you know the dynamics of their relationship?
I also wouldn't conclude their relationship is "completely broken". People are only human, and being a new parent is a great stress - they are in a difficult and stressful situation and just aren't good at handling it, but many of the skills and habits of more constructive mature approach can be learned - e. g. talking through differences. The fact that she's asking for advice on a forum is a good sign.
If she's said this has been happening regularly for months/years then I might conclude it's "completely broken". But it sounds like the first time this has happened, so there's hope. And they have a 19 month old son, so both of them probably have had very little sleep in nearly two years, and they're under stress because they have many new responsibilities to meet.
@Latina87 "What happens if she does her part in apologizing but he doesn't feel apologetic for his part at all and thinks he was in the right?" ... then he's in the wrong and they either need to get 3rd party counseling to help him see his error, or it's a red flag of possible future abuse. I somehow have the suspicion that if she apologizes, then he will too. But I see this was 36d ago now.
Opinion owner you have turned out to be someone with helpful advice for her. Awesome :)
Then that's about the only reasonable reply. I'm going to assume they either have solved this by now or one of them started filing for divorce.
@Latina87 You idiot.
Thank you. It's not a difficult concept.
You should never put your hands on someone with violent intent. Especially, someone you claim to love.
You hit him first and he has a right to defend himself. You two should really try to talk about this.
That does sound bad, and not healthy at all. But I've been a similar situation. I've asked my boyfriend-of-the-time to leave me alone and when he didn't I slapped him... and eventually we both get physical with each other. It become OK to slap/hit each other. Only now when I have broken up with him and started a new relationship (and got married too) I realize that the slapping/hitting was not the problem, it was US the whole time.
If I were you I'd consider whether I wanted to be with the guy in the first place, if slapping/hitting is just a sympton of something else. I also thought I was in love with the guy... I honestly thought so. Now I think that back then I didn't really even know what love is. I would never ever him my husband, he would give me no reason to.
WOW. So... I understand that describing situations on the internet is pretty difficult to portray, even considering that you are mentioning everything. I've been in a few violent relationships, but I've come out knowing a few things.
My Opinion:
ONE. You are both completely wrong in this situation. You are both violent and immature.
TWO. One of you should have walked away, not let the argument escalate.
THREE. YOU HAVE A CHILD. Grow up and act like parents before you mess your kid up for good.
FOUR. How do you not expect to be hit back? Being a woman is not a shield you can pull up whenever you don't think you can take what you dish out.
FIVE. You've been in another marriage, where you admit that this same basic situation has happened. Insanity is repeating the same process expecting different results.
You slapped him which was completely unnecessary and it was assault, it was wrong of you to slap him you should have acted like a mature adult and walked away instead of getting violent and behaving as a savage child. You got exactly what you deserved. You should apologize to him and make amends.
I'm all for gender equality, I can't empathise with you because you did initiate physical violence which is something I don't condone from men or women. I think you got what you asked for. You both need to sit down and talk and not get fists involved or your marriage is going to go downhill quickly.
Being a woman doesn't give you the right to hit people, neither does saying "hey I'm going to hit you" the two of you need serious help because neither one of you should be laying a hand on the other.
Don't want to be hit? Then don't be the first to swing. I have no sympathy for anyone that throws the first punch/slap and then complains about the person that they ended up hitting ended up hitting them back.
What should you do? Apologize to him and never hit him again. You got exactly what you asked for. I really don't understand why women complain so much about physical violence and yet have no trouble doing it themselves. What is it with women and hypocrisy?
I'm going to state the obvious here... never initiate a physical altercation with someone who could so easily hurt you badly if he wanted to. You may think he hit you hard but he held back or you would be in the hospital now.
Erin Pizzey was one of the first widely known people to host a woman's shelter back in 1971 and she tells people now that so many of the women who took refuge were actually violent people themselves. She had what she considered to be two scenarios.
Scenario One: Women who accidentally become involved with a violent partner and now wish to leave and to never return again.
Scenario Two: Women who, for deep psychological reasons of their own, seek out a violent relationship, or a series of violent relationships, with no intention of leaving.
She found that: "...62 women out of the first hundred women who came to the refuge were as violent or more violent than the men they left. Also many were prostitutes taking refuge from their violent pimps."
So it's so difficult giving a girl/woman a mild shove? This is what my mother's bf did (well fiance). She shouldn't be the only single person apologizing.
Like her, I wasn't trying to fight my mother's fiance. He was invading my privacy and it was my way of telling me ''Fuck off already, dammit.. grrr'' and well I just hit him.
CarnelianCruise: you miss the point. She hit him! Why is that acceptable to you? It's not OK for anyone to hit someone and it's hypocritical for her to be upset about him hitter her when she did it first. THAT is the point.
So basically it's right to punch a wife, even when she didn't punch him but slap him? You realize a woman's slap isn't the same as a man's punch?
#CarnelianCruise If he had "slapped her" first would you be saying "come on people it's just a slap?" ... no, i didn't think so.
Men are roundly fed up with all the hypocrisy.
Physical violence and physical violence, I honestly don't understand why you're defending her.
@"You realize a woman's slap isn't the same as a man's punch?"
Domestic violence often starts small - just like that - and escalates - and women can and do regularly injure and even kill their male partners through domestic violence. It has nothing to do with "the man being stronger" - all a woman need do is pick up a weapon, e. g. knife, or a heavy object and throw it at a man's head, and bam, he's dead. This sort of thing happens every day. So just don't go there, violence against your partner is wrong and there' s no such thing as "just a slap".
"Men are roundly fed up with all the hypocrisy."
That sums it up perfectly!
''But teacher little David threw a spitball at me'' childish reply. Awesome, so now it's more children. Interest that two wrongs = a right.
and @dav23 quit comparing the bite of an ant (a woman's slap) to a pitbull attack (a nut kick or woman using weapons). Sorry to hear you have to go through all those extremes of claiming your life is endangered for a slap.
Spare me... her life was no more in danger than his. You, CarnelianCruise, are one of the women who give your entire gender a reputation as enormous hypocrites.
So you're trying to tell me you can die from a slap in the face or that it can cause great bodily harm? I can understand a punch... yes there have been a couple cases of someone dying or getting injured from that but for a slap from the asker?
His life was not in danger. He reacted in anger. That's not being endangered. Nice try.
I know how a real crazy girl would act like and those types are the ones that won't stop at nothing. I would actually be the first person to report that type (if she's legitimate psycho that is). The asker doesn't even come one bit close to that.
You are a clueless hypocrite. Most of the women here get it. Why not you?
@Theguyoverthere half of dv is actually done by women, and men just dont report it. Also women use metal dv against men far more.
Act like a man get treated like a man. You don't get to attack people because they're yelling--they'll hit you back. Welcome to reality!
You shouldn't have hit him. No excuses, it wasn't acceptable. He felt as shocked and upset as you did when he hit you, you deserved a smack - it's called karma. You need to figure out how to control your temper and so does your husband, then you need to work on how to talk about your issues like grown ups, not children in a schoolyard.
If you hit people then you have to expect that they hit you back, even when you're a woman. Its your fault, sorry. You really should try and talk.