My boyfriend proposed to me... but I'm not sure if I want to marry him?

So my boyfriend and I have been together for two years. I love him intensely and he has a heart of pure gold; I've never met anyone who is this kind and caring and selfless. He proposed to me last night. I told him I wasn't sure, and I felt horrible because he looked so crestfallen but I couldn't in good faith say yes.

Here's the reason why: we haven't been living together (we each have separate apartments) but I get a good earful of his financial woes. He's been living from paycheck to paycheck, while getting some help from his mom/grandparents. And for reference, he's 27. But even in this situation, when I come over to his apartment I'll find something new. Last time, he upgraded his TV to a plasma. A few months ago, he replaced a non-necessary car part on his BMW. To me, it speaks of him being irresponsible with his finances, and I know that's something that would just tear a marriage apart if we got married. Even now, when I suggest that he does something differently with his money, he gets upset with me and says I'm being patronizing.

So folks, what do you think? Is he irredeemable? Should I give him a chance and say yes? Should I give him a carrot by telling him that I will agree to marry him only AFTER his financial situation improves?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • When in doubt, throttle out. okay that particular phrase doesn't apply to your situation but you kinda get the gyst right? if you have any doubt about entering the confines of marriage with another person then you need to really take some time and think hard on it. and no one else can tell you what to do but we will advise as much as we can. but you know the relationship better than everyone else. if you truly believe you can make things work out, because whats what marriage is a part of working through the hard times together, then make that decision. but don't "give him a chance", you either fully commit to him and marry him because that's what you really want or say no. and yes you can always wait it out until after his financial situation improves.

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What Guys Said 6

  • I think you are being very reasonable ( : and are seeing things very clearly as You should.
    if you know his flaws, which you should (we all have em) and if its a deal breaker, then you should let him change on his own after making clear why you are hesitant. that is a fair thing to do...
    just please don't pressure him to change or he will only temporarily then the issue will come back as he was just covering up the spending being on "spotlight".
    but if your 24 or younger.. your still young and should wait it out still, 2years is still not long of a test considering you will devout yourselves to each other till death do you part..

    your seem very smart to not get caught up in the moment though then possibly have regrets later.

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  • Don't force it, it sounds like you have a legitimate concern. He's financially irresponsible with little patience for money advice.

    Have you talked to him about this? look, in marriage you two have to be able to discuss money issues with it not turning into a fight. It doesn't sound like he's ready for marriage, honestly.
    I get your fear, that he'll put car parts and other crap before the needs of the family. Don't say yes if you can't accept him the way he is.

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  • I would go with telling him exactly why you won't marry him. Then discuss very carefully what it is each of you would like to get from the relationship. If he doesn't even discuss it, I'd say no. If he does, then perhaps set some kind of schedule and go from there.

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  • If you didn't want to say yes right away then you should say no

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  • He proposed after two years? Whatta softy

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  • If you can't say yes you are not ready

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What Girls Said 3

  • I'm not sure his financial problems are reason enough to turn down marriage with him (although it very well could be). But someone once told me that when a guy proposes to you, if you have to think about it, you should say no.

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  • Marriage will not change a persons financial habits. Don't marry him.

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  • To be honest if you didn't want to marry him then I don't think you should have lead him on to the point where he proposed. He is probably feeling so nervous and confused, maybe even a little bit stupid at the moment because of it.
    Just make him change the way he spends his money.

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