Is it me or does it seem like married people don't have sex?

I swear every married couple I know seems to have sex out of "chore" or to conceive another child. I'm 32 and I pray that my married life doesn't turn out that way. I have a high sex drive and that would be jacked up if I get married and the sex life goes down the toilet. I need comments from married folks or even divorced folks.


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Most Helpful Guy

  • Except when NOT married, sex was pursued by BOTH of us past 60yo in fun, provocative ways. Many times constipation is resolved only by asking, other times by romance. Only a serious illness can physically take you down temporarily, so stay healthy & in shape.
    The #1 killer is emotional abuse or suffocating the other.

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What Guys Said 9

  • This is one of my big hang-ups about marriage.

    I want to marry and I think that a life-long committed relationship can be based only on the mutual promise, not just to love and to hold, but also to try to tend to eachother's needs (sexual, financial, medical, whatever) to a reasonable degree. In other words, if your partner gets sick and you can afford to use the money and time to make them some chicken soup and keep a cool moist towel on their forehead, then do so; if your partner gets horny and you can afford to use the time it takes to get them off, then do so; and so on.

    (It should be noted that "the need to have time in which one is not taking care of another person" is one of the needs that people should try to tend to. If you wanted sex EVERY day, I would feel compelled by my promise and love for you to get you off AT LEAST once or twice per week so that I take care of your needs to a reasonable degree. At the same time, I would hope that you would try to keep your needs in check so that I have time to do my own thing instead of constantly looking after you. Likewise if I wanted sex EVERY day. It wouldn't be fair of me to expect you to look out for me EVERY day. I should keep my own needs in check for your sake.)

    I went to marry someone and devote myself to them in these small ways -- someone who feels the same way toward me -- but when I look at the married couples around me and the overly-self-concerned nature of most of the single people around me, I feel like I'm looking for something that doesn't really exist. I feel like I'm looking for a unicorn or leprechaun, and that's kind of depressing, because I don't think I'm looking for all that much.

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  • We've been married over 20 years. We had more sex after we got married than before at first, but the frequency decreased after a while, and I can tell you what to avoid.

    First, as any relationship gets older, anything either of you doesn't like about the other person becomes clearer and you can start to focus on that instead of what you love about them. This is true if you're married or not and isn't directly related to sex, but a decrease in affection will lead to a loss of interest in having sex with them.

    As we age we can develop health problems, and just generally slow down, so eating well and exercising are important. More energy = more sex.

    Time commitments related to work increase as your career advances. This is especially true if you are self-employed or own a business. You have to specifically make time for your personal life or work can completely take over. Taking care of parents or other older relatives can take more time as well.

    The biggest obstacle to sex is children. They require an unbelievable amount of time and attention and will drain all your energy, especially at first. Your home, which previously could be used as a sexual playground, now has someone in it who prevents you from bending your wife over the dining room table or 69ing on the living room floor. An entire afternoon devoted to sex is no longer possible! The time and space restrictions reduce spontaneity and variety. As the children get older, this gets a little better but you still can't be as vocal as you were before.

    This can all be overcome but it requires effort, with the specific goal of having sex. Both of you must know that's the goal. Creative thinking and open mindedness about opportunities and expectations are necessary, as well as devotion to your spouse.

    I want to dispel one specific myth I've heard from a lot of people who say that women stop giving blowjobs after they get married. In our case, that is definitely not true!

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    • If it's always about time then why do people get upset when their spouse cheat when their spouse doesn't make the time.

    • I don't understand.

  • The dying sex life is normally the last step in a bunch of mistakes the two made before. Interestingly - or sadly - people don't seek help earlier, though they know it's going downhill.
    I'm a counsellor myself and it's shocking to see, that people are so not aware of how much work it is to keep a relationship working...

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  • As people age their sex drives tends to decrease. In men the hormone that controls sex drive is testosterone. I would suggest that you date someone that takes care of themselves and lift weights. That way his sex drive will be abnormally high and coincide with that of yours. Sorry not married.

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  • Well I'm not married, but if I was I'd definitely want a ton of sex from my partner. No holds bared. Probably multiple times a day. Maybe that's just me.

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  • I think most women after a few years get tired of doing chores around the house. Eventually they will see sex as one of those chores.

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  • Reason number 135532 not to get married.

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  • Yeah, I don't know why that is. Al would avoid it with Peggy, no matter what. then again... look at Peggy. All she did was lay around the house all day eatin' bon bons and watchin' Oprah

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  • Well guys sex drives start to slowly decrease from when they are around 18 to 20. And the best time for a woman to have a good chance of conceiving is in her early to mid twenties, especially before 30.
    A guy at 40 won't be able to keep up with one half his age.

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What Girls Said 2

  • No it depends on you and your partner. If you're both willing to make it as passionate as it started, you will achieve it.
    Mostly people get used to and get into comfort zone and they don't want to get out from it.
    So if you try you can keep it hot.

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  • Childbirth changes the woman's hormonal levels.

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