What to do about her Grandparents?

I have been dating my girlfriend for 4 years now, and I'm thinking of proposing to her this year on her 21st birthday, BUT her grandparents on her dad's side of the family are totally against it because I'm not the same race as her, what should do?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • Firstly, I think it's great that you respect your girlfriend and her family so much that you are even considering the backward views of her grandparents! It's true to say that old people need a good kick up the backside sometimes but you obviously understand that some things are deep set and it takes a while to wipe the previous brainwashing of generations of culture and mis-placed tradition!

    Is there any other possible reason why the grandparents are not keen on the relationship? What could you do to ensure that they feel you are the right guy for their precious granddaughter? Is there any way you could show respect for the culture of the grandparents (whatever color or religion they may be) which may soften their view?

    Alternatively, is there any way you could invite them to sample your own culture in a way that might reassure them that we're all just people enjoying life together and that they should take a more progressive view?

    How do your girlfriend's parents feel about it? Have you tried discussing the situation with them? If they are supportive of your relationship then this will give you great confidence and they will be able to help you tackle the grandparents.

    Finally, 21 is really quite a young age for a girl to get married these days. My advice would be to take a bit more time over this and try to win everybody over before you act. I know the grandparents' views on race are plain wrong and very frustrating for you, but you will gain the moral high ground by doing everything you can to gain approval before going ahead. She's worth taking the time over. Isn't she?

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What Girls Said 3

  • You have to do what feels right to you. I have old school grandparents that think like that, but there is no way I would have let them get in the way should I have chosen to be with someone of a different race. I would hope that they would love you (or your girlfriend in this case) enough to want her to be happy. My parents always said,"we don't care who he is, as long as you love him and he treats you right. Your grandparents will have to learn to live with it."

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  • Is everyone else in the family okay with your relationship. By all means, try not to disrespect her grandparents but you're not wanting to marry them-know what I mean? Maybe you could sit down with her dad and discuss it with him-maybe he has some suggestions for you-after all they are his parents. I agree with the other response, 21 is pretty young these days to get married, just make sure it's what both of you want before making any ripples in the family. Good luck to you.

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  • Ok! First of all your proposal to your girlfriend has nothing to do with her grandparents. Don't worry about them. Go on and propose to your lady and enjoy. Then if the grandparents don't want to show up for the wedding then its on them and their the ones who are going to miss out on seeing their granddaughter walk down the aisle.

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What Guys Said 0

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