So is it time to tie the knot?

I got married once and rushed into things with her.
after about 4+ years of emotional abuse. I decided to give her the divorce she's been asking for I tried to make things work during the marriage. she was always negative and i just couldn't take it anymore there was no middle ground no compromising. We even tried marriage counseling. she had no objections during the session. I obviously wasn't lying to her and she still said the counselor was just siding with me and cancelled our other sessions. so finally that is over!! but now I'm with a girl that I'm actually in love with she wants to marry 16 1/2 months after dating.. and I honestly couldn't be happier and well she was also previously married and now says she want's to get married again she loves me and see's a future with me. I'm down.. I know she is the one but there are three things I just can't get over.

1. she said she thought her first husband was the love of her life.
2. I would like a little more communication. but I don't want to seem needy.
3. she is catholic and her first marriage was in a catholic church. so she is still married to him through the church even though her divorce is finalized by the state.

so in #1 could she still think he was the love of her life? the one that got away? if so why should I marry her? .. I want to be the love of her life

in #2 I can work on this.. I understand we both work and don't always have time to talk/text/chat. but it would be nice.

#3 should I wait for her to get anulled? I don't want to be married to her in California while she is married to someone else in church.

am I being too over critical? or demanding? I don't think that is asking for too much. I really do love her more than anything she is great. I was even able to get over her sexual past. which for me was quite difficult.

I love the idea of marriage and settling down. I just want to make sure its forever. opinions please


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Most Helpful Guy

  • 1./ He probably was the love of her life. Maybe you're now the love of her life. You should look at why she left him, and don't just take her word for it. If she "just fell out of love", she'll fall out of love with you too but it could take a few more years.

    2./ You should already be on a good communication level, after almost a year and a half.

    3./ If she's religious, she should try to get the previous marriage annulled. Maybe it's not important to her if her church does not recognize the divorce and any future marriage. Legally she is divorced, and any new marriage is legally accepted anywhere.

    Thesedays, I wouldn't risk marrying a woman until I'd been in a sexual relationship with her for at least 4 years. 50% of women will suddenly turn against you for no reason, at about the 4 year mark. It's natural and instinctive, and it doesn't matter how much she loved you before that.

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What Girls Said 1

  • Even if you have a tiny bit of doubt then you're not ready.

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What Guys Said 1

  • Hey you are in a tough situation... I am catholic and was married before... my annulment came in one year after divorce... I would wait for anullment..,. also you sound too nice... I was totally screwed over by first wife... and 2nd one is not doing that great be very carefull if you have doubt's... and wait... it sounds bad, but it can cost a lot of money and terrible emotional turmoil... And you will never have sex again... lol

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