Is it a bad sign when my fiance doesn't want to set a wedding date?

We've been dating for over 2 years and got engaged 4 months ago. After week 1 of being engaged I started asking him simple questions such as setting a date for the wedding or even a season. He never, and still doesn't, give me a direct answer and instead says "it depends", or "we'll see."

We've gotten into several arguments about budget. We're paying for the wedding ourselves and he mentions how none of this would be a problem if my parents would help pay for the wedding. My parents are poorer than we are!

On top of this, we took a $5,000 financial hit due to a surgery that I had. This was all my money that I had saved for our wedding. It won't take me long to save it up again but he is still being difficult to the point where I am not excited about getting married at all.

We have talked about eloping, which I initially agreed to but even then he would give me no location or date so I could start planning. We planned to have a small party at our home before we went on our way to elope/honeymoon.

I started thinking about it and I really want to wear a wedding dress. Not only that but if we're spending money on food for people at a small backyard party we might as well just have a destination wedding and kill two birds with one stone.

We argued recently about it and he agreed that destination wedding would be fine but said not to get carried away and to not set my heart on anything.

His answers are getting me so frustrated to the point that I am thinking about giving back the ring.

As I browsed information about destination weddings something inside me felt off. I felt wrong for looking into it since it is not set in stone whether that's what we're doing or not. The excitement is gone.

Please tell me if I am being unreasonable or not?

Updates:
Thanks for your answers everyone. I sat down with him and finally got him to point me in the right direction with what he feels comfortable doing. I am now excited about it again :).

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Most Helpful Guy

  • You're not being unreasonable. He needs to make a decision with you, whether it be a traditional wedding, destination wedding or elope.
    He also needs to give you a date. Project how much you will need for each of those types of weddings.
    I'm afraid that if he doesn't want to commit to the wedding there's no point in being engaged.
    If he gives you "we'll see" or "it depends" again tell him that's what we need to decide in the next week so you can plan & try to get the best deals.
    I would definitely wear a wedding dress. You will always regret it if you don't. You can wear one in Vegas or at a courthouse.
    How can you make a decision if he isn't willing to decide on a date with you?

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What Guys Said 2

  • Based on what you said, you guys need to sit down and have a talk on the state of your relationship. If it's still up, then you need to just iron out the details of the wedding then and there. He needs to give a solid answer.

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  • I think you should settle for being engaged at the moment. That is my opinion.
    You are pushing things too much with all the questions and the pressure to get married. You two are engaged at the moment. Unless he engages every person he dates, then the fact that he gave you a ring means something.
    Just give him some time to think this over. Clearly money is on his mind. You already said that you had to spend a lot on some surgery. Every guy knows that girls like a great wedding so he is probably feeling pressured to deliver a great wedding.

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What Girls Said 1

  • You're not being unreasonable

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