Boyfriend wants to have a baby? He's 18 and I'm 17?

Well we've been dating since I'm 15 and it's the best relationship I could ever ask for. We barely fight but even if we do he'll always apologise first no matter what and that's admirable. He graduated high school and is going to Cambridge this October. I still have one year of high school left and thinking to take a gap year to do some filmmaking. Anyway, we've been having sex for quite a long time and recently he said he doesn't want any condoms anymore because he wants to make a baby with me. He always say how perfect our baby will be-half aussie, 1/4 British and 1/4 french, how my green eyes will blend well with his blonde hair and things like that. he said he'd work hard in uni and wanna start a business or something, he's just really in love with the idea of having a baby with me. I'm kinda persuaded too, should we do it?

Updates:
Well majority of you says no-I showed my boyfriend ur answers and he can't stop laughing. Wait, lemme clarify something-we've been 'together' much longer than two years to be honest. We know each other since pre-school and has been best friends since
He's a really special person to me cuz he helps me get through my abusive father and family problems-not to mention he was an adopted child before, he just really wants to start a family with me tgt to mark the new pages of our lives :)

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Most Helpful Guy

  • you two could try moving in together before having a family and pull your finances into one apartment just to find out how hard life can get just paying for rent. a pet is costly and a lot of work. from what I understand a child is like 15 times worse much louder, you have to change it's poopy diaper. wake up all hours of the night to take care of it, find a good school for it, drive it there every day or walk it to the school buss, work very hard to feed and cloth it.

    I'm not saying people shouldn't have children but teenagers who don't fully understand the cost and hard work that involves raising a child should take it much slower by finding an apartment first. oh and if I were you I would go on the pill.

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What Guys Said 17

  • You guys will have plenty of time to start a family. Get on a secure financial foundation first - kids cost a lot >.< You want him through uni, and your business up and running BEFORE you have a kid waking you up at 2am every night.

    And get ready to kiss your sex lives goodbye!

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    • noooo I dun wanna kiss my sex life goodbye :/

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    • ty we're still seriously considering it. Fonzie is persuading me to keep it and say he'll earn as much money as he could before Cambridge starts... I don't know

    • Will he be able to keep earning that money while in school... and with a baby?

      I'd rather have a down payment for a house, so I can bring a baby home to a place that I own, rather than be struggling to keep the roof over our heads.

      I don't tell you this to scare you, but it's important to consider - how do you want your baby to grow up? If you have your baby after you've got jobs you can keep, money in the bank, and a house of your own, you'll be able to give him/her a room of their own that they can grow up in, music lessons, nicer clothes, trips to NYC, good food, horseback riding lessons... a better school to go to, the list goes on. Our country isn't set up to help kids grow up unless their parents have some money :/ It can be done, and done well, without it, but being able to go to the doctor without worrying about paying for it makes life easier :p Maybe some day we'll have better health care.

      Anyway, it IS your choice :) Having a kid will be awesome! But... when?

  • It may seem like a good idea, but I would advise against it. There are too many uncertainties and when it comes to little people (children) the more certainties you have the better it is. I would suggest you both wait till you have a degree behind you and a secure job, raising a baby is no walk in the park, as rewarding as it may be. So honestly speaking, 17 & 18 is too young to be having a baby.

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  • There is lot to raise a baby you got have healthcare
    you got have clothes, baby diapers, formula unless
    you plan to breast feed.. He could leave after you
    get pregnant.. I would say some teen girls go through
    what is called "Baby Fever" you have the urge to
    want a baby your young.. Just make sure he is going
    to give you money and help raise the baby cause i
    tell you i had a friend whose in England and she had
    a baby when she was 19 going on age 20 she see's
    the baby's dad once in the blue moon and or when
    he wants to have sex.. The last we spoke she was
    living with her elderly parents and getting some type
    of UK government money cause she told them she
    has plans for college over there so i don't know what's
    going on.

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  • Don't do it.

    Children having children is a bad idea.

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    • but we're not children, he's 18 now and I will be 18 too in 8 months. My boyfriend is wise beyond his years he'd be an amazing father I reckon

    • No kids before you have a stable income (and that's not social security or SNAP!) and a home, no debts.

  • What an idiot, how is him going to school full time going to pay for all of the stuff your kid would need? So you have two people that want to do things with their lives currently, like full time school and no jobs. Yup a kid is a great idea, thats what we need more of.

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    • noooo he's going to start a business n with working part-time (cambridge has a lot of vacations) hopefully that'd pay the bills. he's earning like 5000+ now a month since June

    • You should at least wait until a few months after you're out of highschool and a while after living together if you aren't already. If you had major issues after moving in, imagine having a kid. What does he do? If he's going to school I doubt he's going to make the same at part time.

  • At your age, there's about a 60% chance that you 2 won't even be together in a few years. It doesn't matter how much you think you love each other right now. That doesn't change anything, because they all say that.

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  • Trust me, you'll regret having a baby so young. There is no rush, first get established financially, enjoy each other and then have a baby, because once the baby arrives u will be stressed, broke, miserable and hate each other.

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  • He's immature. and please remind yourself DO NOT listen to his bullshits.
    Use protection, have great sex. See things slowly in future.
    -End of the story-

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    • why do you say he's immature haha I think he's wise beyond his years though he really meant it when he says he wants a baby I could feel it

  • Well that's cool but you should wait like 9 years and create an environment where financial and emotional stability is provided.

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  • That's a horrible idea in the world of horrible ideas. If you are both truly meant for each other, you can easily have a baby after you get careers and get married.

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  • Fuck noooooooooo.

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  • NO. hahaha girl really. NO. Don't give a shit about what you feel right now and stuff, 2 years are nothing, and doesn't matter how wise&pimp he is, it's never enough to study&be father at the same time. NO.
    ACCESS DENIED.

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    • HAHAHHAHH OMG you made me laugh I don't know man really I'm just really persuaded and intrigued by the idea of having a baby with the love of my life haha

    • Better get intrigued to enjoy the most fun time of your life.. You couldn't do that if pregnant or having a baby. Stay at home and do nothing get fat and stuff while all your friends study/work. NO.

  • Enjoy being young. These are going to be the best years of your life so don't throw it all away. Trust me, you'll regret it so much that you didn't enjoy being young a reckless while you could. Do you really want to be stuck at home with a baby while all of your friends are traveling, going to college, and just having fun? Because let me tell you, there won't be any late nights with your friends for quite a while once you've had a baby.

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  • Really would be good at so early age. I always wanted. But you have dreams, wishes to do. A baby that will come early can block that.

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  • Good luck ruining your life. And good luck when you become a single mom

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  • It's definitely too soon. Wayyyy too soon. Finish up college, create a stable life for your future baby first. Having a child during college is very very difficult. The responsibility, the time, and the financial reasons.

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  • in my experience you two should wait until your finacialy stable, like 25

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What Girls Said 14

  • No. You shouldn't. Neither of you are financially stable, and neither of you are mature enough to take care of another human being for another 18 to 20-something years. That's a huge commitment to make. Don't be stupid. You haven't even moved out to live on your own yet, correct? How would you be able to take care of another human being if you haven't even started taking care of yourself? And I'm talking about having your own job, paying for your own apartment, bills and food. You're still a kid. Kids shouldn't take care of other kids. Don't do it.

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  • You may like to consider these. You are still not even graduated from high school, he is not even still in the college. it is only two years that you are together and want a child? do you know how is growing a child? do you know what is a family and what is the purpose of the family? are you even independent to have a family?
    It is not about how wise he is, you are thinking you are wise now in two years you will see how immature you were because you are still not completely grown up and you will naturally feel it in the future. So it is not about how wise you are now as teenagers but it is about how experienced, responsible, independent and mature you will be as grown up adult.
    The thought of having a beautiful child brings warmth to everyone's hearts, everyone likes it. but that does not mean whenever you liked you should have. It is a responsibility and a great burden to bear now for you two.

    Still I do not say it is wrong for younger ones to have children but this is not the right situation. If you really want a child do not have one now, wait a year until you get 18, tell him about marriage and speak, decide and plan every together in the following year. make everything ready if you feel you are ready for it and marry next year. And then you can have a child if you really want it. But 'not' outside of marriage and before forming a family. That will be a fail for you two and a hard time for the child.

    So do not be emotional about having a child, life will not make itself easy for you, you have to think and always decide with knowledge, experience and intelligence.
    Hope you remain together and one day have your baby, that will be sweet. but when it is the time.
    and good luck.

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  • I suspect this post is bullshit.

    A guy, who is qualified enough for Cambridge would not ask his still developing girlfriend to have a child. It just doesn't add up.

    Do you live on your own? Can you support yourself? How are you going to take care of a baby, if he's about to fuck off for 2-4 years?

    Do you plan on being on the next Teen Mom show?

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    • uhhh okay first of all, we're still contemplating to have a child or not. Secondly, just because my boyfriend is qualified enough for Cambridge doesn't mean he can't have other dreams other than just becoming a scholar. He always have this dream of building a family of his own and if you read my updates, we both need a fresh start from our old 'families'. And no, I don't live on my own but I'm working hard to get myself into university/ if I have a baby my boyfriend said we can move in together-I have confidence he's not gonna 'fuck off' because even if the baby will not arrive in a couple of years, I have confidence we'll still stay together. And definitely, no teen Mom show because by the time I have the baby I will be 18 and mature and legal enough to be a mother. Hope that answers your question.

    • When I said qualified enough for Cambridge, I meant that he isn't a moron to have kids at such a young age, when both of you are simply not ready for it both mentally and financially.

      If you honestly believe you're going to be mature just because you legally become an adult, it tell me you're still a child and have a child's mind.
      The human brain finishes developing by age 25, so although legally you'll be considered an adult, most 18-year-olds are still quite immature.

      You have confidence NOW, because you're a teenager and teenage love is amazing and fantastic and stay forevers lalala. But you don't even realize, than when your brain finishes developing, you'll be a completely different person.

      Please don't take this as an attack, I'm not trying to undermine your relationship. It might last, but most of the time it doesn't.

  • Nope nope nope. Oh honey, so much nope. Either go to college or get a job, move out, pay your own rent and groceries and everything. Once you've got a handle on that you can start thinking about babies. And you don't get to do whatever you want once your kid is in college--or even after they're out of it. More and more people are ending back up in the nest for a while these days.

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  • If you guys are really as in love as you think you are, what's the rush? Why not enjoy just being a couple first? Travel, go to college, get married, go on a lavish honeymoon, buy a house, get a stable job. There's so many things you guys should do before even thinking about having a child. Don't ruin the best years of your life and force yourself to grow up way faster than you need to.

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  • Its really up to you, i recon you should wait for a bit longer but if you feel that you're up for it and he is too then yeah why not i guess? :)

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  • WOW I'm in the exact same position as you! I'm 17 my boyfriend is 18 and he wants to have a baby. When we are out shopping together he always wants to look at the baby stuff which is quite cute in my eyes, my sister had a baby at the age of 18 so basically its up to you if you want a baby at 17, to be honest if your career minded and you have your heart set on what career you want then its a bad idea as looking after a baby is full time and it could mess up your career plans.

    Message me so we can talk about it more as we are both on the same page :)

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  • Its a unreasonable idea. What's the rush?, get a degree, explore the world, you are too young.

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    • yeahhh but we really love each other my bf keep saying if we have the baby now he'll be like 16 and we'll only be 32 and when he's in college we'd still be quite young and could do whatever we want-ofc having a baby now means we'll be tied up by the baby too but omg I just love him so much I wanna marry him anyway the problem is just when

    • well get married first, legal age. I also recommend doing babysitting, because I feel like you don't have the experience with children, they look cute but require so much work. You also want to be educated, have a house and car so the child is in a stable environment.
      There is no way you can do 'whatever you want' because a good mother dedicates her time to the baby 24/7.
      You have maternal instinct, that's great but let your logics come in as well. Get a graduate degree (maybe in filming and arts), then married, save up for a car and house. By the time all that life crap gets out of the way, before you know it you are successful, probably still with your boyfriend than its acceptable to have a baby in a well-off family.

    • Marriage is one thing, baby is another. How can you care for the baby 24/7 if you are both in uni?

  • Listen to what everybody here says... it's too soon! There's so much you still have to learn about life and dating since 15 means nothing.

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    • IDK! but I really feels like he's the one! You know-u get the instinct u want and will be with him forever!

    • Maybe he's really the one but there's always the possibility he isn't the one. To make such an important decision you have to be sure and it looks to me that you are not, because if you were you would not be asking this to us. Do you live together? Have you ever dated another guy in your life?

  • Don't have a child there is plenty of time for that after you discover what you want to do with your life after you become an adult.

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  • I don't know why we keep telling you no, since you two are laughing at this and you are still persuaded to do that lol. I find it way too soon, but in the end it's your decision and make sure you can offer the baby a great life.

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    • Yes I agree, its a serious matter. They don't want to end up on payments in a sh! tty house. She may become an addict of some kind because she can't handle the baby, and the guy may just piss off and impregnate other women. These things happen, when fantasy becomes reality its a shock to the system to ignorant people.

    • I know, that's what she doesn't realize. But after the baby comes, all this excitement may go and they will find themselves in a huge problem because a baby is not easy to take care of, as simple as it sounds.

  • Take it from a future step-mom when no kids of her own. I'm 23. When you have kids you're not important anymore. Everything you do revolves around the child. Parties? Nope, you're a mom. Friends? As long as they like being around a baby all the time, they won't they'll be enjoying their young lives. Do you guys make a steady income? Is your combined income at least 2000 dollars? Do you realize that in order to start a business that you need to get pre-approved for a business loan? How great is your credit history? Probably awful since of your age so no business loan. College? So you want to get into massive debt and start a family? No. Are you going to raise the baby at your parents' home? That's dumping a baby on your parents, which in turn will cause major psychological problems for the child and not see you as the true adult when you are older. Depend on the government for income? Fantastic, let's drain the economy more. Hospital bills? It costs 10,000 dollars plus to have a newborn baby in a hospital with shots and other things, hoping there isn't going to be a medical problems with the baby which will put you in massive debt plus more. Babies get up in the middle of the night all the time. So I guess you don't want to sleep anymore, especially since your boyfriend will be too busy at school to want to take care of a child. Your sleeping schedule will change too. You will go to bed at 9pm each night and if you're lucky, get solid sleep until 7am to start your day. Want to move out? Groceries cost 200 a week and you betting breast feed that baby because formula for a three days is 22 dollars a canister. Rent for a one bedroom is 400 dollars plus. If you want credit cards or a house, again, you need to go to a broker at a bank and try to get approved for a loan that requires a credit score that you guys don't have. So if you have all of these bases covered then go for it.

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  • Seems like he just wants baby because it willbe beautiful and mix of you two. But caring for a baby is hard work. And its also fucking expensive.

    You are too young and too inexperienced to have a baby and on top of that, dont have money. You would propably just live by your parents' money. You have school to go and you wouls just leave your parents look after, and pay for the baby am I right?
    So I suggest you wait.

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    • yeah maybe but we're coming up with a plan to support the baby ourselves-my boyfriend did some internships and saved up quite a lot and since he's also starting up a business he'll earn a lot more probably I don't know

    • "probably I don't know"
      You don't sound too sure there. You should definitely wait at least a few more years. There's no rush.

    • You make up plan and get enough money before you get a baby. He is going to Cambridge and baby would be a very bad idea. If one of you dont work, you won't have enough money, and him not going to Cambridge would be baaaaad idea. He won't have time to run business, go to Cambridge and take care of a baby.

      If you choose to have a baby yourselves, you can NOT leave the baby to be treated by its grandparents. That would be extremely selfish.

      "Saved up quite a lot" rsising up a child for 18 years, costs average 240 000$ ( not including college)

  • Uuhh what about marriage? How fucked up is this generation...

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