Do people really feel that marriage is a lot like prostitution?

Because I do sometimes.

You know a lot of people, especially men, say they see little difference in getting married and paying for a whore

I've been with my husband forever, but it changed a bit since we got married.
We both stand very well financially, he especially does outstanding in that area. And he buys me all those expensive gifts. Like be puts thought into them and all, he's very attentive. Yet whenever he arranges something we have sex. It feels a bit weird sometimes. Like he almost expects it.
We have sex on other occasions too, but then it's in a house I can't contribute much too or in a hotel I couldn't afford... He paid for all that stuff and he says he doesn't mind, but why? Why does he feel like he has to?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • There is hopefully a big difference, though from the outside it appears small.

    The difference is, hopefully, you two genuinely like each other. And its not a direct trade, at least in the short term.

    Your husband if he loves you and enjoys you AND feels loves and desired by you will be happy to buy you things because doing so and supporting a woman he loves makes him feel good and powerful and happy he can please you. But he's not doing it SO you will have sex with him. He's doing it because he cares for you AND feels cared for by you.

    Similarly, hopefully you're not sleeping with him SO he will give you things.

    And that's what's different from a prostitute.

    Now if you started rejecting him most of the time sexually, he'd feel at first disappointed and hurt, and in time, unwanted, and unloved. And he would no longer feel excited to look after you and care for you, he'd feel used. Because he does NOT want to buy sex (or worse, buy not-sex). He wants to share what he has with you because he believes you two are in love.

    Does he almost expect sex? Yes, I'm sure he does, but he's likely assuming its not you paying him back for the house. He assumes you desire him especially when he's done something romantic. He likely desires you all the time, and would be hurt to feel you didn't desire him.

    If by 'arranging something' you mean something romantic or whatever, or with a gift, to men 'romance' is sort of foreplay. It's not a tradeoff for sex, its meant as a mood and sex enhancer. It's like you putting on lingerie. You don't put on lingerie because you think he'd never have sex otherwise, you do it with excitement and anticipation of better sex, and to show him you want him.

    Similarly when he 'arranges something' he is hoping to please you and improve your mood and enhance the sex that will follow. Which is different from buying sex.

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    • Yes he often arranged little trip to place I said I always wanted to see or things I wanted to do. It's not like he just has his secretary buy some jewelry

      I don't sleep with him so that I get things but I feel like sometimes he does it so I will have sex. But I don't know maybe I'm just reading something into it.

      Great answer

    • I agree with this opinion. Couldn't had written it better.

    • I would -assume- that he thinks you'd have sex with him anyway. He'd be very hurt otherwise. But he also probably does it to please you and assumes that when pleased, your desire to have sex will bubble to the surface and you can both have great sex and be really happy.

What Guys Said 6

  • A helpful read if I may suggest is "the 5 love languages". It may help you understand him more and you'll even understand yourself more as well. And if he's open to it perhaps the two of you can read it together afterwards. I found the book very helpful and insightful.

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    • Oh ya I read something about it in a magazine once, but don't remember much. I should read up on it again.
      How did you find it helpful? In any situation or just in general

    • Your husband has a unique (as you do yourself) way of expressing and interpreting love. "The 5 love languages" will help you understand each other's love language.
      We naturally show love in our own love language.
      On just a guess your husbands primary love language could be 'physical touch', and secondary 'receiving gifts' hence that's why he buys you things and wants to make love to you.
      Yours could possibly be 'Quality time' (primary) and 'words of affirmation' (secondary).
      Reading the book will help you understand what exactly your own love language's and knowing your husbands. Knowing and understanding will help you take your great marriage to an even higher level. And if it's on Rocky grounds... It can repair and help the marriage get back on track. Think of it as an oil change... Your husband takes the vehicles in for an oil change for preventive maintenance, not because the car is running bad but to be sure it keeps running at top performance.

  • No, actually, I always thought the opposite, that having sex before marriage was a lot like prostitution. It's just that you are doing it for free or for that matter, the sex is the payment. It's just that when you're not married, there is no real commitment and you 2 end up breaking up. I GOT IT!!! how about... "long term prostitution"? That lasts no more than a few years

    -Your supposed to have sex, because your married. He doesn't need to give you gifts, you just do it at the drop of a hat.

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    • Why before marriage? As you said, you're doing it for free, one partner doesn't usually pay for more things than the other. You don't usually share money

    • How should I put it,

      prostitution is to marriage as
      shopping for food is to growing it and eating it yourself.

      Shopping for food might seem normal until the stores dont have any left or you run out of money, BUT when you grow your own food, it lasts forever.

      Like I said before... "It's just that when you're not married, there is no real commitment and you 2 end up breaking up." just like prostitution.

      -If that makes any sense.

  • it is nothing like prostitution:P

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  • If you're banging him every day, whether he buys presents or not, it doesn't sound like prostitution.
    In a good marriage, that would be the case.

    Marriage is a lottery, and in most cases it doesn't work out that well.
    The average man would get more appreciation and physical affection from a whore than he gets from his wife, and for a lot less money and effort. Also, when the whore says goodbye, she won't take his house and assets.

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    • ya we have sex pretty much every day, but of course not strictly. But we don't have children yet, I'm sure that will change a lot tooo

  • . Prostitutes are way cheaper than being married! I think men should get all the sex they want they would want to do more for their wives and would be a lot less cheating going on witch would result in happier marriages.

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    • So you would answer my question with yes?

    • yes! sorry but that is how I feel!

    • I bet if you ask him if he is happy with his sex life and he was honest with you he would say he is not that he wants more sex and to explore more!

  • Look up Briffault's Law. All females of every species are prostitutes.

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    • I don't quite see that. It simply states the obvious, which that where men can't or aren't willing to help raising their children, women won't want to associate with them.
      That's not the same as prostitution. And in evolution we often only notice the effect of it today, not why we evolved that way

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    • granted seahorses are the exception

    • Because it would be in the best interests of my children. I grew up in a broken home, so I don't want my offspring to go through that if I have any.

What Girls Said 3

  • A lot of people view of marriage is guy provides finances woman provides sex... And a good wife us always up for sex even if she is not feeling it.. At its concept in marriage was a property relation. The man guy with money bought the property like cows goats woman/ women. The wife had no right or hope of earning her own money, so she earned her keep through sex and subservience. Lol I don't know WHY you'd link it with prostitution :p

    If you're uncomfortable with the manufacturing situation have sex in places you can afford decline Jewelry gifts and move to a cheaper house.

    You both make money so if you don't want to feel like he's buying sex then don't live s if he is.

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  • I think in some countries yes, the man's family pays for the bride and rape within marriage becomes something that does not exist.

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  • Marriage is about supporting another individual for a life time. It's not just purely sex based, there needs to be more than that

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