How long should a marriage minded girl in her mid 20s wait for a proposal?

I'm hitting my mid 20s and finishing graduate school in less than a year and looking for jobs.

I am ready to get married and start a family. I am not so religious but my culture is marriage and family oriented and so am I.

I have been in a relationship with a guy in his 30s for two months. So far it's going well. We spoke about what we want and he knows that I want to be married and have children. He wants that too he claims and so far he treats our relationship seriously. I met his mom and friends. He is taking me to a friends wedding. He talks future and is kind. I do like him a lot and it's rare to find a sweet guy like him who I click with. I would hate to lose him.

But I have seen so many women I know spend years in a relationship never getting married.

I want to be a married mother. As much as I like this guy I cannot sacrifice my biggest dream for him. I believe you have to look out for yourself first and not sacrifice yourself for someone else because you'll hate yourself and the other person for it. I know that as much as I like him I would grow to hate him if he took years of my life especially now in my prime without committing.

If he doesn't commit in a certain time I will break up even though it may hurt. What's a good time frame? I am thinking that based on our ages and life phases I should probably leave the relationship if I don't have a proposal or clear plan that it's coming up soon, in a year from now.

And if a girl is serious about marriage how long should she date someone without a proposal? At this point in my life I am not going to spend years in a relationship without a ring.

I am guessing it's probably better to keep dating older if I want marriage minded men? (If I have to break up with my bf) Maybe late 20s and 30s?


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Most Helpful Girl

  • He is talking future and kids. So that is good, you two seem on the same boat.
    Honestly, I think two months is absolutely nothing. As you state, wait at least a year. I think everything else would sound too pushy. The best would be to live together beforehand (if your culture permits). A marraige is also no guarantee not to lose someone.
    You are right, you should not waste your time on someone who is never going to commit to you anyways, but through your question it sounds, like you already want a statement from him and already consider breaking up, looking for a new date. That contradicts very much with saying you found the guy you want to marry. Are you in it for the guy or the marriage? My ex was saying, "if you break up with me now, the last 5 years were a waste of time". I find that a very sad statement, it did not show me, that he actually appreciated the time with me.(so much to my relationship)
    You are under 25 according to your status, so I don't really see, why you need to rush into it?

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    • I don't want to break up and I also agree that it's early. I tend to think ahead a lot. I am not looking for new guys but I always want to be mindful and not go into autopilot mode where I am in a relationship forever out of habit where I am not getting what I want. I like him a lot and would not expect a proposal for a long time. But I always remind myself "be careful" knowing that at the end of the day I can't tell myself this is forever without a commitment no matter how much I like him.

What Guys Said 2

  • you've been dating for 2 months and you're in your mid 20s. it sounds to me like you are thinking waaaay to early about potentially breaking up with him if you don't get something by any certain time. The point shouldn't be about getting a proposal sooner than later it should be about getting a proposal when it is right. The biggest issue I see among friends of mine who've gotten divorced is this feeling like they made a timeline when they were younger and they have to stick to it. they get married to a guy sooner than they should and soon realize it wasn't a good idea, when a bit of patience and long term dating could have flushed out the issues

    you are almost done your masters. establish your career. focus on dating and dating with the intent of getting married. I wouldn't consider dumping this guy simply because he hasn't proposed for at least a year.

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  • I always advise any man who is dating a woman like you, to run like fuck. Never trust a woman who wants a ceremony with any man, more than spending her life with the *right* man.

    That said, I would advise you to be as patient as possible. You're more likely to get the man to propose if he knows that you're okay with an engagement period which will be some time. That way he is making a concrete financial commitment to getting married to you, but he won't feel the same crazy pressure that girls like you normally bring with you. ie. Marry me in a year, or else!

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    • I would never threaten. There just comes a point when you are wasting your time maybe several years. Within 3 years adults who truly want marriage will know.

      I wouldn't threaten. I would have a talk and simply tell him I love you but I don't think we want the same things in our future. I think we should take some time apart to think about it but I want to be married and if you don't it's best we go our separate ways.

      I don't believe in nagging or threatening. I also don't believe in sacrificing your ideals for a person.

What Girls Said 1

  • I think you should be totally straight with him, and say that you want to be engaged in 2 years and that's what you want from a relationship. Is that selfish? No, it's called "putting your expectations on the table" and so should he. If he doesn't see himself getting engaged in 2 years he has two options 1) stay with you and accept that this is what you want and he can for example put his expectation on the table (for example no kids in 5 years if you get married in 2 years) or he can 2) let go of you and none of you would have waste time on the "wrong" person.

    I don't think that this is wrong. Either you live by carpe diem and wait for the right person to come along or you live by your dreams/visions and try to make sure that you achieve them. There's nothing right or wrong here.

    Good luck.

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